Hanako and Hisao –Road to Tokyo Conclusion Update!

[Hoitash]

Part II:

“We’re ready!” Emi announced, and it slowly dawned on me that I had to do something at that point.

I slowly nodded and dragged my gaze back to the lobby. Repressing a resigned sigh, I took a step toward the lobby, then another, and then, I was walking. The trolley started creaking and rolling behind me, and I looked back to see Kenji pulling and Kwan pushing. Emi was nowhere in sight, but her disappearance was quickly explained when she popped into my vision and hooked an arm around my shoulders.

“Thanks for letting us tag along,” Emi said, grinning as she looked up at me with those bright green eyes of her.

Startled by her physical contact and bent a bit because of her short stature, I awkwardly shrugged, “n-no problem. I’m g-glad we could meet in person again… I n-never got that one hot pot recipe of yours.”

Emi blinked, “the chicken one? Huh, I’ll have to give you that before we head back.”

“Hey!” Kenji barked, making both of us jump, “stop distractin’ her so we can get a move on here!”

“Bite me, Four Eyes!” Emi snapped, flicking Kenji off as she bounced away from me to help push.

The lobby had thinned out a bit, but not much, and navigating my way to the elevators while staring at the floor was a bit tricky. I managed fine, and we even ended up filling an elevator on our own. Dulcet traditional music played as we waited for our floor as Emi bounced on the balls of her feet, making the elevator shimmie slightly as her inability to feel said feet made her movements slightly exaggerated. After a few seconds she started humming along to the tune, and to my surprise Kenji joined in. Kwan followed, and than I did, and we ended up forming an odd humming chorus in time with the elevator music.

When the elevator dinged open, Emi bolted out, and I helped Kwan and Kenji haul the bag laden trolley out of the elevator.

“Emperor’s bowels this thing’s heavy,” Kenji grunted, “which one of you brought your rock collection?”

“We have three girls with us,” Kwan remarked, “and one of them has a backpack that weighs as much as she does.”

“Watch it,” Emi snarled.

I smiled and looked around, trying to find where our rooms were. I checked the directions plaqued onto the wall and indicated the way. The other three paused, and it slowly occurred to me they wanted me to lead them. It was an odd feeling, and I kind of liked it, even if it made me really nervous. They were depending on me, and even if it was for this little thing, I was determined to not fail.

Which was extremely easy, because the two rooms were only a few dozen yards down the light wooden, well lit walls. The rooms were next to each other, so Kwan and Kenji eased the trolley between the two rooms and waited for us to come to a decision on who would sleep where.

I turned to Emi, “I th-think flipping for it is a good idea.”

Kwan and Kenji nodded, so Emi pulled out the coin and prepped it for flipping, “who wants to call it?”

“Hanako,” Kenji declared, “her prize, her decision.”

I mentally battled between which side to say before stating, “h-heads means the r-room on the right is for guys, tails is girls.”

Emi shrugged and flipped the coin. It twirled in the air for a bit, glinting lightly in the bright hallway lighting before landing in Emi’s hand. She smacked it onto her other hand and revealed heads.

“Okay then,” Kenji said, “let’s get this crap unloaded so I can haul this thing downstairs and take a nap.”

“I can take it down,” Emi stated, “that’ll make it easier to meet Lilly and Hisao and give them their keys, and they can tell me how to find Miki on the way up.”

Kenji nodded an acknowledgement while I started handing out keys. After giving the extra key cards to Emi, I helped unload the luggage piled on the trolley.

Considering we’d only be in Tokyo for two nights and two days, we did seem to have a lot of stuff. We hadn’t even gone shopping for band merch for the concert yet, either. That was going to be fun, even if it meant overpaying and braving the crowds of fans the afternoon before the concert.

Once everything was unloaded we split up, Kwan and Kenji entering one room, while Emi and I opened the other with a click and a push of the door lever.

The hotel room was pretty ordinary, really. A sleeping room with a screen was to the right, across from a bathroom and the door that led to the balcony. The drapes of the balcony were closed, their white color contrasting with the pale blue walls. A Western-style lounge area had been set up in the left corner next to the front door, and the right side had a couple of closets and a small counter with a coffee maker and the gift basket.

“Wow,” Emi declared, bolting for the basket and eyeing it like a mek boy ogling a looted Imperial Guard Baneblade. And apparently I spent too much time listening to Hisao talk about the school’s gaming club.

The basket was loaded with apples, bananas, some local fruits, a couple pastries, cookies, crackers and cheese spread, and a bottle of sparkling cider. A white envelope with my name on it was perched next to the basket, which made me smile that someone went through the effort of knowing my name, and not just putting “Contest Winner.”

“Ooh…” Emi breathed as she examined the basket, “neat! I entered the raffle, too, but I’m glad you won!”

“Th-thanks,” I muttered. Glancing behind me to the pile of bags, I added, “We should bring in the bags.”

Emi nodded and dashed past me to start hauling in the luggage. Thanks to her speed we managed to do it in no time, and I barely had time to open the sliding door and examine the bedroom, when Emi bolted off to drop off the trolley downstairs.

“Back in a bit!” she declared before the door clicked shut behind her with a thud.

I examined the traditional styled bedroom carefully. The large, tan colored mats were laid out in a checkered pattern to cover the white floor, which, in contrast to the paint scheme of the rest of the hotel room, matched the bedroom itself. The lattice worked sliding door was made of darker wood, in contrast to the color of the mats. As I examined the room, I started wondering where I’d want to sleep. For the time being Emi and I had just stacked our bags in a corner, so I rifled through them to grab my slippers, which gave me time to work out the sleeping arrangement.

Lilly should sleep by the door, to give her better access to the exit and the bathroom. Emi could have the left wall or the right, but the more I thought about sleeping the more tired I became, despite my earlier nap. I guess I was having a caffeine crash of some sort. I went to the closet by the door to grab the futons, but the puffy red lounge chair looked really comfortable. I managed to get a pot of coffee going for Hisao before giving in to the allure of the chair and easing into it.

It’s comforting warmth and softness was relaxing, and I slumped into the chair and closed my eyes, drifting off to another rest. If I was going to face the unknown, I could at least be well rested for it.

+++
Next Chapter

Sorry for posting later then normal, but my job has morning hours; the downside to being a baker is, for some reason, people expect their bagels in the morning. Keeps my evenings free, even if my boss is a arghrageofangryarghingrage.

I also got to learn about Japanese architecture, which was cool.

Next time: Kenji and Hisao have a plan, and Hisao is determined to level the playing field of his relationship, because whenever Hisao doesn’t overthink his relationship, a kitten dies.

[Helbereth]

I stood up a little straighter as I helped Hisao work his way through the city streets.

I think you mean 'sat up a little straighter' unless they cut a sun roof out of the car ceiling.

slowly lifting herself off of Kanji’s

You know what's wrong here.

...Kenji, game plan?”

I feel like that comma ought to be another question mark since he's using Kenji's name to get his attention.

politics, “nothing

I've pointed it out before, but, in a situation like this, that 'nothing' ought to be capitalized. The only time you don't capitalize the first word in quotes is when it's accessed through a bridge coming from another bit of quoted dialogue. Also, you could put a period after politics here instead of a comma--the dialogue isn't really attached to the preceding sentence.

“what are you p-plotting?”

I'm not expert, but stuttering usually happens on the starting word of a statement. When I read this aloud with 'w-what' instead of 'p-plotting', it seemed more natural.

I have a tendency lately to read a little bit, then get distracted... I'll post this now and read the rest later.

[Hoitash]

I have a tendency lately to read a little bit, then get distracted... I'll post this now and read the rest later.

Then you'll love the birthday special I have planned (ominous organ music.)

Thanks for those edits, I blame sleep deprivation for their existence (no Mako, humans are not supposed to get up before 6 AM.)

[DanjaDoom]

Next time: Kenji and Hisao have a plan, and Hisao is determined to level the playing field of his relationship, because whenever Hisao doesn’t overthink his relationship, a kitten dies.

MIKI NO

[Hoitash]

Next time: Kenji and Hisao have a plan, and Hisao is determined to level the playing field of his relationship, because whenever Hisao doesn’t overthink his relationship, a kitten dies.

MIKI NO

You know, as much as he overthinks his relationships in the VN, I now wonder if he left a cat at home or something...

[Helbereth]

blindness; not a lot of Seeing Eye cats out there.

This should be a double-hyphen -- rather than a semicolon ;

When the elevator dinged open Emi bolted out, and I helped Kwan and Kenji haul the bag laden trolley out of the elevator.

A comma after 'open' would be advisable.

eyeing it like a mek boy ogling a looted Imperial Guard Baneblade.

Um... what?

[Hoitash]

edits

Thanks for those, and the ones in the pm .

Um... what?

I did say she was listening to Hisao too much, but if you insist...

mek boy, Baneblade (now that's Tankery!), Looted Wagon.

[Mirage_GSM]

“Anyone else appreciating the irony that we just drove eight hours to go somewhere half of us live?”

Eight hours? Where did they start driving? On Kyushu?
Even factoring in lots of rest breaks that time seems excessive.

With a smile aimed my way he lead Lilly to the shotgun seat,

While I gues you can shoot lead from a shotgun, you probably meant something else...

Emi bounced on the balls of her feet

Not sure you can do that with prosthetics.

I examined the washitsu carefully...
...but the puffy red lounge chair looked really comfortable.

You mention the word "washitsu" several times...
For one thing you probably wouldn't refer to a room as a washitsu like Hanako does in the story. I stayed in one for a time when I was in Japan, but the term was not mentioned once. Not to mention it feels out of place if you drop a single Japanese word into your otherwise English story.
Also, if it really was a washitsu, it wouldn't have any lounge chairs - or any other furniture either.

[Hoitash]

“Anyone else appreciating the irony that we just drove eight hours to go somewhere half of us live?”

Eight hours? Where did they start driving? On Kyushu?
Even factoring in lots of rest breaks that time seems excessive.

Google maps had the original route at around four hours, plus stops and shenanigans... hmm, you're right. Six hours is more likely... thanks, I'll fix that now.

With a smile aimed my way he lead Lilly to the shotgun seat,

While I gues you can shoot lead from a shotgun, you probably meant something else...

....slugs are lead.

More seriously, thanks for that.

Emi bounced on the balls of her feet

Not sure you can do that with prosthetics.

I figure if anyone could, it would be Emi.

I examined the washitsu carefully...
...but the puffy red lounge chair looked really comfortable.

You mention the word "washitsu" several times...
For one thing you probably wouldn't refer to a room as a washitsu like Hanako does in the story. I stayed in one for a time when I was in Japan, but the term was not mentioned once. Not to mention it feels out of place if you drop a single Japanese word into your otherwise English story.
Also, if it really was a washitsu, it wouldn't have any lounge chairs - or any other furniture either.

I wasn't sure on the English translation (sleeping room might work, but that sounded dull) and I was going for a Western/Japanese mix in terms of interior design. I knew when I wrote that I'd screw it up somehow, and I apologize for that. I'll just change it to bedroom, although if you have a suggestion for an alternative, I'd be willing to take it.

Thanks for reading commenting .

[Mirage_GSM]

I'd mention once it is a "japanese style room" and then refer to it simply as a bedroom. Alternatively you could just describe it in detail. Look at the pictures in the link for inspiration.
It's always nice to see other authors actually do research as well. Where DO they start their journey anyway?

[Hoitash]

I'd mention once it is a "japanese style room" and then refer to it simply as a bedroom. Alternatively you could just describe it in detail. Look at the pictures in the link for inspiration.
It's always nice to see other authors actually do research as well. Where DO they start their journey anyway?

Okay, that should work out, edits made. Again .

Where do they start out? At the University, of course! I based their University experience on Tohoku Gakuin University, though I never named the school itself. It was the only one I could find in the Sendai area that had the variety of degrees the group was seeking and wasn't closed for the 2011 earthquake (although this fic takes place in 2010, I like to keep my characters from natural disasters if I can help it.)

[Mirage_GSM]

Ah, now I see what my mistake was: I didn't realize the default setting of google maps was using trains instead of cars.^^°
Very strange. Usually, if I wanted to travel by train, I'd plan the route not on GM but on the site of whoever sells the tickets.

Anyway, I like it if small details like that are hidden in the story - like the zoo you mentioned in the previous chapter. I try to hide as many in my fics as will fit in.

[Hoitash]

Ah, now I see what my mistake was: I didn't realize the default setting of google maps was using trains instead of cars.^^°

I had that same problem when I looked it up, too. That mighta been what screwed up my math -that or I overestimated how long it takes to fight off a horde of monkeys.

[Dumanios]

Great to see you at work again!

I wonder what other incidents will happen?

[Hoitash]

Great to see you at work again!

I wonder what other incidents will happen?

(Does Finger Pyramid of Contemplation) indeed, what do I have in store for our intrepid band of college students? What do I have planned indeed...

Depends on what the booze tells me to write, really. Generally when I'm hungover Elvis Presley comes to me in a dream and, when I'm conscious again, a new chapter has been written. It's kinda weird.

Either way, glad you're enjoying the ride, and thanks for reading .