OC "Neko" - Route [reconsidered]

[Mirage_GSM]

The honorific "sama" is not one that would be used by a student adressing their teacher. "Sensei" would be more appropriate, but since you don't use honorifics for any other characters why start with Ms Miyagi?

And if Cat "ransacks her entire room without even once using her prosthetic, I fail to see any reason why she would wear it at all. I wonder who the "people" are who expect her to wear it. Probably not someone she'd be likely to run into at Yamaku. Noone's pressuring Miki to wear one either.

[NekoDude]

[snip 18]

[NekoDude]

[snip 19]

[NekoDude]

Don't worry, I'll apply the George Carlin mantra -- "write stoned, edit sober".

You might want to change from "Write stoned, post, edit sober" to "Write stoned, edit sober, post."

Then I wouldn't have anyone to call me on my bullshit until it was possibly too late to retcon it without totally unwriting the story.

It will be, but on more of an "as needed" basis rather than expecting the reader to memorize a bunch of detail that isn't relevant at that point in time. The summary is for an artist, so that he doesn't have to wade through the entire story just to get a decent description. Also, I have no intention of explicitly stating her height or weight in the story, since it's not mentioned in any of the others either. "Taller than so-and-so" perhaps, but not "155 cm, 55 kg".

When introducing a major character, their appearance IS relevant.
Her exact height and weight are not. Not for the readers and not even for the artists.

Agreed, but again this is seen through Hisao's eyes, and we've already shown that he's not always the most observant fellow. So I bring details to the reader's attention as they come to HIS attention. The official characters DO have canon height and weight, even if it is never explicitly mentioned in their routes.

[NekoDude]

[snip 20]

[bhtooefr]

"From now until we rejoin Hideki, I cannot understand a word of your strange Japanese language unless it's a matter of life and death."

Damnit, Neko, don't tempt fate.

(Then again, when that does become a matter of life or death, Hisao tends to be unable to speak anyway. And she knows about his condition, so I assume she'll figure it out.)

[NekoDude]

[snip 21]

[bhtooefr]

Sorry, it's August 7.

http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?p=127628#p127628 (Lilly spoilers)

Edit: Hmm. Will look into it further.

Edit 2: I think the only routes in which Tanabata was even mentioned were Lilly's and Shizune's. And, that post provides a reconciliation for Shizune's route's Tanabata possibly being different from Lilly's. (The whole, Lilly and Hisao missed Tanabata because they broke up, not because of the summer break or Hisao's heart attack theory.)

[NekoDude]

[snip 22]

[bhtooefr]

Careful about spoiling your own story in the comments, even if it is an abandoned plotline, until you're done (it's something I've noticed I have a little trouble with, too). You might want to use it for something else.

And summer break most likely starts on August 11. That's less rooted in canon, but the explanation that lets Shizune route Tanabata be consistent with the real world is also the explanation that makes that possible.

However, be careful with the pacing if you're gonna make that big of a jump. I'm actually gonna read back through, got a couple questions about some things that I saw.

[NekoDude]

[snip 23]

[Silentcook]

Not to rain on your parade, but have you two noticed that the majority of the last two pages is made up of your discussion?

My take on this would be: author, meet editor. Editor, meet author. Now you can exchange PMs to seal the vow.

[bhtooefr]

I already figured out that we should move to PMs after that one, and fired one off before your post. And I should probably clean up my own posts, because holy technical info filling the thread, batman.

Edit: Alright, the worst of it's trimmed out. Links to my personal pastebin put in place for those that want to see the original content.

[Mirage_GSM]

Have you ever been to a department store that didn't have at least two counter attendants spraying perfume?"

Well, I've never been to a store that had those, but I've never been in the states either. I can't even imagine them doing this kind of stuff in Japan. Just a minor nitpick, though. Could just as well be an excuse by Hideki to go off on his own.
About Tanabata:
The timeline of KS regarding Tanabata is... not exactly consistent, so feel free to have some liberty with that date.

Agreed, but again this is seen through Hisao's eyes, and we've already shown that he's not always the most observant fellow.

Well, in the VN we have our own eyes to look at the sprites, so Hisao can get away with less description. Even the least observant person will notice stuff like Hair colour and style...

The official characters DO have canon height and weight, even if it is never explicitly mentioned in their routes.

You know, for the longest time those numbers were randomized because the devs thought they were irrelevant.

[bhtooefr]

And I'm still convinced that the measurements (maybe not the height and weight, but the bust/waist/hips ones anyway) aren't even trying to be real.

Just look at Lilly's art versus Misha's, then their measurements.