Real (A Suzu/OC Story) Chapter 16 Now Up

[Solistor]

Just finished reading this thing. It's very enjoyable, even if it deviates from the headcanon I have from Scissorlips' Suzu. To be honest, I like your interpretation better in some ways. She's more independent, for one, and she comes across as less.. depressed, I guess you could say. I also like how you handled your OC. At first I was a little skeptical because of the whole "going to a japanese school but coming from America" thing, but it was executed well and made plausible. It also feels as though you really thought the character out, rather than just being stand-in for wish fulfillment like some OCs seem to be. You've truly made Aaron a part of Yamaku. To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to Aaron becoming buds with Hisao, just for the surreal feeling of "heh, wouldn't it be cool if they were able to share advice about relationships, and then hint at which of the girls Hisao is going for?" It'd be like a nod to the canon route while maintaining Aaron as the main protagonist.

I'm rambling a bit, but all in all I like your work, and the conversations Aaron has with his brain are always amusing. I almost thought Aaron and Jin would become buddies, and that would be what puts strain on Aaron and Suzu's relationship but your twist caught me off guard. Looking forward to reading more, and since you're starved for fanart I might contribute some shitty drawings here and there.

[DanjaDoom]

Just finished reading this thing. It's very enjoyable, even if it deviates from the headcanon I have from Scissorlips' Suzu. To be honest, I like your interpretation better in some ways. She's more independent, for one, and she comes across as less.. depressed, I guess you could say. I also like how you handled your OC. At first I was a little skeptical because of the whole "going to a japanese school but coming from America" thing, but it was executed well and made plausible. It also feels as though you really thought the character out, rather than just being stand-in for wish fulfillment like some OCs seem to be. You've truly made Aaron a part of Yamaku. To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to Aaron becoming buds with Hisao, just for the surreal feeling of "heh, wouldn't it be cool if they were able to share advice about relationships, and then hint at which of the girls Hisao is going for?" It'd be like a nod to the canon route while maintaining Aaron as the main protagonist.

I'm rambling a bit, but all in all I like your work, and the conversations Aaron has with his brain are always amusing. I almost thought Aaron and Jin would become buddies, and that would be what puts strain on Aaron and Suzu's relationship but your twist caught me off guard. Looking forward to reading more, and since you're starved for fanart I might contribute some shitty drawings here and there.

Thanks very much! I set out to make Aaron as non-Gary Stu-ish as I could, so it's nice to hear that I succeeded in that regard. And I especially like to hear that you enjoyed how I wrote Suzu!

And I think you gave me a good idea for the next chapter...

[DanjaDoom]

Uhm... so how about... huh... It's hard to think of witty openers.

Chapter 15: Nobody Likes You When You're Eighteen
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take...”

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run...”

“It’s okay to feel sad...”

I close my laptop screen shut and sigh. For the last hour I’ve been sitting here scouring through some inspirational websites to get a little pick me up. It hasn’t worked, and in fact I feel even worse now than when I started. These last few days have left me feeling less like a man and more like a sad bag of meat.

I rub a hand over my chest. Over the spot where she pushed me. I may have been wrong about it not hurting. It’s not a sharp pain, but it makes me feel nauseous.

Everything about that night’s end makes me feel nauseous. I want to punch something. Punching myself is definitely an option, and the feeling’s there, but it won’t accomplish anything at all. And I don’t want to give the doctors any satisfaction in their diagnosis. No self-harm from this crippled ol’ problem child, no sir.

Punch someone else? More problems than it’s worth, to be sure.

Punch the furniture? I don’t want to ruin anything.

I guess all that’s left is to lay back down again. What’s one more hour of sleep? Actually, no, that’s a bad idea. I want to walk around.

I don’t know what I really want to do, to be honest. But walking sounds like the best bet. It’s a hell of a better idea than laying here and thinking about last night, anyway. I kneel down and scour through my closet. Emerica? Supra? Why do I have so many goddamn shoes? And why do I even need to decide what to wear?

A little bit more disgusted with myself, I grab a blue and red pair of whatevers and head out the door. I’m sure I look so approachable, with my hands in my pockets and my forward slouch. I keep wondering how close I look to a ram charging through a comically placed brick wall.

No one in the dorms today. Not unusual for a weekend morning. Most boys go out and play soccer and the like. A few, like me, just stay inside and wallow in bitter self-pity.

I stop at the doorway to the outside, suddenly wanting to go back to the shelter of my room and lie down. But, figuring that I’m already here, I just resolve to keep going. I’ll know if this was a mistake later, I suppose.

It’s unusually humid out today, a fact that’s made painfully obvious as soon as I open the doors and feel the breeze of the AC leave my presence. Not even the blue “ultra smooth” (so named to bump the price up a few notches) cotton shirt I got for my birthday is enough to ward off this heat. I certainly can’t try to calm down if it feels like I’m being baked in an oven. I guess it’s off to the main building then.

The halls are pretty busy today. I think the festival is in a few days, but I can’t be bothered to confirm that. A couple of boys are carrying a table from one room to another across the hall. I nod and let them pass by me. They’re moving pretty quickly. Am I scaring them? I’ve never really thought of myself as a scary person. I guess I can see where a big, frustrated foreigner power- walking through the hallway would be an intimidating sight.

I keep on walking through the ever-growing throngs of students, most of them moving around supplies like paint cans and two by fours. Unless there’s been a surplus of sign-ups to the newly formed Home Economics Club, I’d wager that the festival is happening pretty soon.
I suddenly hear some distinctive laughter. Even over the chatter of people and clanging of furniture on the ground, and even if the laughter in question can’t be closer than the end of the hall, I still feel its vibrations. There’s only one laugh that has that kind of effect.

I should probably get out of─

“Fukucchan!!~”

Yipee.

“I haven’t seen you in forever! It’s like we’re total strangers! Wahaha!~”

I stop the urge to tell her that we are strangers. Even in my current mood, hurting someone’s feelings is a pretty shitty thing to do.

“So you’re helping out around here, Misha?” I ask her.

“Of course!” she responds, smiling wide. “That’s the job of the student council, after all! We need to promote leadership, work ethic, and, uhm...”

I guess she forgot the third quality Shizune mentioned to her. They should just make pamphlets. Speaking of which...

“Where’s your boss?”

“Huh?”

“Shizune.”

“Oh! She’s off helping another group~!”

“But, isn’t she...?”

“She’s making due with her notepad for now. There’s so much going on that we’ve had to separate just to keep tabs on everything! We’re not separated for long, though! Wahaha!~”

“That sounds interesting. Excuse me.”

I turn to walk away, secretly hoping that what I’m picturing in my head won’t come to fruition. Maybe by some stroke of luck, I’ll be able to leave this hallway and go on about my─

“Wait, Fukucchan~!”

Fuck.

“I know things didn’t turn out so well the last time I asked you this, but do you think you could help out with something?”

I sigh, careful to mask the agitation in my language.

“I don’t know, I’m kind of busy right now,” I lie.

She frowns. “But we almost have a full team ready! We just need one more volunteer. It won’t take long, I promise!~”

Walk away, walk away, walk away...

Sigh.

“What’s the job?”

Smiling, and looking as if she’s about to jump up in place, Misha relays my duty.

“We just need you to help clear a room for the open houses we'll be hosting during the festival! To tell you the truth, I was kind of hoping I’d catch you today. There aren't too many people in the school as strong as you are, I’m sure. You could be a really valuable asset to us!”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more transparent attempt to butter someone up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered, but still.

Misha leads me into a tapered off room blanketed with white tarps and no shortage of painting tools scattered about. I take a look at the motley crew that Misha Fury, Agent of Shizune, has put together. A few of the kids I recognize off the bat, while the rest seem to be unsuspecting students from other classes who don’t yet realize the horrors that come with working for Hakamichi and Mikado. I’ve only done it once, and I damn near lobbed my finger off.

“Feel free to ask around and see if anyone needs help. I’ve got to get back to Shicchan! Have fun!~”

As she bounces out the door, I join the nearest person I recognize, moving a table.

“Need some help with that, Nakai?”

The brown-haired boy looks over his shoulder at me. Squinting, he recognizes me after a few seconds of staring me over.

“Sure, if you’re offering,” he smiles. “Can you take that end?”

I move around to the other side of the table, dropping down to the floor and hoisting it up in one motion. It nearly tips Hisao over.

“Sorry,” I apologize. “Guess I’m just a little... worked up today.”

“That’s fine. Let’s just move it over to that wall over there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After about ten minutes of work, the job’s done, and my limbs are still intact. I also find that my mind’s now running a bit smoother. A welcome side effect to semi-hard labor.

Misha popped in a little while after we finished to bring in some soda. Most everyone wolfed theirs down rather quickly, perhaps fearing that the rogue heatwave outside would sap their energy.

Now, I’m sitting down with my drink, my head slumped against the window sill and my butt resting on a throw pillow. Hisao is sitting next to me, casually sipping down the remainder of his cherry coke. Are we friends now? I’m not sure exactly. I’d like to think we could be.

“So how long have you been down here helping?” I ask him, not making eye contact.

“About an hour before you came in. Maybe a half hour longer.”

“I must have been cooped up longer than I thought,” I say. I meant it more for myself, but I don’t care either way if he hears it.

“Have you been... alright?”

“Why?”

He flinches a bit. “Sorry. I just figured I may as well pay you back that favor.”

I furrow my brow at him, confused.

“You came and checked up on me when I arrived here. That was a pretty cool thing to do. I figured I’d pay back the favor and ask you how you were doing. If, that’s alright, I mean...”

My head nods slowly, understanding his reasoning.

“Well... I’ve been alright, save for a bit of relationship trouble.”

Hisao gazes forward, his face blank.

“Yeah, I know something about that. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of relationship trouble?”

I purse my lips a bit, hesitant to answer that question. Still, though, talking to him could be a bit cathartic. Yeah, I barely know this mousy haired kid sitting next to me, by maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It’s evident that he’s open to hearing me out, and maybe, just maybe, telling my problems to someone I don’t know that well is the real solution here. It’s worth a shot.

I take a deep breath. “I think my girlfriend hates me.”

Hisao nods understandingly. “Do you think you did anything to warrant that?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” I chuckle darkly. He gives me a perplexed look, but doles out his wisdom anyway.

“Well, I can’t say I’m really an expert in this, but I remember a quote I read from somewhere: ‘What’s love but a road of cracks and potholes with the occasional rest stop to make it all worth it?’”

“That’s a pretty good quote,” I admit, nodding.

“I thought so.”

“You read it in a book?”

He smirks. “Probably. Let’s just say I had a lot of reading time before I came down here.”

“That’s cool, that’s cool. So, how about you?”

“What?” he asks, not catching on to my teasing tone of voice.

“You going after any girls?”

“Not really, no,” he murmurs, looking away. Weaksauce.

“So, every time I spot you glancing backward, you’re not looking at Ikezawa?”

Like a rat in a trap, he fidgets nervously and tugs at his sweater vest. “Would you believe I suffer from bad neck cramps?”

“Hey, you made a funny! And no, I wouldn’t.”

The two of us grin and laugh. I guess you could say we’re friends now, or something to that effect.

“I don’t know, I mean, I think she’s a nice girl. She seems really reclusive, though.”

“I just now remembered the time I sent her running down the hall. Back when I first arrived here, I mean.”

Hisao looks to me in disbelief. “What did you do?”

“I asked her where the bathroom was. She did, like, a little chihuahua yelp and ran off. I felt pretty bad, but I figured trying to apologize would make things more awkward.”

His face sours at my tale. I didn’t mean to put him off from trying to pursue Hanako, and now I feel kind of bad.

“But, I mean, I don’t blame her. I’m a scary guy. You’re pretty lanky and decidedly not scary. You shouldn’t have any trouble.”

“Uhm, thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The rest of the time passes by silently. the rest of the team, who up to this point had been shooting the shit to pass the time, start to file back out into the hallway.

“I guess I should go see if Misha needs any more help,” Hisao says, sounding less than ecstatic. “How about you? You want me to cover your escape?”

I dismiss his offer with a wave of my hand. “Nah, I’ll help out. It helps take my mind off of things, at any rate.”

We both follow the crowd out into the hall. Misha is still delivering orders, though this time with her bespectacled partner superior by her side signing away. I have to feel for them, it must be hard to supervise a group of this size, even with the help of the other class representatives.

“Kind of weird how they have all the classes mixed up like this,” Hisao notes.

I shrug, equally as stumped. “Guess things are pretty tight. Then again, I’ve never planned a festival, so I wouldn’t know.”

I hear fingers snap next to me, and Hisao’s smiling face greets me when I turn to look.

“I just got a pretty good idea. How about you meet Suzu at the festival and make up?”

I weigh this option against the other ideas that have been floating through my head. Considering that there aren’t any, this stands as my best choice.

“That’s not a half-bad idea. You think it’ll work?” I ask.

“No idea. But it’s better than not trying at all, right?”

His logic is sound. In addition, the book I had meant to give to Suzu is still safely tucked away in my bedside drawer. I planned to give it to her after we had returned to school, but that.. obviously didn’t pan out.

“Ok, I’ll try it your way. But if we end up breaking it off, I get to come back and kick your ass. Deal?”

He half-smiles nervously.

“That, uh, that was a joke.”

“Oh, yeah, I know. But, no offense, since you’ve been in a bad mood, it’s kind of hard to tell...”

“Dial it back, then?”

“If you want.”

Our conversation is interrupted by a pair of soft hands grasping at our wrists. The Great Pink has returned.

“Back you work you two! We still have a whole other floor to clear out!” Misha orders.

“But I thought you said I only had to work one room?”

Upon being reminded of her promise, she begins to pout.

“Alright, Fukucchan, you win. You can leave if you really want to.”

“Great. See you Monday.”

As I begin to turn away, she yanks me back. Hisao begins to snicker.

“Hey! I was being facet─er─fasee─I was only kidding! You get back to work right this instant!~”

She tugs on my trapped wrist, and surprisingly manages to make me budge. She’s certainly stronger than she looks. She also smells like cotton candy, on an unrelated note.

“Fine,” I sigh. “On one condition. Let me and Hisao work together. We’re trading relationship advice here, and I want to keep the conversation flowing.”

“Deal! As long as you two don’t slack off, then you can give each other as much advice as you’d like! But, if you’d like a girl’s suggestion, then I suggest you both think long and hard about what you say and do. Girl’s know when your heart’s not really in something, so make sure that whatever you do is genuine, and not just a bunch of fancy buzzwords! You got that?”

The two of us stare at her, dumbfounded. That was such a Misha thing to say, and yet it was such an... un-Misha thing to say. I’m confused. And I’d wager Hisao is as well.

Misha guffaws once more and waves us off.

“Better make sure you don’t fall behind!”

Don’t fall behind? That could apply to any number of things going on with me right now.

“Oh, and Hicchan? Would you like me to drop by the library and invite Hanacchan to help? You all could make it a threesome!”

“Misha!!”

“Wah! I didn’t mean it like that!”

Hisao turns beet red, Misha does the same, and I have to stop myself from breaking into hysterics.

Giving up on trying to explain herself, an exasperated Misha retreats to Shizune’s side to dole out orders.

“So,” Hisao begins. “Want to grab some drinks before we start working hard?”

I raise a brow at him. “You’re not asking me out on a date, are you?”

“Do I look like a blue-haired narcoleptic girl to you?”

"Maybe with a little hair dye, some mascara here and there─"

"No."

[Hoitash]

Brilliant! I think I'll make myself a "Misha Fury, Agent of Shizune" coffee cup for when I teach.

Liked the Hisao/Aaron interaction, too, and of course Wise Misha (agent of...Yoda? See, this is why you're the comedy guy.)

Oh, and as for:

Uhm... so how about... huh... It's hard to think of witty openers.

This is why I tend to use quotes (trick I learned in English class.)

[Oscar Wildecat]

Uhm... so how about... huh... It's hard to think of witty openers.

This is why I tend to use quotes (trick I learned in English class.)

I'll volunteer a couple from Oscar Wilde...

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

[DanjaDoom]

Uhm... so how about... huh... It's hard to think of witty openers.

This is why I tend to use quotes (trick I learned in English class.)

I'll volunteer a couple from Oscar Wilde...

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

"Oh, silly me, I got the diet shampoo."-Squidward Tentacles

That's all I got.

[Hoitash]

"Oh, silly me, I got the diet shampoo."-Squidward Tentacles

That's all I got.

I understand you so much better now .

[DanjaDoom]

"Oh, silly me, I got the diet shampoo."-Squidward Tentacles

That's all I got.

I understand you so much better now .

I'm not a hard man to understand.

[Silentcook]

For the last hour I’ve been sitting here scouring through some inspirational website to get a little pick-me-up.
I suddenly hear a distinctive laugh./I suddenly hear some distinctive laughter.
“She’s making do with her notepad for now.
I sigh, careful to mask the agitation in my speech.
I’ve only done it once, and I damn near lopped my finger off.
Squinting, he recognizes me after a few seconds of looking me over.
“You came and checked up at me when I arrived here. ??
The rest of the team, who up to this point had been shooting the shit to pass the time, starts to file back out into the hallway.
Misha is still delivering orders, though this time with her bespectacled partner-superior by her side signing away.
“Back to work you two!
Girls know when your heart’s not really in something, so make sure that whatever you do is genuine, and not just a bunch of fancy buzzwords!
Hisao turns beet red, Misha does the same, and I have to stop myself from breaking into hysterics.

Also:

Great Pink

Hachisame just got competition. Dun-dun-DUN-dun-dun-DUNNN. :3

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

Currently, I am done with page four of this thread. That's like five or six chapters or thereabouts. I'm not enjoying it.

The remarkably frequent pop-culture references, both as part of Aaron's inner monologue and as part of the dialogue and narrative, are incredibly distracting and feel out of place. The random Dungeons and Dragons game, drinks with Yuuko and the counselor, Suzu's underage drinking, and so on seem like scenes out of some "wacky for the sake of wackiness" sitcom. And that's without mentioning the cracking pace at which Miki and Molly set up Aaron and Suzu, and their subsequent submittal to the pairing. The text seems to mention that this takes place over a matter of weeks, but it seems more like only a couple of days, if that.

I noticed in one of your posts you said that you didn't know what was going to happen in the future because you hadn't written it yet. That lack of planning or direction is painfully obvious. I don't know if this story improves in later chapters but at this point I'm not sure I want to try finding out. Oh well. Good luck anyway.

[neio]

U wot m8?

"Making do" for example is a common expression where I live.

And "Back to work you two?"
It's missing a comma, sure, but why bold the "to?"

[Mirage_GSM]

I think SC posted the already corrected versions.

[DanjaDoom]

Currently, I am done with page four of this thread. That's like five or six chapters or thereabouts. I'm not enjoying it.

The remarkably frequent pop-culture references, both as part of Aaron's inner monologue and as part of the dialogue and narrative, are incredibly distracting and feel out of place. The random Dungeons and Dragons game, drinks with Yuuko and the counselor, Suzu's underage drinking, and so on seem like scenes out of some "wacky for the sake of wackiness" sitcom. And that's without mentioning the cracking pace at which Miki and Molly set up Aaron and Suzu, and their subsequent submittal to the pairing. The text seems to mention that this takes place over a matter of weeks, but it seems more like only a couple of days, if that.

I noticed in one of your posts you said that you didn't know what was going to happen in the future because you hadn't written it yet. That lack of planning or direction is painfully obvious. I don't know if this story improves in later chapters but at this point I'm not sure I want to try finding out. Oh well. Good luck anyway.

Yep, the story's kind of shit in early chapters. It gets better along the way, but then again, I'm biased.

[neio]

I think SC posted the already corrected versions.

I'm not sure:

You came and checked up at me when I arrived here.

That's not corrected.

[Mirage_GSM]

Yeah but all the others are correct, and I could chalk this one up to some figure of speech I'm not familiar with.