Perseverance - (OC) Dead Fic
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
What might be interesting is if Yuudai drifts away from his friends the same way Hisao did before going to Yamaku, but Hisao's arrhythmia shows itself and lands him there as well, maybe a few weeks after Yuudai gets there. It would make for one awkward reunion, especially if they ended up in the same class and couldn't just avoid each other.
AlexG wrote:For a moment there I thought Marx woke up as some kind of stripper in the middle ages
BlackGoldShooter wrote:This is what happens when children don't eat their vegetables. First they start manufacturing statuettes. Next they take over the world.
- Walshy12238
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
- Location: Australia
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
I would like to see that too. I think it could make for some interesting character interactions.FelOnyx wrote:What might be interesting is if Yuudai drifts away from his friends the same way Hisao did before going to Yamaku, but Hisao's arrhythmia shows itself and lands him there as well, maybe a few weeks after Yuudai gets there. It would make for one awkward reunion, especially if they ended up in the same class and couldn't just avoid each other.
Although, OP shouldn't do this just because we think it's a good idea. Do what you wanna do
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Walshy12238 wrote:I would like to see that too. I think it could make for some interesting character interactions.FelOnyx wrote:What might be interesting is if Yuudai drifts away from his friends the same way Hisao did before going to Yamaku, but Hisao's arrhythmia shows itself and lands him there as well, maybe a few weeks after Yuudai gets there. It would make for one awkward reunion, especially if they ended up in the same class and couldn't just avoid each other.
Although, OP shouldn't do this just because we think it's a good idea. Do what you wanna do
Of course. The OP's story is his own. It's good so far, and I look forward to more, whatever he decides to do.
Last edited by FelOnyx on Tue Apr 29, 2014 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
AlexG wrote:For a moment there I thought Marx woke up as some kind of stripper in the middle ages
BlackGoldShooter wrote:This is what happens when children don't eat their vegetables. First they start manufacturing statuettes. Next they take over the world.
- forgetmenot
- Posts: 371
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:33 pm
- Location: Pacific Northwest.
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
I actually advised OP on the direction his/her story should take before he published it here. I think he/she'll do well with the coming chapters - the concept does indeed show a lot of promise. I look forward to any and all continuations.Walshy12238 wrote:I would like to see that too. I think it could make for some interesting character interactions.FelOnyx wrote:What might be interesting is if Yuudai drifts away from his friends the same way Hisao did before going to Yamaku, but Hisao's arrhythmia shows itself and lands him there as well, maybe a few weeks after Yuudai gets there. It would make for one awkward reunion, especially if they ended up in the same class and couldn't just avoid each other.
Although, OP shouldn't do this just because we think it's a good idea. Do what you wanna do
I write the Kagami pseudo-route, which can be found here. It's about Hisao falling in love with a violinist.
Also, a small Saki/Rika piece I wrote.
Check out the Yamaku Library Anniversary thread! I contributed one story, but it's chock-full of 'em.
Also apparently I have an art thread now? I'm not an artist.
I also do edits! Need something proofread? Shoot me a PM and we'll talk.
Also, a small Saki/Rika piece I wrote.
Check out the Yamaku Library Anniversary thread! I contributed one story, but it's chock-full of 'em.
Also apparently I have an art thread now? I'm not an artist.
I also do edits! Need something proofread? Shoot me a PM and we'll talk.
- Walshy12238
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
- Location: Australia
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
I just hope that OP takes his time with the next few chapters. There's definitely no need to rush it and have it come out kind of fast paced like the opening chapter was.forgetmenot wrote:I actually advised OP on the direction his/her story should take before he published it here. I think he/she'll do well with the coming chapters - the concept does indeed show a lot of promise. I look forward to any and all continuations.Walshy12238 wrote:I would like to see that too. I think it could make for some interesting character interactions.FelOnyx wrote:What might be interesting is if Yuudai drifts away from his friends the same way Hisao did before going to Yamaku, but Hisao's arrhythmia shows itself and lands him there as well, maybe a few weeks after Yuudai gets there. It would make for one awkward reunion, especially if they ended up in the same class and couldn't just avoid each other.
Although, OP shouldn't do this just because we think it's a good idea. Do what you wanna do
Not saying it wasn't great, because I enjoyed it, but keeping a consistent pace throughout the chapter would help ease the reading of it.
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin
-
- Carelessly Cooking You
- Posts: 2572
- Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:22 am
- Location: Imola, Italy
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
The density of "suggestions" where the fanfic should go is getting a bit too thick in here.
Sticky of doom.
Sticky of doom.
Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and '21, and all I got was this lousy forum sig.
- BilliamDragon
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:32 pm
- Location: California
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
I am completely overwhelmed with the turnout I am receiving on my story. Thank you to everyone so far for the idea, worries, and criticisms. It will be a little while longer before I upload the next chapter sadly. I ended up moving to Pennsylvania from California and I had to ship my desktop by fed-ex. I am now playing the waiting game.
Forgetmenot, I will give you proper praise when I revise and edit that first post. It slipped my mind and I hope that you can forgive me.
Silentcook, please don't kill this thread. I'm just getting started.
And to everyone else, don't start jumping the gun on Hisao yet. I already have a decent plan for him.
Thank you all again.
Forgetmenot, I will give you proper praise when I revise and edit that first post. It slipped my mind and I hope that you can forgive me.
Silentcook, please don't kill this thread. I'm just getting started.
And to everyone else, don't start jumping the gun on Hisao yet. I already have a decent plan for him.
Thank you all again.
The slumber of reason nourishes the beast within.
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Don't worry, SC won't kill a Fanfiction thread because others violate the rules there.
He might hand out tempbans to the worst offenders, though.
He might hand out tempbans to the worst offenders, though.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- BilliamDragon
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:32 pm
- Location: California
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Hello to everyone and thank you again for reading. I have been keeping up with what everyone has been saying and I love how my story is generating this kind of conversation. I never thought my story would have any kind of impact, so to have some authors of stories I first read here comment on mine is an amazing feeling. I will apologize now just so everyone understands something. I only have wordpad on my computer. This does not have any spellchecking or markings for incorrect grammar. I only get spellcheck when I copy it to these forums. So, I am sorry if things are not fully correct. I try the best that I can. Anyway, let me present the next chapter.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My dad takes another chair from the other side of the room and sits down beside my bed. My mom and sister take the one already by me. My dad take a deep breath and starts to tell me what all I have missed. On the night of my birthday, the man driving the truck had a heart attack while behind the wheel. He had been dead before I heard him hit the metal post on the other side of the street. This wasn't found out until a day after the incident. When I was pinned against the wall, my dad managed to call an ambulance before checking on me. After my mom checked out Umeko, her nurse training kicked in. Dad went around to the drivers door and found the recently deceased man. As soon as he pulled the dead man from the truck, a police car pulled onto the scene. My mom then told the police what she saw happen. She then went over to me to see just how bad of a situation I was in. Dad wanted to move the truck, but mom had to persuade him to wait until the paramedics arrived. The reasoning was just in case the truck was stopping me from having massive blood loss. After the police secured the area, the ambulance arrived. By this time, I was already passed out.
It wasn't until I was brought into the hospital and ran through a gauntlet of exams that the extent of the damage was known. My entire left arm was shattered, with at least four compound fractures and countless other hairline fractures. Sadly, that was not the extent of the damage. When the truck smashed me in between itself and the wall, it had destroyed some of my shoulder as well. After more tests and scans, the doctors found out that my blood vessels were severely pinched and that I had no feeling in my arm. The blood was barely flowing to my arm and the blood in it wasn't flowing out. My arm was starting to turn a disturbing shade of purple. When all of this was brought up to my parents, the asked if there was any way to save my arm. With a miniscule chance of success, my doctors argued against it. They said the safest thing to do was to, sadly, amputate my arm at the shoulder. They would then have to rebuild some of my shoulder as well.
It was here when my dad finally broke down. Throughout the entire retelling, his voice was mechanical and almost dead sounding. But when he told me that they had to cut off my arm, he started sobbing. Now, I can count on two... well, one hand twice, the times I have seen my dad cry. I guess being a third generation soldier for the US means you have seen your share of hardships and you learn to hold the emotions at bay. I'm speechless as I watch my my dad is cry. He then leans over the side rail of the bed to give me a hug and kisses the top of my head. He slowly finishes crying as I feel the full weight of what he said happened sink in. My mom and sister also come back over, and with all of us teary eyed, we hug.
It surprises everyone when I speak out first. "I love you all. Thank you for being here for me," I pause to sniffle back a tear. "But I will get through this. Just you watch me. This will not break me." I try to smile but I started crying then, causing me to lose my strong facade. My family closes in once more, and I can tell how loved I truly am.
After a couple minutes, My dad states that it was time they were heading home. My sister doesn't sound happy about that, but my mom says that they will be back again. After several minutes of goodbyes, my dad was the last to leave my side. Turning before he left the door, he leaves me with a simple message. "You are a stronger man than I can call myself Yuudai. Just know that we will always love you." It's maybe 30 minutes later that I fall into a dreamless sleep.
***********************
As the nurse finishes wrapping the new bandages around me, my dad and doctor walk into my room. The nurse excuses himself and my dad takes the seat next to my bed while the doctor stands beside him. They look at one another for a brief moment before my doctor starts talking. The speech that comes seems kinda rehearsed, but maybe it's because of how many facts are stated. My dad says that he and my mom have been talking to the doctor and they all agree that I should try going to another school; Yamaku Academy. The doctor tells me that it is a school for young adults that have gone through situations like mine. The school has a 24 hour on-duty nursing staff in case something might happen, but for all purposes it is a normal high school. I start to lose focus as they rattle off more stats and things about the school. All I think of though is the friends that I'm going to be leaving behind. When I notice that both dad and the doctor are looking at me, I just reply with that it's just a lot of information to take in at once. They seem convinced enough with my answer that they don't press me for anything more.
*********************
Seven weeks, that is the total amount of time I have be in the hospital. The last three weeks have been busy for me. The physical therapy and my friends coming to see me take up most of my time. I still try to keep up on some of my schoolwork, but I can't really focus on it. Not with the knowledge that I'm going to be transferring to another school soon.
It was four weeks ago that I felt my first real phantom limb pains. My mom was there with me and tried to help me the best she could. The pain coursed across my chest and what would have been my left arm for several long minutes. The burning afterwards reduced me to tears and shaking and lasted for 30-40 minutes. When the doctor came in, she relayed what had happened because I wasn't in any condition to talk. It was then that I was given what amounted to an open prescription on pain medication, the strong ones. I was to take two a day as part of a routine. One in the morning and one before dinner, taking another if things got bad. I was warned about going over board with them as that could create a dependency.
The second to last day in the hospital brings me one of the biggest surprises. I just got done with my shower and was walking to my bed when Iwanako and Hisao walk into my room. I'm standing there in my gym shorts and without a shirt, with a surprised expression on my face. Iwanako immediately covers her mouth as she draws in a breath. Hisao just looks on, dumbstruck. I can understand, I was the same way when I first saw what had happened. The amount of scaring is huge, from the top of my shoulder to what would have been my armpit. The angry, thick, red line of scar tissue showing where my left arm had once been. The bruising has starting to fade away, but some yellow spots can still be seen in some places. The nurse has been waiting by my bed when I stopped suddenly. She comes over and asks if she can go ahead and wrap me up or if I want the people to leave first. I ask her to go ahead and wrap me up, and that the visitors are my friends and they can stay.
As the the silent duo watch on, I proceed to have my chest wrapped in the linen cloth and gauze. After finishing, the nurse leaves me and my visitors alone. I wander over to a closet, grabb a t-shirt and pull it down over my head carefully. I motion for them to come over and sit down while I sit on the bed. Iwanako seems really riled up, so Hisao let her take the chair while he stands beside her. I can tell that both of them want to say something, but they can't , or wouldn't, bring themselves to ask. So, I decided to break the silence.
"And thus you see the cost of heroism. It's not a pretty sight. I'm sorry if I startled you," I chuckle ruefully.
Hisao shakes his head, slowly adding "You're not the one that should be sorry Yuu. We wanted to come surprise you. We just now got the chance to come see you." Hisao wraps his arm around Iwanako, pulling her into a hug.
Iwanako nods slowly, trying to not look at where my left arm once was. "A-Are you doing okay?" Her voice is faint and soft, almost as if she's afraid of saying something that could hurt me.
"I'm the best as I can be, I guess." I shrug my shoulders while looking down into my lap. "Phantom pains are a pain in the ass. Its like all the pain from my accident is back. It slowly moves on, the pain meds take the brunt of most of the damage." I give a half hearted smirk as I look up at them.
Iwanako draws a quick breath as she hears this. Hisao just looks at me like I'm something not of this world. The shock on their faces makes me feel a little unsettled.
"How can you calmly say that?!" Both of my visitors ask the same question at the same time. They look at each other and back to me.
I chuckle while watching their actions. "It's easy, actually. Very easy. If I hadn't done what I did, Umeko wouldn't be here anymore." I pause for a second as I feel a tear well up. "I can justify all the pain I feel because she is still around. I still have my little sister. I think an arm is well worth that price." I wipe the moisture from my cheek as tears slowly run down my face. Trying to not let myself cry in front of my friends is harder than I thought.
Hisao just stands there, his mouth agape. There have been very few times when I have seen him at a loss for words. It's Iwanako that surprises both of us, though. Before I notice that she had stood up, she is giving me a hug and crying softly into my chest. I blush and awkwardly give her a one armed hug while looking to Hisao to do something. Shaking off his stupor, Hisao gentle wraps his arms around Iwanako. Slowly pulling her back off the bed, Iwanako blushes and stands semi-behind Hisao. They whisper to each other for a couple seconds before Hisao nods his head.
Iwanako leans back down and kisses me on the cheek. She blushes and starts to head for the door, waiting for Hisao. My best friends grabs my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "You are a better man than anyone I have ever known. Take care of yourself. We need to catch a bus home, so I'll call you later." With that, he lets go and walks towards the door and his girlfriend. I'm left in silence as they leave, with Iwanako giving me a little wave before they leave the room.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I do realize that my chapters are a little small but it just seems to me like a good place to stop. I'm just a very new novice and I don't want to embarrass myself by rambling or by putting out an incoherent writing. For as much as I read in my spare time, you would think I would know how to write better. Anyway, thanks for reading and as always, criticism and discussion are greatly appreciated.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My dad takes another chair from the other side of the room and sits down beside my bed. My mom and sister take the one already by me. My dad take a deep breath and starts to tell me what all I have missed. On the night of my birthday, the man driving the truck had a heart attack while behind the wheel. He had been dead before I heard him hit the metal post on the other side of the street. This wasn't found out until a day after the incident. When I was pinned against the wall, my dad managed to call an ambulance before checking on me. After my mom checked out Umeko, her nurse training kicked in. Dad went around to the drivers door and found the recently deceased man. As soon as he pulled the dead man from the truck, a police car pulled onto the scene. My mom then told the police what she saw happen. She then went over to me to see just how bad of a situation I was in. Dad wanted to move the truck, but mom had to persuade him to wait until the paramedics arrived. The reasoning was just in case the truck was stopping me from having massive blood loss. After the police secured the area, the ambulance arrived. By this time, I was already passed out.
It wasn't until I was brought into the hospital and ran through a gauntlet of exams that the extent of the damage was known. My entire left arm was shattered, with at least four compound fractures and countless other hairline fractures. Sadly, that was not the extent of the damage. When the truck smashed me in between itself and the wall, it had destroyed some of my shoulder as well. After more tests and scans, the doctors found out that my blood vessels were severely pinched and that I had no feeling in my arm. The blood was barely flowing to my arm and the blood in it wasn't flowing out. My arm was starting to turn a disturbing shade of purple. When all of this was brought up to my parents, the asked if there was any way to save my arm. With a miniscule chance of success, my doctors argued against it. They said the safest thing to do was to, sadly, amputate my arm at the shoulder. They would then have to rebuild some of my shoulder as well.
It was here when my dad finally broke down. Throughout the entire retelling, his voice was mechanical and almost dead sounding. But when he told me that they had to cut off my arm, he started sobbing. Now, I can count on two... well, one hand twice, the times I have seen my dad cry. I guess being a third generation soldier for the US means you have seen your share of hardships and you learn to hold the emotions at bay. I'm speechless as I watch my my dad is cry. He then leans over the side rail of the bed to give me a hug and kisses the top of my head. He slowly finishes crying as I feel the full weight of what he said happened sink in. My mom and sister also come back over, and with all of us teary eyed, we hug.
It surprises everyone when I speak out first. "I love you all. Thank you for being here for me," I pause to sniffle back a tear. "But I will get through this. Just you watch me. This will not break me." I try to smile but I started crying then, causing me to lose my strong facade. My family closes in once more, and I can tell how loved I truly am.
After a couple minutes, My dad states that it was time they were heading home. My sister doesn't sound happy about that, but my mom says that they will be back again. After several minutes of goodbyes, my dad was the last to leave my side. Turning before he left the door, he leaves me with a simple message. "You are a stronger man than I can call myself Yuudai. Just know that we will always love you." It's maybe 30 minutes later that I fall into a dreamless sleep.
***********************
As the nurse finishes wrapping the new bandages around me, my dad and doctor walk into my room. The nurse excuses himself and my dad takes the seat next to my bed while the doctor stands beside him. They look at one another for a brief moment before my doctor starts talking. The speech that comes seems kinda rehearsed, but maybe it's because of how many facts are stated. My dad says that he and my mom have been talking to the doctor and they all agree that I should try going to another school; Yamaku Academy. The doctor tells me that it is a school for young adults that have gone through situations like mine. The school has a 24 hour on-duty nursing staff in case something might happen, but for all purposes it is a normal high school. I start to lose focus as they rattle off more stats and things about the school. All I think of though is the friends that I'm going to be leaving behind. When I notice that both dad and the doctor are looking at me, I just reply with that it's just a lot of information to take in at once. They seem convinced enough with my answer that they don't press me for anything more.
*********************
Seven weeks, that is the total amount of time I have be in the hospital. The last three weeks have been busy for me. The physical therapy and my friends coming to see me take up most of my time. I still try to keep up on some of my schoolwork, but I can't really focus on it. Not with the knowledge that I'm going to be transferring to another school soon.
It was four weeks ago that I felt my first real phantom limb pains. My mom was there with me and tried to help me the best she could. The pain coursed across my chest and what would have been my left arm for several long minutes. The burning afterwards reduced me to tears and shaking and lasted for 30-40 minutes. When the doctor came in, she relayed what had happened because I wasn't in any condition to talk. It was then that I was given what amounted to an open prescription on pain medication, the strong ones. I was to take two a day as part of a routine. One in the morning and one before dinner, taking another if things got bad. I was warned about going over board with them as that could create a dependency.
The second to last day in the hospital brings me one of the biggest surprises. I just got done with my shower and was walking to my bed when Iwanako and Hisao walk into my room. I'm standing there in my gym shorts and without a shirt, with a surprised expression on my face. Iwanako immediately covers her mouth as she draws in a breath. Hisao just looks on, dumbstruck. I can understand, I was the same way when I first saw what had happened. The amount of scaring is huge, from the top of my shoulder to what would have been my armpit. The angry, thick, red line of scar tissue showing where my left arm had once been. The bruising has starting to fade away, but some yellow spots can still be seen in some places. The nurse has been waiting by my bed when I stopped suddenly. She comes over and asks if she can go ahead and wrap me up or if I want the people to leave first. I ask her to go ahead and wrap me up, and that the visitors are my friends and they can stay.
As the the silent duo watch on, I proceed to have my chest wrapped in the linen cloth and gauze. After finishing, the nurse leaves me and my visitors alone. I wander over to a closet, grabb a t-shirt and pull it down over my head carefully. I motion for them to come over and sit down while I sit on the bed. Iwanako seems really riled up, so Hisao let her take the chair while he stands beside her. I can tell that both of them want to say something, but they can't , or wouldn't, bring themselves to ask. So, I decided to break the silence.
"And thus you see the cost of heroism. It's not a pretty sight. I'm sorry if I startled you," I chuckle ruefully.
Hisao shakes his head, slowly adding "You're not the one that should be sorry Yuu. We wanted to come surprise you. We just now got the chance to come see you." Hisao wraps his arm around Iwanako, pulling her into a hug.
Iwanako nods slowly, trying to not look at where my left arm once was. "A-Are you doing okay?" Her voice is faint and soft, almost as if she's afraid of saying something that could hurt me.
"I'm the best as I can be, I guess." I shrug my shoulders while looking down into my lap. "Phantom pains are a pain in the ass. Its like all the pain from my accident is back. It slowly moves on, the pain meds take the brunt of most of the damage." I give a half hearted smirk as I look up at them.
Iwanako draws a quick breath as she hears this. Hisao just looks at me like I'm something not of this world. The shock on their faces makes me feel a little unsettled.
"How can you calmly say that?!" Both of my visitors ask the same question at the same time. They look at each other and back to me.
I chuckle while watching their actions. "It's easy, actually. Very easy. If I hadn't done what I did, Umeko wouldn't be here anymore." I pause for a second as I feel a tear well up. "I can justify all the pain I feel because she is still around. I still have my little sister. I think an arm is well worth that price." I wipe the moisture from my cheek as tears slowly run down my face. Trying to not let myself cry in front of my friends is harder than I thought.
Hisao just stands there, his mouth agape. There have been very few times when I have seen him at a loss for words. It's Iwanako that surprises both of us, though. Before I notice that she had stood up, she is giving me a hug and crying softly into my chest. I blush and awkwardly give her a one armed hug while looking to Hisao to do something. Shaking off his stupor, Hisao gentle wraps his arms around Iwanako. Slowly pulling her back off the bed, Iwanako blushes and stands semi-behind Hisao. They whisper to each other for a couple seconds before Hisao nods his head.
Iwanako leans back down and kisses me on the cheek. She blushes and starts to head for the door, waiting for Hisao. My best friends grabs my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "You are a better man than anyone I have ever known. Take care of yourself. We need to catch a bus home, so I'll call you later." With that, he lets go and walks towards the door and his girlfriend. I'm left in silence as they leave, with Iwanako giving me a little wave before they leave the room.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I do realize that my chapters are a little small but it just seems to me like a good place to stop. I'm just a very new novice and I don't want to embarrass myself by rambling or by putting out an incoherent writing. For as much as I read in my spare time, you would think I would know how to write better. Anyway, thanks for reading and as always, criticism and discussion are greatly appreciated.
The slumber of reason nourishes the beast within.
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Although you do need a spelling and grammar editor (e.g. 'scaring' is not the same as 'scarring'), I'm focussing more on the story. I think it's got a nicely-developing cast, and although you think your chapter is short, length isn't always an indicator of how good something is. Your story's coming along fine! Good job!
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
A few comments:
The first paragraph might be a bit too much detail. While detail is usually a good thing, in this case it doesn't quite fit. Apart from the fact that the first thing you told someone who just woke up from a coma probably wouldn't be all the gory details of their accident, it's quite easy to get some medical details wrong if you don't have the background, and that's something that is easy to avoid by Keeping It Short.
I've certainly read worse than this, but a truck keeping bleeding in check by pinioning someone to a wall is stretching my imagination a tiny bit...
Also a father thinking of rescuing the driver when seeing his son in such a condition... Let's say it wouldn't be the first thing on my mind.
The rest of the chapter is okay as far as I am concerned.
As for the technical side, it's better than many stories whose authors do use spellcheckers.
First line: "My dad take a deep breath"
The beginning of paragraph 3 is inexplicably past tense, even though the flashback has ended.
This sentence should be spellchecked:
The first paragraph might be a bit too much detail. While detail is usually a good thing, in this case it doesn't quite fit. Apart from the fact that the first thing you told someone who just woke up from a coma probably wouldn't be all the gory details of their accident, it's quite easy to get some medical details wrong if you don't have the background, and that's something that is easy to avoid by Keeping It Short.
I've certainly read worse than this, but a truck keeping bleeding in check by pinioning someone to a wall is stretching my imagination a tiny bit...
Also a father thinking of rescuing the driver when seeing his son in such a condition... Let's say it wouldn't be the first thing on my mind.
The rest of the chapter is okay as far as I am concerned.
As for the technical side, it's better than many stories whose authors do use spellcheckers.
First line: "My dad take a deep breath"
The beginning of paragraph 3 is inexplicably past tense, even though the flashback has ended.
This sentence should be spellchecked:
Looking forward to the continuation.I'm speechless as I watch my my dad is cry.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- Walshy12238
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
- Location: Australia
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Despite the length and scattered spelling mistakes, I really enjoyed the second chapter! As mentioned above, you probably threw in a little too much detail about the accident, but it didn't really detract from the story all that much.
I'm liking Yuudai so far, and I'm interested to see how you play out the events at Yamaku. I like that Hisao is still part of the story even though he's not the main character, and hopefully we get to see him again. I feel like it was a bit brushed over how it took them 7 weeks to visit him though, seeing as they were supposed to be good friends.
Overall, though, keep up the good work! I'm enjoying what you're putting out, and that's the main thing.
Also, two more things that just came to mind:
1) Do you know how often you'll be planning on releasing chapters?
2) Have you considered making an index in the OP so it's easier to find new chapters?
I'm liking Yuudai so far, and I'm interested to see how you play out the events at Yamaku. I like that Hisao is still part of the story even though he's not the main character, and hopefully we get to see him again. I feel like it was a bit brushed over how it took them 7 weeks to visit him though, seeing as they were supposed to be good friends.
Overall, though, keep up the good work! I'm enjoying what you're putting out, and that's the main thing.
Also, two more things that just came to mind:
1) Do you know how often you'll be planning on releasing chapters?
2) Have you considered making an index in the OP so it's easier to find new chapters?
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Solid chapter.
Two things are somewhat surprising to me though. It says:
That's almost negligible though, just something I did wonder about shortly.
What I'm a tad more surprised about though is Iwanako's rather emotional reaction and then even more so the kiss on the cheek, which just doesn't seem like a very Japanese thing to... I think. From your first chapter it doesn't sound like Iwanako's really a good friend with Hisao or Yuudai beforehand. Of course they knew each other but not too closely I'd imagine.
I do suppose though that she's simply someone that can easily empathize with people and gets emotional quickly, which coupled with her seeing the bare injury makes that (hopefully careful!) hug plausible. The kiss though I'm still a bit unsure about. If she had a crush on him I wouldn't be surprised at all by being more affectionate, but since she's fallen for Hisao that sounds unlikely.
Two things are somewhat surprising to me though. It says:
Yet, Hisao who's his best friend comes only just now? At least it sounds like that's his first visit: "We just now got the chance to come see you." It just seems a tad unlikely that it took until then to get enough time for what's ultimately only a very short visit anyways, even if school may have been particular stressful or so.The last three weeks have been busy for me. The physical therapy and my friends coming to see me take up most of my time.
That's almost negligible though, just something I did wonder about shortly.
What I'm a tad more surprised about though is Iwanako's rather emotional reaction and then even more so the kiss on the cheek, which just doesn't seem like a very Japanese thing to... I think. From your first chapter it doesn't sound like Iwanako's really a good friend with Hisao or Yuudai beforehand. Of course they knew each other but not too closely I'd imagine.
I do suppose though that she's simply someone that can easily empathize with people and gets emotional quickly, which coupled with her seeing the bare injury makes that (hopefully careful!) hug plausible. The kiss though I'm still a bit unsure about. If she had a crush on him I wouldn't be surprised at all by being more affectionate, but since she's fallen for Hisao that sounds unlikely.
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- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:32 am
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Just checking in to say you've got yourself a new reader. Looking forward to the rest
- BilliamDragon
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:32 pm
- Location: California
Re: Perseverance - (OC)
Hey everyone, I'm sorry for the time between posts but real life has a way of interfering at the most inconvenient times. Sadly, I must say with a heavy heart that I will not be able to continue my tale. With the death of my mom, I have moved in to help take care of my dad. After everything was said and done, our money for bills and taxes was exhausted after the funeral. So, I am having to sell my computer along with some other things to help supplement my wages and my dads retirement funds. I am grateful to everyone for reading my little test run. Maybe eventually I will come back and try this all again. I will leave you with the last chapter and it is sadly unrefined. Thank you all for reading. William
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My last day in the hospital is thankfully uneventful. With it being a Sunday, there are family members visiting relatives in the other rooms. More so today than any day earlier this week. Eventually my family comes and signs me out. We have our full debriefing from the doctor and we head home. Everyone tries to make small talk, not really wanting to make the ride home awkward with a topic that is too oppressive. Even with the attempt, there are several awkward silences.
When we finally arrive home, I grab my bag and head inside. After taking off my shoes, I take my clothes to the washing machine and start up a load. I know that today is going to be spent mostly packing so I can move into my school dorm tomorrow. I can't help but be nervous; this will be the first time I have lived separately from my parents.
When I walk to my room, I notice that my mom had already started organizing some of my clothes. My guess was that she had done it after deciding I was to go to Yamaku. There are several piles on my bed; gym shorts, t-shirts, some slacks, boxers and socks, and a couple button-up shirts on hangers. It's looking over the assorted clothing that I notice some that I haven't seen before. Two plain white button-up, a couple black ties, a blazer, and some green slacks. I guess my parents already picked up my school uniforms.
Is it sad that the largest pile on my bed is the one for my gym shorts? I start to go through some of them. These ones are my favorite because of the design, those are the ones I wear for pick up games, that pair was from when I joined the football club. The memories of so many hours of practice and matches slowly come back. With those thoughts, that makes me wonder if my new school will have a football club. I mean, they did say that Yamaku was like a normal high school. Are there going to be sport clubs at a school for . . . cripples?
The thought catches me off guard, is that what I am now?
I sit down at my desk and the realization dawns on me. I'm not exactly normal anymore, am I? There will be things I will not be able to do anymore. Hell, even the number of jobs I could get now are severely decreased. Not to mention the looks I will get from other people. Streams of thought start to flow through my mind. Many of them full of a sad and forlorn nature. As I sit there in my melancholy, the door to my room opens with my noticing. Slowly, my sister walks towards me. It isn't until she is beside me that I notice that someone is in my room with me. I look up and see the worry on my sisters face. I can see that her cheeks and eyes are a little red, so I guess she must have been crying recently.
"Hey. You okay? What's on your mind Umeko?"
She sniffles and sits down on my lap, resting the side of her head on my chest. "Y-y-you don't hate me...do you?"
And, just like that, my sister drops a bomb into the conversation. Unable to form a coherent sentence for a couple seconds, I wrap her up in an awkward hug and rest my chin on her head. After a few moments thought, I'm able to give her an answer.
"There is no way I could hate you. I would have lost you if I hadn't moved. And I think that would have hurt a whole lot more," I'm able to say but it barely come out louder than a whisper. It almost feels like speaking it would have made it come true.
I squeeze her and place a kiss on top of her head. Umeko wraps her arms around my waist and starts mumbling something. I can't hear anything she says but I respond to her with some condolences and reassurances.
We sit like that for a while before my sister slowly gets up and leaves my room. She gives me a small wave as she closes the door.
I just sit there at a loss for words. Umeko and I were never really close before. I can understand recently because she's a teenager and she doesn't want her big brother around all the time. Since the accident though, I worry if she thinks that she is the reason I am the way I am now. I truly hope that this doesn't scar her like it has scarred me. Its something I need to talk about with Mom and Dad later.
Dinner tonight is kinda extravagant. I guess my parents see it as a going away feast. The meal passes the same as the car ride home did. Nobody is really talking , and anything said isn't of any note. Umeko still looks sad, but her face is no longer red. Mom and Dad look uneasy too. They keep looking at me as I eat and it does get a little unnerving. I will admit that it does take some time getting used to being able to only have one hand. When dinner finishes, my dad reminds me that we have to leave early if we are to get there at a decent hour. I nod my head and head back up to my room to finish packing.
*********************
One of the first thing I notice about the school is how isolated it seems. First, the school is some ways from a decent sized city. Second, all of the school buildings are on top of a hill, separating it from the little town below. Lastly, there is a fence that surrounds the school grounds. The brickwork and wrought iron give off a cold and menacing feel. It's not exactly something I would think you would have around a school. Dad drives through a gate and eventually pulls into a parking spot. As we sit there in the car, my stomach starts doing flips. I am incredibility nervous right now.
Clasping my shoulder, my dad looks over at me. "I know you will do just fine here. Just keep your wits about you. And don't forget to have fun as well. Just promise me nothing too illegal." Dad grins at me, but I can see just how worried he is as well.
"But you were the one that always told me the best fun was the illegal kind." I poke back.
"I guess I did. Well then, just don't make me a grandfather yet." He winks at me and starts to undo his seat belt.
Did my dad just say what I think he said?
We get out of the car and dad leads the way to the main building. He holds the door open as he goes in first. We walk over to the administration offices and are greeted by a secretary. Dad states that we are Jacob and Yuudai Mizutani. He goes on to say that I'm a new transfer student and he would like the key to my room so he can start and unpack while I'm in class.
The secretary nods and says that they have been expecting us. She gives me a warm smile and says that shes hopes that I will like it here. She then turns to the other side of her desk and pushes a series of buttons and speaks into a microphone for a sentence or two. Turning back towards my father and me, the secretary grabs two keys and hands them to my dad. We thank her and step out of the office and into the main hallway.
"Okay, so it looks like your room is 117." Dad takes one of the keys and hands me the other. "I'm going to go ahead and move your stuff out of the car and into your room. Ill leave the key somewhere in your room. " Wrapping me in a quick hug, Dad gives me a squeeze before he lets go. "Everything will work out. You can always call home if something's wrong. I love ya kid. Be good today." Dad gives me a little wave as he walks out the front doors.
As I turn around, I catch a glimpse of a man coming down the stairs. He's dressed in a brown shirt with a leather duster and dark slacks. He has a 5 o'clock shadow and his hair is a little bit wild. He doesn't look bad, just . . . I don't know what to call him. He smiles as he extends his hand for a handshake.
"You must be Mizutani. I'm Mutou, your teacher." We shake hands, its not sloppy or rough. It seems to fit him. Nothing much in an extreme way, but enough to be there. "The head nurse asked for me to tell you to stop in some time today. He most likely want to just go over some standard rules and what not with you." I nod my head to let him know I understand. "Class has already started so we need to head back up and get you situated. Oh, first though, do you want to introduce yourself to the class?"
"Uh sure. I don't see a reason not too."
"That's good." He gives a slight smile. "Not everyone likes to draw attention to themselves, though. Come on, Our room is 3-3. It's up on the third floor."
He turns back around and starts up the stairs. I follow close behind. It takes just a couple minutes to go up all three flights of stairs. Once we get to the door to the room, Mutou stops and turns to look at me.
"Give me a minute before you come in. I need to let the students know what's going on."
I nod my head in conformation and wait outside the door as he enters the room. I hear him say something to the class to get their attention. He then motions for me to come into the room.
I step through the doorway and walk over towards the desk. I turn to face the class and do a quick sweep of my classmates. There is a girl missing her left hand not too far away from me sitting in the front row. Right beside her is a girl that looks like shes fighting to stay awake. All the way in the back is a kid with a cane. He doesn't seem to want to pay attention. By this time I hear Mutou going on about something or other but I don't hear him as I still look around. In the second row, a girls with bubblegum pink hair is doing something with her hands. Is she signing to the girl beside her? It's then that I hear Mutou say "Go ahead."
"Um.. Hi. I'm Yuudai Mizutani. I think you can guess why I am transferring in." I stop for a second to try and think of something else to say. "I like to play football, and I hope to join our team if we have one. I hope to get along with all of you."
Mutou thanks me and has everyone, or mostly everyone clap. It's kinds weird to see the one handed girl clap. Then again, I couldn't clap if I wanted.
After everything calms down Mutou addresses me. "Mizutani, if you would please, take the seat behind Kapur. And If you need anything, you can ask the class representative. Her man is Hakamichi."
I make my way over to the empty desk and take my seat. Seeing that I'm in my seat, Mutou starts his lesson back up from were he left off. After a couple minutes, I look to my right and happen to catch the attention of the girl to my right. I whisper and ask if I could have a piece of paper. She gives me a big smile and nods, her pink drills bouncing slightly. She tears a sheet out of her notebook and slides it onto my desk as I get my pen out of my pocket. Clicking the pen open, I start write something down.
(Thanks. I didn't want to interrupt the class by talking.) I slid it over to the girl to my right.
After reading it, she writes a response and slides it back.
(That's no problem Yuuchan. Just glad I can help. )
The hand writing is a little large compared to my semi-cramped style. My classmate also likes to use what I can only call cute flourishes to her hand writing as well. Well, I guess the girly girl attitude applies to her for more than just her hair.
I look up every now and then to make sure that Mutou doesn't see us passing the note, but he is off in his lecture and doesn't seem to notice.
As I start writing my response, I notice that the girl beside me is still signing to the one beside her. They sign back and forth for a couple minutes. The one further away looks at me every once and a while.
(Are you Hakamichi by chance? I haven't been called Yuuchan since primary school.)
I slide the sheet back onto her desk and I try to figure out what is written on the board. I lose all concentration when a loud "
~Wahahaha!" cuts through the semi-silence. I jump a little in my seat, as do several others in the class. Mutou just looks over in our direction and back to his notes, missing barely a beat. It's then that the note slides back onto my desk.
(No silly, I'm Misha. Shicchan is the one to my right.)
As I look up and Misha is grinning at me. I quickly write a response.
(I don't think she would like someone she just met to call her Shicchan. What's her actual name?)
Its takes a minute or two before I get a return note. The writing is a much neater and formal style.
(My name is Shizune Hakamichi. I would appreciate it if you called me Shizune. Surnames are too stuffy for classmates.)
Just as I start to write, a bell rings. I guess that's the sign for lunch. Misha jumps up beside me and grabs me by the arm. "Come on Yuuchan. We're going to go have lunch. You can eat with me and Shicchan! You are so lucky to get to eat with two cute girls. Wahaha!"
Her loudness catches me off guard.
I'm fairly sure this was not what I was expecting when I found out I was coming to school here.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My last day in the hospital is thankfully uneventful. With it being a Sunday, there are family members visiting relatives in the other rooms. More so today than any day earlier this week. Eventually my family comes and signs me out. We have our full debriefing from the doctor and we head home. Everyone tries to make small talk, not really wanting to make the ride home awkward with a topic that is too oppressive. Even with the attempt, there are several awkward silences.
When we finally arrive home, I grab my bag and head inside. After taking off my shoes, I take my clothes to the washing machine and start up a load. I know that today is going to be spent mostly packing so I can move into my school dorm tomorrow. I can't help but be nervous; this will be the first time I have lived separately from my parents.
When I walk to my room, I notice that my mom had already started organizing some of my clothes. My guess was that she had done it after deciding I was to go to Yamaku. There are several piles on my bed; gym shorts, t-shirts, some slacks, boxers and socks, and a couple button-up shirts on hangers. It's looking over the assorted clothing that I notice some that I haven't seen before. Two plain white button-up, a couple black ties, a blazer, and some green slacks. I guess my parents already picked up my school uniforms.
Is it sad that the largest pile on my bed is the one for my gym shorts? I start to go through some of them. These ones are my favorite because of the design, those are the ones I wear for pick up games, that pair was from when I joined the football club. The memories of so many hours of practice and matches slowly come back. With those thoughts, that makes me wonder if my new school will have a football club. I mean, they did say that Yamaku was like a normal high school. Are there going to be sport clubs at a school for . . . cripples?
The thought catches me off guard, is that what I am now?
I sit down at my desk and the realization dawns on me. I'm not exactly normal anymore, am I? There will be things I will not be able to do anymore. Hell, even the number of jobs I could get now are severely decreased. Not to mention the looks I will get from other people. Streams of thought start to flow through my mind. Many of them full of a sad and forlorn nature. As I sit there in my melancholy, the door to my room opens with my noticing. Slowly, my sister walks towards me. It isn't until she is beside me that I notice that someone is in my room with me. I look up and see the worry on my sisters face. I can see that her cheeks and eyes are a little red, so I guess she must have been crying recently.
"Hey. You okay? What's on your mind Umeko?"
She sniffles and sits down on my lap, resting the side of her head on my chest. "Y-y-you don't hate me...do you?"
And, just like that, my sister drops a bomb into the conversation. Unable to form a coherent sentence for a couple seconds, I wrap her up in an awkward hug and rest my chin on her head. After a few moments thought, I'm able to give her an answer.
"There is no way I could hate you. I would have lost you if I hadn't moved. And I think that would have hurt a whole lot more," I'm able to say but it barely come out louder than a whisper. It almost feels like speaking it would have made it come true.
I squeeze her and place a kiss on top of her head. Umeko wraps her arms around my waist and starts mumbling something. I can't hear anything she says but I respond to her with some condolences and reassurances.
We sit like that for a while before my sister slowly gets up and leaves my room. She gives me a small wave as she closes the door.
I just sit there at a loss for words. Umeko and I were never really close before. I can understand recently because she's a teenager and she doesn't want her big brother around all the time. Since the accident though, I worry if she thinks that she is the reason I am the way I am now. I truly hope that this doesn't scar her like it has scarred me. Its something I need to talk about with Mom and Dad later.
Dinner tonight is kinda extravagant. I guess my parents see it as a going away feast. The meal passes the same as the car ride home did. Nobody is really talking , and anything said isn't of any note. Umeko still looks sad, but her face is no longer red. Mom and Dad look uneasy too. They keep looking at me as I eat and it does get a little unnerving. I will admit that it does take some time getting used to being able to only have one hand. When dinner finishes, my dad reminds me that we have to leave early if we are to get there at a decent hour. I nod my head and head back up to my room to finish packing.
*********************
One of the first thing I notice about the school is how isolated it seems. First, the school is some ways from a decent sized city. Second, all of the school buildings are on top of a hill, separating it from the little town below. Lastly, there is a fence that surrounds the school grounds. The brickwork and wrought iron give off a cold and menacing feel. It's not exactly something I would think you would have around a school. Dad drives through a gate and eventually pulls into a parking spot. As we sit there in the car, my stomach starts doing flips. I am incredibility nervous right now.
Clasping my shoulder, my dad looks over at me. "I know you will do just fine here. Just keep your wits about you. And don't forget to have fun as well. Just promise me nothing too illegal." Dad grins at me, but I can see just how worried he is as well.
"But you were the one that always told me the best fun was the illegal kind." I poke back.
"I guess I did. Well then, just don't make me a grandfather yet." He winks at me and starts to undo his seat belt.
Did my dad just say what I think he said?
We get out of the car and dad leads the way to the main building. He holds the door open as he goes in first. We walk over to the administration offices and are greeted by a secretary. Dad states that we are Jacob and Yuudai Mizutani. He goes on to say that I'm a new transfer student and he would like the key to my room so he can start and unpack while I'm in class.
The secretary nods and says that they have been expecting us. She gives me a warm smile and says that shes hopes that I will like it here. She then turns to the other side of her desk and pushes a series of buttons and speaks into a microphone for a sentence or two. Turning back towards my father and me, the secretary grabs two keys and hands them to my dad. We thank her and step out of the office and into the main hallway.
"Okay, so it looks like your room is 117." Dad takes one of the keys and hands me the other. "I'm going to go ahead and move your stuff out of the car and into your room. Ill leave the key somewhere in your room. " Wrapping me in a quick hug, Dad gives me a squeeze before he lets go. "Everything will work out. You can always call home if something's wrong. I love ya kid. Be good today." Dad gives me a little wave as he walks out the front doors.
As I turn around, I catch a glimpse of a man coming down the stairs. He's dressed in a brown shirt with a leather duster and dark slacks. He has a 5 o'clock shadow and his hair is a little bit wild. He doesn't look bad, just . . . I don't know what to call him. He smiles as he extends his hand for a handshake.
"You must be Mizutani. I'm Mutou, your teacher." We shake hands, its not sloppy or rough. It seems to fit him. Nothing much in an extreme way, but enough to be there. "The head nurse asked for me to tell you to stop in some time today. He most likely want to just go over some standard rules and what not with you." I nod my head to let him know I understand. "Class has already started so we need to head back up and get you situated. Oh, first though, do you want to introduce yourself to the class?"
"Uh sure. I don't see a reason not too."
"That's good." He gives a slight smile. "Not everyone likes to draw attention to themselves, though. Come on, Our room is 3-3. It's up on the third floor."
He turns back around and starts up the stairs. I follow close behind. It takes just a couple minutes to go up all three flights of stairs. Once we get to the door to the room, Mutou stops and turns to look at me.
"Give me a minute before you come in. I need to let the students know what's going on."
I nod my head in conformation and wait outside the door as he enters the room. I hear him say something to the class to get their attention. He then motions for me to come into the room.
I step through the doorway and walk over towards the desk. I turn to face the class and do a quick sweep of my classmates. There is a girl missing her left hand not too far away from me sitting in the front row. Right beside her is a girl that looks like shes fighting to stay awake. All the way in the back is a kid with a cane. He doesn't seem to want to pay attention. By this time I hear Mutou going on about something or other but I don't hear him as I still look around. In the second row, a girls with bubblegum pink hair is doing something with her hands. Is she signing to the girl beside her? It's then that I hear Mutou say "Go ahead."
"Um.. Hi. I'm Yuudai Mizutani. I think you can guess why I am transferring in." I stop for a second to try and think of something else to say. "I like to play football, and I hope to join our team if we have one. I hope to get along with all of you."
Mutou thanks me and has everyone, or mostly everyone clap. It's kinds weird to see the one handed girl clap. Then again, I couldn't clap if I wanted.
After everything calms down Mutou addresses me. "Mizutani, if you would please, take the seat behind Kapur. And If you need anything, you can ask the class representative. Her man is Hakamichi."
I make my way over to the empty desk and take my seat. Seeing that I'm in my seat, Mutou starts his lesson back up from were he left off. After a couple minutes, I look to my right and happen to catch the attention of the girl to my right. I whisper and ask if I could have a piece of paper. She gives me a big smile and nods, her pink drills bouncing slightly. She tears a sheet out of her notebook and slides it onto my desk as I get my pen out of my pocket. Clicking the pen open, I start write something down.
(Thanks. I didn't want to interrupt the class by talking.) I slid it over to the girl to my right.
After reading it, she writes a response and slides it back.
(That's no problem Yuuchan. Just glad I can help. )
The hand writing is a little large compared to my semi-cramped style. My classmate also likes to use what I can only call cute flourishes to her hand writing as well. Well, I guess the girly girl attitude applies to her for more than just her hair.
I look up every now and then to make sure that Mutou doesn't see us passing the note, but he is off in his lecture and doesn't seem to notice.
As I start writing my response, I notice that the girl beside me is still signing to the one beside her. They sign back and forth for a couple minutes. The one further away looks at me every once and a while.
(Are you Hakamichi by chance? I haven't been called Yuuchan since primary school.)
I slide the sheet back onto her desk and I try to figure out what is written on the board. I lose all concentration when a loud "
~Wahahaha!" cuts through the semi-silence. I jump a little in my seat, as do several others in the class. Mutou just looks over in our direction and back to his notes, missing barely a beat. It's then that the note slides back onto my desk.
(No silly, I'm Misha. Shicchan is the one to my right.)
As I look up and Misha is grinning at me. I quickly write a response.
(I don't think she would like someone she just met to call her Shicchan. What's her actual name?)
Its takes a minute or two before I get a return note. The writing is a much neater and formal style.
(My name is Shizune Hakamichi. I would appreciate it if you called me Shizune. Surnames are too stuffy for classmates.)
Just as I start to write, a bell rings. I guess that's the sign for lunch. Misha jumps up beside me and grabs me by the arm. "Come on Yuuchan. We're going to go have lunch. You can eat with me and Shicchan! You are so lucky to get to eat with two cute girls. Wahaha!"
Her loudness catches me off guard.
I'm fairly sure this was not what I was expecting when I found out I was coming to school here.
The slumber of reason nourishes the beast within.