Hanako/Hisao post-Yamaku (Updated 1/2/14)

[Brogurt]

Despair, not dispair

"In the meantime Hisao,"

If you're interjecting a name into a sentence like that, it is technically parenthetical, so it should have commas on each side, not just afterward

So I guess this is post bad end, then? Was the best friends comment in the letter supposed to reflect this in a negative light, or would you just call that an oversight?

[pandaphil]

Okay, I'll fix.

And yes, this is post bad end. But this timeline, thanks to some help from Yuuko of all people, they manage to save their friendship and eventually fall in love, etc. I thought it would add an interesting twist to the story. Not sure if its a good idea or not, but I thought it would be different.

Despair, not dispair

"In the meantime Hisao,"

If you're interjecting a name into a sentence like that, it is technically parenthetical, so it should have commas on each side, not just afterward

So I guess this is post bad end, then? Was the best friends comment in the letter supposed to reflect this in a negative light, or would you just call that an oversight?

[YZQ]

Call me confused, but I thought your continuity is post Good End? Or did I mis-read something along the way?

[pandaphil]

Call me confused, but I thought your continuity is post Good End? Or did I mis-read something along the way?

Hmmm, I guess I should check that. Hope I didn't screw up again. Even I have trouble keeping track sometimes.

[pandaphil]

I guess you guys have a point. I fixed a couple of typos, and got rid of the reference to the bad ending, changing it to just a general reference to a time she'd lost her temper. Was just a silly idea anyway.

[Negativedarke]

I have an idea what Hisao is trying to get Hanako. If I'm right it's similer to something I was going to do in a fic I'm working on. I'll have to wait and see if I'm right.

This was a sadder entry. What with Hanako having one of her bad spells. In some ways it'll be even harder for her now that she has a relationship with Hisao. She could have to deal with a negative feedback loop. Feeling guilty because she knows this hurts Hisao, knowing how badly she reacts to his attempts to help her. It'd get even worse if she snaps and lashes out at him, because then Hanako would be dealing with the guilt from that. I would hope she'd rarely get these spells if she and Hisao ever have children.

So you'd go with Yuuko helping the two get back together? Personally I'd go with Misha.

[pandaphil]

I have an idea what Hisao is trying to get Hanako. If I'm right it's similer to something I was going to do in a fic I'm working on. I'll have to wait and see if I'm right.

This was a sadder entry. What with Hanako having one of her bad spells. In some ways it'll be even harder for her now that she has a relationship with Hisao. She could have to deal with a negative feedback loop. Feeling guilty because she knows this hurts Hisao, knowing how badly she reacts to his attempts to help her. It'd get even worse if she snaps and lashes out at him, because then Hanako would be dealing with the guilt from that. I would hope she'd rarely get these spells if she and Hisao ever have children.

So you'd go with Yuuko helping the two get back together? Personally I'd go with Misha.

We might be thinking the same thing about the present. Its actually from a list of story ideas that once of the members here sent me. I'll send you a PM to confirm if you don't mind spoilers.

I like to think for Hanako, these times around her birthday are more of a self-esteem crisis. She's reminded of all the times people have made a fuss over her for her birthday, and she doesn't feel she deserves it. Its even worse now that so many good things have happened to her.
Otoh she knows shes not alone anymore, and that, along with that little note from Hisao, helped her snap out of her depression after only a day rather than the two days or more of previous attacks. I imagine her birthday is going to be a quiet day of cuddling.

I kinda like the idea of making Yuuko the one who steps forward to help. Shes never actually been that helpful to the story that I recall, while Misha actually helped you with Emi in one of her paths. Yuuko would understand Hanako a lot more than Misha I think.

[pandaphil]

Hey all. Well after months of struggling with RL, and a major art project, I finally have another chapter in my cuddleporn epic. Sorry to everyone who's been waiting. I hope its worth it.

This time I tried to concentrate more on dialogue. Something I've had trouble with in the past. As always, comments are welcome and appreciated.

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Chapter V


July 10th, 10am

I'm disoriented at first when I open my eyes, dazzled by the sunlight streaming into the room and not quite sure where I am. Who the hell left the curtains open? It's obviously late in the morning since the room's already started to warm up to the point where I've pushed the covers half off in my sleep.

The thing is, I'm not in my bed, and this isn't my room. So where...

I start to sit up, looking around me as awareness finally starts to dawn. I'm on the living room couch, and today is...Sunday?

That's Hanako's birthday. Aww, great. I lie back with a groan, rubbing my eyes. I've been dreading this all week.

Something moving beside me and a soft intake of breath cuts me off. I roll onto my side, and come face to face with a pair of wide, violet eyes. Hanako? What th-?

The rest of last night starts to snap back into my consciousness as I finish waking up. The memory of her losing her temper and shouting at me to leave her alone. Then later appearing here at my side and crawling under the blanket with me. I know it'd been late, but what could have happened after she drove me out of the room? Had she gotten lonely? Had a bad dream maybe? Or had my note actually done some good? I hope she isn't still angry. But she doesn't seem to be.

My ponderings are brought to an abrupt halt by the lovely, nervous smile that spreads across her face.

"Hi" she says, in her barely audible voice. She lies there on her back, her hands tucked shyly under her chin. Her hair is a dark pool framing her slender face as she looks up at me with her big bright eyes.

I smile back out of relief. She seems fine.

"Good morning." Her bangs have fallen naturally down over her right eye and I reach down to brush them aside, exposing her damaged face to the morning light. "Sleep okay?"

"Uh huh." She averts her eyes out of shyness. That same familiar sadness starts to return to her face. No. Go away, don't be sad!

"This probably sounds dumb, but I'm really happy to see you," I quickly blurt out. She looks up at me, a little surprised.

"I just wasn't expecting to see you today, is all," I finish, in an effort to recover.

Her expression changes to that usual half skeptical, half anxious face she gets whenever I talk about her. It's like she never quite believes it when I say positive things about her. So, to punctuate my comment, I reach over and give her a squeeze. It's the one thing I know she can't resist.

And I'm right. She lets out a girlish giggle, squirming in my arms as she hugs me back. It's the closest I've heard to a laugh from her in almost a week and it sounds wonderful.

We lie there next to each other in silence as I play with a strand of her hair, not quite sure what I should say next. Finally it just reaches the point where I can't take it anymore. I'll just come out with it. I have to know if she's really all right.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Ummmm...sure....I...I guess so." She tenses up again.

"What happened last night?"

Her expression grows a little meloncholy as she releases me. "I...I was lonely," she says softly after a few moments. "And...I got worried when you didn't come to bed...so I came to find you."

"I'm sorry," I reply. "After what you said, I didn't think you'd want me."

Her eyes go wide and she looks fearful. I kick myself mentally. I could have worded that better. I can practically feel her good mood draining away.

"Of course I want you!" She grips my arm tightly, clinging almost desperately, as if she thought I was going to vanish. "Please don't say that! I...I'm sorry about yesterday. It...it's always so hard on my b..." She bites her lip. She can't even bring herself to say the word.

"Every year people make a fuss over me, and all I can think about is what a failure I am. I have to depend on my disability money to live. I still don't know if I want to go to college, and nobody wants to print my stories...all I do is make you and Lilly worry. I'm too ashamed to face you, or anybody and I get disgusted with myself! B-But, that was no reason to take it out on you."

She goes silent again, averting her eyes and burying her face in the pillow as if she's too ashamed to even look at me.

God dammit. I hate when this happens. I never know if I'm hurting her, or if convincing her to express herself is helping.

I decide to take the risk and keep talking. I carefully pry my arm from her frightened grasp, using my freed hand to brush her hair aside and rest my hand on her scarred cheek. All day yesterday I'd be going over in my head what I'd say to her if I got the chance. Now here it is. Very gently I turn her face toward mine.

"I don't know anything about writing, but I like your work. A lot. You'd probably be even better if you went back to school." She looks up at me with her usual skeptical expression. "But still, college isn't something you should rush into if you don't think you're ready. Besides..."

I move my face closer to hers. "Don't tell her I told you, but once we move, Lilly is going to need someone she trusts to help her find her way around the new town, and the campus. At least until she learns where everything is. I would, but to be honest, I'll be too busy getting settled in too. She's going to need your help in the worst way."

Hanako looks away thoughtfully. "I-I'd been thinking about that. But I was afraid to ask and embarrass her."

"I know. She's worse about accepting help than you are."

"Awwww." Her mouth goes pouty. An expression I've seen her wear maybe twice since I've met her.

I bump her forehead playfully with mine. "Well, its true." I smile, to try and take the edge off.

"And while you're helping her," I continue, "you can check out the campus. Find out what the people are like and decide what appeals to you. Writing, or journalism maybe? And didn't you say you might be interested in teaching pre-school? Wouldn't that be cool? If we all ended up being teachers? You can always send in your application next sememster. Or hell, even next year if you need to. The administrator didn't say your scholarship had a time limit did she?"

Hanako shakes her head no. "M-Maybe there's someone there I could talk to?"

"Probably. You can't be the only potential student who wants to start school, but hasn't decided on a major."


She remains silent, to the point where I start to feel self-conscious. Is she just being polite while I regurgitate happy thoughts I'd heard Lilly say, or that I'd read in various shyness and self-esteem books over the past year?

"Uhhhh.... so does any of what I said make sense?" I ask nervously.

"You sound like Dr Nakahara in one of my sessions," Hanako replies softly, almost reassuringly. "But it...it does. Thank you."

She hugs me and I can't help feeling relieved at not making a fool of myself, and for actually being able to help. Even if it is only temporary.

"The only time Lilly and I worry about you is when you're sad. We want you to feel good about yourself. Because we think you're a wonderful person, and we're both rooting for you. And, because I love you."

She brings her head up. "I...I love you too," she says softly, tears starting to well up in the corners of her eyes.

We lie together like that for awhile. Embracing one another as she wipes her eyes on her sleeve.

Gradually, I can feel the tension in her body begin to lessen.

"I know it's always going to be hard," she whispers, "but for now...I...think maybe I'm going to be okay."

I take the risk of teasing her again. "So you finally believe me when I say I'm not just here to try to protect my poor helpless little Hanako?"

She shakes her head from side to side, that smile that I've missed starting to tug at the corners of her lips. "If I thought you were, I'd pinch you."

I laugh in mock nervousness. She'd probably do a lot worse than that if she really thought I was babying her again.

Giving off an air of calm for the first time, Hanako lays her head next to mine on the pillow.

"Can...Can we just...stay like this for a while?" she asks cautiously.

"Sure. For as long as you want." I playfully rub my nose against hers, making her wrinkle hers in response. It feels like ages since we've been this content together, even though it's been barely a few days since her depression attack set in. I love her so much right now, and I want to make this last as long as I can. It's like Lilly says. Hanako has so much unused potential locked up inside her. She only has to find it for it all to come bursting out. I want to be there when it does.

"I'd hate the think what a mess I'd be if I didn't have you," I whisper casually as we lay there side by side in the morning sunshine.

"M-Me too," Hanako replies. "A year ago, before I met you I hated everyone except Lilly. You came along, and I was sure you two were falling in love. Then I found out she was leaving, and I thought I'd always be alone."

"And now, here we are." I finish, earning myself an eager nod.

"All three of us. I-I've actually been happy for the first time in my life. M-Most of the time anyway".

I'm suddenly struck by the urge to kiss her and lean down, seeking out her mouth with mine. She surprises me by meeting me halfway in a warm, lingering kiss, pulling me over onto her. Her grip on my shoulders is surprisingly strong. Seems like those morning runs are really doing the job.

I suppose it's because she's had so little human affection in her life, but now that I've gotten past her barriers, I'm amazed at what a warm, cuddly person she is. We can spend whole evenings just snuggling and kissing. She never seems to get tired of holding me, or me holding her.

While sex still makes her uncomfortable, we've found other ways of pleasuring each other that aren't so scary for her, and that don't make her worry that I'm going to die on the spot from a heart attack. Now if I could only stop her being so self-conscious about her body. She's painfully modest, and old-fashioned about some things. But that's okay. We have time.

I slip my arms more firmly around her as I feel her slender body move against me through her baggy nightgown. Her kisses start to grow hungry and I can feel her fingers finding their way under my shirt, gently probing the scar on my chest that's always fascinated her. It doesn't bother me like it used to. I mean, it seems silly to be self-conscious about one scar when Hanako has suffered so much more.

With our lips still locked, I slide my hand down the curve of her hip, gradually pushing her nightgown up. Hanako lets out a muffled moan as my hand moves up her thigh. It's obvious I'm not the only one who's getting excited. I feel the tip of her tongue starting to push between my lips, parting them...

"My, my, are you two awake finally?"

The fuc-

"Yeek!" Hanako lets out a yelp, nearly jumping out of her skin and hastily tugging down her nightgown as she slides from beneath me and sits up on the couch.

"H-Hi Lilly!" she says brightly. "Y-Yes, we are."

I clear my throat. "Hey. Morning Lilly." I'm doing my best to slow my pounding heart and calm myself as I instinctively pull my t-shirt back down. Not even thinking how meaningless it is to Lilly. I'm too busy trying not to laugh at Hanako's reaction to our housemate coming into the room in what is possibly the worst possible timing imaginable. I should probably be annoyed at the interruption. But having Hanako here has me in too good a mood to be angry.

Lilly's standing at the bottom of the stairs in a pretty blue skirt and white blouse, gently cradling her morning cup of tea in one hand. Her mouth forms a tiny 'o' shape of surprise, since she's probably sensed our discomfort.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry." She brings her pale hand to her mouth. "I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll go back upstairs."

"N-No! Lilly please, I-It's okay!" Hanako scrambles to her feet.

Damn, her sense of hearing still surprises me sometimes. I didn't think we were making that much noise.

"Yeah, c'mon, it's no big deal, really. It's way past time we got up anyway."

"You're sure?" Hanako reseats herself and she and I both finally reassure to the point that Lilly's cheerful expression returns. Wow, I'm good at cheering people up today.

Lilly slowly makes her way to the chair closest to us and seats herself. "Are you feeling better Hanako?"

"I-I think so. I'm just sorry for everything."

"There's no need to be sorry, dear. You're struggling with your problems just as we are. Just the fact that you're here talking to us is a sign that you're growing as a person."

I nudge her hip playfully. "See?"

After all this time I finally get around to sitting up, and instantly regret it as my lower back spasms in pain. I let out a groan.

Hanako spins instantly. "Are...you okay?" Even Lilly looks concerned. I roll my eyes and wave them both off. Jeez, these two. I think I understand how Hanako feels.

"Yeah, yeah. Just a little stiff. This is a great couch for sitting, but it's lousy for sleeping on. Especially for two."

Hanako immediately drops her gaze. "I'm sor-mmmmmf..." I quickly lean up and kiss her before the apology can escape her lips.

"Shhh, its not your fault." I whisper. Thankfully she lets it drop.

Lilly lets out a soft giggle. "I think, to celebrate Hanako's progress, I'm going to make breakfast for us. You must be starving after yesterday."

"I guess...I am a little," she admits, pulling back from me. "Can I help?"

Lilly raises her hand, palm outwards. "No no, I'll be fine. That is unless somebody's rearranged the kitchen since last time?" she says, somewhat accusingly.

We both say, "No," almost in unison. The one stern lecture from Lilly after an inedible lunch had been enough to make sure we were both diligent about putting things back where we got them.

"Then why don't you go upstairs and get dressed?" She rises from her seat and starts making her way to the door.

"Breakfast may be a while," she tosses back over her shoulder, "so you two take your time getting cleaned up." She smiles wickedly, looking uncannily like her big sister. Then she dissapears into the kitchen.

We haul ourselves off the couch. Me a bit more slowly than her. "Was she ever in drama class?" I ask nobody in particular.

"I-I don't think so." Hanako answers, apparently not getting my joke.

I stretch noisily and we spend several minutes putting the cushions back on the couch, and storing the blankets away. We inform Lilly that we'll leave the borrowed pillow on her bed, then head upstairs, dropping it off on the way to our room.

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I find Hanako standing in the middle of our bedroom, fidgeting with her hair, looking very nervous as I close the door and turn to her. I can guess what she's thinking.

"It's okay. We don't have to do anything if you don't want." Her body seems to visibly relax as I reassure her, and she quickly hugs me.

"I-I'm sorry. I guess I'm still a little...unsettled? But m-maybe though...tonight...maybe if you'd like, w-we could..." She's blushing the most amazing shade of red. Just like every other time this subject comes up.

"I think that would be great." I smile, and kiss her forehead innocently, an action that makes her practically vibrate all over with happiness.

She lets go finally and collects a clean bath towel from her dresser, along with a worn pair of jeans and a Hatsune Miku t-shirt. I do the same, picking out a random dress shirt and jeans. Sunday's my day off from exercise, so no running clothes today.

"Do you want the shower first?" she asks.

"You go ahead. I'll get everything ready. Unless you'd like some company?" I grin.

She sets her hand on her hip, shooting me a cutely exasperated "Really?" look before she disappears into the bathroom.

That never gets old.

I collect a few towels and Hanako's lotion from the drawer beside the bed. I notice for the first time that the bedding is trashed. Both pillows are crumple on the floor, the bedsheets are pulled loose, and the blanket a tangled mound. It looked like Hanako was either having some pretty severe nightmares, or she'd been taking her anger out on the pillows and bed linen. I even find her book on floor on the other side of the room. This worries me a little. Hanako always treats the few books that she owns like precious objects. She must have really been upset.

I return it to its usual place at her bedside, then quickly set about remaking the bed with a fresh sheet and pillow cases. I can hear her humming over the sound of the shower, and scramble to get everything in order before she comes out. When I finish, the water's stopped, I have just enough time to check my phone's messages in the off chance I've gotten a reply from the magazine or the photographer. Nothing. I probably shouldn't worry. It's Sunday; they're probably closed. If I don't hear back by tomorrow, though, I'm going to have to go with an alternate gift for Hanako. It would suck, but there's always next year.

I quickly flip my phone shut and stuff it in my pocket as the bathroom door opens and Hanako exits in a rush of warm air and steam. Her damp hair is pinned up and she has a large pink bath towel wrapped around herself. "Y-Your turn."

She quickly notices the remade bed.

"Thanks. I-I was having trouble sleeping last night." She looks away, clutching the towel to her breasts. She sounds evasive, but it's not that big a deal to me, really. What happens during those attacks is her business. She'll share them if she feels like it.

I just nod and head into the bathroom for the usual morning rituals. I toss yesterdays clothes in the hamper, brush my teeth, toss back a handful of pills, and take an extra hot shower to try to get my head into some kind of order. I dry myself and dress quickly.

By the time I knock at the door, Hanako's already prepared. Apparently she's decided to skip the chair and instead she's lying on her stomach in the center of the hastily made bed, wearing only a rather tight pair of blue running shorts. Her head is propped up on a pillow, and a couple of rolled up towels are under her chest, covering the view of her breasts. Her modesty is as endearing as it is frustrating at times.

I take a seat on the edge of the bed to her right. Her waist-length hair is undone and spread off to one side of her, still damp and fragrant from the shower. It's her security blanket, so she's dilligent about keeping it clean and brushed. I certainly can't criticise her. Few things feel nicer than burying my face in its sensual softness...I stop myself. Not now. Later. For now, there's work to be done. I pick up the lotion from the table and get to work coating her shoulder and back in the slick lotion. Within moments she closes her eyes and begins sighing contentedly. Oh, how I've missed that sound the past few days.

It's also erotic as hell, so I'd better start talking. Get my mind on other things.

"So, are you all set for Wednesday?"

She turns her head to face me. "A-Almost. Lilly w-wants to go into the city to shop tomorrow."

"Oh? Gonna buy a dress?"

Hanako shakes her head. "That's a secret."

A secret, huh?

"Oh. Well, okay. Um, she did tell its a fancy restaurant don't you? It's supposedly pretty busy at dinnertime. Are you, you know, going to be okay with that?"

Hanako gets quiet for a moment as I continue glide my hands down her back, her leathery skin growing smooth and supple beneath the thin sheen of lotion.

"We've talked about it...I'll be okay if I know what to expect. So don't worry. I-I'm not going to freak out on you."

"No, no. I didn't mean it that way!"

She smiles timidly. "It....it was...I mean, I was kidding, Hisao." Her nervous smile fades quickly as I smile back. She's obviously still not comfortable with teasing.

She changes the subject quickly. "But I...I am a little scared. I've n-never been to an expensive restaurant before."

"I've only ever been a few times. My parents were usually too busy with their jobs for us to eat out together."

I lean down and kiss her cheek. "But I confess, I'm a little nervous, too."

"I hope I don't mess things up."

"You won't. We just have to act like responsible adults. For a change." I punctuate my comment by giving her left side a tickle, which makes her squeal, and me laugh. It occurs to me that one of the thing we both have in common. We both take life very seriously. Too seriously, some might say. Neither of us really laughs much.

I reluctantly finish applying the medication to the small of her back, taking a deep breath, and trying not to think about how I'd love to slip my hand under her shorts. Instead, I stand up, leaving the sealed bottle on the bed for her to finish. Plenty of time for that sort of thing tonight.

"I'm gonna head downstairs and see if Lilly needs a hand. Would you like to go out for dinner or a movie or something later?"

"Ummm...sure," she replies sweetly. "I-I'll be down in a few minutes."

I check that I have my phone and head for the door.

"Hisao?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for believing in me."

"It's my pleasure. We both made a promise to help each other, and us nerds have to stick together!" She actually giggles at that. I give her a wink and mouth, "Love you," before stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me.

What a difference from last night. My heart's feeling so much lighter this time as I head downstairs.

Halfway down, my phone makes a soft chirp. I have mail.

[Steinherz]

As I've said previously:
I like this chapter a lot.
Lilly is also a massive cock-block

[Lost In The Fire]

I thought that the chapter was well worth the wait. Well done.

[KeiichiO]

I like saying things.

Fantabulous. Probably my favorite chapter from you so far. Keep up the good work, friend!

DAMMIT LILLY!

[SpecimenSix]

I must say, this is my favorite chapter yet. You've definitely grown since your first chapter, and always seem to outdo yourself. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next and where it goes from here.

Until you prove me wrong next chapter I'm going to assume the photographer is a nude photographer.

[pandaphil]

I must say, this is my favorite chapter yet. You've definitely grown since your first chapter, and always seem to outdo yourself. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next and where it goes from here.

Until you prove me wrong next chapter I'm going to assume the photographer is a nude photographer.

Hanako: "Wh-What is it?"

Hisao: "It's a studio portrait of my penis. Happy anniversary Hanako!"

Hanako: "..."


Wow, this is gold! *Starts typing away madly*

[SpecimenSix]

I must say, this is my favorite chapter yet. You've definitely grown since your first chapter, and always seem to outdo yourself. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next and where it goes from here.

Until you prove me wrong next chapter I'm going to assume the photographer is a nude photographer.

Hanako: "Wh-What is it?"

Hisao: "It's a studio portrait of my penis. Happy anniversary Hanako!"

Hanako: "..."


Wow, this is gold! *Starts typing away madly*

Funny story about that, it was actually a two-part gift. He also got her a plaster mold of his penis, Lilly helped him make it.

[Steinherz]

I must say, this is my favorite chapter yet. You've definitely grown since your first chapter, and always seem to outdo yourself. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next and where it goes from here.

Until you prove me wrong next chapter I'm going to assume the photographer is a nude photographer.

Hanako: "Wh-What is it?"

Hisao: "It's a studio portrait of my penis. Happy anniversary Hanako!"

Hanako: "..."


Wow, this is gold! *Starts typing away madly*

Funny story about that, it was actually a two-part gift. He also got her a plaster mold of his penis, Lilly helped him make it.

*Here lies Steinherz, he died of an aneurysm from laughter*