Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

[Guest Poster]

Nice chapter. I did notice that Naomi addressed Natsume by her surname. I know that's par the course in Japan regarding the interaction between most people, but I figured Naomi and Natsume were on good enough terms with one another go with a first name basis. (seeing that Lilly/Hanako and Emi/Rin also do that)

And you sure made Hanako's middle school period drastic.

[dewelar]

Going back a few posts...

Please post her thoughts.

I sent them along via PM so as not to clutter the thread. If anyone else is interested in discussing HoshiMemo, feel free to PM me also. Additionally, remind me never to read one of these longer VNs - twice - while in the middle of writing a chapter. It really throws off the headspace. Next on our docket is Quartett!, if anyone's interested.

OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD YES!
You're hands are like magic. I'm getting blown away at you're writing skills.
I've decided that you're getting a spot on my signature. Woo advertisement!
I love it. Keep it up my dear friend.

I'm honored, thanks.

Miss Setou's

Should be Satou. Unless you were referring to Kenji (and his... er, her recent sex change).

Grrrr...that's twice now. I think I'm going to have to remove Setou from my spellchecker. But it's now fixed, thanks. Looking forward to any additional feedback!

[dewelar]

Nice chapter. I did notice that Naomi addressed Natsume by her surname. I know that's par the course in Japan regarding the interaction between most people, but I figured Naomi and Natsume were on good enough terms with one another go with a first name basis. (seeing that Lilly/Hanako and Emi/Rin also do that)

*nods* I'm not sure when or even why I decided this, but one of Naomi's quirks in this story is that she calls everyone by their last name.

And you sure made Hanako's middle school period drastic.

True. I think it's justified, though, given how deep-seated her distrust of people is in the VN.

[bhtooefr]

And after a second read...

Does it make me a bad person to hope that neither Hanako and Emi get with Hisao, just so that they end up exploring that possible friendship?

And Lilly coming back really is going to throw a wrench into everything in this story.

[Mirage_GSM]

There were nights that I almost felt lucky that I hadn't been raped, or been asked to steal things for someone else – at least, not yet

I'm not quite sure what kind of stuff you imagine happening in Japanese orphanages...

it's still better to than having to enter the cafeteria.

Great addition.
I know that Hanako leaving on that trip would seriously impair your options for continuing your story, and realistically she really wouldn't do it under these circumstances, but she probably should.

[dewelar]

There were nights that I almost felt lucky that I hadn't been raped, or been asked to steal things for someone else – at least, not yet

I'm not quite sure what kind of stuff you imagine happening in Japanese orphanages...

Not the orphanage, but in junior high, which I presume she did attend. As far as imagining...sadly, I'm not. This passage was based directly on research I did into the nature of bullying in the Japanese school system.

it's still better to than having to enter the cafeteria.

Fixed, thanks!

Great addition.
I know that Hanako leaving on that trip would seriously impair your options for continuing your story, and realistically she really wouldn't do it under these circumstances, but she probably should.

Yeah, glad people are picking up on this. Also glad that, in general, the feedback for this chapter has been positive, as I was worried about the headspace issue I mentioned above.

[Guest Poster]

Having read a little bit about that subject myself, I could totally imagine the stealing thing, though I still find the rape-thing a little bit of a stretch among 13-16 year olds...especially since Hanako was considered hidious.

[UltimateShammer]

Damnit Hanako! Just leave on the train so Emi and Hisao can get together already!

[bhtooefr]

Mind you, I've actually been in that headspace, of not wanting to leave a romantic interest even though it was unhealthy.

I at least had the option of quitting my job to get out of the situation once it became clear that this wasn't going anywhere good. And I had friends online. Although, I nearly suicided in the aftermath...

Hanako is stuck in Yamaku, and Lilly and Hisao are all she's got. Or so she thinks, anyway.

Ugh.

Then again, the safety net is being foreshadowed. Plus she's also got Naomi and Natsume.

[hyroglyphixs]

I just made an account so I could post this.

This is one of, if not my favourite KS fanfic out there. I have no idea where your story is going and that is why I love it so much! Your characterization is spot on and your writing is superb

Being a huge Lilly fan, I hate how her heart is getting torn to pieces over and over.. and even if she does go back to Japan I doubt Hisao would just run back to her. That being said, Hanako and Emi are both awesome and there is only going to be one girl that gets Hisao's affections - there's gonna be a lot of hurt.

I cannot wait until your next update

[dewelar]

Having read a little bit about that subject myself, I could totally imagine the stealing thing, though I still find the rape-thing a little bit of a stretch among 13-16 year olds...especially since Hanako was considered hidious.

Farfetched for it to have happened to her? Yeah, I'll go along with that. Farfetched for her to have heard stories about it and be thankful it hadn't happened to her? Definitely not.

Kind words

Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!

[Blasphemy]

Huh, had to do a double take reading about Hanako's dark past. It's just kinda weird to suddenly read about that, even if you did do research on that stuff and it seems totally plausible (almost independent from the nation I'd say, this stuff can happen everywhere unfortunately).

This partial phrase seems a bit weird

There were nights that I almost felt lucky that I hadn't been raped

Stressing the "hadn't" by italicizing it makes the meaning a bit more confusing, to me at least. Reversing that or instead emphasizing "raped" would be clearer I think. Otherwise it reads a bit like Hanako getting raped wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Or even darker (from a psychological standpoint), in conjuncture with the "almost felt lucky" it could also mean that she was actually a bit upset for not getting raped, perhaps due to how much people always alienate her; they didn't even want to do that! You know, like she would maybe say "I almost felt lucky that nobody ate lunch with me... but not really of course."

Now, that's totally absurd and given the context and all it ultimately was clear what you meant. I did however have to read that a couple of times because it felt off. Again, removing the italicized spelling may already do enough there.


As usual, good chapter again. I'm looking forward to the lunch with the school paper duo, I imagine that's going to be quite funny and padded with some awkwardness here and there.

[dewelar]

Again, removing the italicized spelling may already do enough there.

*nods* Fixed this. I sat here trying to think about why I'd done that to begin with, and couldn't come up with a reason, so went ahead and removed it.

Since I don't say it enough, I really do appreciate the depth at which you read and analyze these chapters. I often wish I could respond properly without spoiling something .

[Blasphemy]

My pleasure. I can't really help it anyways, am too interested in this story ;p

[dewelar]

"I'll see you...tomorrow," Hanako calls out to me as I discard my trash from lunch.

"Okay...see you tomorrow," I say with a smile, and walk out of the tea room. I continue out of the main building towards my dorm room, all the while wondering to myself what I'm doing, because none of this happened the way I'd wanted.

Telling Hanako I felt tired was by no means an excuse, so once I get back I find myself in a familiar position: lying on my back, staring at the corner of the ceiling. After last night's talk with Lilly, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing for the first time since...well, I can't even remember. I was going to talk to both Emi and Hanako, and I was going to tell them both that I needed a fresh start. I thought both of them deserved that much. I especially thought Hanako deserved that.

But then I met Emi down at the track, and the plan quickly began to go haywire. I realized that I had missed just being with her, so it was easy to forget the plan and slip back into our usual routine. It was also easy to slip back into worrying about each other, and hearing how my stupidity was affecting her was like a punch to the gut.

Then...there's what happened afterwards to consider.

That was...one hell of a kiss.

If there was any doubt in my mind how Emi felt about me, that kiss wiped it away. Every part of her body communicated it as clear as day, and every part of mine was listening intently. If she'd confessed to me right then and there, I don't know what I would have done.

Instead, she seemed to almost immediately withdraw from me. When I came out of the nurse's office, she rushed in with barely a "see you tomorrow." I feel like I'm seeing a pattern, where every time she starts to move things forward, it's followed by the reset button being pushed. I know she's been holding back, but sometimes it feels more like she's pulling away.

Meeting with Hanako wasn't quite so jarring, and I suppose that was slipping back into our usual routine as well. I wish I wasn't so tired, because I would have enjoyed a game or two of chess to complete today's familiar atmosphere. Still, I'm not too tired to grasp one thing that wasn't so familiar: I'm pretty sure Hanako just asked me on a date.

It's a sign of how much Hanako has changed over these past several weeks that it almost didn't register as unusual. Even a couple of weeks ago, my head would have spun if someone had suggested to me that she could bring herself to do something like that. I can't help but feel honored that she trusts me enough to share as much of herself with me as she has recently, and it's inspired me to respond in kind. Still, I can't help but feel uneasy.

When Hanako confessed to me, there was no question about her feelings, nor did she leave any question about why she felt that way. The way she put it, though, made it seem more like I was just in the right place at the right time. What was it that allowed me to get close enough to her to be the first one to accept her in that way? Was it just through Lilly's intercession? That's...I'm not sure what to make of that, if it's true.

And here I go down the rabbit hole again.

Even if neither relationship really got its fresh start, I'd like to think that at least my mind did. Thinking about things may have gotten me nowhere, but at least I feel like some of the filters I was looking through have been removed. That should help me understand things moving forward. As I try to convince myself of that, I drift off to sleep.

I wake up to find an orange tint to the light coming through my window, and an emptiness in my stomach. Given the choice between the cafeteria and the vending machines, I choose the former, because I can at least loosen up some of the stiffness I'm feeling with a walk. After buying my dinner, I once again spot a familiar face doing some reading at one of the tables. "Hey, Yoshi," I say as I come over to the table, "mind if I join you again?"

"Hisao?" he says, cocking his head. "Yeah, sure. Have a seat." He pushes aside his reading material and stabs at his dinner.

I sit across from him and take a glance at the Braille printout across which he'd been running his fingers. I still can't make heads or tails of it. "Still reading that stuff from the Student Council?"

"Yeah. It's more than I expected, and I need to clear it out of the way so I can focus on entrance exams."

"Makes sense. So why here?"

Yoshi waves his arm around behind him. "I like the way it sounds in here. Helps me focus, at least when there aren't a lot of people."

"Interesting. I'm surprised I didn't see you in here when I got my lunch, then."

Yoshi looks a bit skittish as he answers, "I had...another engagement." He takes another bite of his dinner, then points his chopsticks in my direction. "Anyway, what's on your mind this time? Everything work out okay with Satou?"

"Actually, it did. I needed to do that to move forward, I just needed a push from somewhere, so thanks." Yoshi, who's drinking from a can of coffee, waves my thanks aside, so I continue. "The problem now is which direction I should move forward in."

"Which direction, huh? Are you fishing for me to ask you what you're talking about?"

I laugh at that. "Not really. It's just something I have to work out for myself, that's all."

Yoshi nods sagely. "Girl trouble. Well, that explains why you needed to talk to Satou so badly."

Apparently, my poker face doesn't even work on someone who can't see it. "So I suppose you want me to tell you about it now, right?"

"Look, man," Yoshi says, an impatient tone in his voice, "if you want to talk, just talk and stop dancing around."

I let out a sigh. "I suppose it would be good to talk to somebody about it. The main issue is that there are two girls who have feelings for me, and I'm not sure yet how I feel about either of them."

Yoshi looks thoughtful for a moment. "Hisao, I don't think I want to hear about your problems anymore. I can't even spit out how I feel about the girl I like, and here you are with two, after just breaking up with a third?" He takes a swig of coffee before dropping his head. "Okay, these two girls, they're both Yamaku students, right?"

"Yeah," I say, not sure why that would matter.

"Okay, good," he says with an odd tone in his voice. The rest of what Yoshi says comes out in a bit of a rush. "That's good. So, yeah, that makes a lot of sense as to why you wanted so badly to talk to Satou. You wanted a clean break and all that. So, what's your next move?"

I shift uneasily on my stool. "Heh, I'm not sure you can say I have a next move. I guess I intend to keep spending time with each of them until I figure things out. Tomorrow I'm going into the city with one, and the next day I'm taking a walk into town with the other."

"Not going to tell me who they are, I see," Yoshi says, a wry smile on his face. His look turns thoughtful for a moment, then he asks, "Okay, one big question: do these two know about each other?"

I chuckle at that. "Actually, yeah. That's part of the problem, I suppose."

"Less of a problem than if they didn't, though, right? So, I guess it's just about you deciding which one you like more." I start to nod in response, and as I catch myself he continues, "Well, that's not really something anyone can help you with, is it? Well, except the two girls, whoever they are."

"Yeah, I guess that's true." By now I've finished my dinner, and am starting to feel a bit tired again. "By the way, that "other engagement" you mentioned earlier...that wouldn't happen to be girl trouble, too, would it?"

"Heh...not "trouble" exactly, but definitely girl-related – specifically, spitting-out-how-I-feel-about-a-girl-related." Yoshi sighs, his face pointed toward the ceiling. "I'm just trying to find the right way to approach her. Since my advice worked so well for you with Satou, I suppose I could try the direct approach myself...although since the two are pretty far apart personality-wise, maybe not."

"Remind me why I took your advice again."

Yoshi laughs. "Guess you must have been pretty desperate, Hisao. Anyway, I need to finish reading this, so if you don't mind..."

"Yeah, I should get back to my dorm anyway. Talk to you later, Yoshi, and thanks again." He gives me a small wave as he shovels some rice into his mouth, and I head out of the cafeteria and back to my room for the night.

* * *

I wake up the next morning after an unusually good night's sleep. One might argue that because the sleep in question was scattered between the afternoon, early evening, and after midnight, it doesn't count, but since I feel refreshed this morning I don't really care. First on the agenda is my morning run, so I get dressed and head down to the track.

When I get there, Emi is waiting for me as usual. "Hey, Hisao," she says with a wave as I come down the hill. She's wearing her usual smile, and bouncing on her blades as if she's raring to go. Everything seems normal, but knowing Emi that doesn't necessarily mean anything good.

"Good morning, captain!" I say, with as much cheer as I can muster.

"Even if you are late," Emi replies as we start to stretch out, "at least you're in a good mood this morning."

"You seem pretty cheerful yourself," I respond, attempting to test the waters. "I was a little worried after yesterday."

Emi's expression flickers briefly before her grin returns. "Well, we can talk about that later, right?"

"Emi...about yesterday..."

"I thought you knew the rule by now, Hisao. Run first, then talk!" she says, heading toward the track before I even have a chance to respond.

Things go smoothly during the run, and unlike yesterday Emi does her usual sprints after I'm done. As always, I can't take my eyes off the Fastest Thing on No Legs as she speeds around the track. By all accounts, it seems like she's back to her old self. It's a good feeling, but something still nags at me in the back of my head, as if there's something not quite right.

Emi finishes her sprints, and starts cooling down next to me. "That was another thing I missed these last few days," I say as we walk. "It must be nice to be able to do that again."

Emi grins back at me. "Yeah, you could say that. I felt like I might have been a little slow in the turns, but give me a day or two and it'll be full speed ahead!"

I can't help but smile at her unabashed enthusiasm. Of course, leave it to me to feel the need to rain on her picnic. "So," I start, "about yesterday." Emi looks over at me, an expectant look on her face. "How...do you want me to take that?"

Emi's look immediately betrays a slight nervousness. "Before I answer that, Hisao...how did you take it?"

"I..." I pause for a moment, not really knowing how to answer.

Emi smiles again, although it's slightly sad. "Hisao, you should already know what it means to me...what you mean to me. I promised I wasn't going to push you until you were ready. At the time, I thought it meant one thing, but now maybe it doesn't mean that any more. If that's the case, then yesterday...I think I might have...overstepped my boundaries a little."

"What do you mean?"

Emi sighs, a look of frustration on her face. "Are you planning on having lunch with Hanako today?"

"You're changing the subject again."

Emi's face turns serious. "No...no, I'm not, not this time. Are you going to have lunch with Hanako today?" This time, she says it more forcefully.

I'm not sure what the connection is, but I answer anyway. "Actually, I'm supposed to go to the train station with her after this. We're meeting a couple of her friends from the newspaper club."

"Oh, so she's leaving after all?"

"Well, the four of us are supposed to go somewhere for lunch, and then hang around in the city for a while. I'm...not entirely clear on what the plan is, actually."

"You'd better be careful, Hisao," Emi says with a half-hearted wink. "You know what happened last time you two went into the city." She pauses for a moment, looking away from me. "Have you decided how you're going to respond to her yet?"

Oh. Now I see where this is going.

I let out a long breath, and my shoulders slump. "No, I haven't."

"In that case, Hisao...yeah, I definitely shouldn't have done that. Sorry." I look at her questioningly, and she continues, "Hisao, if you don't know how you're going to respond to Hanako, that means...well, it means you still don't know how you feel about me, either."

I hang my own head now, because I can't deny what she's saying. Inside, I feel like I should know, but there's still something in my way. Without looking up, I say, "Emi, I'm sorry."

She waves me off. "It's fine, it's fine! I mean, it's not like I can take back what I did...or what I said. I think I might have told you, though, I'm not good with going slowly." She smiles at me a bit. "I'm trying to be better at it, though. I just...slipped up a little yesterday."

"That was some slip-up." I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks just thinking about it.

Emi seems to be having a similar reaction, as she blushes furiously. "Yeah...it was pretty awesome, wasn't it?" She follows up with a wink. "It's only going to make it harder for me to give you space, you know?"

I laugh a bit in response. "It's not exactly easy for me, either."

"If that's true, then..." Emi starts to say, but stops there with a troubled expression on her face. "Never mind, Hisao. Let's just figure out what we're going to do tomorrow, okay?"

As we head off the track, I realize that for once I don't mind Emi changing the subject. After taking a few seconds to shift mental gears, I ask, "Oh, so Rin was fine with waiting for her supplies, then?"

Emi's face pinches up as she thinks about this. "Well, she didn't object when I asked her. Of course, I can't remember the last time she did, so that's normal. She didn't seem to mind when I told her you were coming, either."

"She probably thinks that if there's an extra person to be a pack mule, she can get more stuff."

Emi smiles. "That's a good point, Hisao. It works out for everybody!"

Somehow I knew it would come to that. "So if we're carrying all that stuff for Rin, I think I might want something of hers for my room after all. I mean, it's the least she can do, right?"

Emi laughs as she replies, "Well, if you think you can trust her not to make you something that'll keep you awake at night, I guess so. Anyway, we'd better get moving up to the nurse's office so you can...keep your appointment."

"Good point," I say, getting up off the bleachers and starting toward the auxiliary building. Neither of us says anything as we walk up the hill, but the atmosphere between us is a bit heavy. When we get to the nurse's office, Emi seems to have gotten somewhat fidgety again. With nothing else coming to my mind, I just say, "This shouldn't take long."

Once I'm inside, I quickly sit down after a brief exchange of greetings. "So, Hisao," the nurse says while listening to my chest, "no problems with your legs today?"

"Nope. Everything seemed pretty normal today. With Emi, too...at least as far as I could tell."

The nurse raises an eyebrow. "That's good to hear. You didn't even wait for me to ask, either. Interesting."

Again, I'm at a bit of a loss for what that's supposed to mean. Right now, though, it's more important to make sure of something. "I was planning to go into the city today, probably walk around for a while. I just wanted to check with you first."

"Hmmm...well, that shouldn't be a problem, unless you plan on climbing the Aer," he says with a wink. "Your body seems to be getting accustomed to the higher level of activity. Too bad you waited this long, you might have been able to avoid some of these issues."

"Yeah...these last couple of months would have been a lot different."

"True. Still, at least you're making progress now, that's the important thing."

"Maybe. It still kind of feels like I'm going two steps forward, one step back repeatedly."

As if reading my mind, the nurse replies with a grin. "A lot of things in life are like that, Hisao. It's still better than standing still, don't you think?"

"Are we still talking about my health here, Nurse?"

He laughs, saying, "You tell me."

I chuckle a bit as well. "Well, sometimes I think if it wasn't for Emi, all my steps would be backwards."

The nurse raises an eyebrow. "I think she might appreciate knowing that, Hisao. She feels more than a little responsible for you, you know."

"Responsible for me? I'm not sure I follow."

His look turns a bit more serious. "Remember that when you first came here, I told her to keep an eye on you. It wasn't the first time I'd asked her to do something like that, but it was the first time she took it personally when someone gave up so quickly. She never gave up trying to get you back up and running," he says with a grin. "In case you haven't noticed, she can be a bit stubborn. When it finally worked, she was over the moon about it – that is, until you went and nearly killed yourself. There's only been one other time in her life when I've seen her feeling like that."

I have a pretty good idea what he means. "You're talking about the accident."

"Well, that's probably something I shouldn't talk about any more than I already have. The thing is, ever since then she's had to be concerned with getting through things herself. The fact that she's put so much energy into helping you is something new for her. Whatever happens after this, you've been a good influence on her."

"Not as much as she's been on me," I say under my breath. The nurse raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. "Anyway, if we're done, I need to get going."

"All right, Hisao. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

When I step out of the nurse's office, Emi is right outside the door. "No problems today, right?"

"So I'm told," I say with a grin, which Emi returns after letting out a breath.

Before she goes in, Emi stops and turns back to me, saying, "Take care of yourself today, Hisao. Don't overdo anything, because we still have shopping to do tomorrow! You're not getting out of having that boring room of yours fixed up that easily, after all!"

"I have no intention of getting out of that," I reply honestly. "You take care of yourself, too."

"I'm still working on that one, Hisao," she replies with a wink. "See you tomorrow!"

"See you tomorrow, Emi," I say as she dashes through the office door. As I head back to the dorm, something she said echoes in my mind.

"Hisao, if you don't know how you're going to respond to Hanako, that means you still don't know how you feel about me, either."

It's something I really didn't want to think about, but that doesn't make it any less true. It also might explain why she feels like she has to hit that reset button. As much as I owe Hanako an answer to her confession as soon as possible, I owe Emi the same thing.

After showering and taking my medications I make my way down to the bus stop. This trip into the city should be an interesting one. Since Lilly left, every time Hanako and I have been together, it's been just the two of us. I don't know Inoue or Ooe very well – I doubt I've said more than a few words to either of them since my arrival – but Inoue at least seems to be Hanako's friend.

When I get to the front gates, Hanako is already there, her usual cap and denim jacket firmly in place. Seeing me, she waves and smiles slightly. "Thanks for coming with me," she says as I reach the stop, which is empty other than the two of us. "Are you...sure you're all right with this?"

"Yeah, the nurse said I should be fine." Hanako seems like she's about to say something, but before she does the bus pulls in, and we get on. As the bus pulls out, I realize that I'm still letting myself be carried on the wind, and wonder when exactly it's going to stop.

~~~~

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