Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, I didn't immediately think of Australian, but the way he messed with Hisako, I didn't get the feeling that he was very close to Lilly personality-wise...
Because a genderswap doesn't need to be the same personality-wise?
It doesn't? So you can just use a blond and blind OC whose name sounds a bit like Lilly's?
Look at other genderswap stories (the Fionna and Cake episodes of Adventure time are the best examples).
The character's personality is also changed accordingly to more fit the gender.
Steinherz wrote:
Look at other genderswap stories (the Fionna and Cake episodes of Adventure time are the best examples).
The character's personality is also changed accordingly to more fit the gender.
Yea, it has something to do with different glands, in my opinion.
Well, maybe that's why I don't like GB stories in general.
There's not really a point in using those characters in the first place if their personalities are completely different.
I've had to split this in to two parts, for fear of having silly-ly large posts.
This one's longer, since I got into quite a flow, but do tell me if it's too much.
As always, critique is appreciated.
Ta!
------------------
We finally arrive at the double doors that lead to Yamaku's Library, when Lyle turns to face me.
"I'm afraid my taking you here wasn't entirely chivalrous; I have to see the library staff about a shipment of Braille books. It's nice to meet you, Hisako, but if you'll excuse me," he bows and takes his leave, making his way to the desk with the ease of a sighted person. It's fascinating how independent he is, really.
Well, I'm here now, might as well look around.
I find my way to the fiction section and start browsing. Ever since my painful three months in hospital, I've taken to fiction. It's nice to be able to sink away from reality. Be it a crashed aeroplane full of schoolboys on an uninhabited island, or a near future where firemen are paid to burn books, there's a satisfaction in forgetting everything and being engulfed in a story.
Jeez, I sound like a Library Advertisement.
I was scanning through the 'L' section when something caught my eye... Snugly fit between a window and the shelving, almost out of sight, is a beanbag.
Sat on the beanbag?
You won't believe this... Nobody.
How is nobody sitting there? It seems like the perfect place to hide away from the stresses of school and lose yourself in a book. There is nobody around it so I can only imagine it's unoccupied, pushed to one corner in an unenthusiastic attempt at tidying up...
Dibs.
I take the book I pulled from the shelf with me, it has something to do with the year 1984, I wasn't really paying attention. Excitement pumps through my veins as I make a B-line for this little reading oasis, almost jogging. I slow right down as I approach, and take in my little victory.
First day of school and I already have the best seat. Oh yeah, Hisako, you little rebel.
The beanbag makes a satisfying POMF as I drop my little frame onto it. It's really quite comfortable. There's no way nobody has taken this spot before! I check the blurb on the back of my book as I wriggle my way deeper into the chair.
Turns out I may or may not enjoy this tale. It seems far too serious for my liking.
Well I'm too comfy to get up, now, so I open the first page.
–--
It's really quite peaceful over here, so it's not too surprising that I can easily hear a set of footsteps make their way towards me. What catches my attention, though, is when they stop with such an abruptness that I'd expected an audible skid. I look up from my book and find myself being watched. My viewer turns to the bookshelf as I look up, in an attempt to act casual. I can't see his face, but I think there was a kid at the back of my new class with the same hair.
“Hi,” There's no use pretending, I saw you staring. Everyone come look at the new kid. “You're in 3-3 too, aren't you?”
The mystery watchman flinches at my question. Aha! Cat's out of the bag! We do know each other! He turns to look at me, giving me half a glimpse of his face.
“Umm... Y-yeah. M-Mutou's class,” Either I'm prettier than I thought or he has a serious stutter. What's it called? 'Aphasia'? Is that why he's here? He turns to face me head on and...
And...
Wow.
The right side of his face is covered in... Burns.
Painful, haunting Burns.
Oh my gosh, you poor thing. What's happened to you?
“Haruto.”
It takes me a while to respond, and all I come up with is “Sorry, what?” He visibly flinches and his eyes dart around. I didn't sound angry did I? “Oh, you mean your name's Haruto?”
“...yes. I-Ikezawa. Haruto Ikezawa, s-sorry,” His eyes remain fixed on a book in the shelf and his hands fidget nervously. He's really uncomfortable right now, bless him. If I'm honest, he's kind of making me feel a bit on edge, too. I sit up on my beanbag, but his arms fly up and motion for me to stay sitting “No, you don't have to g-get up! I can find somewhere else to sit!" He definitely wants to avoid any form of confrontation, so I oblige... In all honesty I wasn't actually planning on getting up, anyway.
Hold a second... 'somewhere else to sit'?
Ah, he must have fashioned this retreat himself. I knew this spot was too good to be an accident. "I'm sorry, is this your spot?"
He tries to persuade me to stay sitting as I get up for him, his objections withering to a mumble as I stand. He turns his head away from me and starts fidgeting with his hand again. Now, I see his burns go down his arm also.
What happened to you?
"...I mean if y-you like it there... I c-can get another bean bag..." his light blush makes me wonder if he talks to girls much, or anyone at all for that matter. There's something about his timid nature... Something I can't put my finger on, exactly... But I like it. He's actually kinda cute, in a fluffy bunny kinda way.
He grows visibly uncomfortable as I take in the sight in front of me. Internally, I try my best to look him in the eyes, but his face... I've never seen anything like this before. It's morbidly fascinating.
"Or ac-actually I have... I-I gotta... umm..! Th-there's a Projector..!"
What?
It seems that with my gaze alone, he's worked himself into a fight-or-flight reaction and he takes off back into the library with a hurried walk.
"SORRYIGOTTAGO-!"
Last edited by Munchenhausen on Sat Feb 01, 2014 10:37 am, edited 3 times in total.
I feel quite guilty. Not only did I steal his spot, but I also just blatantly stared at his scars. Was that why he ran? I walk out into the library to see if he's still around. I can see him talking to Lyle at the Library Desk. I'd better go and apologise.
However when I get within earshot of the conversation, I decide to slip behind a book shelf to listen in. Am I a bad person? No... I'm just too curious for my own good.
"...then sh-she stood up and... She s-stared at my... I don't know, I-I just kinda r-ran."
Lyle laughs re-assuredly at Haruto and places a hand on his shoulder (after a few misses).
"C'mon, how are you gonna get some if you keep running?"
"W-what makes you think-"
"Go on, go talk to her. If she's new, she won't know what just happened," He's right, I have no idea what happened. Lyle smiles at him, his eyes closed "Go apologise."
"I c-can't just waltz up a-a-and... And say what? 'S-sorry I'm a b-bundle of nerves'?"
"Haruto, mate, you've got to work on your pickup lines," Lyle chuckles at his own joke and his hand retracts to the other, resting on his cane. After a short pause, Lyle speaks again. "So, is she cute?"
Haruto sighs lightly, "W-would it really make a difference to you?"
"Hah! You cheeky little sod!" Lyle nudges his leg with his cane, seemingly pleased with Haruto's jab?
"...Seriously though, is she?"
I think I've heard enough, so I set off towards the pair. Haruto sees me and stops talking immediately. Before Lyle can notice anything wrong, I make my presence known.
"Hey there... Sorry about that," Lyle perks up at my voice and turns to face me, beaming.
"Ah, Hisako, we were just talking about you," Lyle's voice becomes more eloquent as I arrive. Funny, that.
Haruto, however, turns a rather impressive shade of red. "H-Hisako! N-no we weren't!"
An uncomfortable silence takes place as the three of us wait for someone else to start. A voice from behind, the red-headed guy sat at the Library desk, grabs our attention with the most uncertain throat clearing I've ever heard. "Lyle, you came to discuss that Braille shipment?"
"Yes, sorry Yuudai," Lyle turns to us and excuses himself, before walking around the other side of the desk. Haruto eyes me anxiously.
----
He is the first to speak.
"I-I'm sorry about r-running off e-earlier..." He's straining himself to talk to me, isn't he? You don't need to worry, I won't bite!
"Not at all," I smile at him, hoping to allay his anxiety, "I'm sorry for... for staring."
He looks to his feet.
Crap, I should have just kept quiet. However he looks up, "T-that's not your fault.. It's s-something I'm used t-to by now." As much as I'm not surprised, that's still quite sad. "L-like Lyle s-says; I'll g-get used to it ev-ventually,"
"Lyle said that? That's quite blunt,"
"He m-means well!" Haruto sets about defending his friend. His only friend, perhaps? "He's helped m-me a lot in the t-time I've known him. H-he may be a... may be a bit rough around th-the edges, but he's a good friend," He smiles to himself. A small smile, but a genuine one. Considering my own first impressions of Lyle, he does seem to have a boisterous side to his otherwise elegant self.
Lyle steps in with a smirk, "Speak of the devil,"
Oh no, was he listening in? Well, he was only on the other side of the desk, after all.
"Sorry, but I couldn't help listening in. I was only on the other side of the desk, after all."
Shit.
"Yuudai wanted me to say that the library closes in a few minutes. Incidentally, I'll be heading back to the dorms. It's been a pleasure to meet you, Hisako," a smile is shot in my general direction and he turns to his purple-haired friend, "Are you coming, or did you need to attend to something?"
Judging by his face, it's obvious that Haruto hates being put on the spot.
"Oh, yeah.. I-I was asked to t-take a look at the p-projector in M-Mutou's room."
What is he, a part-time janitor? ...He's not, is he?
Well, at least it explains why he used 'Projector' as an excuse to leave earlier. I was wondering about that.
With a polite bow, Lyle makes his exit and Haruto and I exchange awkward goodbyes before he slips off down the same corridor, leaving me by myself in the School Library.
"Funny bunch, they are," The librarian takes me by surprise, I'd forgotten all about him. "They make an odd pair. The charismatic blonde and the dark-haired recluse. Opposites attract, you know?" He looks up at me from his book, "Sorry, but I'm closing soon. Are you checking that out?"
"Oh, sorry," Looking at my book, 1984, I decide to leave it. It's not really my genre. "No thanks, I've changed my mind."
A quick sigh sounds and he motions toward a small rack labelled 'Returns'. "Alright, put it in there. If you're finished in here, I'll close up."
He seems a little flustered, so I make myself scarce and head through the doors, back into the maze of corridors.
Last edited by Munchenhausen on Sat Feb 01, 2014 11:06 am, edited 3 times in total.
One thing I noticed is it almost seems like Lyle's putting on an act around Hisako, than just acts naturally when talking to his Haruto. Not sure if that's actually the case or not, but it seemed that way to me. Also, you said "1985" at one point. Unless there actually is a book called that, then never-mind.
AntonSlavik020 wrote:One thing I noticed is it almost seems like Lyle's putting on an act around Hisako, than just acts naturally when talking to his Haruto. Not sure if that's actually the case or not, but it seemed that way to me. Also, you said "1985" at one point. Unless there actually is a book called that, then never-mind.
AntonSlavik020 wrote:One thing I noticed is it almost seems like Lyle's putting on an act around Hisako, than just acts naturally when talking to his Haruto. Not sure if that's actually the case or not, but it seemed that way to me. Also, you said "1985" at one point. Unless there actually is a book called that, then never-mind.
Welp, back to the drawing board
Not necessarily. I suppose it would have helped if I was more specific. Afterall, it makes sense he would act differently around them, since he only just met Hisako. I think the main jarring thing was when he asked Haruto if he thought she was hot. I think it would sound better if he said cute, personally. I think going back to the drawing board is really necessary, just some modifying.
AntonSlavik020 wrote:One thing I noticed is it almost seems like Lyle's putting on an act around Hisako, than just acts naturally when talking to his Haruto. Not sure if that's actually the case or not, but it seemed that way to me. Also, you said "1985" at one point. Unless there actually is a book called that, then never-mind.
I dunno about "1985" but there is a book called "1984"
AntonSlavik020 wrote:One thing I noticed is it almost seems like Lyle's putting on an act around Hisako, than just acts naturally when talking to his Haruto. Not sure if that's actually the case or not, but it seemed that way to me. Also, you said "1985" at one point. Unless there actually is a book called that, then never-mind.
I dunno about "1985" but there is a book called "1984"
I know. I read it. I was just wondering whether or not it was a typo, or that book actually existed.
Steinherz wrote:I dunno about "1985" but there is a book called "1984"
I know. I read it. I was just wondering whether or not it was a typo, or that book actually existed.
Aye yeah, that's a typo on my part - I'll fix it when I get home
And yeab, my intention was to make Lyle more himself infront of Haruto, rather than acting infront of Hisako. I felt I was a bit heavy on it, but couldn't be sure.
So... no fixes nor continuation? It was actually interesting.
Someone earlier voiced displeasure about different personalities, not only gender. In my case, I am more interested in differences in relations between characters in this situation: same disabilities, but different personalities, with genderswap (and everything that it implies, including social roles etc) as bonus. Poor Haruto... or maybe not that poor.
63-ed characters are easier to swallow than full OCs and author always can preserve certain character traits, like with Hanako/Haruto that still has extreme case of shyness.
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