COM(promise) - A Miki Route (Updated Sep 26th, 2020)

[Mirage_GSM]

Nice to see you're working on this again.

Also, feel free not to metion Suzu's inane "fear of cities". It wasn't exactly a great idea in Scissor's story, and you shouldn't force yourself to adopt it. There are plenty of other ways to have Suzu stay behind as you've shown in this very chapter.

[Rhodri]

Of all the incomplete Miki routes sitting around this forum, I say that this has emerged as my favourite, so I'm glad to see that the curse hasn't killed it off. Looking forward to see where this is going.

[Numb]

Ah, you're back! Wonderful, now I can see how another person interprets Miki.

Looks like a good chapter, nothing glaringly obvious that's wrong with it, which is good considering you just got back into writing after a period in a depressive state. As much as you've probably been told this by family, friends, whoever else might worry, if you need somebody to talk to about that, I'm here. I went through two years of depression, with a three year recovery climb, so I should be able to help if you feel down again.

As for the Suzu thing that a few people have mentioned, make your own. Don't follow the Scissorlips Suzu, there are plenty of flaws with her design in that route. The city thing isn't a bad idea, but make sure to underplay it. If you're going to reference another fic, do it subtly and don't scratch the surface of the plot. I know it's easy to use other peoples established fanon (I got permission from Scissorlips to use Seiji as a minor plot point because reasons), but making your own is much better for a story. You can keep her personality, because that worked, but give her your own story. Again, willing to help with that through PMs if you want it.

Anyway, gonna stop now before I create a wall large enough to keep the Mongolians out. Good to we you back

[AntonSlavik020]

Great to see this back. This is probably my favorite Miki route, especially since it's from her perspective. That's a bonus. Anyways, as other people have said, you don't need to follow something from another fic. Not too much to say about the chapter itself, other then I'm looking forward to the "date" in the city.

[griffon8]

Saturday. One last day of school before Sunday.

I dig into the food in front of me, and only just manage to finish everything before the bell rings and we all have to get up and go back to class.

Saturday classes are morning only.

I have to reread all the previous parts to make an effective commentary on this. It’s been way too long since I last read it.

[azumeow]

I hope you guys are as happy to see this next update go out as I am to finally be able to write an update again, because damn if it doesn't feel good to be productive for the first time in a while. These past 5 months have been quite the adventure. Those of you who saw the edit I made to the top post know that I've been out for so long because of my depression; since that edit, my condition has improved significantly, and I finally found myself able to continue writing. I make no promises that I haven't changed, but with luck, my best will be good enough. Also, I will say that I can't put an exact date on when I'll update next. It won't be another 5 months from now, that's for sure, but it might not be the neat little 2 week schedule I stuck to earlier. I hope to return to that kind of form, but it may take a while.

Aaaahhhhh, depression. Fun. Between depression and PTSD kicking me in the balls the past semester, I bombed three classes and have to retake them. JOY. However, like you, I've managed to improve...though I wouldn't say significantly.

Listen, I wish you the best of luck with both life and the fanfic. If you need to take a break or something, you won't be facing any issues from me. Fight on, brotha/sista/trigendered pyrofox!

[Craftyatom]

As much as you've probably been told this by family, friends, whoever else might worry, if you need somebody to talk to about that, I'm here. I went through two years of depression, with a three year recovery climb, so I should be able to help if you feel down again.

Aaaahhhhh, depression. Fun. Listen, I wish you the best of luck with both life and the fanfic. If you need to take a break or something, you won't be facing any issues from me. Fight on, brotha/sista/trigendered pyrofox!

*squeaks chew toy*
Seriously though, thanks for your replies. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

On some more story-centric notes, though:

Saturday classes are morning only.

I'll be honest, if there's one thing I don't have a good grasp of, it's the culture. Thanks for letting me know, I'll update that section shortly. [fixed]

As for the Suzu thing that a few people have mentioned, make your own. Don't follow the Scissorlips Suzu, there are plenty of flaws with her design in that route. The city thing isn't a bad idea, but make sure to underplay it.

Also, feel free not to metion Suzu's inane "fear of cities". It wasn't exactly a great idea in Scissor's story, and you shouldn't force yourself to adopt it.

Anyways, as other people have said, you don't need to follow something from another fic.

I'll be honest, given what people said, the temptation to retcon the last scene and have all 3 of them go to the city is immense. I've made my bed, though, and so for now the plan is to lie in it. As mentioned before, I may type up an alternate version as an aside, or put those elements into a future scene.

Thanks again for your support!

[Mirage_GSM]

“I’ve just had a really rough week, especially with that quiz this morning. Tomorrow is gonna be my sanity day.”

Why would you need to retcon it?
This is a perfectly valid excuse for not tagging along. It could even be a pretext to give the two some alone time, and that would be fine as well.

[Craftyatom]

Okay, that was a little bit more than 2 weeks, but not a horrendously long time, so I consider this progress. Honestly, I had 80% of this scene done in two weeks, and then realized that I wasn't going to have it out in 2 weeks' time, at which point I found it much harder to bother... Motivation is a funny thing, and I'm no good at comedy.

Why would you need to retcon it?
This is a perfectly valid excuse for not tagging along. It could even be a pretext to give the two some alone time, and that would be fine as well.

It's just that I had a lot planned for the 3 of them, and so when I realized that people wouldn't have minded if I let Suzu go (or let Miki convince her to go), I felt a little like I had missed out.

Worry not, though: as it turns out, the two of them together works pretty well, although I suppose if it didn't, there wouldn't be much point updating anymore.

Regarding future updates: I'd like to continue making progress on deadlines, and I do have some direction, but on August 18th I'm going to be flying out to college, which will probably not be conducive to lots of writing (but hey, who knows). As such, still no promises on when you'll get some more delicious text out of me.

Enjoy!

[Craftyatom]

>Little Angels<

It’s a fairly pleasant morning as I walk over to the bus stop. The sun is out, and without a cloud in sight, I’m fairly confident that the weather won’t change throughout the day.

As I approach the bench by the bus stop, I see that Hisao is already there. I almost don’t recognize him, as he’s wearing a sweatervest, not something I’ve seen him in before. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised; he had to wear something before he came to Yamaku, and he wouldn’t have worn his single set of running clothes all of the time. Still, it’s a nice change of pace; now that I think about it, he was wearing his school uniform back during the festival, too.

I plop down next to him, which he acknowledges by looking up at me. “Hey Miki.”

“Morning. You ready to go?”

“Yeah. I actually woke up pretty early, so I feel ready.”

“Well, that makes one of us, at least.” I stretch my arms out behind me and yawn. “I personally got up 15 minutes ago.”

“As long as you’re on time, I guess. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t navigate the city by myself.”

The image of Hisao lost in a crowd of assorted shoppers and businessmen makes me chuckle. “Well, if you do get lost, head for the big store with a giant star on the side, because that’s where we’re going first.”

“Those don’t seem like very specific directions.”

“Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.”

He shrugs, taking my word, but also probably reminding himself not to get lost. “By the way, I forgot to ask: I know what I’m going to buy, but are you getting anything?”

This is one of the few things I did go over with myself last night. As tempting as it is to browse everything, Hisao would be bored out of his mind. Remember last time? That’s not happening again. “Just a pair of running shoes from another store.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you have running shoes?”

“Yeah, but they’re pretty old, and with the meet next week, I want an extra pair just in case these ones break.”

“Oh, okay. I was just wondering if you were one of those girls that had hundreds of pairs of shoes.”

I scoff at the idea. “Are you kidding? Good shoes are expensive. I’m not going to waste money on shoes I don’t need.”

“Do they really cost that much?”

“Good running shoes can cost a fortune. They’re really cool though, they have all these different features, like shock absorbers, and gel pads.”

Hisao looks confused. “Why would you ever need something like that in a shoe? I thought shoes were just for covering your feet with.”

“Well, normally, yes, but running shoes have to withstand a lot of wear and tear, and the good brands actually make running more comfortable.”

“I thought that was just a scam to get you to pay more.”

“Listen, who here runs more, you or me?”

He puts his hands up submissively. “Okay, okay, I’ll take your word for it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I step off of the bus, taking a deep breath of the warm late-morning air. After making sure that Hisao is still with me, I begin the walk to the clothing store, and Hisao falls into step at my side.

“So is this place far from here?”

“No, just a few blocks down the road.”

He looks around. “That’s kind of a shame, the weather’s great today. I could stand to spend some more time outside.”

Come to think of it, he’s right; it’s pretty pleasant out here. Not too hot, not too humid, nice and sunny… “Maybe it just feels better because it’s a day off, though.”

He frowns in thought as we come to a street crossing. After waiting for the lights, we cross to the other side, and he looks up again. “Even so, can we eat outside somewhere?”

I hadn’t even considered stuff like this when I was thinking about where to eat. Now that Hisao mentions it, though, it’s probably a good idea. “I remember a few places with outdoor tables, set up sort of on the sidewalk.” He nods, and is about to say something, but I cut him off. “First things first, though, we’re here.”

I gesture up to the large department store on our right, a white building with a big red star on the side, and a number of company logos stamped in different places.

“Well, you weren’t kidding about the big star on the side.”

“Told you. Now come on, we have clothes to buy.”

[Craftyatom]

“No, see, they’re running shoes. I’m not going to waste precious shoe lifetime on just walking places.” After getting Hisao some more exercise attire, we headed to the shoe store, where I picked up a beautiful pair of running shoes. Given how much they cost, I'd very much like to keep them pristine, if at all possible.

“I guess… I just thought you had to break them in.”

“Well, yeah, but I can break them in by running. It’s not like I need to walk all over the place first.”

“I suppose…” Hisao sighs, looking fairly exhausted. I notice a few beads of sweat forming on his forehead, and realize that the heat is probably affecting him more than me, given his condition. Luckily, we’re not too far from the restaurant we decided on, a small but modern place called ‘Hotaru’s.’ We realized pretty quickly that it was too hot to go through with the ‘sitting outside’ plan from earlier, so that was no longer an issue. When I told Hisao that Hotaru’s was only 3 blocks away, he quickly decided that that was the best place to go, and now here we are, out in the blazing sun, though hopefully not for much longer.

We finally reach the restaurant, and duck inside to find it fairly empty. Hisao admires a few of the more prominent pieces of décor until we’re directed to a medium-sized table for two, which we plop our earlier purchases at the base of. I take one of the two menus laid out in the center of the table and browse through the options, deciding on a simple pork dish. Hisao takes a bit longer to find what he wants, but luckily he manages to pick something by the time our waitress, a middle-aged woman with her hair tied back, comes to take our orders and then scurry back off to the kitchen.

Hisao sighs, then leans back, visibly relaxed. “Well, I’ll be honest, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.”

“What, ordering?”

He shakes his head. “No, no, the shopping.”

“Really? What were you expecting?”

He furrows his brow. “I don’t know… I guess part of it is what Suzu said about how she was surprised that I agreed to it, like it was supposed to be painful or something.”

“Oh, that… Yeah, that’s my fault.”

“Huh?”

“Well, the last time I went clothes shopping was with Suzu. I spent a whole bunch of time browsing for clothes, and trying things on, and checking different stores, which, you know… It wasn’t really Suzu’s thing.”

“I can imagine. You didn’t do any of that today, though.”

“That’s because I figured I wouldn’t put you through the same ordeal she went through. I’ve learned my lesson.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “You really didn’t have to-“

“No, trust me, I really did. If I hadn’t, we would still be back at the first store right now, looking through every single item they had. It wouldn’t have been any fun for you.”

He thinks on that for a moment. “I’m guessing it would’ve been fun for you, though.”

“Well… At first, yeah. Once we got back to Yamaku and I realized that you had been bored and uncomfortable the whole time, though, I wouldn’t feel nearly as good. That’s what happened with Suzu, to the point where I ended up apologizing to her the day after.”

Hisao seems rather indifferent, perhaps not quite understanding how momentous an occasion it seemed back when it happened. I’m usually pretty straightforward, especially with Suzu, but I had to work up some courage to go to her room and tell her I was sorry for, essentially, ruining her day. I felt pretty horrible, at least until Suzu assured me that it was no big deal.

“So is that why she didn’t want to come today?”

I feel like that’s kind of a dumb question, but then again, I asked her basically the same thing yesterday night. “No, she just had stuff to do today.” I suddenly remember something. “Wait, weren’t you there when she said that she couldn’t come?”

“Well, yeah, but I wondered if that was just a laundry excuse.”

“A what?”

He thinks for a second. “Oh, right, that was… That was back at my old school. Huh.” A few more seconds of deep thought go by before he adds “It’s kind of a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

He frowns, and begins to think of a response, but doesn’t get the chance, as the waitress from before sets some food down on our table. I’m slightly annoyed at her timing, but my stomach quickly reminds me that the sooner I can eat this food, the better. I begin to dig in, and Hisao joins me, if only after poking his food around a bit to check that it’s in order.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I finally finish my lunch, commending myself on picking a restaurant with such gratuitous portions, I find that Hisao is still only two-thirds of the way through his meal. He seems to be enjoying it, though, which is good; ordering at a completely new restaurant is always a bit of a gamble. This is one of my favorite places to eat on days off, so knowing that Hisao has a taste for it as well means that he can tag along again if I come back. Hopefully Suzu will be up to coming with us too.

Speaking of which, I was going to ask Hisao about what he had said earlier… A quick glance shows that he’s still working on the last few pieces of his food, though, so I spend a minute or two figuring out how much my meal cost and procuring the amount from my wallet. By the time I’ve laid the correct amount on the table, Hisao has finished his food, and leans back a little in his seat. I decide to seize this opportunity.

“So, about this thing from your old school.”

“Huh?”

I roll my eyes. “Before, when I mentioned Suzu not coming, you said something about-“

“Oh, right, the laundry excuse.” He chuckles. “So at my old school, there was this one boy in my class who was really shy. He never spoke to anyone, didn’t have many friends, but he seemed very polite. Nobody really thought much about him until last year, when he developed a huge crush on Asuka, a girl in the same class. I don’t know how long it took him to build up the courage to do it, but one day, he just walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to get something to eat with him after school. Asuka wasn’t really interested, but she knew that it must have taken him a lot to go up and ask her something like that, so instead of just saying no, she tried to cater to his feelings by saying that she had laundry to do that night, so she couldn’t go out with him.”

I start to laugh. “That’s a horrible excuse!”

“That’s not the worst part. The worst part is that he came back the next day and asked her the same question, and she gave him the same answer.”

“Oh no… Tell me he realized after that.”

Hisao sighs. “Nope, he went back the next day as well. It wasn’t until he overheard people talking about it that he realized that Asuka had been trying to reject him the whole time.”

“Dear lord… And what does this have to do with Suzu?”

“Well, after that, it kind of became an inside joke for our class. Whenever someone gave a vague, dismissive excuse, like not being able to hang out because they had ‘stuff’ to do, we’d call it a laundry excuse, implying that they weren’t telling the truth just because they didn’t want to actually say no.”

I can see how he would interpret Suzu’s response that way, now that I think about it. I suppose she didn’t really have stuff to do today, so technically… “I did talk to Suzu last night, and don’t worry, she actually couldn’t make it today.”

“Oh, no, I believe her; it just brought back a funny memory.”

Suddenly a particular detail from Hisao’s story piques my curiosity. Something about it had felt off, but… “So wait, what was this guy’s name?”

Hisao furrows his brow, then closes his eyes, trying to conjure up the name. After a few seconds he gives up. “Honestly, I don’t remember. I didn’t know him very well, so… yeah.”

“But you remember the girl’s name?”

“Oh, yeah, Asuka was a friend of…” He cuts off for a second. “She was a friend of a friend.”

Sorry, Hisao, but Miki Miura, master detective, has this one figured out. “Are you sure that the boy’s name wasn’t… Hisao!?” I point my index finger at him accusingly.

He’s stunned for a second. “W-What?”

“This whole story is about you, isn’t it?”

“No... He was another kid in my class.”

I lean closer to him, eyeing him suspiciously. “Are you sure?”

He sighs. “Yes, I’m sure. Trust me, I would’ve remembered if I had built up the courage to ask a girl out.”

What an incredibly self-deprecating way to prove his innocence. “Oh.” I sit back upright, not quite sure how to respond. “You’ve really never asked anyone out?”

“Nope.”

“Well… Has anyone ever asked you out?”

He stares out of the nearest window before replying “Yeah, once.”

Suddenly fully intent on learning a bit about his past, I lean forward on my elbows. “What did you say?”

“I, uh…” His gaze drops down a little, and his face turns very gloomy. “I… I didn’t say anything, I guess.”

Well that’s ambiguous. “Well if you didn’t say anything, then what happened?”

He sighs and stares at the table, stuttering the beginnings of a few half-hearted replies before I realize what I’ve just stepped into. His past, his old school, the wistful but melancholy look in his eyes and the defeated expression on his face…

Oh no you don’t, Hisao Nakai. Not on my watch.

“Well, forget about it. We should get going soon anyways.”

He snaps out of his thoughts, thankful for a distraction, but confused as well. “I thought the bus didn’t leave until later on in the afternoon.”

“It doesn’t, but I have one more place I’d like to go, and it’s a little out of the way, so we should leave now if we want to be back early.”

He shrugs and pulls out his wallet. “Okay, just a second.” He leaves the money for his food on the table, then follows me out of the door and into the city, both of us with plastic bags at our sides.

[Craftyatom]

By the time we finally arrive at our destination, Hisao is looking exhausted again, but I put on a giant smile and gesture to the store in front of us. “Behold: ‘Cloud Nine Ice Cream Palace’!”

Hisao seems rather unimpressed with both my gestures and the grandiose nature of the store’s name. “I’m pretty sure we passed an ice cream stall on the way here.”

“Well, yeah, we passed a few, but none of them are anything like this place. Come on, I’ll show you.” I practically float into the store, Hisao trudging along behind me.

It’s cold inside, but given the heat we've just walked through, the chilly air is a blessing rather than a curse. Hisao, looking better for the drop in temperature, immediately turns to the wall of the store which is covered, floor-to-ceiling, in an open refrigerator, the source of the permeating cold. “Woah… How many flavors are there?”

“Don’t know, I’ve never bothered to count. I personally only come here for one flavor in particular. Come on, let’s go order.”

The store is quite busy due to the hot weather outside, so Hisao and I have some waiting to do. To pass the time, I decide to ask “So what are you going to get?”

“Eh, probably chocolate.”

I stare at him angrily. “Seriously? All this variety and you’re just having plain old chocolate?”

“I like chocolate! Besides, I have no idea what any of the other flavors are like.”

I sigh. “Look, with a place like this, you have to step out of your comfort zone a little.” After some slow deliberation on his part, I decide for him. “Look, I’ll just get you one of what I’m getting. It’s really good, I promise.” He’s not quite convinced, but decides to give in, and follows silently behind me as we approach the cashier.

“Welcome to Cloud Nine, how may I help you?”

“Two large bowls of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, please.”

The cashier hurries off to fill our order, and comes back holding two plastic bowls of ice cream, each with its own plastic spoon, which I get Hisao to hold as I pull out my wallet and pay. We then make our way to what looks to be the only empty table, and sit down on opposite sides.

Hisao slides one bowl of ice cream across the table and takes out his wallet. “Nope,” I say defiantly, shoving the first spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

“Nope what?”

“Nope, you don’t need to pay me back.” Before he can protest, I add “Consider this payment for helping me with the quiz.”

He thinks for a second, but puts his wallet back in his pocket. “Doesn’t that make this bribery?”

“It’s only a crime if you get caught.” That doesn’t seem to ease him up any, but his first taste of the dessert in front of him changes his spirits significantly. His eyes widen, and he looks down at the bowl in front of him, then back up to me.

“What did you say this was?”

“It’s called ‘Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough’. They put pieces of raw cookie dough in.”

“Well, if this is a bribe, it’s the best bribe I’ve ever gotten.”

Some thoughts from last night come back to mind, and I quickly finish a spoonful of ice cream to free up my mouth for talking. “So if you weren’t expecting me to pay you back for your help, why did you help me?”

He looks at me strangely. “Isn’t there that saying about ‘a good deed is its own reward’?”

“Well, yeah, but why me specifically? If you want to help people out because you think it’s the right thing to do, then sure, whatever, but you helped me over anyone else. That quiz was damn hard, and I’m pretty sure most of the class could’ve done with at least a bit of help.”

He spends some time thinking about this, resting his chin on his left hand. I was kind of hoping that he would be able to answer off of the top of his head, but I suppose that I’m okay with him taking his time. Luckily for me, it’s not long before he takes a breath and looks up at me, preparing to speak as I shovel another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

“Do you remember the day of the festival?”

I nod, my mouth too full to speak, and he takes it as enough of an affirmative to continue.

“Well, that morning, I woke up and realized that I had been at Yamaku for a whole week, and nothing had changed. A lot had happened, but really, what did I have to show for it? I was the same. My heart was the same. I hadn’t really made any new friends, I hadn’t bothered to join any clubs, and as I looked at everyone enjoying the fair, I felt like I didn’t belong. This was a place for people who were disabled, but who had come to terms with their conditions and were content to live with them, and I… I just wasn’t one of those. I wasn’t ready to face the reality of my condition, and as such, I didn’t deserve a place like this.” His melancholy statement leaves me stunned, and I stop eating, shocked at the level to which he had sunk. “I told myself that I really hadn’t gained anything from the move to Yamaku, and that as soon as my parents finished work in the evening, I would call them to say that I wanted to go back, no matter where that happened to be, because I wasn’t worth this school.”

He… He was really just going to leave? And not because he didn’t like Yamaku, but because he thought he wasn’t good enough for it?

“And then, waiting in line to get something to eat, I heard a familiar voice call my name.” He smiles, a little. “You know how the rest of the day went.”

So that… Huh. I’m still not quite sure I’ve taken in all of what he’s said, but I suppose that that just makes the point clearer. “So you helped me because-“

“Because without you, I wouldn’t still be at Yamaku. And something tells me that I wouldn’t have enjoyed today nearly as much if that were the case.” He returns to eating his ice cream, as do I, albeit slowly. I knew that his first week at Yamaku was tough, but it seems that I misunderstood the extent to which that was the case.

After a long silence, occasionally interrupted by the scraping of plastic on plastic as we reach the end of our desserts, I feel that I have to say something. “Well I, for one, am glad that you’re still here.”

He smiles and gazes out of the window at the front of the store. “I… I think I am too.”

Previous: Converse Appropriation ~ Next: Self-Insufficient

[brythain]

Sneakily updated 10 August! And such a lot of stuff to pore over and enjoy.

[Sperance]

How can you say didn't say anything after you got confessed to, Hisao? You said HNNNNNNGHA!

Heh, heh, black comedy...

In all seriousness, glad to see another chapter, the ending was strangely emotional and uplifting. Keep up the good work!

[bhtooefr]

The entire first part feels like Hisao picked up the idiot ball, or lost about 5-10 years of life experience, though, with how much Miki had to teach him about basic things like dressing himself.