This story could really use a theme song, huh?
Hey Sandy by Polaris
Chapter 14: Sirius, Part 2
Are you there, brain? It’s me, Aaron.
Speak, child, and I shall heed you.
Why are you talking like that?
Should I dumb it down?
No, that’s fine. Listen, I have a problem.
You've been staring into this bathroom mirror for the past seven minutes. I put two and two together.
I don’t want to go back out there. Staying in here seems like a much easier thing to do, frankly.
That sounds pretty cowardly to me.
What do you want me to do? I didn't even give the guy an answer, I just mumbled something and excused myself to the bathroom. I don’t even know where Suzu is now. For all I know he’s turned out to be some nutcase and threw her into a burlap sack.
So you’re just going to stand here while some wacko is kidnapping your girl?
Possibly.
Possibly?!
I meant she’s
possibly getting kidnapped, not that I wouldn’t go out there and save her if I was sure she was-- this really isn’t helping things at all!
I can’t help you unless you want to help yourself.
But aren’t you... myself?
Stop asking questions! Look, I can see you’re really tempted to just climb out through that window over there and run back home, but you can’t. And staying here will only make things exponentially worse. Go out there.
Yes, boss...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You were in there awhile.”
Jin says this very casually, as though we’ve known each other for years. It creeps me out, quite frankly, and makes me want to head straight back into the bathroom.
“I, uh, had an upset stomach. You said your name was Jin, right?”
He takes a sip from his drink. “Yes, last time I checked. Then again, I haven’t checked in a while, so who knows?”
The last thing I need to find out is that Suzu dated some woodland sprite who speaks in riddles.
“So, how do you know Suzu?” he asks. His golden irises peer sharply over the top of his glasses.
“We’re friends,” I answer.
“I think you’re more than that.”
“How would you figure?” I pry defensively.
“Boy and a girl, all dressed up, eating together at a romantic downtown cafe at night? Like I said, you’re more than friends.”
I can’t say I like where this is going at all. That stomach ache I was lying about is beginning to feel way too real.
“You’d rather not respond? That’s fine, I understand.”
A dull ache pulses momentarily through my right temple. Is he reading my mind?
“But,” he continues. “I’d still like to see Suzu before the night ends.”
He grins over at me with questionable sincerity. I clear my throat to cover for my indecisiveness and my growing anxiety.
“I’ll go find her,” I say with little enthusiasm. I get up from the table, shamble over to the door of the girls bathroom and start knocking.
“Suzu, are you in there?”
Besides a few odd looks from the female patrons in the vicinity, I don’t get any response.
“Suzu, I know this is awkward for you, but it’s not any better for me. Can you please just come out of there?”
It takes a few seconds, but a sullen looking blue-haired girl eventually comes forward. Together we take our walk of shame and join Jin at the table. We all silently agree to sit on different ends, for fear of turning this awkward moment up to eleven.
Jin orders his “usual” when the waitress from earlier pops by again. The idea that the infamous ex-boyfriend I've heard so much about has been under our nose the entire time is, for lack of a better word, creepy. The possibility that he may have followed Suzu down to Yamaku hangs ominously at the forefront of my mind.
“Suzu.”
“... Jin.”
Jin’s greeting comes off as awkward and forced, Suzu’s even more so.
Sitting here for the rest of the night, sipping on a drink in silence would be ideal, but that’s more than likely just wishful thinking on my part.
“How long have you been here?” she asks him.
He removes his shades and sets them down on the table. In the interest of giving people their due, he does look pretty handsome. I’d go for him, if I were into that sort of thing.
“A few months.”
“Did you follow me?”
Judging from his body language, he wasn't expecting her to get to the point so soon. He must have forgotten what Suzu is like in the time he’s been away from her.
“No. I came here of my own volition.”
“You just happened to come to this city?” she asks him, unconvinced.
“There’s more to this city than just Yamaku. It has quite a burgeoning music scene, not to mention the countryside. It just seemed natural for me.”
“Jin, I don’t--”
“Suzu, it’s fine if you don’t believe me. But is it really so bad that I want to talk to you?”
As he says this, I catch him eyeing me expectantly. Does he expect me to leave? Joke’s on you, pal. I’m American. We never leave, even when we really should.
“Can I buy you both drinks?” he offers.
We both accept his attempt to buddy up, albeit a bit reluctantly. Honestly, I’m not too sure why I’m so bothered by him being here. I mean, we’re all adults here, aren't we? It’s not a great leap to say we can move on from this and get on good terms. Of course, thinking back to some of the fiasco's my family has gotten themselves into, I remember that there’s more to being an adult than just physical age.
“How about some Guinness? Dark stout?”
Suzu and I glance at each other in confusion.
“But we’re not twenty?” I remind him.
He chuckles, in a way that makes me feel very naive. “I’m what you may call a friend to the owners. I’ll hook you guys up, don’t worry.”
On second thought, maybe this guy isn't as bad as I thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One hour later, and the tight grip of uneasiness has loosened up just a bit. The glass bottles in front of us may have had something to do with that, however.
“So you’re a Jose Gonzalez fan, Jin?” I ask.
He smiles and nods. “Ever since I was in middle school. Of course, I was the only one in my entire class who knew who he was, but that’s ok. Being alone in that regard really lent itself to the experience.”
I don’t really catch his meaning, but I raise my bottle to him nonetheless. It’s the polite thing to do, I figure.
“What about you? Do you have any interests?”
Despite being the only one talking to him right now, it takes me a minute to realize that that question was aimed at me.
“Oh, uhm... huh. Just average stuff, I guess.”
A quizzical grin pops up on his face. I suppose the idea of “average” would have a different meaning for the both of us. I mean, he’s a rich Japanese kid, and I’m a semi-rich Japanese-American kid. Apples and oranges.
“Video games and such?” he guesses.
“You’d be right. Of course, I was never any good at them...”
“And yet you still enjoy them. That’s an admirable trait.”
“It kind of is, isn't it?”
We both nod, having finally found some mutual ground. I’m a bit concerned about Suzu right now, though. She hasn't said a word since our drinks came in, and I can’t tell whether that’s a good sign or not.
“Have you tried the tequila lime grilled shrimp?”asks Jin. “I’ll head up there right now and order for you.”
Waving off our (mostly my) protests, he excuses himself to get us our meals. Now alone again, if only for a short while, I take advantage of the window of opportunity.
“How are you holding up?” I ask Suzu. My voice is a whisper, despite Jin being well across the cafe.
“He still talks a lot,” she notes sourly.
I start to laugh, but stop when I notice that she didn’t mean to be funny. All of a sudden, she buries her face deep within her own hands, elbows propped onto the table like kickstands.
“God, why did he have to be here...”
“If you want to go now--”
“No, no, I’m alright, just... I don’t want to ruin this night. Let’s keep going.”
I take her hand and give it a light, reassuring squeeze. I want nothing more than to let her know that I’m here for her. If she wants to stick it out, then I’ll stick it out with her. That’s what love is, right?
Jin returns to us fairly quickly.
“Change of plans, the bar’s starting to fill up pretty quickly. Why don’t we all go for a walk?”
Jin’s disheartened tone of voice belays the oddly upbeat sparkle in his eye. My gut tells me that this wasn’t just a spur of the moment urge to get some fresh air. My gut’s been working overtime today. Suzu doesn't object, at least not outwardly. I honestly expected at least a little resistance, but maybe she just wants to get this night over with as quickly as possible. Whatever her reasoning, I’m definitely not about to be left in this dingy cafe all by myself.
But you picked it.
I’m unpicking it. Time to go for a walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I always love when the streets fill up. I’m sure you wouldn’t expect someone like me to say that, but I enjoy the presence of people. It comforts me. It lets me know that the world hasn’t stopped moving.”
Holy shit, he
does talk a lot. It’s almost as if every little sight and sound we’ve come across since leaving the cafe is a trigger to send him on a tangent about his life and the way he sees the world.
Like a more talkative Suzu, I note. They share more in common than I thought. Very unsettling.
Jin seems to wind down a bit as we pass a couple more blocks. The night has become blanketed in a calming haze. Street lights cut through the fogginess as hard as they can, but to little avail. Back in America, this wasn't an unusual sight, although that haze was more than likely just car exhaust. Still, it’s a reminder of home, and a welcome sight.
“Suzu, do you remember the time I told you about the car wreck I saw in Tokyo?”
Suzu shakes her head, her arms tucked snugly against her small body. Jin seems a tad upset by this, but continues on regardless.
“It was early in the evening. There was this road that I always liked to walk along, that was bordered by a deep forest on its right. It was very steep, so I used to call it the Forest of the Dead.”
He pauses his tale midway to admire a boarded up storefront, wiping away the dust specks with an almost loving touch.
“While I was walking,” he continues. “I saw something shiny out of the corner of my eye. I looked down, and I saw a piece of a front bumper. Most of it was very rusty, but there were a few untouched spots on it. I started to look for the rest of the car, and I found it after a couple of minutes. It was mangled beyond recognition. I stayed there for a while, while the police started cleaning things up. It really made me think.”
In hindsight, I feel pretty stupid for following him into a darkened street.
“Namely, it made me think about the concept of death. A mangled car, rotting down in the forest for who knows how long. All the while, birds build nests around it, plants grow on the ground beneath it. Death and life coexisting. Coming together as one.”
Jin, seeing the puzzled look on my face, grins and plucks a flower from a crack in the sidewalk. He hands it to me.
“Did that creep you out? I’m sorry. Sometimes, I don’t really hear myself when I speak. It’s a very annoying habit, as you can imagine.”
I nod, preferring to just let him think I understand. When he’s not looking I swiftly place the flower into Suzu’s jacket pocket. She smiles weakly up at me.
Jin continues to walk along the crumbling sidewalk, stretching his arm out at various intervals to rub his hand along the crimson brick buildings. For about five seconds I consider leaving; I’m sure Suzu wouldn't object.
Or maybe not.
She begins to follow him, looking back at me over her shoulder. Wordlessly, she beckons for me to follow her. Torn between my own selfish desire to go home, and my earlier promise to Suzu to stay with her, I finally settle on just following my trusty male instincts.
But I’m
not going to like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Before that, I didn't think too much about things. You know that, right Suzu?”
She nods curtly.
The three of us are now a good two or so miles removed from the bustling lights of downtown. The average rate of cars zooming past us has dropped considerably in the past hour, and the sounds of feet shuffling against concrete have wholly vanished. Except for ours, of course.
“But, I think that day changed me. I don’t know. Maybe because you weren't there to keep me in check, Suzu? I started thinking constantly. About death, I mean. Death and life. How they compliment each other, yet stand opposed to each other. Like bitter rivals who, at the end of their lives, will greet each other as old friends.”
I’m honestly not paying too much attention to him at this point, being more concerned with our immediate area. I feel like I’m the only one who is. That's the downside of hanging out with two space cadets, I guess.
It looks as though we've arrived in a residential district, traversing an uphill road with two-story houses on either side of us. I stifle a yawn for the I've-lost-count time in the past hour. I’m tired, I’m annoyed, and I have absolutely zero idea where we’re headed at this time of night. I manage to lag behind the group on account of stopping to flick a giant cockroach off of my pant leg (and screaming like a little girl, but hopefully nobody heard that).
I resist the urge to catch up to them. From my vantage point, it looks as though they’re deep in conversation. What the conversation entails, I’m not sure, but from the looks of things, the two of them are beginning to connect on some level. Lots of eye contact, some smiling going on, the whole shebang. I would be lying if I said my interest—maybe even my jealousy—wasn’t piqued.
I follow just close enough behind them to pick up on their conversation, but with enough room between us so as to not make my intentions obvious. Like Raiden, but with clothes on.
“They miss you, you know.”
I barely make out Suzu answering, “I know.”
“Then why don’t you come ba—”
“Jin, you know I can’t go back.”
“But why can't you?”
Suzu looks him in the eyes. “You know exactly why I can’t! I have school, I have friends—”
“You have him?”
Suzu says nothing. Just stares straight ahead into the nothingness ahead of us. How am I supposed to take that? I feel like I should be offended, but then again I did the same thing when Jin asked about Suzu and I back at the cafe. I suppose the silent treatment would be the best—
“It’s... not like that. He’s just a friend. Nothing else.”
I stop listening. I stop moving, at least for a little bit. I catch up to the two of them eventually, but I’m not paying attention as Jin welcomes me back to the group. Suzu’s words remain painfully fresh in my head. I could just brush it off as her trying to steer Jin away from prying. But something about the way she said it rubs me the wrong way. If it was a fake declaration, then she has a real talent for faking that I haven’t heard of until now.
So, then, what else has she been faking?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much to my shock, we've only been walking for about an hour and a half by the time we make it back to Constellation. I could have sworn an entire day had passed in the time when we passed through the dark city streets. At some points it felt like I had been walking for weeks. If I look how I feel right now, I must be quite a sight for sore eyes.
“I should head back inside. It’s almost closing time. If you want, I can get one of the guys to drop you two off at the bus stop.”
“That’s fine, Jin. We’ll walk.”
He clearly wasn't expecting me to answer. Still, he nods politely and begins saying his goodbyes.
“Aaron, it was a pleasure meeting you. Suzu... hopefully this won’t be the last time.”
A ghost of a smile appears on Suzu’s face.
Jin stalls for a bit, unsure of whether he should continue to speak or not. Finally, he nods and enters into the club. Never to be seen again.
Suzu and I stay there for a bit, watching the crowd disperse. Not even a “so...” that you would expect after such a strange occurrence. Just good old fashioned quietness.
“We should start heading back,” Suzu points out. I check the time on my phone. It’s almost one.
“Shit, do they, like, lock the gates or anything?” I ask in a slight panic.
“Yeah. But I know how to get in.”
Nodding, I follow her back to the bus stop. As luck would have it, the next bus arrives almost as soon as we do, sparing us any more wasted time.
We ride back to Yamaku with nary a peep shared between us. I pop in my trusty ipod, hoping that it’ll get me through this rough spot like it has so many times before. No such luck. When the object of your worries is sitting next to you, it negates the effect. Like putting a bag of ice over your right eye while punching your left one.
Why am I even making jokes at this point? To stave off the negative thoughts, probably. My mental defenses are working overtime, and even they’re not able to keep up.
I feel a small nudge on my shoulder. Readjusting in my seat, I offer my shoulder for Suzu’s tired head.
I sit still in my seat for another fifteen minutes as we leave behind the urban landscape of the city for the familiar forest treelines of Yamaku. Seeing so many of the town shops with darkened storefronts is pretty eerie, but actually pretty cool. This may be the last time I get to enjoy the late night sights, so I may as well enjoy it.
Even from far away, it’s not hard to spot the giant silhouette of our school against the stars in the night sky. As the bus crawls to a stop, I gently shake my slumbering partner awake. Shaking the cobwebs of sleep from her eyes, at least temporarily, she follows me down the aisle and out the doors. Nodding to the equally spent bus driver, we step out underneath the street lamp and watch as the bus disappears into the night. I can’t help but wonder if we've woken anyone up with our late night arrival. For all I know, there may be some confused, pajama clad frosh’s staring down at the weird kids standing at the bus stop.
“So where’s this secret passage you told me about—”
She interrupts my groggy inquest with a kiss. A fairly weak kiss, mind, but it’s clear that she’s trying. She even throws her arm around my neck. I return the favor, interlocking my hands behind her back. We stay like this for a little while before breaking apart.
“What was that for?” I ask, too tired to filter my thoughts.
“Affirmation.”
“What?”
“Just... to remind me.”
“Of?”
“.....”
“Silent treatment again? You've been awfully quiet tonight.”
“I guess...”
“Was it Jin?”
She jitters a bit. “... Yes.”
“I know it wasn't comfortable meeting him again, I understand that.”
“It was nothing. Don’t worry.”
“Is that why you lied to him? About us?”
Realizing that she’s been backed into a corner, Suzu begins to fidget in place, then paces the length of the bus stop with a look of discomfort.
“I just didn't want... I didn't want things to get awkward.”
“Well, why would they be awkward? He knows how you feel about him, right?”
I swallow hard. What I’m about to say could open a can of worms that I’m not the least bit ready for. And I’m not even totally sure if it needs to be opened.
“Or maybe... you don’t know how you feel about him?”
“What?” she asks, her eyes shooting towards me.
“I don’t know. It’s just some little voice in the very back of my head that won’t shut up.”
“... What does it say?”
“It tells me that maybe I’m just a replacement... for him.”
Her voice trails off in the chilly breeze that whistles past our ears.
“That’s not what—”
“No, Suzu. I know that as much as you may try to convince me, try to convince yourself that it’s not the case, maybe some part of you did really love him. Maybe you regret that you let a good thing go?”
“Just stop!” she yells.
I take a step back, thrown off by the harsh edge to her words.
“Why... Why do you have to bring this up now? Why can’t you just let me have this one night?!”
“Suzu—”
Out of nowhere, she pushes me. It’s not a violent push; it doesn't hurt me in the slightest. If anything, it’s the girl standing across from me who took the brunt of it.
“No! I just... yes. That’s what you wanted to hear, right? Isn't it?”
“That isn't what I—”
“Oh, it isn't? Because, frankly, there’s not a whole lot of other ways to interpret it!”
Her voice is steadily rising, as is the wind whistling past my ears. Nature itself has popped in to tell me what an idiot I am.
“Suzu, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have--”
“Don’t apologize! Don’t... say anything. I don’t want to hear you talk right now.”
I stay silent, a cocktail of emotions brewing inside of me. To top it all off, a shiny hunk of metal flies into my chest and lands at my feet. I bend down to pick it up, and discover that it’s a faded old key, scribbled-on masking tape adorning it.
“There’s a maintenance door on the right side of the campus,” Suzu tells me curtly. “That’s the key.”
She begins to walk off, and I try to stop her.
“Suzu—”
“Maybe you were right.”
“Huh?”
“Back when you were in the nurse’s office. Maybe things are going too fast.”
I stand there, waiting for more of her punishing words to hit me. No more come, however, as she vanishes as quick as the wind brushing my face. Still, I stand there. If her words won’t punish me, then my own will.
I guess I should start heading for the maintenance door. It doesn't really matter though. I’m certainly not tired anymore. All that’s running through my head now is how, in the end, I was right. About the can of worms, I mean.
Some things don’t need to be brought to light. Some things don’t need to be opened.
I hate when I’m right.
The truth is out!