...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

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Armchair Legend
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Armchair Legend »

Chapter 11: Eavesdropping

Miki came in shortly after Hisao, and took her seat in front of Maru. "Hey," she greeted.

Maru gave a small wave, but didn't say anything.

"Something eating you?" she asked.

"Huh?" He blinked. "Oh, no, it's... nothing." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Hmm...." She shrugged. "Well, whatever then. Don't have to talk about it if you don't wanna."

He nodded, but didn't say anything further.

Class went on much as it had the day before, and soon it was time to split into groups. Maru resisted the urge to glance behind him, and instead nodded to Miki.

"You sure you're okay?" Miki asked with a raised eyebrow and a frown. "You're acting weird. I think."

"Eh, it's just a thing," he replied. "Don't worry about it."

"Hmm...." She shrugged. "Well, you ready to do the group assignment at least?"

"Always," he replied.

"Who cares?" came a loud exclamation from Misha.

"...The invisible watchers?" suggested Maru. ...Damn. Now I want to play Metro 2033. He glanced at his missing hand and sighed. Even if I still had it, and even if that crappy-ass laptop would run it.... Oh well.

"Wahahaha~!"

"There's something wrong with that girl," Miki said quietly.

"Hmm...." He frowned.

"What's that look for?" She gave him a frown of her own.

"I don't know her, so I am reserving judgment," Maru replied. That said, her volume is impressive....

"Eh, whatever," Miki said with a shrug.

Behind Maru, Hanako stood and made a beeline for the exit.

...Wasn't me, thought Maru with a frown as he watched her go. I didn't do anything! Not this time!

Miki gave him a long look. "...I just connected some dots. Did something happen between you and Hanako?"

"Aside from some failed apologies, and some general awkwardness just before class?" Maru shook his head. "Nope, nothing."

"Aha, that explains a lot actually," she said with a smirk and a wink. "Lover's spat?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I just met her and now we're feuding lovers."

"I knew it!" She grinned widely. "You work fast."

He glared at her. "...It's not a lover's spat. We're not...." He laid his forehead on his open palm. "Oh never mind."

"I know, I know, I'm just messing with you," Miki said with a smirk.

Maru snorted. "I figured as much."

She folded her arms on the backrest. "So what happened?"

"Well, it's much as I said," he replied. "I'll tell you later. Want to get this assignment done."

"Fine, fine," she said.

They worked on the assignment in silence, and barely finished on time.

"Ah good, about thought we wouldn't get that done," Maru said.

"Not sure why you even care," Miki replied as she handed the assignment to the teacher, earning a pointed look from him.

"It's a point of pride," Maru said, and made a point to shrug to Mutou while Miki's back was turned.

"Well at least you're not moping anymore," she said. "I was about to say, 'Cheer up, emo kid!'"

"Haha!" He grinned, and then pantomimed picking up a microphone. "CRYYYING IN MY SKIIIIN, THESE WOOOOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEAAAAAAL~!"

Miki giggled, even as she winced. "That's the spirit! But please don't sing again."

"Hey, what's wrong with my singing?" Maru retorted.

"You're off key," she replied with a smirk.

"Everybody's a critic," he said as he looked to the sky.

"Anyway, you want to see what I mean about those two?" She pointed in the direction of Misha, Shizune, and Hisao.

"Hmm...." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Just follow me, you'll see," she said. "They already have their teeth in him, so it should be a pretty good show."

Maru shrugged. Might as well get it over with. "Well, didn't have anything planned anyway."

They followed the trio at a distance, and sat at an adjacent table with a good view. As he ate and drank his coffee, Maru watched Hisao being coerced, and had to admit his opinion of the duo was going down slightly. It was the methods with which they worked. At first he had been amused by Misha's melodrama, though the fact that Hisao had looked at him immediately afterward might also have had something to do with that.
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Armchair Legend
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Armchair Legend »

But then came the appeals to cuteness, followed by an attempt to strong-arm him. Though that was sort of amusing too, it was also a bit unsettling at the same time. It wasn't the first time he'd seen such tactics used, to frequently embarrassing results. He wasn't ashamed to admit that said results had happened to him.

More than once, even.

"See what I mean?" Miki asked. "And this is them being friendly about it."

"Eeghs." Maru blinked. "Wait, did she say Risk?"

"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"I haven't played a game of that in years," he responded.

"You're not thinking of going over there are you?" She frowned.

"Yes, actually," he replied.

"You take your life into your own hands," she said with a shrug.

"Gee thanks," he said as he stood up.

When he got back from challenging Shizune, Miki clapped her hand on her stump. "Gutsy move. Hope you can put your money where your mouth is."

"You and me both," Maru admitted as he picked up his lunchbox. "It really has been a long while since I've played."

She giggled. "Then I can only wish you luck."

"You and me both," he said again. "Worse comes to worst, I guess I can grab Hisao and run."

Miki laughed as she stood up. "Always good to have a backup plan."

"Quite," Maru said. "Well, back to the grind."

"Mm," she agreed.

The two of them walked back to the classroom.

"Did somebody call for a MARU?" he exclaimed as he entered the room. The empty room. "Huh. Guess not."

"What a ham," said Miki as she shook her head.

"And with only you to see it," he returned. "It's a sad day."

"Only?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I don't work well with private audiences," he replied with a smirk.

She stuck her tongue out at him as they sat down.

Silence reigned from them on. Hanako entered the room sometime later, and Maru nodded to her as she passed. He thought he saw her nod in return, but he couldn't be sure.

All he could be sure about was that, as the class neared its end, he was becoming alternatively more excited and nervous. Oh boy, I haven't played Risk in years! I hope I don't blow it!
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

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I kind of wonder why everybody seems annoyed at Misha's loud laughs while at the same time shrugging or laughing off the OC's tendency to randomly shout or sing stuff at the top of his lungs. Compared to that, Misha's loud laughter shouldn't be that intrusive.
"I mean, of course! I have to watch out for you, you know."
Even if he's joking, he's still really not doing Hisao any favors by following him around and butting into any conversation that doesn't have enough Maru for his liking. Quite the opposite in fact.

Hisao may be targetted for recruitment, but the reader already knows that Hisao is perfectly capable of pushing back against Shizune's drafting attempts when he feels he needs to and despite Shizune's ulterior motives, Hisao at least gets an opportunity to know two of his classmates better, which is a good thing for a new transfer student with only average social skills. By inviting himself along, your OC will probably become the center of attention again and the only thing Shizune and Misha will remember of Hisao is that he's that guy Maru hangs around.

The only way for Hisao to avoid becoming known as merely 'That guy with Maru' is to either:
- Become a larger ham than your OC. (which would be extremely out of character for a person as reserved as Hisao)
- Request a restraining order and make some friends of his own he can hang out with without feeling like a third wheel all the time.
It's a matter of perception. No, it's not likely, but that doesn't mean someone won't think it'll happen. Besides, he's in the city, not the town; urban, not rural.
It's not completely uncommon for Japanese office workers to have a nap in public places. A bench in the park or the train station or even the sidewalk. That says quite a bit about the general perception of public safety even in Japan's cities.
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Mirage_GSM »

No, it's not likely, but that doesn't mean someone won't think it'll happen.
Well... It's a bit like going for a walk and constantly checking the sky for falling metors. Yes, it could potentially save your life, but it makes you seem quite a bit paranoid.
You're not serious about this one, are you?
Yes.
You realize that this is not really an answer to the question? Anway I hope you meant to confirm that you weren't serious and that it was really just a nightmare...
"Honestly, I just want to play a game of Risk, and this is as good a pretext as any."
If he now continues to beat Shizune at Risk, his status as a Gray Stu will be firmly established.
Now I want to play Metro 2033.
He'll have to wait almost three years before that game is released...
"Eeghs." Maru blinked. "Wait, did she say Risk?"
I think you might have a continuity problem here - or you mixed up the order of your chapters.

Also, what Guest Poster said.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Helbereth
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Helbereth »

Mirage_GSM wrote:his[Maru's] status as a Gray Stu will be firmly established
This is why I stopped reading; I already concluded that Maru is a Gary Stu, and an annoying one at that.
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Guest Poster »

To be fair, the opening post already pointed out that this was going to be about a Gary/Marty Stu. That doesn't make his interactions easier on the suspension of disbelief, of course.
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Leaty »

I know people chafe whenever I comment that certain KS fanfiction plots are inherently tainted and should never be attempted, but stories which follow the Hisao/Lilly route and pair an OC with Hanako should never be attempted.

The author already knows this is a Gary Stu fic, so how do you even criticize it from there? It's like a man telling you he's about to snort a line of Parmesan cheese. So long as he snorts the whole thing, how can you even offer criticism? He did exactly what he set out to do. The only thing you can criticize is the initial decision to snort the cheese in the first place.
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Helbereth »

Let's just say I hoped he was kidding about making it a Gary Stu intentionally.
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Mournful3ch0 »

Image

Marty Stu lies within.
Image "Forsooth, that line was feeble." - Courtesy of Mirage_GSM
Image "It occurs to me that maybe I’m an idiot." - Thanks to Jaspirian
Image
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Oddball »

The author already knows this is a Gary Stu fic, so how do you even criticize it from there?
If a guy tells you he's going to go smash his testicles with a ball-peen hammer, you don't criticize how well he smashes his balls or rate the style in which he swings his hammer. You tell him "Don't do that. You're not accomplishing anything worthwhile and nobody wants to see it."
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Leaty »

Oddball wrote:If a guy tells you he's going to go smash his testicles with a ball-peen hammer, you don't criticize how well he smashes his balls or rate the style in which he swings his hammer. You tell him "Don't do that. You're not accomplishing anything worthwhile and nobody wants to see it."
Yeah, so imagine my utter bewilderment that we have legitimately good authors in this thread unironically offering criticism. How do you even have the patience? Image
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Re: ...It Costs An Arm And A Leg!

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Guest Poster wrote:To be fair, the opening post already pointed out that this was going to be about a Gary/Marty Stu.
Well, I hope the author didn't make him a Gary Stu intentionally.
Yeah, so imagine my utter bewilderment that we have legitimately good authors in this thread unironically offering criticism. How do you even have the patience?
Most of the criticism I offer is technical in nature and thus applies to any story no matter the premise.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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