Capture the moment (Hisao/OC) Chapter 3 posted 5/9/13

[Oscar Wildecat]

Liked the story so far.

Looked through the last chapter, and I didn't notice any glaring errors. However, if you would like, I could feed it through the proofing tools I use for my technical writing and see what they cough up.

[Mirage_GSM]

I really prefer your girlish Rika over the jaded one we usually see. Definitely a story to keep an eye on.

Not much to fix - mostly a few typos:
Hisao didn’t managed
Hackamichi - several times
I keep eye contact with him but continued
Hisao askeds tentatively
still a good arm's length away.
...including Akari whom is still hanging around the stall
loosing both one’s legs gives you impeccable hearing.
and she lets out a girlish gigglye
and drop off our rubbish

And this:

She finishes her mouthful with an accusative eyebrow raised...

But... but that eyebrow is dative! ^_^ Maybe you meant "accusing"

[dewelar]

And this:

She finishes her mouthful with an accusative eyebrow raised...

But... but that eyebrow is dative! ^_^ Maybe you meant "accusing"

Or perhaps "accusatory".

Also:

It’s golden rays gently warm the soft breeze"

should be "Its".