Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

[Etokie]

Oh no you don't. Let dewelar do what he wants. Hanako is a needy bacon-bitch and I wouldnt say such things to the author if i where you, or Silentcook will find you.

[dewelar]

[Special note: One of the characters in the following chapter originally appeared in another author's story. That author has generously granted me permission to use that character here. More details after the chapter.]

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The events of last night are a bit hazy as I first wake up.

Hisao and I...in each other's arms? Did that really happen?

For a few moments, I'm convinced that I dreamed all of it, the entire roller coaster. Then, as I start going through my morning routine, the pieces fall into place.

First and foremost last night was Lilly's departure. I'd been preparing for it all week, but I still only barely held back from breaking down when we said goodbye. She said a lot of encouraging things, but at the time I didn't feel like I deserved any of them.

After she left, though, I talked to Hisao, and...some part of that changed. Hisao opened up to me, because I asked him to. I had never been able to do that before, not even with Lilly. For the first time, I felt as though I could be a true friend to Hisao.

But then other feelings surfaced that I didn't intend.

Our embrace started out as a gesture of friendship, allowing us both to release our feelings about Lilly. For me, though, it wound up as something more. Everything about it felt right last night, but this morning the possible consequences have started to register.

I really don't know how Lilly and Hisao feel about each other now. I even asked Lilly point-blank whether she still loved Hisao, and she couldn't answer. Hisao says the chapter is closed, but I know he's just putting on a brave face. He still hurts inside.

I don't have the right to these feelings. Not yet.

That doesn't mean I don't have them. Or that I haven't always had them. I was just able to set them aside for the sake of my best friend. Now...I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I never directly told Lilly about my feelings for Hisao, but I'm fairly sure she knew anyway. After all, I knew how she felt even before she told me. Once she did, on the day of their mutual confession, I was truly happy, for both of them. Still, even then, a part of me wondered if she held back her confession on my account.

...and how much damage I was responsible for.

There's one other person who may know how I felt, and I'll be seeing her this morning. Yumi Takawa, or "Miss Yumi" as I've come to know her, has been my therapist for a little over a year now. I've seen a therapist once a week for as long as I've been at Yamaku, but Miss Yumi is the only one with whom I've felt truly comfortable.

After getting dressed, I make my way to the auxiliary building, where the two of us meet in her "office." I find it hard to think of it as such, since it's designed more like a sitting room, with modest furniture and curtains. Only the desk set up in one corner would give any indication that work of any kind happens there.

I arrive and knock on the door. She calls for me to come in, and when I do she moves to greet me. She looks as she always does, with her grey hair drawn back into a bun, and her trademark violet shawl and long, black, pleated skirt.

"Good day, Miss Hanako."

"Good day, Miss Yumi."

It's the beginning of a ritual we have developed since I started seeing her -- words, gestures, and activities designed to make me feel at ease. When it's complete, I've taken up my seat on one side of a low table, on which a goban has been placed, with the bowl of tea Miss Yumi has graciously poured for me in my hand. The goban is perhaps the most important part of our ritual, as during our games of Go only the person whose turn it is may speak.

As Miss Yumi sits across from me, she asks, "Shall we begin?" I nod and, as I'm playing black, place my first stone on the board. As it is now her turn, she continues. "I understand that this week has been quite eventful."

"Y-yes, you could say that."

"I must admit, I was surprised to hear that your good friend Miss Satou had left Yamaku. I do not recall you mentioning it before."

"I d-didn't know."

Miss Yumi raises an eyebrow. "In that case, Miss Hanako, if you are willing to share the story with me, perhaps it would be best if you started from the beginning."

I take a sip of tea. I think for a while about how to respond, and so we play in silence for a while, the tapping of our stones the only sound. Once I think I've got it sorted out, I begin. "W-when she visited them last month, Lilly's p-parents asked her to c-come to Scotland to l-live with them."

Miss Yumi nods. "That would be shortly before your trip to Hokkaido, which I recall you enjoying very much."

I nod, frowning a little. "She s-said she was going to t-tell us afterwards...but a lot h-happened while we were there."

"Indeed. Many things changed, as I recall."

"I guess that's w-why she took so l-long to decide whether to go."

"Such choices are often difficult indeed. I know few of the details of Miss Satou's situation, but you have told me that she missed her family very much. Her feelings for Mr. Nakai and yourself must have been great indeed for her to even consider staying."

"I kn-now." I can only imagine what it must have been like for her. I pause for a moment, deciding how to proceed. "I'm still n-not sure when she m-made the decision, but on S-Sunday she told Hisao, and l-later that night she told m-me."

"How have you fared in the week since this information was revealed?"

"It w-was hard at first. L-Lilly helped me a lot, although we c-couldn't spend as much t-time together as I'd h-hoped."

"What of your other friends?"

"Hisao w-wouldn't talk to me much. H-he said that he needed t-time to think. I c-could understand that. We f-finally talked last night."

"Did it go well?"

"Y-yes. For the f-first time, I f-felt like he treated m-me as a real friend. I even g-gave him a h-hug." My voice trails off as I say this last part, not really wanting to broach the subject.

Miss Yumi looks at me for a moment silently. "Miss Hanako, I must say that I am impressed in the level of trust that shows. As you know, trust is an important part of any close relationship. However, I cannot help but note that you don't seem pleased by this development."

As always, Miss Yumi has read my expression well. "I-it's just that...when w-we held each other...w-what I f-felt...wasn't j-just friendship."

"I see. And you think that by having these...other feelings, you are perhaps betraying your friendship with Miss Satou."

Of course I do! How else am I supposed to feel?

I look down and nod in response, playing my stone without saying anything.

"Miss Hanako, I surmised you might have had such feelings for Mr. Nakai some time ago. Once they develop, it is only natural for them to resurface from time to time. What matters is how you act upon them. You are a good person by nature, and I know you would never do anything to hurt your friends. You should trust that they have the same faith in you."

That's not an easy thing to do. How can anyone have faith in someone like me, who can't even behave as a real friend without messing things up? "I-I'll try."

Miss Yumi nods. "What of your other friend, Miss Inoue?"

My...what? Oh, right. The other person I failed. "I d-decided to postpone our trip. I thought...H-Hisao might need someone here, at least f-for a while. She's p-probably not very h-happy with me."

"Perhaps. Then again, she may surprise you as well."

"It's n-not just that. W-we were supposed to g-go to Hokkaido this week. I just c-couldn't..." My voice trails off again. "Are you d-disappointed in me?"

Miss Yumi smiles a bit. "Miss Hanako, do not discount the fact that you were able to bring yourself to plan this trip at all. I believe you will find, the next time you wish to risk such a thing again, it is likely that it will not be quite so difficult. That in itself is progress."

"M-maybe." I can only hope that she's right.

"Tell me, Miss Hanako, does Mr. Nakai know of your plans?"

I start to pick up my last stone, when what Miss Yumi said hits me like a sledgehammer.

Oh, no...I never had the chance to tell him! I don't even know if he's staying at Yamaku!

My hand shaking, I put my stone on the board. I look down and see that although Miss Yumi has beaten me again, it is a much closer game than in the past. She looks at me warmly.

"An excellent game, Miss Hanako. Our time is up for today. Might I suggest that your first order of business upon departing be to talk to Mr. Nakai. I have a feeling you will have much to discuss. Also, please continue to reach out to Miss Inoue. Friendship is a precious thing, but it requires a certain level of nurturing if it is to grow."

"I th-think I understand. Thank you, Miss Yumi."

"You are most welcome, Miss Hanako. I will see you again next week. Please take care."

"You, t-too."

I leave the auxiliary building with a lot to consider. Upon thinking about it, I realize that there's a lot I've forgotten in regard to the coming week. Most importantly, however, I need to find out what Hisao's plans are. He might be able to help me with something, too.

Although I've had his number for some time, I realize that I've never actually called him before. I look around to make sure nobody's watching before dialing, and the phone rings. It takes a while before someone picks up.

"Hello?"

"H-Hisao?" At least, I think it's him. He sounds as though he might have just woken up.

"Hanako?"

"Did I w-wake you?"

"No...well, maybe." He sounds embarrassed, but he doesn't need to be. "I might've dozed off while I was reading."

Maybe it would be easiest to come right out and ask. "Oh...I th-thought you might be g-getting ready to leave."

"Leave? Oh...no, actually, I was thinking I'd stay at Yamaku over the break."

Yes!

"Oh...in that c-case, I w-was just wondering...are you b-busy tomorrow afternoon?"

Great, now he's going to think I'm asking him on a date or something...

I'm not...am I? Maybe...I am? Maybe this was a bad idea...

"No, not really...why?"

"Well...I n-need to go into town, and now that Lilly's g-gone..."

"Oh! Oh, sure, I can come with you. Do you need to pick up some things for your trip?"

"Um...I w-wanted to talk to you about th-that. Maybe we could...have l-lunch in the tea room first? I kn-now it won't be the s-same without Lilly, but..."

Hisao is quiet for a moment, and I worry he might not accept. "You know, that's not a bad idea. Heh...I know I could stand to get out of this room. Besides, I still need to get revenge for our last chess game."

I giggle a little. "O-okay, I'll m-meet you there, then."

"Okay." It might be my imagination, but it sounds like he's smiling as he says that. "See you then. Bye, Hanako."

"Bye, Hisao."

As I enter the main building, I let out a long breath. This shouldn't be this hard, should it? We've met in the tea room for lunch dozens of times, and he's helped me with my shopping before. I just...need to be careful not to think about this too much.

Which, right now, is like asking a fish not to swim.

I wind up spending the afternoon in the library. In a few days, it will be closed for the break, so I want to enjoy my refuge here as much as I can until then. With classes over, the library is at its quietest, with only the occasional student coming in to drop off books.

When Yuuko finally gains the strength to ask me to leave, it's nearly an hour after closing. We exchange apologies for far longer than is comfortable, and I head back to the dorms. After I've gotten ready for bed, my phone rings. I pull it out of my bag, and see that it's Lilly's number.

"Hi, L-lilly!"

"Hello, Hanako. How are you this evening?"

"O-okay. I th-thought you weren't going to c-call until you got to S-Scotland. Is everything okay?"

For a fleeting moment, my mind begins racing. Maybe she's decided to stay after all? Sadly, that hope is quickly dashed.

"If you mean am I prepared for my departure tonight, then the answer is yes. I just wanted to call and talk to you before Akira and I left for the airport. We...didn't get much chance to talk yesterday."

"I w-was wondering what happened. Y-you and Hisao came back to the d-dorm together..."

"Ah, yes. When I arrived at the Student Council room yesterday to finish my work as class representative, Hisao was already there, doing some work for them. We both spent the entire afternoon there."

Interesting. I wonder how much of that was a coincidence. "S-so what happened?"

"Nothing much, I'm afraid. It was quite awkward. Neither one of us said much beyond small talk. I had hoped we could...settle some things, but sadly it wasn't to be. Still, he was gentlemanly to the last, walking me back to the dorm without question. Partway back, he stopped, and took me in his arms. I...thought for a moment he might say something other than goodbye, but he didn't."

"I'm s-sorry, Lilly."

"Don't be. I shouldn't have expected anything more than that. I'm a bit surprised that Hisao hadn't told you about our meeting. Perhaps you haven't had the chance to talk to him, then?"

"N-no, we talked after you l-left." I think about saying more than that, but decide against it.

Maybe when I'm more comfortable with the idea myself.

"Ah. Is he...well?"

"I think h-he'll be okay. He's b-been doing a lot of th-thinking."

Lilly laughs softly. "He does that quite a bit. Hisao...spends a lot of time in his own head, I would say. Perhaps more than might be considered strictly healthy."

"I...can understand, though." It's another thing we have in common, after all. "W-we'll probably talk more t-tomorrow. I asked him to g-go into town with me, to the c-convenience store."

"Ah, of course. You'll be needing things since you'll be staying at Yamaku, at least for this week. I'm sorry I can't be there, but I'm sure Hisao will be a more than adequate substitute." She chuckles a bit. "Although, being a boy, he might find certain items...uncomfortable."

I hadn't thought about that, and I giggle a bit. "I'm s-sure he could g-get used to it."

"So am I." Lilly's voice softens as she speaks. "He really can be...understanding, when he tries." She pauses for a moment, and I can picture her gathering herself. "I wish we could talk more, but I don't want to keep Akira waiting any longer. I will call both of you once I'm settled in Inverness in a couple of days."

"Okay. H-Have a good flight, Lilly. I m-miss you!"

"I miss you too, Hanako. Take care of yourself, and of Hisao."

"I-I'll try." I pause for a moment before adding. "I l-love you, Lilly."

"And I love you too, Hanako. Good night."

"Good night."

I hang up the phone and sit down on my bed. With all the thoughts I have swirling around in my head, I can only hope that I can get to sleep.

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.

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NOTES:

In my mind, you can't write a story that includes Hanako that doesn't in some way deal with her therapy. Also, in my mind, having read the brilliant "Sisterhood", I cannot picture anyone as Hanako's therapist other than Miss Yumi. I would like to give my sincere thanks to Guest Poster for allowing me to use the character, and for being so prompt in responding for my request to review the section of this chapter dealing with her session. The character also appears, to great effect, in the excellent "Hanako's Story" by Trivun. I personally consider those two to be my gold standard for stories involving Hanako, and you should, too.

Again, no predictions at this time as to when Chapter 10 might be out. In the meantime, I hope everyone enjoys this installment.

ETA: I'm not a big fan of Ship-To-Ship Combat flame wars, so let's try to keep things civil.

[bpgbcg]

[Special note: One of the characters in the following chapter originally appeared in another author's story. That author has generously granted me permission to use that character here. More details after the chapter.]

"I wonder if it's Miss Yumi..."

Yumi Takawa, or "Miss Yumi" as I've come to know her

Called it.

[Etokie]

Oh no. I really had hoped you wouldnt do this, it seems you have settled on Hanako. It cant be any other way, if you did choose Emi now Hanako would be heartbroken. And there's no way you could do that. Hanako can't be heartbroken, not like the other filthy girls.I really hate the way Hanako is portrayed/acts(especially in the bad end)/treated by the community

[dewelar]

Oh no. I really had hoped you wouldnt do this, it seems you have settled on Hanako. It cant be any other way, if you did choose Emi now Hanako would be heartbroken. And there's no way you could do that. Hanako can't be heartbroken, not like the other filthy girls.I really hate the way Hanako is portrayed/acts(especially in the bad end)/treated by the community

"You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."

[Etokie]

No, not really. Just stating my dislike for Lilly bad/neutral end = Hanako good end. Also shown in the comment by Gauldoth Half-Dead

[dewelar]

No, not really. Just stating my dislike for Lilly bad/neutral end = Hanako good end. Also shown in the comment by Gauldoth Half-Dead

*nods* Fair enough. I know people can get...passionate about these characters. I'm just trying to cool people down so nobody gets banned over it. As Emi would say, I don't want to deal with that kind of guilt .

[YZQ]

My take is that since Lily broke up with Hisao, Hanako has every right to try and woo Hisao.

[Shail]

Hanako Lilly and Hisao were always pretty close, if Lilly breaks up with Hisao in a way that doesn't turn him against Lilly/Hanako, it's not too hard to imagine Hanako and Hisao getting together o-o.

[RedRover]

Hanako is a needy bacon-bitch

The Hanako fan within me squealed in rage at this.

[YZQ]

She's a bit needy, and her scars reminds one of bacon. So? I take offense to the word "bitch". That is all.

[Shail]

Purple bacon? Freaks
Bitch? Not really, she's kind of whiney but I've seen a real bitch, she's not it.
Needy? I can't argue this one, she probably wont' admit it, but she wants to be comforted, she wants hugs and wants you to be with her, then suddenly she wants you to fuck off so she can be herself, but at the same time she wants you to be there.
Wat?

[Mirage_GSM]

My hand shaking, I put my stone on the board. I look down and see that although Miss Yumi has beaten me again, it is a much closer game than in the past.

Wow! Beaten after only about 15 moves each. That's a very short game of Go, even on a 9x9 board.
It's been some time since I read "Sisterhood", but I think GuestPoster always started the scenes with something like "We exchange a bit of smalltalk before we get to the heart of the problem" to show that the game does in fact take longer than only a few moves.
Nice idea, including Miss Yumi by the way.

it seems you have settled on Hanako. It cant be any other way, if you did choose Emi now Hanako would be heartbroken.

Well, if he chose Hanako, Emi would be heartbroken, so I guess he still has all options

[Shail]

Emi can get over being heartbroken, she has Rin, and track, and track peoples. Hanako has Hisao, and had(?) Lilly. *sets sail on the Hanako fanboat*

[Endofone]

What's probably gonna happen is that Dewelar is going to string us along for a Hanako route then do a round house kick in the face with something and make it crash and burn into an Emi route. My guess at least.