I-I don't want him to go to jail or lose his future, n-not when it was only an- an- an ac-accident, and, H-Hisao...
Is it un-f-fair to Hisao? Kenji didn't.. he wasn't...
M-My boyfriend is innocent. It was an accident.
I make myself accept that fact, and... swallow the taste of rust and guilt suffocating my mind, ignoring that constant sharp feeling of stones in my stomach.
In the soft white beams of early morning light, I quietly prepare for school.
Sometimes he'd wait for me by the dorms, and I'd smile and walk up to him, close enough that he could tell it's me, before taking our place side-by-side on the lonely path, wordlessly walking to class together.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so worthless, to have the courage to tell him it wasn't his fault, and that I love him...
Other times, I want to just hold him, and feel him embrace me softly, comforting me... loving me... hiding us both from the world... in a place where time would cast no shadows of the past over us, letting us the freedom to be with each other, far from the reach of our own regrets.
He regrets ever hurting me... shouting at me, and all those terrible things he threatened to do to me.
I regret that I didn't talk to Hisao more... that I could have asked him to take me to the festival, and saved his life, ...if I hadn't been such a useless person.
I can't ask Kenji to not blame himself, even when I truly don't want him to.
But he can't forget what he did, even after I told him that I will forever stand by him, no matter what he chooses.
Did he choose to tell? Admitting his guilt after months of unbearable regret?
He asked me what was the right thing to do, knowing that I couldn't give the answer, to choose what is fair to Hisao, and risk losing him forever.
Passing by his classroom and noticing he's not at his desk, my eyes widen with tears, realising what my boyfriend has chosen.
I skip morning classes without a thought to find him.
He wouldn't be at the library, nor anywhere in the building where someone might happen on him.
The only place I can think of is.. the cafeteria. There's no reason for anyone to come here at this hour, not even Shizune and Misha.
I finally spot him at a table, his head calmly resting on his arms folded on the cold reflective surface.
As I approach, I notice that he's no longer neurotically nervous; his feet aren't constantly tapping anymore, he doesn't throw a glance over his shoulder when he hears me slowly coming, .....he's not.. afraid, anymore.
"K-Kenji?"
"I told them, Hanako. I told them about what happened..."
"Did.. did they-?"
"I don't think I can be with you anymore..., I might be going to prison."
"No!"
"But it's doesn't matter anymore, I'm at peace with my conscience now. I'm free of it... of the guilt."
"K-Kenji... no.."
"It's okay, Hanako. It's going to be alright... whatever happens, let it be. I'm not afraid anymore. I have no regrets about the truth... about judgement... and most of all; knowing and loving you. Having learned the most beautiful truth in my life... that fulfilment, is a life without regret."
"H-Hanako? W-What are you..?"
