Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Comparing Sam to Lynda from United States of Misha (As well as some aspects of Misha's personality) I can't help but think Misha ending up with Shizune 2.0 after all this time, really downplays the complexity of the character as neither Lynda nor Kelly represented Shizune beyond the most minimalistic of ways.
Then again, I commented on "United states of Misha" saying "I wish your post-graduation story threaded into "Weekend at Hisao's"
Some day I hope all the writers get together and write another reunion tale, with each writer focused on writing their most well received character... Wishful thinking I suppose.
-Sigh-
This chapter seemed like a LOT of padding and re-character development.
"But Temby, what do you mean re-character development" you ask?
I mean, you spent a good chunk of the chapter emphasising that Shizune has changed and is all mature now, but you did that already, a few scenes back, when she returned home and met the person I wished was Kelly.
Then again, you also emphasised that both Hisao is a bad driver and Akira is a bad teacher, so it may or may not be justified.
I'm torn with how I feel about this chapter to be honest.
Gah! I guess this story just feels unneccicary through my eyes because I've read so many damn fan-fictions now that I kinda get the idea of how every character is after graduation. Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying as "Stop writing this garbage", think of it more as "This one isn't for me."
Considering you got me hooked on ya' writing with Aiko's story, I'll probably end up every chapter of this no matter what you do with it anyway ._.
Edited 5 times, this is easily the worst critique I've ever given, sorry. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to use the internet past 2am.
Then again, I commented on "United states of Misha" saying "I wish your post-graduation story threaded into "Weekend at Hisao's"
Some day I hope all the writers get together and write another reunion tale, with each writer focused on writing their most well received character... Wishful thinking I suppose.
-Sigh-
This chapter seemed like a LOT of padding and re-character development.
"But Temby, what do you mean re-character development" you ask?
I mean, you spent a good chunk of the chapter emphasising that Shizune has changed and is all mature now, but you did that already, a few scenes back, when she returned home and met the person I wished was Kelly.
Then again, you also emphasised that both Hisao is a bad driver and Akira is a bad teacher, so it may or may not be justified.
I'm torn with how I feel about this chapter to be honest.
Gah! I guess this story just feels unneccicary through my eyes because I've read so many damn fan-fictions now that I kinda get the idea of how every character is after graduation. Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying as "Stop writing this garbage", think of it more as "This one isn't for me."
Considering you got me hooked on ya' writing with Aiko's story, I'll probably end up every chapter of this no matter what you do with it anyway ._.
Edited 5 times, this is easily the worst critique I've ever given, sorry. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to use the internet past 2am.
- Walshy12238
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:58 am
- Location: Australia
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
I know it isn't very likely, but I really hope you haven't forgotten about this. Because you're updating Tomorrow's Doom so frequently I assume you realise this is still here, so all we have to do is keep waiting?
I really can't wait to see how this pans out. Best of luck
I really can't wait to see how this pans out. Best of luck
Lilly > Hanako=Emi > Shizune > Rin
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Aww man. This is dead isn't it? I sure wish it wasn't. It is actually really good and covers some stuff that other fan works don't really get into
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Whenever you necro a thread, god kills a kitten.
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Damn, dude. That's rough.Kurara wrote:Whenever you necro a thread, god kills a kitten.
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." -Confucius
Quotes are fun.
I have a oneshot about little ol' Suzu. Read it! Or don't.
Quotes are fun.
I have a oneshot about little ol' Suzu. Read it! Or don't.
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Dead in that I haven't thought of continuing it since November. Honestly, this was more of an experiment than something I planned--the first thing I'd written in 10 years. It provided a way to peek through the mind of each character in narrative form, which has helped in crafting the stories I've actually paid attention to over the past eight months.WilyWiley wrote:Aww man. This is dead isn't it? I sure wish it wasn't. It is actually really good and covers some stuff that other fan works don't really get into
I'm not sure you can technically 'necro' a thread I've had linked in my signature the whole time.RedRover wrote:Damn, dude. That's rough.Kurara wrote:Whenever you necro a thread, god kills a kitten.
- BlackWaltzTheThird
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
It's funny that I never knew this thread existed, even though I've read Helbereth's posts hundreds of times. I've certainly been around long enough to have seen it, but I guess I never thought to look at it back when it was relevant. Now I feel like I did when I got to the end of the Higurashi dub and realised the second season hadn't been and wouldn't likely be dubbed; that is, having all the pieces to the puzzle, but unable to see how they come together. A plague o'both the houses of whoever necroed this thread.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
- motokid108
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:29 am
- Location: Oregon
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
I love Hanako's biker bad ass personality. Not gonna lie, gave my a chubby. It's a shame it's been over a year since an update, but I look forward to another update
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
I kinda tiptoed around this one for the past year or so for gods-know-what-reason, but I've finally read through it. Even if it was just an experiment, it was definitely a fun read.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
- TacticalBacon
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Tue Aug 20, 2013 4:22 am
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
bookmarked just in case
nice read
nice read
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
I have to admit, at this point a large sum of the reason I've left this abandoned is because I'm somewhat embarrassed by its numerous mistakes, and inconsistent plot. That, and I've had PLENTY on my plate...BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:It's funny that I never knew this thread existed, even though I've read Helbereth's posts hundreds of times. I've certainly been around long enough to have seen it, but I guess I never thought to look at it back when it was relevant. Now I feel like I did when I got to the end of the Higurashi dub and realised the second season hadn't been and wouldn't likely be dubbed; that is, having all the pieces to the puzzle, but unable to see how they come together. A plague o'both the houses of whoever necroed this thread.
At this point, I'm not certain whether I was the first one to think Hanako might become a biker chick, but I get credited for placing it in people's headcanon.motokid108 wrote:I love Hanako's biker bad ass personality. Not gonna lie, gave my a chubby. It's a shame it's been over a year since an update, but I look forward to another update
Thanks, I was going for something upbeat with just enough conflict to add intrigue.Mahorfeus wrote:I kinda tiptoed around this one for the past year or so for gods-know-what-reason, but I've finally read through it. Even if it was just an experiment, it was definitely a fun read.
Thanks for saying that, though I know it's really confusing in some places.TacticalBacon wrote:bookmarked just in case
nice read
- SquishyYawns
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu May 12, 2016 5:17 pm
- Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Re: Five Year Illumination (A Reunion Tale). Updated 8/02
Just read thru this and was impressed. Too bad things didn't work out. In memorandum of what could have been.
You think you know hell. HA! Allow me to introduce you a world of suffering and depravity that any mortal mind could scarcely imagine. Mwahahahahahahahaha.