Triscuitable wrote:Good chapter. Good read. Back to the adventures of Lara Croft and her longbow.
fluffy_pink wrote:This was a very exciting chapter. Everything Sabin said above me mirrors my own thoughts.
This story gets better with every chapter I read, it's now at the point where I'm yelling at the characters out loud.
Draganada wrote:My god, my heart is pounding! I don't even know what to say about what I've just read, but I was on the edge of my seat!
nemz wrote:Great stuff, very dramatic!
Fanuilos wrote:Oh man, I got to the end of the chapter and I was leaning halfway off my chair with my face about half a foot from my screen. Great writing man!
Thanks so much for reading. The suspense was something I was really trying to build and I'm glad I hit the mark for few people. I also appreciate the pointing out of errors. Luckily so far it's just been small issues, rather than 3 different lines all contradicting each other.
Sabin wrote:I guess it's fitting that my first post be in this thread.
I was quite impressed with this newest chapter, Thana. It had all sorts of potential to crash and burn, what with Hisao jumping the gun on the whole "leaving on a jet plane" thing, but it all seems to have turned out for the best. That whole argument had me on edge and uncomfortable, which is exactly the effect it should have, given the situation. It's nice to see Hisao step up to the plate and just let loose with his feelings on the matter. That said, I can't help but feel sorry for Tetsuo. He really did care about Akira in his own way, and he knows he's screwed up. His choices haven't been the most well thought-out, but his intentions have obviously been in the right place.
All in all, an excellent bit of writing. I look forward to the next installment.
I've already thanked you on Steam but I'll go ahead and say so here as well. It's something I've been trying to build up for a while, the idea that Hisao has to put up with Tetsuo every time he goes to work and the pressure builds and builds until he finally explodes. Even with Tetsuo out of the picture with Akira, though, he's still Hisao's boss, and there is still going to be a lot of development going on at work. Hopefully I can manage to not screw that up come Act 5.
carrion_crow wrote:Ah...I can't even explain how on edge i was during that entire argument. I was beginning to think that red box was a proposal ring and that for whatever reason Akira was going to accept. whoooooooh load off my mind...Now, for the next chapter!
That was an idea for a split second, but I figured something like that would be a little TOO dramatic.
Even better is the idea that my proofreader was suspecting and then suggested the exact same thing during editing.
Hoitash wrote:You know, that coulda gone a helluva lot worse.
A very gripping read, and my mind can't help but wander to the gutter following Akira's last statement.
I re-worked that individual line about a dozen different times, and it got gradually less suggestive each time. The first line I had down was something to the effect of "Don't start with that. not yet anyway. You owe me a drink, we'll see where it goes from there."
So yeah.
Mut-Who wrote:Heading into the finale of Act 4. Should be interesting to see where the dice land.
komina12345 wrote:Why do you leave us at such a cliffhanger man?
Now I know I can't focus on finals
YourFavAnon wrote:One conflict down, one major one to go. Solid work.
Next chapter should hopefully shed some light on a lot of things and give a fitting resolution to the entire story with Tetsuo thus far. Keep in mind, however, that we're not quite finished with all the issues just yet.