Redshift - Rika Route [10/2]

[carrion_crow]

Loving this. Especially the change of what has already been established as Rika. Don't get me wrong, I love Rikabro's fic. It's just that I like seeing variety and different character development such as this one. Keep it up man.

[Draganada]

Not entirely sure why; but I hesitate to read this after having read Rikabro's route...

[ProfAllister]

Not entirely sure why; but I hesitate to read this after having read Rikabro's route...

Don't. They're separate and independent works. If you enjoy one more than the other, that's all well and good. But it doesn't serve anyone if people assert any given piece of fanfiction as the definitive version. Those sort of habits strangle creativity, intimidate writers, and generally lead down a path of negativity and unpleasantness.

If you like this, it can be your new headcanon. If not, you can fall back on Rikabro's - reading this one won't diminish that one. You aren't doing anyone a favor if you rule this out simply because you're afraid of something new.

[Guestimate]

^ what he said. I am looking forward to this route. (And maybe a less, well, completely nuts, Rika)

[Retrograde01]

Not entirely sure why; but I hesitate to read this after having read Rikabro's route...

After reading the Rika route and all the feedback it got, I was hesitant to keep writing this. How could I ever live up to this? I thought.

I'm not sure if I can, but with this forum as my witness, I'll finish what I started.

[Draganada]

Not entirely sure why; but I hesitate to read this after having read Rikabro's route...

After reading the Rika route and all the feedback it got, I was hesitant to keep writing this. How could I ever live up to this? I thought.

I'm not sure if I can, but with this forum as my witness, I'll finish what I started.

I've decided it's rather unfair for me not to give a different take on Rika my attention at all. I'm glad that you've decided to finish this; and I'll be reading it as long as it's good like I would any other story. Good luck!

[Mirage_GSM]

Hey, look at it this way: It is only the second Rika route - compared to dozens of Hanako or Lilly epilogues out there - and it is easily different enough from the first one not to be boring.
And your Rika has the potential to be way more likeable than the other one.

[Draganada]

Hey, look at it this way: It is only the second Rika route - compared to dozens of Hanako or Lilly epilogues out there - and it is easily different enough from the first one not to be boring.
And your Rika has the potential to be way more likeable than the other one.

Haha, I love how often people speak negatively of the character and yet the route still gets so much praise. xD

[pip25]

Hey, this is shaping up to be a fun story. Rika's got an interesting personality from what I've seen so far, and I'm quite looking forward to see where this will go.

Most things that occurred to me, good and bad, had been said already by others, so I won't bore you with going through them again; I'd just like to point out one part that I think wasn't mentioned before:

"Well yeah, of course you helped. They don't need to know that though, do they?" she asks with a clever wink. We make idle chit chat for a while, and she cracks a joke here and there, in her odd humor. We talk about the weather, what's going on in sports, and other mundane things, until she asks a question that I get stuck on, "So, what do you think of Yamaku so far?"

I'm obviously not stating anything shocking or new when I say that the amount of detail you put into certain parts of the story is very important in terms of defining the pace of the plot. Too much detail, and things can get too slow and boring. Too little detail, and we can barely get to know the characters or the setting, and the story will suffer because of it. Thus, you need to decide which scenes or which parts of a scene you're going to flesh out completely, writing down who said and did what, how the others reacted and so on, and which scenes or parts you will gloss over with just some sort of summary that lets the readers know what they really need to know about them and nothing more.
As I said, these summaries aren't bad, they're essential, actually, but there are certain situations where they don't work so well, and to me, the above quote was one such occasion. It's not that putting a summary in the middle of an otherwise detailed scene is bad, not at all: when you describe Rika and Hisao building the stall, for instance, it would certainly feel odd to mention every single nail being hammered in, so you summarize those parts while keeping most of their conversation during said activity intact. You keep what's important.
So, in the above quote, why is dialogue between the main characters unimportant? I'm not saying that every single conversation needs to be presented in full, but we're at the beginning of story where we're only getting to know the heroine. That "idle chit chat", or at least significant chunks of it could have helped tremendously with that, especially considering how she apparently wastes no time to hook up with Hisao, so it'd be in your best interests to dispel any reader impressions of seeing two people kiss who barely talked to each other. Katawa Shoujo is at least partially in the slice-of-life genre; not every discussion needs to be especially deep or needs to bring the plot forward in some way. Some dialogue is simply a nice tool to let the reader get used to the characters, and I am quite interested to see more of Rika.

[Retrograde01]

So, in the above quote, why is dialogue between the main characters unimportant? I'm not saying that every single conversation needs to be presented in full, but we're at the beginning of story where we're only getting to know the heroine. That "idle chit chat", or at least significant chunks of it could have helped tremendously with that, especially considering how she apparently wastes no time to hook up with Hisao, so it'd be in your best interests to dispel any reader impressions of seeing two people kiss who barely talked to each other.

This was pointed out to be by a couple guys in /ksg/ and, basically, I did the very thing I promised I wouldn't do, and rushed a few parts. I tried writing a couple parts but it really felt like benign and pointless banter that might as well not be there. I am trying my best to make this next chapter better in that aspect, and there will be a pure SoL chapter in the near future.

It's hard to justify the speedy "hook up" without spoilers, though. It may seem like an error now, but there is reasoning behind it. Stay tuned.

[Mirage_GSM]

I didn't mind skipping the small talk in the slightest.
The conversation didn't lack any essential components, and nothing drags a story down like endless dialogues where nothing is really said. Sure, you can use stuff like that to establish personality or to cram in funny banter, but if the former isn't neccessary (and it isn't at that point) and the latter doesn't fit the mood there's no reason to include the complete conversation.
Authors like Helbereth and Hoitash are very fond of making every conversation a firework of witty repartee, but that only works with certain types of stories and characters.

Haha, I love how often people speak negatively of the character and yet the route still gets so much praise. xD

Well, Rikabro's story is certainly well written. Personally, I didn't like it as much as other more light-hearted stories around here.

[griffon8]

I'm with Mirage on the skipping of irrelevant dialogue.

And yes, Helbereth and Hoitash certainly are guilty of making 'firework of witty repartee'.

That's guilty! Guilty, guilty, guilty!

[Retrograde01]

This was a difficult chapter for me to write, so I apologize for the delay. I really don't like the way it turned out, but I couldn't just scrap it. The next chapter will be much better, I promise.

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Scene I - Horizons

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I should've taken that coffee in the common room earlier this morning.

Whoever planned for there to be exams on the very day after the festival is one sadistic son of a bitch. For umpteenth time today, I yawn so wide that I fear my jaw may unhinge, and my face is getting sore from opening and closing it so often. Nobody else seems to be faring much better either, as Mutou is almost certainly taking a nap behind that textbook his face is stuffed into, Misha is leaving a small puddle of drool on the table in her wake, and I can even see Shizune nodding her head every now and then. The only one who seems to be awake today is the girl in front with her greenish-blue hair, which is ironic since she's usually sleeping the class away on a normal day.

My exam lies face down, finished, and I listen to the ticking of the clock. My gaze turns to meet it, with my hopes being that the hatred in my eyes will convince the damnable thing to go faster.

Tick... Tick...... Tick.........

This is counterproductive, I decide, defeatedly burying my face into my hands. Father Time is very proficient at cruel and unusual punishment. What did I ever do to him?

The random assortment of colors that always accompanies the darkness of closed eyes begin swirling together into various random shapes as my mind tries whatever it can to wander away. At present, it can't come up with anything, simply dwelling on the thought: So tired... Sooo tired. I shouldn't have stayed out with Rika so long...

Rika...

There's a place my mind could settle on for a little while. I think back to our stargazing session and how she clung to me. We've only known each other for three days, but somehow it just felt... right? One thing that sticks out to me about Rika is how she's fidgeting non-stop, but last night she was so still in my arms, and she seemed so comfortable. I know that I was, as even my heart seemed to stop beating.

Her hair smelled like watermelon, a scent that surprised me although I don't know exactly what I was expecting. There's a lot of things I don't know about her; things that I want to find out. That same thought ran through my head last night. She wears her heart on her sleeves, but her mind is still an unknown to me.

After the time we spent 'warming ourselves back up', we returned to scanning the skies and as I searched for Orion, Rika said that one of her greatest dreams to go to space.

Cosmonaut Katayama. The title had a nice ring to it.

We began spinning the interstellar tales of Captain Katayama and Engineer Nakai aboard a ship dubbed the Orion, in celebration of me finally finding the constellation.

"An EVA suit would make you look fat," she had said to me as I was telling a story about repairing the ship due to some sort of debris collision.

"You could probably use that," I retorted, lifting up one of her arms, "I didn't know a forearm could be this small."

"That's a compliment, you know."

"Or is it?"

"Yep. It is." she said, unperturbed.

"And, what if I called you fat?" I probed.

"Nothing, because you and I both know that's not true."

"Or is it?"

"Calling a woman fat, who do you think you are?"

"A man stargazing next to a fat girl?"

She stiffly poked me on the shoulder with her index and pointer fingers, leaving a lasting little pain. We had our laughs jabbing at each other, but after we were done, the night fell silent once more. A peaceful silence like the one that preceded it. A silence that said there wasn't much to be said.

I glanced down at my watch to check the time, and as I did I heard the school bell rip through the sky.

Bell? That doesn't make sense...

My eyes shoot open as I realize that I'd just fallen asleep in class. The world begins to spin as I yank my head out of my hands too quickly. Everyone is eagerly exiting the room, but as my body rises to join them, gravity launches another one of it's assaults, forcing me back down into my chair as I stumble.

After letting my dizzy spell pass and allowing the blood return to my brain, I move to join them out in the hallway. The first waypoint my autopilot sets is to the vending machine to buy myself a can of coffee, but the other students all have similar ideas and I'm left waiting in line. My foot taps away impatiently and my jaw opens and closes on a semi regular basis. Everybody else is yawning constantly as well.

If yawning is contagious, today there's a pandemic. Widespread yawn has swept through Yamaku, and the people are dropping like flies, as a good number of students go back to the dorms and don't return.

I don't know where Rika hangs out usually, as the only interaction we've had is a chance encounter at the nurses office and the day of the festival. I keep scanning but come up empty, with a gnawing feeling crawling up in the aft end of my thoughts. We've only spent a total of two days together, and yet we were essentially cuddling last night. It feels... off.

Why does that bother me? It doesn't, but the fact that it doesn't is what bothers me.

So why doesn't it bother me?

Rika is really easy to be around compared to most other girls, I realize, looking back and noticing how I haven't stumbled with my words in the short time I've known her. She just has an aura of relaxation, and I haven't seen her get worked up about things aside from scolding Hachiro and Ai, but even that was very light. She's a friendly spirit for sure.

There are a lot of little factors that add up to it, factors that elude my understanding at the moment, but it's undeniable that I'm attracted to her as that's just an objective fact. One of the reasons that I actually have identified is how she isn't blunt, but still manages to get straight to the point, a quality demonstrated by the short kiss we shared last night. She felt the same infatuation I did, and instead of waiting around like I would've she took action.

Infatuation. The word feels out of place doesn't it? Why did I use that word? It's the best way I can describe what I feel right now, as it's much to early to call it anything else. As much as I can get her out of my head, for now we're just a guy and a girl who met at the festival and decided to date.

Wait. Are we dating? I don't recall either of us asking the other.

I'm thinking about this too hard, I conclude. All I should be doing right now is riding the wave to see how far ashore it takes me.

With my conscious mind having been lost in thought, my autopilot was kind enough to get me some food: curry bread, and a fruit cup. Idly gnawing away at the food, my mind wanders away again. I only had it tied down for a brief moment.

I've almost fallen back into another daydream when a familiar voice and the scent of garlic tears it in two...

"Sup, dude."

Oh boy, what now?

"What do you need, Kenji?" I ask, dragging my head up to look at him. My annoying neighbor is seated just across from me, his scarf being worn as a headband for whatever reason. His face gets serious and he begins scanning the room through his massive glasses before he says anything else.

"Are you alone?"

I hold up my hands to show off that I am, in fact, alone. "What do you think?" I ask.

"I dunno, man. I can barely see out these glasses."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Good," he says as he pulls me closer across the table, exaggerating the garlicky odor. "So," he whispers, "You spent the festival with Agent Katayama, did you?"

"Agent? What the hell are you-" he claps his hand over my mouth.

"SHHHHHHH! Do you want to compromise this whole operation?!" he continues in his hushed tone. "The girl seems to like you, so I'm extending an olive branch here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, as far as you're concerned," he says, not explaining anything whatsoever.

Then why the hell are you talking to me, I want to ask, but don't get the chance. "From this point on, we never knew each other. Got it?"

"No, not really."

"Exactly," he finishes, extending his hand for me to shake. I reluctantly accept the sentiment, only to find a note in my hands. All I can make out through the chicken scratchings are the words 'Roof, 7:30.' Once my eyes finally decypher the small part of the note that's legible, Kenji is already gone, army crawling out of the cafeteria and taking cover at regular intervals. Everyone is staring.

The rest of the note must be written in some sort of code, so I soon give up on making sense of it.

What does he want me to meet him on the roof for? My mind runs through the possibilities, but ultimately draws a blank. How does he know I spent the day with Rika yesterday? Are they friends?

And most importantly, why is he calling her 'Agent Katayama'?

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The day drags on painfully slow as I wait for whatever marvelous misadventure Kenji has planned for this evening. Classes finally end, and I throw myself onto my bed with great gusto, immediately falling asleep.

After my catnap, I find myself waking up at 6:45, a great deal closer to the roof meetup than I was before. It seems like Father Time has cut me some slack finally, and allows the rest of the time to pass by quickly. At 7:15, the evening greets me with a cool breeze as I exit the dorms, feeling refreshed. I almost don't care that I'm probably not going to get any more sleep tonight.

The inside of the school is eerie at this late an hour, with most of the teachers having gone home, and not a single student in the halls. Several fire-lights are left on, casting odd shadows as I make my way to the stairwell. It usually feels so full of life in here, with the low hum of people going about their daily business. It's somehow strange that it becomes a ghost town overnight.

Yamaku being full of life. A week ago, I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me that's how I'd be describing it, but it really is. More so, in fact, than any other school I've attended. Why is that, though?

Every creak of the staircase is highlighted by the silence surrounding it. Maybe that's it. Is the deadness of the school at night tricking me into thinking the school is so lively in the day? I'll have to do a comparison tomorrow while all the students are here, I guess.

The door to the roof has a piece of paper taped onto it saying 'Astronomy Club Meeting, No Entry' in Kenji's signature trainwreck of penmanship. It makes sense that Rika would hang out here, but I didn't know Kenji had any interest in astronomy. I try to push the door open, but something is blocking it.

Knocking on the door elicits a response, with Kenji's face appearing from the now partially opened passageway. "Password."

"What?" I wasn't told of any password.

"Password," he repeats in the exact same way.

"I don't know any password? Since when was there a password?" My question goes unanswered as Kenji shuts the door and the noise of a padlock comes from behind it. I begin knocking on the door again, harder, and that's when the lord and savior cometh to my rescue.

"Kenji, who was that?" Rika asks sternly.

"Just some guy who didn't know the password," he explains nonchalantly.

"It's me, Hisao!" I call, cupping my hands on the door to allow my voice to carry through.

"Kenji, let him in," she says in an annoyed sigh.

"No way! We don't know wether or not it's a spy, or-"

"Kenji, I swear to god, I'm gonna kick your ass," Rika says, as her footsteps begin to move closer to the door.

"Fine," he mumbles, finally unlocking the door. I'm greeted back into the outside by a gust of wind directed square at my face. It feels nice after my climb, which left me winded as short as it was. I really need to get into shape.

There are a grand total of four people on the roof, excluding myself. Kenji, who's pointing at me with two fingers saying, "I've got my eye on you," although his aim is off as he tries to track me. There are a boy and a girl that I don't recognize, their faces illuminated by a flashlight as they tinker with the telescope they have set up here. Rika stands halfway between the fence and myself, her nigh translucent complexion glowing in the fading light, her hair secured to her chest by her hands.

"I see someone told you about the astronomy club" she says, making her way towards me.

"Yeah. It was actually Kenji that invited me up here."

"Yeah, sorry about that. They supposedly don't allow mental disabilities at Yamaku, but that kid could roll either way," she jabs.

"Hey! I heard that!" Kenji calls over.

"I know! That's the point!" she retorts. Kenji pretends to ignore her and moves to help out the two strangers at the telescope as she keeps talking, "Anyway, here we are, the 'Astronomy Club,'" she explains, putting air quotes above the last two words.

"Why the-"

"We aren't so much a club as we are an excuse for us to stay out past curfew," she explains, reading the thought before I could finish it, "But we do actually stargaze every now and then, and this is one of those nights." Rika takes my hand, and begins pulling me towards the rest of the so-called club. "Let me introduce you!"

She gets the attention of the two at the telescope and begins, "Hisao, I would like you to meet the lovely Ikuno Komaki."

The girl in front of me stands up straight, arching her back to get the ache out from being hunched over the telescope too long. Her hair is relatively short, being just long enough to touch her shoulders, and her eyes are a deep blue, seeming nearly black as she pulls away from the glare of the flashlight.

"Hi," she says quietly and politely, "We've already met. Sorta. I'm in the same class as you," she tells me in a small but pronounced voice, not too unlike Rika's. Neither the name or the face ring any bells, though.

"I'm sorry, I uh... don't really remember you," I answer awkwardly, "It's nice to meet you, though."

"It's fine, man," the guy next to her says before she can, his voice much louder than anticipated. It booms and echos through the night like a clap of thunder, "She makes a bit of a point out of laying low. Name's Constantine Baskov," he introduces himself, extending his hand. He's a scrawny young man, tall but skinny, and his complexion is very fair and his eyes shine a frosty blue. I shake his hand and tell that my name is Hisao.

"We call him by his middle name, Alex," Rika explains to me.

"It's Alexei."

"That's just as long as Constantine to pronounce, so that would defeat the purpose."

"But Alexei sounds cooler."

"Your name is Alex. End of story."

"Who are you to go around naming people?"

"I'm Rika Katayama, your god," she says with a smile that spreads ear to ear.

"Hey," Ikuno interjects, "I've got the telescope pointed at Polaris. Who wants to see?"

Ikuno moves out of the way as Rika and Alex take a look inside the device. What could be so interesting about the north star, I think. It's just another star isn't it?

My family had a reflector telescope when I was a kid. I remember how nice it was to spend some family time pointing it at the stars, as it was some of the only family time we ever had. We pointed it at the moon first, and I spent at least an hour looking for the Apollo 11 landing site. Eventually my parents convinced me to stop, as the moon was a lot bigger than little Hisao thought. We pointed it at stars mostly after that, but my parents quickly got bored and eventually, stopped stargazing with me. I asked them one day why they wouldn't come out with me, and they said, "They're just dots, Hisao. As a whole they're pretty, but alone in the scope they aren't very special."

I took those words to heart and stopped stargazing a little while after that, too. Odds are that that old telescope is still up in the attic.

"Rika, you can see Polaris B right now," Alex said, taking his eye out of the veiwfinder. It's another reflector telescope, much like my old one at home, except larger.

"I love new moon... Hisao, come look at this," she beckons me. I realize I've been looking at the sky while i was thinking back as my head turns in Rika's general direction. "C'mon."

I take a few steps to get to the telescope and peer inside. There's a bright star among a number of other, dimmer stars.

"See that star just two o'clock to Polaris?" There is a star right next to the brightest one, at the two o'clock position. It's very dim compared to the other ones.

"Yeah, I see it. I think."

"That's Polaris B. It actually orbits Polaris," she explains, "And Polaris is actually Polaris AB. It's a binary star itself, but you can't see the other star since the bigger one is so bright."

"Really," I say, intrigued. I consider myself a fairly adept student when it comes to science, but I never knew that stars could do that. "That's interesting," I tell her.

"Here, move over and I'll show you something else cool," she says, moving the telescope to face the western skies. Following her lead, I peer through the scope once more to be greeted by the sight of not a dot or speck, but a very small crescent.

"What's that?"

"That's Venus," she informs me.

"Wow, I never knew you could see it as a crescent," I say. It's almost like a distant, yellowish moon in waxing crescent. This scope is at least twice as powerful as my one at home.

"Yep. Here, let me show you something else again," she starts, her hand brushing mine as she maneuvers the device.

She shows me things like the Andromeda Galaxy, Jupiter and its moons, the Magellanic Cloud, and even Neptune. Or Uranus, since there's really no distinguishing the two. After we've spent our time studying the heavens, Ikuno and Alex want to take the telescope and point it at a little cluster of stars off in the northern sky. They were polite enough to let us have our fun, so we take our leave and head over to the edge of the roof, sliding down onto the gravel surface.

Some of the stuff Rika showed me was actually pretty cool. The fact that you can see any of the planets from this far away alone kinda blows you away. You can even see some of Jupiter's own moons when you point at it. My family never pointed at those things back home in any instance I recall.

"Pretty cool isn't it?" Rika speaks up.

"Yeah, actually. I didn't know the sky could be that interesting close up."

"Hopefully, one day I'll get even closer," she says, gripping her braid once more.

"Cosmonaut Katayama," I repeat, and her grip tightens.

"It's such a silly dream," she says as her head moves back towards the sky and begins moving back and forth softly. Her eyes are closed as she begins taking deep, relaxed breaths, "I have another dream. A more realistic one, but it's much more timid than the first."

"What is it?"

"I want to graduate high school, and get a degree in aeronautics. Then I want to work as an engineer at JAXA or some other aerospace company, and at 50 I'll retire down to being a professor at some university. Then finally retire down to be a high school teacher," she explains. It sounds odd to hear someone give you a life plan instead of a dream, especially a high school student since most of us will just say some one word generic profession.

"That's oddly specific," I say.

"Yeah, but even that isn't very realistic."

"How so?"

"My condition," she says matter-of-factly, "I want to grow old and squeeze as much out of life as I can. Hell, even a full lifetime wouldn't be enough for me. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome used to be an immediate death sentence. I'm lucky to be born now, when they can do things to fix it, but so far the longest living carrier is only 35. That's way too short." she explains, her hold growing tighter and tighter as she tells me. Acting on a whim, I take her free hand and put it in mine. She loosens up, even if it's only by a little.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't dump this on you. I'll shut up now," she says, her voice smaller than before. Ikuno and Alex are talking between themselves and haven't taken notice of our conversation yet.

"It's fine," I tell her, trying to reassure her.

"It's kinda like how the sky seems so bright compared to the ground at night, because the horizon is black," she says, almost imitating Rin it would seem, because I can't really make sense of what she just said. The breeze ruffles the front of her hair, being picked up by the air easily due to it's wispy nature. Her eyes are open now and turn to meet mine, shinier than usual, with the stars once again reflected in them. There's something deeper behind them tonight, something I can't identify.

"I know the feeling," my voice acts of it's own accord. Back in the hospital I would think about it too much sometimes and it felt like the world would crash down on me.

This time I'm the one who kisses her. Her first reaction is to stiffen up, but then she melts into me, letting go of anything that was bothering her. I begin to pull away, but she reels me back in for a second kiss this time. The smell of watermelon comes back to me, and everything else in the world seems to fall away for a moment.

But then she sound of a wolf-whistle and a flare of light tear us out of our little getaway.

"Damn, Hisao, you work fast!" Alex calls towards us.

Pulling away frantically, Rika gets up and begins chasing him shouting, "Alex you bastard!" in drastic contrast to the peaceful moment we were just sharing. Ikuno mouths an 'I'm sorry' me while I'm still waiting for everything to register.

I survey the scene and notice that one, Rika is very quick on her feet, and two, that our head count is off.

"Hey, where's Kenji?" I ask, getting the attention of the rambunctious pair running in circles around the roof. Everyone stops and does a quick turnaround, but none of us know where he is. We all stop and begin our search, occasionally calling 'Kenji!'

"Found him!" Ikuno calls after a few minutes. Kenji is legitimately passed out just behind the AC unit, with half of his face covered in pebbles from the gravel. His scarf is folded up under his head, being used as a pillow.

"I say the new guy wakes him up."

"I second that."

"Aye."

"What?" I ask as they all move away from us, seeming to be taking cover behind the other AC units.

"Good luck with that, Hisao," Rika says, backing away from the apparent killzone.

I turn towards the sleeping boy at my feet. What hornet's nest am I about to kick?

[Draganada]

Haha, now I can't help but compare Rika to Yume from HoshiMemo. ^^ I'm not sure why you're unhappy with this chapter; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Joonwoo]

Love this update so much. This interpretation of Rika is curiously intriguing, and I look forward to the next update. Cheers!