Yamaku Book Club (20220124 Dish Washing)

[Sea]

Right then, switch the story to:

Numbered Days by Leotrak (completed, 27.804 words)
PoV: Hisao; Pairings: Hisao X Hanako; Begins: during prologue
Remarks: Time Loop

I shall preface it by saying this was written during the beta, so keep that in mind, and if its crap, we can change again.

[Mirage_GSM]

Heh, I was about to suggest that one to you ^_^

[brythain]

Right then, switch the story to:

Numbered Days by Leotrak (completed, 27.804 words)
PoV: Hisao; Pairings: Hisao X Hanako; Begins: during prologue
Remarks: Time Loop

I shall preface it by saying this was written during the beta, so keep that in mind, and if its crap, we can change again.

I'll wait for the meeting to make substantive comments. But even if it's crap, the 'we can change again' line sends chills down my spine when thinking of this particular story.

[Blasphemy]

Ahh, I've read that before and quite liked it if I recall correctly. Gotta go over it again though to be up to the details.

[Sea]

EDIT: deleted post so as to not have a double post

MEETING TIME!
Woohoo! Its that time again, its good to all see you returning, and I hope we have many repeats of the great discussions we've been having. Anyhoo, link is up, and I've started scheming on a good fic to avoid another flop. I've been thinking for a while actually and everybody seems to have some great ideas on stuff they'd like to cover so I'm going to open it to the floor: would anyone object to me choosing someone to pic a fic and then we roll with it? The choice can of course be overturned by the peoples or vetoed by me (rarely will happen, unless its terrible) but it might connect everyone a bit more. Thoughts? Anyhoo, let it begin!

[dewelar]

Since I finished the first draft of my next chapter a couple hours ago, I went ahead and started reading this. I'm surprised nobody's posted about it yet, but here are my observations based on a quick read:

Yeah, the premise has been done to death, but I thought it was presented well. The writing was generally good, and the characters were truer to what they later became post-full release VN than I would have expected.

I wasn't keen on some of the twists, though. I thought things got a little too meta at times (e.g., Emi asking "how many endings do you have"), I thought the whole thing with Hisao snapping and then being out of commission for two days was a cop-out by the author to allow him to skip to the end, and I thought the epilogue was completely unnecessary and too bittersweet given the tone of the rest of the story. I was also very disappointed in Hanako for choosing to hurt Iwanako like that.

However, despite all that, I found myself reeled in by this story. I don't recognize the author, but whoever it is has some talent for that to happen. I especially enjoyed the portrayal of Rin, who was the most spot-on of any of the characters, I think. A shame we didn't get more of Shizune's reactions, but one can't have everything. Overall, I'd call it a good, but flawed, story.

[AntonSlavik020]

Overall a REALLY interesting story. Loved the concept. I was pretty disappointed with the lack of Shizune, like I always am when that happens, but I'm more or less expect that to happen now. I felt a LITTLE bad for Emi, but that ended when she intentionally crash-tacked Hisao, knowing his condition, and she's not my favorite girl anyways. Lilly letting Hanako go after Hisao, wasn't much of a surprise. I pretty much expected her to do that. And the way Rin was acting makes sense too. Knowing what happens in her route, I wouldn't want to go down that path either.

[brythain]

I like the Groundhog Day concept, and in particular the Hisao characterisation that goes with this version. It's a narrative that reels you in, and where it is inconsistent or odd or inexplicable, that problem is dwarfed by the whole metanarrative problem—who's doing this to them (well that'd be us, I suppose) and how (well, fourth wall problems). I confess that I felt like doing something about it, and that drove me to write stuff about them.

And then I sat back and wondered if in another universe, another me had written something else. That's what this fiendish tale did to me.

I had a lot of fun, and the writing ability was good enough that I kept coming back for more. I just hated the ending though. GHD is bad enough without having to turn into a sort of purgatorial romance. Then again, there's a good idea waiting to be used...

[forgetmenot]

Hm. What to say, what to say.

Metafiction has its time and place, but you have to play pretty extensively with Katawa Shoujo universe in order for it to mesh well. Consider Groundhog Day, if you will. There's a similar premise, but Bill Murray's character isn't aware he's the subject of a sort of "moral test" (you must find true love and become selfless or you are doomed to this time loop for all eternity) - or that he's the subject of a film. This allows for character progression; it allows Murray's character to learn something from his ordeal. He eventually becomes a better person for it. It's a standard dramatic arc, and it resolves satisfyingly.

In this story, Hisao doesn't really learn anything about himself - other than the fact that he might be crazy. He's completely removed from the story - this is reflected when he refers to himself as two separate entities (the blank slate and the caged mind). Even when his two personalities are somewhat fused, he's still very much aware of the shape of his story (for Christ's sake it was one lampshade away from the home furnishings department at the Home Depot). Because of this, he can't spur change on in himself - which is that satisfying dramatic progression that these types of stories need to exhibit. The only change Hisao really goes through is due to Hanako's actions, and in fact, that's the one person this story probably should have followed. She's the catalyst for every dramatic event inside of it.

I dunno, honestly. It's well-written, and I liked reading it.

But the conclusion, nay, the premise wasn't dramatically satisfying. The story didn't go anywhere, not at least from the perspective of our protagonist. It's like beginning the story of Sleeping Beauty right after she touches the spindle and falls into her coma, but telling it from her perspective. "Oh, next thing I knew I woke up and everything was the same after my prince came and rescued me." Not much of a story.

Maybe that's the point of metafiction where the loop is being incurred by us outside the universe. If it is, then what the fuck is Hanako doing in the snowy woods after a hard reset? Is it some strange form of wish fulfillment?

Honestly I think the end would have been more dramatically satisfying if Hisao went insane and murdered everyone, leading to a complete mental break where he snaps back to reality and goes to /vg/ to start a thread about some weird hidden serial murder route in the Katawa Shoujo beta. At least that's something.

[Mirage_GSM]

I don't recognize the author, but whoever it is has some talent for that to happen.

If you liked it you might want to check out his other work, especially [url=http://ks.r ... ]this one.

Even when his two personalities are somewhat fused, he's still very much aware of the shape of his story (for Christ's sake it was one lampshade away from the home furnishings department at the Home Depot). Because of this, he can't spur change on in himself - which is that satisfying dramatic progression that these types of stories need to exhibit.

I'm not sure they need to do that.
The time loop here works differently than the one in Groundhog Day. In my book that is one point for originality in not simply copying a famous concept.
I agree that the story has flaws, but I don't think this is one of them.

[Mahorfeus]

It had been a while since I last read this fic, but I couldn't quite find the time to redo so.

At any rate, much like the original "Endless Eight" arc from the Haruhi light novels, the concept works a lot better on paper (like in this case) than on the TV screen. For a fic that emphasizes that events have repeated themselves over and over again, it managed to avoid being repetitive and boring. Granted, a lot of it was explained through exposition, but I loved reading about the characters deliberately throwing things off for the hell of it, believing that it wouldn't matter - and realizing that they weren't alone in their predicament as a result. I suppose it can be a point of criticism, but I actually liked how the entire fic basically amounted to a meta commentary. The two concepts meshed surprisingly well, without blatantly destroying the fourth wall. I can't really go into specifics unfortunately, but this fic definitely stands out in my memory.

The whole Love/Friendship Conquers All ending was a tad too saccharine, but then again, I am a sucker for happy endings. God Knows that Hisao deserved one this time around.

[Sea]

Welp, enough time has eclipsed (or reset, or did it happen at all?) (*Brain explodes*)
For our next book, we're going to try something new and exciting that isn't ecstasy because that didn't work last meeting when we read pedagogy and said it was amazing (if you don't remember this, ignore all of the above, all is well) Mainly because my amazing skills of procrastination feel especially strong today and also due to the desire to expand the interaction between the club the peoples, I would like to nominate some one to throw up a fic to read. I'll then take that and make an official post and update the OP accordingly. How will this be chosen you ask? Simple! The first person to post gets it. You may start the cage match . . . . NOW!

[Helbereth]

Hideaki - A Tale of Manliness
I'd suggest reading the first three vignetts: Biology, Volcanology, and Campology

Also, since the club is looking at different material all the time, perhaps that material should be mentioned in the title - kinda like how many of the longer stories get their new chapters and update date added to the title.

[dewelar]

Also, since the club is looking at different material all the time, perhaps that material should be mentioned in the title - kinda like how many of the longer stories get their new chapters and update date added to the title.

I second this idea. Title should be something like "Yamaku Book Club (Now discussing: Hideaki - A Tale of Manliness)".

[AntonSlavik020]

Also, since the club is looking at different material all the time, perhaps that material should be mentioned in the title - kinda like how many of the longer stories get their new chapters and update date added to the title.

I second this idea. Title should be something like "Yamaku Book Club (Now discussing: Hideaki - A Tale of Manliness)".

That's actually a really good idea. It may even help bring in more people interested in whichever story is being discussed at the time.