Some Lilly scene

[Lulz]

I was in a dream. In the dream, I was falling into a hole, which never seemed to have an end. Staring at me from the top was a face I couldn’t recognize. The figure’s glowing gold eyes were solely focused on me. As if realizing I was looking back at it, it turned away and completely disappeared from my fading sense of sight. The light from above me, which was my only source of hope slowly got smaller, and smaller, until only a speck of gray was seen. My only hope had disappeared. As I continued falling straight into the darkness, I prayed that I would at least hit the end of this hole and die, completely erasing this feeling of hopelessness, depravity and fear.

"Hisao-kun?!" I hear a voice call out to me. Ah, such a sweet and beautiful voice. it must be an angel sent down to take me away from this harsh reality.

“Hisao-kun! Wake up! Classes have already started!”

I am suddenly brought back to reality as my vision slowly starts focusing on the figure in front of me.

“Hisao-kun, you’ll really get in trouble if the teacher finds out that you’ve been sleeping on his lectures.”

Lilly was in front of me, wearing a really cute worried look on her face. If I were to awaken from more nightmares, I’d love it if she were the one to awaken me, just like earlier.

Classes have started once again, yet the lessons don’t ever interest me. In fact, I’d rather skip class and play games with friends. The bad side of this is that Kenji’s my only male friend in this school, and I have a serious heart condition. If I were to ever collapse in the middle of the city or something, I’d be dead before I reach the hospital. But hey, my health isn’t that bad, asides from that.

-

Oh great, PE. My single most favorite subject. Seeing as the only thing I’d be allowed to do is sit on the corner and watch the other people have fun, it’s one of the things I really hate.


“Hisao-kun?”

Lilly approaches me from behind.

“Oh, Lilly. Welcome to the glorious Hisao corner, where boredom and silence always accompanies me.” I said to her, still feeling a bit ticked off at the fact that I can’t ever do physically straining activity anymore.

“Hisao’s Corner, huh? So if I sit here too, I’d be a nuisance?” Lilly asked me, seemingly a bit sad.

“Huh? Oh, not really. Go ahead.” I said as I made space for her.

“Yet another boring day for us, don’t you think?” Lilly says as she sits beside me.

“Well, it depends on who you spend it with. Right now, I’d say it’s pretty much boring.” I said casually.

I feel a sharp pain on my sides. I look to see where it’s coming from, and find out that Lilly’s nails are clamped into my skin, while she retains the same smiley face she usually has.

“OUCCCH!”

What a scary woman.

After letting go of my beloved beautiful skin, we both turned silent for a while. Suddenly, Lilly put her face in front of me. Her face was so close that I could feel her warm breath.

“So, have you listened to the Mozart CD I lent you?” she asked me.

“Oh. Yup! It was great. I was surprised that Mozart could actually produce such melodious tunes.” I told her.

“Well, you’re the one who always thought that Mozart was a dark man in terms of music.” She replied.

“But I only listened to his Requiem after all. Wouldn’t you be the same if the only piece of music you heard from a composer was a requiem?”

“I wouldn’t be as shallow as to label a composer a sole creator of a specific type of music after just hearing a single piece from him.” She replied, amplifying the fact of my stupidity.

“Alright already.” I replied, turning my look away from her.

“By the way, which piece did you find the most beautiful for you?” She asked me.

“The violin concerto, 2nd movement.” I replied without hesitation.

Lilly gasped, then silence once more came upon us.

“That’s my favorite piece out of that CD too!” Lilly exclaimed, much to my surprise.

Whoa woman, I thought.

“It felt so elegant, like you were in the royal palace in France during the 1700’s. The violin solo parts were absolutely wonderful.” I started.

“Indeed. Especially towards the end of the song where the violin comes in. It felt a bit sad until the other instruments started joining in again, I thought.” Lilly replied.

“I felt the same way too actually. The violin parts were the best though.” I said.

"They should be. It's a violin concerto after all." replied Lilly again, pointing out my stupidity.

Our talk slowly descended into which other tracks from the Mozart CD we liked.


=


PE class ended with us getting scolded for not realizing that it had already ended.

As we headed back to the changing rooms, I felt a slight chill on my chest. Might’ve been because we were too hyper talking about music that my heart got a bit overworked. But that doesn’t really matter since I’m still alive, walking, and thinking.

I headed out of the male changing room, only to find Lilly right in front of me.

“About our discussion earlier, which was rudely interrupted…” she started.

“I know. I know. I’ll stop relying on first impressions when it comes to music.” I replied to her.

“Good. I’ll lend you this other Mozart CD that I listened to a lot. It has your favorite Requiem song in it.”

“Great.” I said, as I took the CD she gave me, and put it in my jacket’s pocket. Lilly then took my hand as we headed back to our classroom.

From out of the changing room, I heard someone scream aloud.

“MUST BE GREAT TO HAVE YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND HUH?!”

“SHUT UP, KENJI.” I replied in an equally loud voice.

[Losstarot]

Needs more Niji lol

[Aura]

Needs more Niji lol

This must stop or i will kill Niji myself like someone suggested.

[Losstarot]

But Niji is actually needed in the story and removing him could mess with the plot and cause discrepancies in the flow of the game.

[Lulz]

I assume that dogs aren't allowed in the gym.

That, and this is oekaki. Also, I like the idea of Hisao leading her by hand rather than a dog.

EDIT: Niji may be needed during the early, up to middle phase of the Lilly route, but I'd still prefer Hisao with her.


ANOTHER EDIT: RenPy script version to come later. Need sleep.

[Envy]

Niji isn`t needed in the scene. As Lulz pointed out it`s unlikely that dogs would be allowed in the gym, lest they get too excited perhaps. I would assume that Niji would be waiting outside the changing rooms, being used to Lilly`s routine he`d know where to wait and for how long. It can be left unsaid that Niji was there, padding along side them, which makes Lilly holding Hisao`s hand slightly more meaningful.

But enough about Niji. Yeah, I know. I started it, in a way.

Time for a quick analyse:

It`s a sweet little peice but I want to make one or two fine tuning suggestions. Now I know, I know it`s difficult to start off a peice but the dream starting point seems rather out of place here. The dream assumes that it has some greater level of meaning to it but in such a short peice it can`t possibley have one. Starting with a deam is also a tad cliche. But don`t worry, that`s the biggest change I`ll suggest.

Now to nitpick a bit;

Lilly approaches me from behind.

Maybe I`m taking it too literally but how can Lilly approach Hisao from behind with he’s in the corner of the room?

"... melodious tunes."

The language used in conversation seems a bit stiff. Maybe Hisao is just trying to impress Lilly but could you really imagine anyone actually saying `melodius tunes` in a casual conversation? Say it to yourself and you`ll see what I mean.

Our talk slowly descended into which other tracks from the Mozart CD we liked.

This is less of nitpick than a suggestion. Now, if it were me, I`d include an extra line describing the background noise, I.E. the sound of pupils running around, shouting and bouncing balls (or whatever activity they`re doing) in the echoey gym hall. It just adds a little atmosphere to the peice as a whole.

[Lulz]

LOL I'll have to change those when I rewrite it into the script version.

Also, as for the dream, I was going to make it become reality during one of the classes, where Hisao gets a minor stroke, and is sent to the hospital. The spotlight would be on Lilly and nurse-kun's trying to keep Hisao alive, fearing the worst, as they lead him to the infirmary.


... I'll just write the whole thing once I get time. Sorry.

[cpl_crud]

Never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Envy on the last point; it is lacking a bit of atmosphere. What are the other students doing? Does Hisao have to get changed? What sounds interrupt the conversation... and so on.

On the topic of Niji, I've always thought that he would mostly be used outside of the school. Within the school, Lilly would probably know her way around, and would be able to survive with just her cane. Of course, she likes being with Niji, and would take him with her even if she didn't *need* him, however for most school type scenes I would assume that Niji not being there would be perfectlay acceptable.

[Losstarot]

Yeah, I was talking about Niji as a whole...