Katawa Kijo

[The Hero Hartmut]

Great. Now I won't be able to picture Yuuko as being anything other than a very subtle succubus.

[MutilatedManequin]

Okay, I really loved this story. You made the magic seem... Realistic, if that makes sense. And giving Misha cancer was brilliant (but sad).

The story seemed more down to earth than the other fanfics that give the crew superpowers. Anyway, good job. Carry on

*sits down in chair*
*starts reading book*
Hmm, yes quite *adjusts monocle*

[Sea]

Necroing this thread because it deserves to be read.
I loved the story, your magic didn't seem too ridiculous although if I'm not mistaken it's going off of the D&D system. ( any trips to Faerun in the future?) everyone's magic didn't change their personalities like I though it might, except for of course Hananko. Btw, Hanako - Kenji is. . . . strangely ok with me. Overall, fantastic story, props for the Disney song titles, I'm having a memory trip.

[LorSquirrel]

Looks like Kenji necroed this thread (Get the joke?). Anyway I guess I mine as well say that this fic was one of the reasons I started writing my own fics, so thanks mirage for the awesome fic. It's also inspiring a project of mine that will soon come to light. (Be afraid)

[Mirage_GSM]

I admitted before that the magic schools were inspired to a great degree by the D&D system, but otherwise magic works completely different here. (It's innate, you don't memorize spells etc.)
In fact I made a point of highlighting the differences in the story.

any trips to Faerun in the future?

As for a sequel... I had a vague story outline for that, but it wouldn't have involved any trips to Faerun or even any alternate realities at all. This setting had enough things to explore without that.
My first draft of the Epilogue had a teaser line at the very end, but my editors got me to remove it, because they thought it was too cruel, since I knew I wouldn't write it for a long time if at all. (At the moment it looks to be "if at all", so in retrospect it's probably best I left it out...)

Hanako - Kenji is. . . . strangely ok with me.

You know, I was surprised they ended up together myself. I hadn't planned that; it just happened...

Anyway, thanks for the praise.

[Sea]

I saw this and thought of this story, I guess Hanako is learning a thing or two from Kenji. . . .

[pip25]

Great. Now I won't be able to picture Yuuko as being anything other than a very subtle succubus.

Took the words right out of my mouth. XD

Anyway, great story. It managed to pleasantly surprise me not once, but multiple times.
- I started reading without any knowledge of the premise, and thought, "oh look, the Misha route Mirage was talking about"... and then all of a sudden people started getting magical powers. XD However, this aspect, no matter how odd it seemed at first glance, was actually done really well. Most magic types (with the possible exception of Illusion) were fleshed out with attention to detail, but without bogging the story itself down. Compared to most fantasy stories I've read, you simplified things significantly (no magic items, no spells in the strictest sense, etc.), but I think this was necessary for a story of this length to work, and it did not make the "Magical KS World" all that implausible at any point.
- I was at one point worried that you were giving magic abilities to a whole lot of people, but may have trouble making use of all these abilities in the main conflict. This fear was thankfully proved to be unfounded. The final chapters were a true page turner (okay, the forum doesn't have pages, but still), they were not only well planned but flowed really well too. Looking at the end result, I honestly have no idea why you think you have trouble with action scenes.
- At another point of the story, I was worried that this'll be another Misha route where Shizune will end up mostly ignored - and then you made that an important plot point. Huge thumbs up for you.
- As things progressed, I was starting to get the feeling that the plot thread with Kenji (and magic powers in general) was starting to overshadow the romance between Hisao and MIsha - I can't say this has been proven wrong entirely, but the scene in Misha's room did help things a bit. Looking back, though, I'm not at all certain that the "Misha has cancer" plot device was actually necessary here. In the end, I don't feel it served much of a purpose; Hisao and the others would have helped Kenji anyway, and it wasn't an essential part of any character or relationship progression as far as I can tell.

Again, I greatly enjoyed this story, and would/will gladly recommend it to others. Thank you.

[Mirage_GSM]

Thank you very much for the laurels!
Maybe a few comments as to why I did things the way I did.

Warning! This post contains major spoilers about this story for those who have not read it!

you simplified things significantly (no magic items, no spells in the strictest sense, etc.), but I think this was necessary for a story of this length to work

The "no magic items" rule was mainly because I always thought it impossible to keep magic hidden from the "muggles" if things like that existed. Sooner or later someone would get their hands on one and it would be very hard to keep quiet. Not that it wouldn't be difficult enough even without magic items, (especially in times of smartphones and youtube) but I felt that this was one implausibility that I could avoid.

I was at one point worried that you were giving magic abilities to a whole lot of people...

That was more or less a neccessity. I wanted all of the main characters to have different powers, and each of them needed to have a teacher.

Looking at the end result, I honestly have no idea why you think you have trouble with action scenes.

You have no idea what a pain it was to write those. It's hard keeping track of the whereabouts of around 15 people at the same time, figuring out how long it would take them from A to B, making sure they met each other at times where it was neccessary for the story. It was a bit easier since I was able to keep a lot of them cooped up in the principal's office for some time - but even for that I had to come up with a reason that wasn't contrived...
I don't think I ever put that much planning into a single section of story.
To be honest, I didn't plan this end until about halfway into the story, when I realized that ending after just resolving the interal conflicts of the group (Kenji, Shizune etc.) - most of which were planned almost from the beginning - would be a bit... anticlimactic...

Looking back, though, I'm not at all certain that the "Misha has cancer" plot device was actually necessary here.

Keep in mind that, when I wrote this story, I had only Act 1 to go on, and we were all going by the assumption that there had to be something wrong with Misha.
"Cancer" was only one of the speculations in the forum - one that I thought more likely than others, but I hadn't really decided what I would use in the story...
When I wrote "Poor Unfortunate Souls" that chapter almost wrote itself: I wanted Hisao and Misha to get closer in this chapter. That's why I had a distraught Misha arrive at his doorstep in need of comfort... Comfort? Uhm, I just noticed there is a very similar scene in KS... Maybe I should sue A22? Well, I went for a different kind of comfort, so it's probably okay.
Anyway, when I was looking for a reason for her to be distraught, her disability was an obvious solution. I googled some likely kinds of cancer that might affect teenagers instead of only older people, and that - while disturbing - gave me enough inspiration to flesh out the rest of the chapter.

In the end, I don't feel it served much of a purpose; Hisao and the others would have helped Kenji anyway, and it wasn't an essential part of any character or relationship progression as far as I can tell.

Well, in the beginning Hisao had a lot of reservations about Kenji having "evil magic powers". In fact at one point he wanted to talk Kanzaki out of teaching him. Read the end of "The Gospel Truth" for the exact scene. He changed his mind only after learning that it was the only way to save Misha. It was the only reason Hisao actively supported Kenji in his studies and thus helping with his breakthrough without which much of the rest wouldn't have been possible.
Like I said above, I only used the scene to get Hisao and Misha closer together. To give them something to empathize about. It also served as a reason for them to crowd out Shizune, though I tried to be more subtle about this.
In retrospect I think it was one of the most important plot decisions in the story overall.

[pip25]

Well, in the beginning Hisao had a lot of reservations about Kenji having "evil magic powers". In fact at one point he wanted to talk Kanzaki out of teaching him. Read the end of "The Gospel Truth" for the exact scene. He changed his mind only after learning that it was the only way to save Misha. It was the only reason Hisao actively supported Kenji in his studies and thus helping with his breakthrough without which much of the rest wouldn't have been possible.

Well, I think I might have subconsciously blocked out that revelation because of the unfortunate implications involved: it seemed pretty clear to me from the start that either Kenji learns to control his Necromancer powers and becomes a useful member of society real fast, or bad, bad things are going to happen to him. Of course, in this story he and Hisao have known each other for little more than a week, but still... This is a school for disabled students, and Kenji could be the key to helping them, potentially including Hisao's own heart condition. And he doesn't care about all of the above until he finds out that his girlfriend is dying? I have a hard time believing that. Then again, I seem to recall Hisao deliberating at one point whether they should use Enchantment to force Kenji to heal people, so maybe I should just resign myself to the fact that Hisao's views of morality here are not exactly in line with my own.

[Mirage_GSM]

Hisao was much more concerned about Kenji using his powers to kill half the human population on earth...

[pip25]

Hisao was much more concerned about Kenji using his powers to kill half the human population on earth...

I suppose. I guess I have trouble envisioning "Kenji" and "danger" in the same sentence in general. It's an interesting thought, actually, since the game never put him anywhere near a situation where he and/or his conspiracy theories could have caused actual serious harm, so we have no idea just how far he'd be willing to go aside of ranting about the forthcoming feminist apocalypse.

[Sea]

Hisao was much more concerned about Kenji using his powers to kill half the human population on earth...

I suppose. I guess I have trouble envisioning "Kenji" and "danger" in the same sentence in general. It's an interesting thought, actually, since the game never put him anywhere near a situation where he and/or his conspiracy theories could have caused actual serious harm, so we have no idea just how far he'd be willing to go aside of ranting about the forthcoming feminist apocalypse.

He'd create his own apocalypse, a MANLY apocalypse. No zombies, no nukes, just Floods of Whiskey enveloping the earth and Pretzel meteors pummeling the planet. That's how its done.

[Helbereth]

Normally I don't perform necromancy, but I think in this thread's case I'll make an exception - I'm sure Kenji would approve. This was started and finished before my time, and has been bumped to the front several times since, but I've never looked into it beyond reading the title.

I'll be honest, it's not as well-constructed as what I've come to expect from Mirage, but I think I can forgive its being a bit unrefined because the story flows quite well. The magical aspect is a little hard to swallow, but it serves its purpose; it's a vehicle that allows the underlying conflict to reach a good resolution - Misha's cancer would likely have been fatal otherwise. Also, an inordinate amount of time is spent describing how the various schools of magic work, and it sometimes felt like reading a technical manual, but it allowed their being put into practice to make realistic sense.

Really aside from the rather rigid dialogue, my only complaint is that it ends seemingly just as the story is getting good. The epilogue resolves the conflict of Kenji's fate, solves the questions about Misha's potential recovery, and provides a resolution for Shizune's angst over her friends romantic dalliances, as well as sets the characters up to have a fulfilling life, but it feels like there ought to have been more to the story.

Maybe I just don't like endings.

[Mirage_GSM]

I'll be honest, it's not as well-constructed as what I've come to expect from Mirage...

I'll be the first to admit that actual storytelling is probably the weakest point of my writing skills, and this was - and still is - the longest piece of original writing I've ever produced. Tripping might be longer when I finally finish it, but I'm not sure.

my only complaint is that it ends seemingly just as the story is getting good.

To be honest I was toying with the idea of writing a sequel at the time. Originally there was a small paragraph with a teaser at the end of the epilogue, but my editor at the time convinced me to remove it, because even then I knew it would be quite far in the future.
Thanks for reading - and for giving feedback!

[brythain]

I had just got on this forum this year when the piece appeared on the Book Club thread. I am glad that you wrote it, Mirage. It has in it potential for more than a second life, and stands well on its own. I think it suffers from pacing, but that's because the somewhat more leisurely canonical pace interferes with my perceptions. Thanks for this.