After The Dream—MAIN INDEX (and secret Hisao arc)

[brythain]

LATEST (23 November 2020): Rika:A Whiter Shade Of Pale (2008) is a new memoir from Rika Katayama; it can be found here.

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This post contains the main index for my 'After the Dream' post-Lilly-neutral-end mosaic.
The title of the mosaic comes from a phrase coined (I think) by Rikabro—'the dream of Yamaku'.
The mosaic begins near the end of 2007, when Lilly leaves for Scotland, and ends around 2084.
That's roughly eight decades, with many things to be learnt about all our beloved characters—in my world, anyway.

An epilogue for everybody:
What happens to everyone after Yamaku?
Do they find love? Are there any truly happy endings?

The mosaic currently contains six main arcs, all complete.
If you read these six arcs and nothing else, you'll have read the central narrative.
They can be read as self-contained units in any order, but here is the order in which I wrote them:

Shizune's Story | Lilly's Story | Emi's Story | Hanako's Story | Rin's Story | Misha's Story

There is a secondary layer of story arcs as well:
Miki Miura: Miki's Story
Rika Katayama: Rika's Tale
Akio Mutou: Mutou's Memoirs
Akira Satou: Akira's Story
Hideaki Hakamichi: Hideaki's Journey
Natsume Ooe: Natsume's Narrative

If you want to see the story from another angle you can read this:
Sakura—Kenji Setou's saga (WIP).
It currently spans the years 2005-2064.

Also, Straw—Suzu Suzuki's strange story (WIP)...
and Crane—Molly Kapur's unusual tale (WIP).
There is a bunch of interesting interviews appearing in A Left Eye of Darkness too.

It's hard to tell how reliable each narrator is, but the truth is in there somewhere...
There are currently about 270 short chapters/one-shots/vignettes/odd pieces;
the mosaic is complete but there are always more little bits to fill in... like the secret Hisao arc here!
Some of the main arcs have 'Easter eggs'—side stories of their own, some fairly substantial.

The rest of the thread may contain spoilers for all the arcs.

What's not a spoiler is that I owe a lot to other members of these forums — dewelar, Helbereth, & Hotkey in particular for critical commentary;
and many others, including ProfAllister, Silentcook, Oscar Wildecat, griffon8, bhtooefr, forgetmenot, Leaty, Blank Mage, Blasphemy, Oddball, Serviam, YutoTheOrc, ProfQ, gamma, azumeow, and Fardels for encouragement, tough words and great ideas.
It was forgetmenot who introduced me to Kagami Takahashi. Serviam first used the term 'AtD-verse'. Leaty is my inspiration for what could never have been in the AtD-verse.
Thanks also to ProfessorQ who created a generous entry at the TV Tropes fan fiction recommendations page!
And there's of course the great debt that I owe to the people who started, worked on, and finished the original KS in the first place.

The main mosaic contains the following parts, in chronological order, for those who want to do that.
Primitive navigation is in place. You can always return to this page by using the 'Main Index' link in my sig at the bottom of any piece.
I have used this format: Start/End/Chapter.URL-Title (flashbacks if any).

2007/—/Hideaki 1-Origin
2007/—/Natsume 1-Trigonometry
2007/—/Shizune 1-Crush
2007/—/Hanako 1-Friendship
2007/—/Lilly 1-Transit
2007/—/Natsume 2-Algebra
2007/2008/Hisao 1-A Walk in the Park
2007/2008/Emi 1-Qualifying Heat
2008/—/Rika 1-The Chance of a Ghost
2008/—/Misha 1-Regrets

2008/—/Lilly 2-Transform
2008/—/Miki 1-Recovery Position
2008/—/Miki 2-Changing Rooms
2008/—/Rin 1-Violation
2009/—/Mutou 1-Duties of Care
2009/—/Hanako 2-Fellowship
2009/—/Hisao 2-Paperwork
2009/—/Rika 2-Watching the Watchers
2009/2010/Hideaki 2-Shadow
2010/—/Misha 2-Returns
2010/—/Miki 3-Treading Water (ff-2008 2009)

2012/—/Rika 3-Counterclockwise
2012/—/Mutou 2-Choices of Life (f-2004)
2012/—/Emi 2-False Start
2012/—/Misha 3-Reservations
2012/—/Hideaki 3-Confusion
2012/2013/Rin 2-Indignation
2012/2013/Miki 4-Across the Pool
2013/2016/Akira 1-Willing
2014/—/Hisao 3-Ruthenium
2015/—/Natsume 3-Calculus (f-2008)
2015/—/Mutou 3-Theories of Humanity

2016/—/Hisao 4-Spectrum (ff-2008-2014)
2016/—/Rika 4-Sword of the Mountain
2017/—/Hisao 5-Conversations to Remember
2016/2017/Emi 3-Second Wind (f-2012)
2017/2020/Rin 3-Blossoms
2017/—/Shizune 2-Clash
2017/—/Akira 2-Working
2018/—/Miki 5-Deep End (f-2015)
2018/—/Lilly 3-Trapdoor
2018/—/Hideaki 4-Awareness

2018/—/Mutou 4-Dreams of Happiness
2018/—/Akira 3-Wedding
2018/2022/Emi 4-Final Stretch
2018/—/Misha 4-Redactions
2020/—/Shizune 3-Converse
2020/—/Hanako 3-Family
2020/—/Akira 4-Wishing
2020/—/Natsume 4-Computing (ff-2009 2011)
2021/—/Mutou 5-Points of Transition
2022/—/Hideaki 5-Learning (ff-2018++ 2021)
2022/—/Shizune 4-Collapse
2022/—/Hisao 6-Closer
2022/2024/Misha 5-Restitutions

2024/—/Rika 5-Heartache (ff-2016 2018 2022)
2024/—/Hanako 4-Failures
2024/—/Emi 5-Finish Line
2024/—/Hisao 7-Memorised
2024/—/Rin 4-Grendel
2024/—/Shizune 5-Critical
2024/—/Lilly 4-Timing
2024/—/Mutou 6-Hopes of Redemption
2024/—/Akira 5-Wanting
2024/—/Hanako 5-Faith (f-2012)
2024/—/Rika 6-Ghost Clockwork
2027/—/Mutou 7-Moments of Despair

2027/—/Rika: Strings
2028/—/Misha 6-Revenants (ff-2006 2018 2024)
2028/—/Lilly 5-Transmute
2028/—/Iwanako 1-Finality
2028/2029/Rin 5-Yarrow
2028/—/Emi 6-Warming Down
2029/—/Hideaki 6-Heroism (ff-2022++ 2028)
2030/—/Miki 6-Flip Turn (ff-2018 2020++)
2030/—/Emi 7-Victory Lap
2030/—/Akira 6-Waking (ff-1997++ 2028)
2030/—/Lilly 6-Transpose
2030/—/Shizune 6-Contest (f-2028)
2034/—/Natsume 5a-Simulation (ff-2021++ 2024)

2034/—/Natsume 5b-Description Theory (ff-2025++)
2040/2044/Miki 7-Butterfly Strokes (f-2032 2033 2034)
2040/—/Natsume 6-Statistics
2044/—/Rin 6-Tangerines (f-2034)
2044/—/Hanako 6-Flowers (f-2028)
2064/—/Shizune 7-Complete (f-2007)
2064/—/Rin 7-Redress
2064/2077/Misha 7-Rebirths (ff-2008 2010 2022 2064)
2074/—/Lilly 7-Terminus
2079/—/Hanako 7-Findings (ff-2024 2026 2064 2008)
2079/—/Hideaki 7-Apotheosis (ff-2028 2030 2044 2064)
2084/—/Natsume 7-Chaos (ff-2044 2064)

Notes:

1. 'The Wake' follows this list and is perhaps best identified as the 'teaser trailer' for 'After The Dream'. It contains very short fragments from various parts of the whole, in which you may be able to recognise various key characters and guess at what happens. Note: I had the disturbing experience of re-reading Gaiman's Sandman while having the KS experience. It made for quite a dream. You can skip it without spoiling anything.

2. There is indeed a hidden 'Hisao Arc'. It's not a complete story the way the other arcs are, but you can find it here.

3. 'Sunrise' (2063/64) is a little vignette best read after completing both Shizune and Misha's arcs.

4. 'Pavane' (2006-2016) is a longer piece from Mutou's memoirs, outlining his long relationship with Rei Miyagi, his colleague and later his vice-principal at Yamaku. 'Strings' is a later work, and should be read after the Rika/Akira/Mutou 'trilogy'.

5. 'Finality' (2028) is a brief one-shot which just adds a bit more detail to Hisao's pre-Yamaku past.

6. 'Letting Go' (2012-2014) is a brief one-shot that fills in a little gap in the history of the 22nd Corner Gallery, where Rin had an exhibition.

7. There's a brief chronology here, but it's got spoilers. Might help after you've read through at least one arc, though!

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The Wake

They are there each year. Not all of them, not every year. Not often together, although it happens. Sometimes it happens at other times of year. And one hardly ever comes. But this is the one day they might be together. It is like something from Gaiman, having to let the old Dream go, except that this waking is a tradition.

*****

One year, red and gold only, like fire on the hill.

“But you can’t do that!”
“Painting? Am doing it. Must do it. He needs to talk the stone won’t talk for him I don’t know what he’s saying I have to try to let it out of him.”
Silence. The long pause of a runner between breaths, now forced to think.
“I miss him too, but it wouldn’t be right. People would disturb him to see what you’ve done. It’s beautiful but it’s wrong.”
“I don’t miss him. He’s here. Is it beautiful? Can’t be wrong then.”
“What do you see? I wish I could see it too.”
“Butterflies. Cocoons. Talking to him. Flight.”

Much later, she returns to clean it up. But not before taking a picture of the butterfly, electric blue in the morning light, landing gently on a strawberry, bright colours on flat grey stone. “I’m still terrible at saying goodbye,” she whispers. It is what she says every year.

*****

One year, it is family. Stark contrasts, like dawn through dark trees.

Darkness. He gave me voice, she thinks. I killed him. It’s funny. I made him work. And work. Each year, it was easier for him and easier for me. He never wanted it. He never wanted me. But he was good at it, a great teacher. He never stopped complaining about his boss though. And I can see his flashing hands, now, still.

Light. She feels the scarred stone. There is a plaque as well. A pattern of stars and clouds etched into ruthenium steel. Only she knows there is something in the stars. Her fingers tell her, “I loved you first of all.” He never stopped, even after she knew it was gone. And when he was gone, there was a private note attached to the will that her sister had read to them all. “Star-crossed,” it began, little holes on a parchment strip.

*****

Every year, she has got to go and do something. This is the one thing she must do. He once told her he depended on her; now she must protect him, for he cannot protect himself. He once told her that she could change; she has changed, she is strong, a voice of hope in a dark world. But this one thing she will not change: there in the shadow of apples and cherry blossom, she reads to him.

*****

In the end, there is only one left. Her hair is straight and grey. It was once brown. She is always the last to visit, now the only one in the years when he is forgotten. She laughs, although it feels bitter. Three syllables and a trill, just as he always wanted. He hated it in the beginning. But laughter was all he wanted at the end.

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Shizune's Story | Lilly's Story | Emi's Story | Hanako's Story | Rin's Story | Misha's Story

[brythain]

I used to have some path notes here, but they actually distracted people. So this slot is reserved for future expansion now.

[GorisTheKing]

Not sure what you are trying to do here. The first post has almost no context, and the writing is quite dreamy. After reading it a few time's I'm guessing it's Emi written from the third person? But the way its written reads like Rin dialogue. I think the part with the conversation is between Rin and Emi, but it is very hard to separate the two.

Your second post is a lot clearer, but I'm still not sure what you are trying to do.

Some of the jobs are a little strange. Food critic is a very public job, Hanako would have had to go through culinary school (stressful loud full of people), been a chef (more stressful, more noise and people), networked heavily and made lots of acquaintances (nobody is going to read a stranger with no reputation). And then moving to Andorra? She would have to learn new languages and move across the world. Seems like an odd choice.

I could imagine Lilly taking a position in her fathers company, but why open a restaurant? Managing a restaurant is a highly visual job so she would be paying somebody to do just about everything and in that case it's more an investment that a job (not to mention the huge pay cut).

Misha working at the UN as translator makes sense, but why the UN? Her loud voice would be a major hindrance.

The idea of Hisao's death bringing old friends together and how he affected them is an interesting one, but some context is really needed. It was only after reading your second post that I had any clue as to what was happening.

[brythain]

Not sure what you are trying to do here. The first post has almost no context, and the writing is quite dreamy. After reading it a few time's I'm guessing it's Emi written from the third person? But the way its written reads like Rin dialogue. I think the part with the conversation is between Rin and Emi, but it is very hard to separate the two.

The original post was indeed from a dream-like sequence. The idea of six people gathering around a seventh's grave, but not necessarily all at the same time.

Your second post is a lot clearer, but I'm still not sure what you are trying to do.

I think my main idea (still not that clear) was how the characters turned out a decade, and then fifty years later. That's why it looks so sketchy. It's a good implied question though. I'm still trying to figure that out myself!

Some of the jobs are a little strange. Food critic is a very public job, Hanako would have had to go through culinary school (stressful loud full of people), been a chef (more stressful, more noise and people), networked heavily and made lots of acquaintances (nobody is going to read a stranger with no reputation). And then moving to Andorra? She would have to learn new languages and move across the world. Seems like an odd choice.

For Hanako, I extrapolated increasing-self-confidence plus Lilly's contacts plus an interest in cooking. Andorra was her retirement home — it's full of people who speak English, French and Spanish (and Catalan) — after fifty years she'd probably picked up some of those. I think the problem, now that you've mentioned this, is looking at too long an arc without expressing it well. Sorry!

I could imagine Lilly taking a position in her fathers company, but why open a restaurant? Managing a restaurant is a highly visual job so she would be paying somebody to do just about everything and in that case it's more an investment that a job (not to mention the huge pay cut).

I think it's more like she would be the silent (oops) partner. Not so much managing. As for pay cut, she'd still possibly be well off enough to not care. I had some idea that Lilly could be in a way as competitive as Shizune (Hisao observes as much), but more indirectly.

Misha working at the UN as translator makes sense, but why the UN? Her loud voice would be a major hindrance.

Working as an UN translator requires you to submerge your personality somewhat. If as a sign translator (spoken to sign), she'd probably slowly slip back into a less obtrusive personality, like the one hinted at in the Lilly-Shizune food stall implied scene. My take on it, I guess. Something that, as you point out, needs thinking about.

The idea of Hisao's death bringing old friends together and how he affected them is an interesting one, but some context is really needed. It was only after reading your second post that I had any clue as to what was happening.

Thanks! Work in progress. I'm just framing a 50-year arc because I have mini-ideas and I'm the sort who would like them to 'fit somewhere'. I really appreciate your comments.

[Silentcook]

Here are some path notes to myself. Do let me know if any of this looks problematic!

[nutsnbolts]

...Yes, all of it. If you feel the need to provide this as a footnote to your writing, the footnote is as large as the piece, which suggests that you should have made the piece rather longer. If you don't, then why are you explaining to the reader what should be taken away from the piece of writing?

[brythain]

...Yes, all of it. If you feel the need to provide this as a footnote to your writing, the footnote is as large as the piece, which suggests that you should have made the piece rather longer. If you don't, then why are you explaining to the reader what should be taken away from the piece of writing?

Thanks. That makes sense. Perhaps the distillation process was too thorough, which made the final product rather divorced from the original vision.

[Mirage_GSM]

The original post was indeed from a dream-like sequence. The idea of six people gathering around a seventh's grave, but not necessarily all at the same time.

I guessed something like that. I'm still not sure which part belongs to whom, though.
Also what SC said: If the annotations are longer than the story there's something wrong with the story.*

*Of course that's only if the annotations are needed for the reader to understand the story, as is the case here.
If it were really just your private notes, you could write as much as you want

[brythain]

This is the third Hisao vignette from my 'After the Dream' post-Lilly-neutral-end mosaic.
It has been edited once for minor improvements on 2014-03-15.
It takes place in between the two parts of the Akira vignette here.

Hisao 3: Ruthenium (T -11)

I’m writing this as a record, and I’m not good at writing. They teach us to start formally and end formally, so that's how I'll do it.

I begin here by expressing my love for my parents. I bow to them in the traditional way that one bows to greatly respected ancestors. This is because I am fortunate to have parents who are supportive to the extent of making big sacrifices for me. It didn’t always feel that way, especially when they decided to send me to Yamaku. I couldn’t resist them. I was just very tired of being in hospital for so long.

It’s because of my parents, whom I never name because they are modest people and would shudder to see this document, that I have a little rented apartment near the Koishikawa Library in the Bunkyo ward of Tokyo. It gives excellent access to classical music, and I can borrow more books than I can read on my library card.

But Yamaku was where everything happened, I am glad everything did. I don’t know how long I have left, because I have a condition that will kill me before I’m forty, probably. And these two classes of phenomena—the events proceeding from Yamaku and the events that proceed to my death—are leading me to do what I’m doing now.

*****

We walk together in a park that has many precious memories to me. He is as usual a bit on the scruffy side, but in a dramatic trenchcoat kind of way. I’m seeking his advice, because he has never given me anything but the best. Although sometimes, it can be rather strange.

“Hypothetically,” I begin, “there is a particle that is entangled with another over a great distance. A range of events occur, affecting the state of the first particle. These events appear to affect the second particle as well, although they are so far apart that communication seems impossible.”

He smiles sadly at me. “Hisao, if you will permit me to say something more direct?”

I nod, wondering.

“We all knew you loved her. Teachers are not completely without understanding. We observed, formed theories, verified—and thus we also knew who loved you. Many people had your interests at heart, not least because you came to us so late. Some were afraid you might not fit in.”

I cough politely and the politeness affects me so much that I begin a formal address and am forced to change it by his stern headshake.

“Mutou-sensei, errm, Akio, just to be clear, which is the ‘her’ to whom you refer?”

He chuckles, and puts a gloved hand on my shoulder.

“Clearly not Hakamichi, my most successful student until you arrived. And not Ibarazaki—then, anyway—nor was it Ikezawa, to whom you showed much kindness, and from whom you also received much. I must tell you that I sat down with Hakamichi before you arrived, and we went through your records in greater detail than usual. This was because I intended her to help you, and not see you as just another imaginary rival. We had mixed success there.”

How does he do that? Maybe all that knowledge of his students took up so much brainspace that his teaching suffered at times. We come to a stop, two men having a ‘manly talk’ in a deserted park.

“How do you know all this?”

“It is the arcane art of being a poor and humble teacher, Nakai-san. We always remember that every student has more potential than any of us. We have a duty to that potential. Satou had great potential, but she spent a lot of time distributing her energies in the service of others. This can be a good thing, but we also noticed that you were the ion, so to speak, that was precipitating her action.”

Thinking of Lilly is a bittersweet thing. But I’m here to get advice, and so I persevere.

“I’m happy now. I have someone to perhaps spend my future with, but how can I forget the past? It is easy to forget what you never had, but in this case, I’m not sure I never had it.”

“Hisao; do we really forget the past? As Japanese, we try to remember it in our own way. Sometimes we are wrong to remember it the way we do, but the past is what makes us what we are. We should at least respect that. It’s why we have gravestones.”

It’s like a slap across the face, considering my thoughts of late. But Mutou-sensei tends to go around the main point, so I ask him, perhaps a little bluntly, “Am I allowed to remember someone when I love someone else?”

He smiles his melancholic smile again. “Don’t we all? But let me offer you a little advice: your first love anchors you, but your last love is the sea.”

That’s unexpectedly metaphorical, coming from Mutou. We sit down, take out the beers, and relax. And that is how he gets me unguarded enough to think about a very expensive project that will last a very long time and be fair to the main parties concerned.

*****

I wake up the next morning feeling mellow. With an objective in mind, one just works towards it, and life feels less directionless and wasteful. That’s something I learnt from Shizune, my friend and scourge, now in Chicago doing her doctorate in economics. It was from one of our hot debates about the global marketplace that I was first forced to think about the value of metals. The talk with Mutou-sensei has made me recall that.

“Good morning, Rin!”

My housemate is already dressed and waiting for our morning walk. She waggles her sleeves at me and grins. Although she can tie up her sleeves herself, sometimes she just likes me to do it for her. My parents don’t know that the girl I live with is not the girl I sleep with, so it’s an awkward arrangement for me, and the source of much amusement to both girls.

“Yessss. I am a good morning Rin today.”

She holds up her sleeves, striking the pose of an Arabian dancer. I reach out for the nearer sleeve.

“Ruthenium. Had to look it up. You muttered about it when you came in. It’s not good to drink till you smell.”

I pause halfway, with only one sleeve done. She’s looking at me with her bird-gaze, the one with which she is intent, head tilted to one side, waiting to pounce.

“What else did I say?”

“Stars, clouds, holes, gravestones. I can see how they might fit. Can I do a drawing for you?”

I do up her other sleeve and we step out into the sunlight.

“Only if you keep it a secret between us.”

“Friends,” she says warningly, “have no secrets. Unless they’re very good secrets, or unless making them not secret makes them not friends.”

I have to think a bit about that. But it seems all right, so I give her my permission to make a very specific design. And we keep our secret—the drawing that will be made by my friend Akio into a scroll of silver-grey metal. I can imagine it: a metre tall and wide enough for two hands to be placed upon it, side by side; clouds and stars, and the hearts of the stars taken, to be the birth of something else.

By the time it is no longer a secret, I’ll be gone. But the past will be remembered, preserved in our simple work of ruthenium steel.

*****

In Akira’s safe is parchment embossed with Braille: a poem, and a last request. If Lilly is still alive when I’m gone, I hope she comes to understand what she meant to me. If not, the ship has been lost at sea: there’ll be nobody to care about two distant lives, which never came together again.

star-crossed, we broke faith
the winter world between us
see me in summer

elegant fingers
trace the north sea’s wistful road
read my autumn scroll

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prev | next

[Helbereth]

Dokuta-Fu

Every time I see one of these terms, I want to stab someone in the face with a salad fork. FFS just say 'Doctor Who', instead of either completely confusing your audience, or forcing them to Google something utterly inane and irrelevant.

How the hell has nobody commented on this as yet? I opened it and had it hanging in my browser for... like a day and a half?

That said, I don't think I like how you write Hisao's internal monologue; it sounds a little too robotic. One could argue that this is some years after Yamaku, and perhaps his more scattered internal musings have quieted, but your versions of the other characters - even in advanced age - remain true to their particular idiom, so I don't see why there's such a vast diversion here.

Also, Akio sounds a little too 'traditional' in a way here. In the VN he was much more direct, concise, and concrete - like a proper scientist - whereas you've filled his dialogue with metaphors and such, which doesn't seem like his style. Granted, he's trying to get Hisao to figure it out for himself - something teachers do ad nauseum - but in the VN he used more direct language coupled with wordless pauses and trailing off into the proverbial hand-roll.

[dewelar]

Dokuta-Fu

Every time I see one of these terms, I want to stab someone in the face with a salad fork. FFS just say 'Doctor Who', instead of either completely confusing your audience, or forcing them to Google something utterly inane and irrelevant.

Is that what that means? I thought perhaps it was some obscure form of martial arts.

Which...pretty much proves your point .

[brythain]

Dokuta-Fu

Every time I see one of these terms, I want to stab someone in the face with a salad fork. FFS just say 'Doctor Who', instead of either completely confusing your audience, or forcing them to Google something utterly inane and irrelevant.

Is that what that means? I thought perhaps it was some obscure form of martial arts.

Which...pretty much proves your point .

Haha, I actually chose that particular form because of the ambiguity. It does sound like some sort of martial arts, and of course Mutou has been compared to Doctor Who…

[brythain]

That said, I don't think I like how you write Hisao's internal monologue; it sounds a little too robotic. One could argue that this is some years after Yamaku, and perhaps his more scattered internal musings have quieted, but your versions of the other characters - even in advanced age - remain true to their particular idiom, so I don't see why there's such a vast diversion here.

Also, Akio sounds a little too 'traditional' in a way here. In the VN he was much more direct, concise, and concrete - like a proper scientist - whereas you've filled his dialogue with metaphors and such, which doesn't seem like his style. Granted, he's trying to get Hisao to figure it out for himself - something teachers do ad nauseum - but in the VN he used more direct language coupled with wordless pauses and trailing off into the proverbial hand-roll.

Hmmm. I don't want Hisao hanging around in my room, so I shall go think about… oh, it's you. Hi there. I am going to edit your lines nicely, don't fall off a roof yet.

Edit1:

Yes, there he is, our hero. He is looking resignedly at me.

"Hey, what's up, Hisao?"

"Well, I'm not complaining about the extra five years you gave me, give or take. But what's with the excessive formality?"

"You know what's up with that. You sound all anal when it comes to hiding things from your wife."

"Yeah, but now you're paraphrasing Mutou's words in my head. He said stuff. I interpreted it. Different. And that 'roof' gag is getting old. Also, keep my bad poetry. It's bad but it's mine, and I spent a lot of time on it."

I sigh. "OK, I'll try to do my best. It's hard, you know."

"Well, make me look less of a jerk and be nice to Emi. And unbutton my collar, so to speak."

"They'll never believe you said that."

He grins, and vanishes.

[Helbereth]

Y'know your little discussions with the character are something I end up having happen in my head, especially after writing a dialogue-heavy scene.

Did you know that Shizune can run her fingernails down a chalk board without even flinching - it's grating, terrifying and hot. In case you're wondering, I don't know sign language, so she has to write out all her complaints on the board, which is always another point against me, I suppose...

*ahem*

Yeah, writing is sort of like having split personality disorder except you're fully aware of the entire internal argument. Do the voices in my head bother you?

[brythain]

Also, Akio sounds a little too 'traditional' in a way here. In the VN he was much more direct, concise, and concrete - like a proper scientist - whereas you've filled his dialogue with metaphors and such, which doesn't seem like his style. Granted, he's trying to get Hisao to figure it out for himself - something teachers do ad nauseum - but in the VN he used more direct language coupled with wordless pauses and trailing off into the proverbial hand-roll.

Oh yes, on a separate note, the thing about Mutou (and which is probably causing me to see him in a different light) is that I identify with Hisao, as a chemistry student once taught by sometimes strange and evasive teachers. In fact, besides Doctor Who, the other person Mutou reminds me of is Roald Hoffmann. It's probably not wise to think too much that way, but I've said this so that you can see why I went astray.

[Mirage_GSM]

Dokuta-Fu

Every time I see one of these terms, I want to stab someone in the face with a salad fork. FFS just say 'Doctor Who', instead of either completely confusing your audience, or forcing them to Google something utterly inane and irrelevant.

If I googled every term I encounter on the internet that I'm not familiar with I wouldn't get to do any interesting stuff...

How the hell has nobody commented on this as yet? I opened it and had it hanging in my browser for... like a day and a half?

To be honest I couldn't get motivated to look at the stories in this continuity yet.
At first it was the initial thread with the totally disjointed story that turned me away, but now that the story is being... rewritten? added to?
I'm not sure I want to keep up with a story spread out over several threads with several continuities (?) and written in no particular chronological order^^°