First floor, Room Number 19. Key into keyhole, I open the door aaand we are in.
You accidentally a digit.
I'll be honest, I'm not sold on this chapter. First of all, there's just no impact, which is not helped by the fact that it's so short. By the time I got to the end, I would have maybe just started to get engaged in what I was reading. But only maybe, because...
Room 119. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to displace Hisao from the timeline. Kazuo's reaction when he enters the room may or may not be a hint at this not being the case, but that's only one of any number of myriad reasons for him to get mad at... whatever it is. But lacking further context, I'm forced to assume the worst.
The Room 19 thing is an oops on both our parts (I'm his editor) p-q
Might be he was afraid to mess with Hisao's deep AF character.
Seeing as he said he's not usually a writer, he may not've wanted to take that deepa plunge.
(Kinda like me when I try to draw a super-duper-uber-popular character that's really intricate to draw.)
(Not usually an artist when it comes to drawing.)
First floor, Room Number 19. Key into keyhole, I open the door aaand we are in.
You accidentally a digit.
I'll be honest, I'm not sold on this chapter. First of all, there's just no impact, which is not helped by the fact that it's so short. By the time I got to the end, I would have maybe just started to get engaged in what I was reading. But only maybe, because...
Room 119. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to displace Hisao from the timeline. Kazuo's reaction when he enters the room may or may not be a hint at this not being the case, but that's only one of any number of myriad reasons for him to get mad at... whatever it is. But lacking further context, I'm forced to assume the worst.
Longer ones. Allright. Taking a note.
Probably what didnt sold you on this chapter is that there is no dialogue of any sort, just the ramblings of one character, wich might make it a bit dull, even for me. That said Im kinda hesitant when it comes to dialogue, since I havent done it yet.
By the way, Hisao will be there, don't worry about him. His room number is 117 (first floor, number 17) if i remember correctly. He just wont make that much of appearance, because he is too busy romancing girls. If you know what I mean. (you know exactly what I mean)
That said Im kinda hesitant when it comes to dialogue, since I havent done it yet.
My past self had the same problem. When I first ventured into writing (for another fandom), one review pointed out that I was very sparse with dialogue, and my writing came off as rather dry. Since then, I've always made an effort to incorporate some dialogue where it seems appropriate. Takes a lot of effort for me, even now, but the result is usually worth it.
Using dialogue is a good way to give life to the characters. Their personality comes out not just in what they say (or don't say), but the way they say it. I encourage you to try it. You can only get better by mucking it up and getting feedback.
By the way, Hisao will be there, don't worry about him. His room number is 117 (first floor, number 17) if i remember correctly.
I'm afraid you're misremembering. Quoth the scene "Nobody's Room" in Act One, Hisao has "Room one-one-nine..."
That said Im kinda hesitant when it comes to dialogue, since I havent done it yet.
My past self had the same problem. When I first ventured into writing (for another fandom), one review pointed out that I was very sparse with dialogue, and my writing came off as rather dry. Since then, I've always made an effort to incorporate some dialogue where it seems appropriate. Takes a lot of effort for me, even now, but the result is usually worth it.
Using dialogue is a good way to give life to the characters. Their personality comes out not just in what they say (or don't say), but the way they say it. I encourage you to try it. You can only get better by mucking it up and getting feedback.
By the way, Hisao will be there, don't worry about him. His room number is 117 (first floor, number 17) if i remember correctly.
I'm afraid you're misremembering. Quoth the scene "Nobody's Room" in Act One, Hisao has "Room one-one-nine..."
Ohhhhh snap, rude mistake there. Have to fix it! We will swap them rooms around, dont want to intrude into someone else's room, do we? at least this is not that hard..
Bout the dialogue, I'm sure the next part will have it, without spoiling anything.
I'd recommend using 116, 118, or 120, unless you want to displace Kenji. (I forget if the neighboring unused rooms were 116 and 118, or 118 and 120. 118 would be a safe bet.)
I'd recommend using 116, 118, or 120, unless you want to displace Kenji. (I forget if the neighboring unused rooms were 116 and 118, or 118 and 120. 118 would be a safe bet.)
Should have read more carefully while i was playing the game, silly me.
Sorry for the lateness, but I do know nobody cares about OC's, so I doubt it was missed. I do it just for funzies and to polish up my english a bit, since I need it (a lot, if you notice some mistakes, its totally normal for me)
That out of the way, enjoy!.
Chapter 1, Part 2
Every attempt to look around my room is blocked by an evil and obnoxious presence. This must be some sort of a sick joke.
I stare at the curtain which covers the windows. White background, squares in difrent sizes and colors. The curtain stares back at me.
If looks could kill, the curtain, or perhaps both of us, would be turned into pathetic piles of burning-up ash on the ground. Vile tide of pulsating red rage sweeps over me as I remain rooted and staring with my single good eye.
Taking control of myself, I contemplate whether or not to rip it off on the spot, but grudgingly decide to not to, since I don't have any suitable replacement at the moment, and destroying school property might not be the best thing a transfer student can do on his first day.
I sigh, conceding the tought, and look trough the room. Beige walls and furniture scattered around as efficiently as possible. It's uncomfortably familiar.
I place my rucksack on the chair beside the desk, and I notice the school uniform lying on it, neatly folded. I wonder if they would give me flak for not wearing the uniform on my first day, but I decide not to risk it. I disdain uniforms, but at least the school allows for some customization, or so I'm told. Rolling up my sleeves and opting for a bowtie instead of the usual neckties I noticed the male students wear. I completely ignore the green uniform jacket that is supposed to match with the green pants, since it's fairly warm outside, and honestly, even if it was freezing, I'm not a jacket person.
I fish out a notebook with a pen attached to it from my bag, since I would need them for the classes today, and head off towards the main building, where I am supposed to meet my homeroom teacher.
Walking out of the dorm building, I feel that i'm being watched. It's an uneasy feeling. I look around but notice noone around, as if the whole school has been abandoned It's normal, since classes should be starting soon. Shrugging, I continue on my way towards the main building. I havent even made ten steps and I hear sounds from the bushes behind me. Quickly turning around, I only manage to capture a glimpse of something red an yellow storming trough the entrance towards the guys' dorms. Strange. Whatever it was, it was fast.
I decide I don't care enough to see what it was, so I continue on my way.
As I enter the main building, I notice a tall scruffy-looking man waiting, probably for me. He notices me aswell, which is only logical, since we are the only people standing in the lobby.
"Ah, you must be Arai?" He asks as he walks towards me.
I simply nod, somehow finding myself too lazy to open my mouth. Something with teachers and schools seems to drain all my energy and will to live.
"Good. I'm your homeroom and science teacher. My name is Mutou"
Something tells me he's gone over this already. He looks at me sternly, furrowing his brow.
"I was to have only one new student in my class, but it seems that someone messed up the documentation, so welcome"
"Oh really?" I raise my eyebrows "Would there be any problems with that?"
He shrugs, looking like he dosent' give a damn about it "Not really. We only had to find you a desk to sit on, since the class was already full, but enough of that. We should get going and introduce you to the rest of the class. They're waiting already."
It's my turn to shrug as we start walking. The image of a whole class looking at the new guy fills my mind and makes me kind of nervous, but I shrug that off aswell. I remember being on the other side of this, back in my old school. The guy stood there in front of the class like a deer caught in headlights and mumbled something I didn't quite hear, then sat to his desk. I don't want to be that guy, but I'l probably end up doing the same thing. Self introductions are always awkward, it dosen't matter what you do. It's like some sort of universal rule of the galaxy. So I better just go with the flow and not worry about it.
"You should see the Head Nurse sometime in the afternoon for a check-in visit." Mutou speaks as we climb the stairs to the third floor. I expect him to continue talking, but he remains silent, so I simply nod
As we close in on the classroom, Mutou stops and speaks up: "Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"
I raise my eyebrows. Isn't that what everyone does when they meet their new class for the first time? Hm. Maybe some people would be too shy for that, I would guess. Especially in this school.
"Oh? Yeah, okay" I say absentmindedly.
"You don't need to, if you don't want" He looks at me, as if trying to read my expression. The bandage covering half of it dosen't make it any easier for him. He gives up.
"I'l be fine. I just need to say my name, no?" I ask "Not exactly the hardest thing to do.."
"For some people it is, but you will learn that in time" Mutou says as he is scratching his chin. I wonder what does he mean by this? Either there are people who are very, very shy or...Oh...yeah... mute.
"So it is, then." He speaks as he opens the door to the class. I walk in behind him, taking in the sight of my new class. My brain instantly shifts gears.
In the span of just a few seconds, my eyes (or eye), that being the eyes (or eye) of a typical teenaged male, immediately scan the room, noticing unusially large amount of girls compared to guys and quickly making a mental notes for further analysis on the more attractive ones. Further scans reveal some oddities tough. A guy with a cane, a girl that seems to have passed out on her desk, annother one without legs, and two girls making some signs with the pink-haired one occasionally whispering something to a bored-looking guy next to her, who only bothers to reply with one or two words.
In the background I hear Mutou making some sort of introduction, but I don't bother hearing what he says. He stops and starts looking intently at me, and I get it that it's my turn to introduce myself.
"Oh, Well, my name is Kazuo Arai, if you didn't knew that already," I assume he bothered to say my name "and I hope we get along somehow, even tough I'm new and don't really know any of you. That said, I'm sure it would be my pleasure." I finish with a slight bow, thinking that short and to the point is sometimes the best way.
With that, I turn to the teacher, wondering if he has something else to say. Apparently he does:
"You should speak to the class representative, Hakamichi, if you want any introduction to the school," He points at the girl sitting next to the obnoxiously bright pink-haired girl "She is the dark haired girl with the glasses. You also may want take your seat now, as we are about to begin the class"
I look at the only empty desk to my left, which is somehow out of place, like someone only added it to the room recently. I take my seat, bracing myself for extended periods of sustained boredom.
By the way, someone should totally tell me how to link to specific posts, so i could make it easier for you all to find the next part.
Good job with this chapter, I'm not the best creative writing critic so that's all I'll say. I really enjoy this character, he seems like a chill dude.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time... to die.
Chapter 1 Part 3 (how do you classify this anyway?) "Flying papers"
The morning classes are about to give way to the lunch break, and amidst my school-induced hibernation I suddenly realize that I have no actual idea what to do. I don't know anybody in this class and probably they will all go with their friends to eat their lunch, leaving me alone, standing there like a lemon. I wonder if this is a good or bad thing, maybe I can catch some shut-eye on this desk, alone, while everybo...*poing*
My thought process is interrupted by a ball of paper which apparently headshotted me with sniper-like precision. I remove it from my hair and look around. The attacker is soon identified as a grinning tanned girl with long, brown hair. She smiles at me and makes an impersonation of a person unwrapping a paper ball. I take the que and do the same with my "gift".
It reads:
"Yo, sleeping beauty, wake up. You better run.
(I'm Miki by the way)"
I raise my head and give her my best "confused" expression. She throws another projectile at me. It falls inside my shirt, much to her amusement and my chagrin. I fumble around, trying to retrieve it. Finally unwrapping it, accompanied by her giggles, it reads:
"See the guy sitting next to the pink-haired girl? He came in just yesterday, but the Student Council duo already have him. All hope is lost for him, but you still have a chance. RUN. Run or they will make you work too!"
Oh, oh damn. This seems serious. Scanning the room, I confirm that the unfortunate fellow is indeed sitting next to the obnoxiously pink-haired girl who Iheard laughing annoyingly several times during class. I look down and let out a prayer for a fallen brother. Not that I'm afraid of doing work of any sorts, its just the fact that I'm extremely lazy and non-commital towards stuff that do not interest me. "Student Council" certainly doesn't sound very exciting. I look back up to Miki, just to see her looking at me, wide eyed. She silently spells the word "RUN" and quickly turns her attention towards the lesson to avoid suspicion.
Not much later, the bells ring, ending the class. I quickly check my side, only to see the pink haired girl and her bespectacled friend standing up and starting to make their way towards me, with malicious intent no doubt. I'm prepared tough, and before they know whats happening, I'm already outside, my vanishing act raising a few eyebrows on the way. Once in the corridor, filled with people who are making their way to somewhere, I stop dead in my tracks. The fact that I don't know where I am comes up in my head like a rotting corpse coming to the surface of the ocean...run...run where? What's next? Suddenly, I feel someone tapping my shoulder. I turn around to see Miki, ah, my savior.
"Hey, when I told you to run I didn't knew you would actually DO it," She flashes a grin at me "Not that fast, at least."
Wow, this girl is really casual around people, isn't she? I kinda like that. I also like the fact that despite every other girl in the class wearing the uptight girl's uniform, she is wearing a shirt.
"Sorry," I apologize "By the way you described it I thought I might get tortured. Thanks, by the way, um, I'm Kazuo, and I think I owe you one."
"You already said that, silly." She says as I remember my introduction to the class "By the way I just so happen to know how you could repay me" Winking at me, she drags me in some direction or other...
...
I should have known. These are the words that circulate around my head as I sit down next to her and give her her lunch, which of course I had to pay for. I take a gander around the cafeteria, which is filled to the brim with students. Across our table is a short haired girl who is fighting her sandwich and her drowsiness at once, it looks like she could fall asleep on the table in the drop of a hat. She probably has some condition that messes up with her sleep, as I saw her sleeping for the whole time we were in class and nobody gave her any flak for that. She looks up to me with an almost confused expression, then slowly turns her head towards Miki. It's like watching a tank switching targets after decimating an enemy, the decimated enemy being me.
"So, what's with the guy?" She asks as if I'm not even there, then takes another slow and considerate bite of her sandwich."You two dating or something?" she asks in a deadpan voice, chewing on her sandwich in the meantime.
Upon hearing her second question, I almost choke on my own sandwich, but Miki seems unmoved by that little verbal jab, and responds with a light punch to the shoulder across the table.
"This is the new guy, remember?" She asks "I saved him from certain doom, so he had to buy me lunch. Kazuo, this is Suzu. Don't call her Snoozu tough, or she will hit you." Suzu gives her an annoyed look and is on the verge of hitting her in the shoulder, but then something very strange happens. Her eyes go blank, like someone pulled her cable. For a moment it seems that she will fall asleep on top of her sandwich, but she manages to re-focus, blinking a few times.
"Damn, Almost." She rubs her eyes.
"You okay?" I ask. She suddenly looks kinda tired.
"It's nothing" She says, then conjures a can of coffee out of her bag, opens it up and drinks it all in one go. "Ah, drink of the gods." I wonder how many coffees she has in her bag, just for such cases. She notices my somewhat confused look and continues: "Narcolepsy, makes you fall asleep in all the wrong places. Pain in the ass if you ask me, but thanks for asking anyway."
"Um, no problem" I say, rubbing my neck. Wellp, It didn't take long for this conversation to go south. Thankfully Miki saves me once more.
"So Kazuo, how you like the school so far?"
Hm, an interesting question. I think for a bit and then I come up with the conclusion that I have no actual idea. I say it to her and she laughs:
"Heh, you will get your ass in gear. I too was a bit confused when I first came here, but now I like it." She looks down towards her food and continues. "The food could be a bit better, tough."
As I take another bite, my taste receptors agree with her statement. The food here is a bit sub-par, average at best.
"Are there any other places you could get food from around here?" I ask. This information could come in handy.
"No, except if you cook it yourself." She answers, then continues "You can always take the walk to yamaku town and feed your munchies there, if you want. We don't do that when Suzu is sleepy tough, I lost the count on how many times I had to carry her here."
"It's not like you mind, with all these muscles you've got" Suzu retorts. Miki laughs at this statement: "Heh, I guess I don't mind" I look at her and I realize she has a very toned body indeed. My Inner jerk gives a mental thumbs up.Suddenly, the bells ring, ending the lunch break and my somewhat perverted train of thought.I stand up, picking my stuff up and finishing my sandwich with a flourish:
"Wellp, I guess we must be going, are you two ladies finished?"
"What's with the rush?" They both say in one voice. Miki continues: "Jeez, I haven't seen anyone so eager to get in math class in time." My face drops in realization of the incoming pain.
Math class? Darn.
...
Author's note: Dammit, I accidentally did a Miki route. Or have I? Nobody knows. (not even me)
Last edited by NotSoClassy on Sat Jan 04, 2014 12:48 pm, edited 14 times in total.
By the way, removed half of the line breaks (which make the text look bigger and make me feel better because of it) and returned the font to normal size.
