A One-Shot Collection of... Elements? (revived 04/04/2013)

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

I wouldn't say it ws "exceptionally" executed, but it was alright I guess. I did find the personality jumps to be a bit jarring. Perhaps if the stutter was more prominent in later passages, or if there was a bit more emphasis on her athleticism (say, by running back to the icy canopy after lunch), or so on, such that each facet of her hybrid personality is less encapsulated to a single passage, that would be closer to "exceptional". Also, if I hadn't seen the part of your annotation that mentioned you had no idea how to incorpoate Shizune into her personality, I'd have thought the part about not knowing where her goals lie might have fit the bill.

Oh, and the ending confused me at first. All I knew was that he was lying down and had been for a long time. In fact, even after being told it was all just a dream, I still felt somewhat confused (and quite irate, given the cliché). Some more clarity in that regard would be nice in future.

[griffon8]

I really didn't find a section where she sounded like Shizune

O I C WUT U DID THAR!

[Bacon Elemental]

I wouldn't say it ws "exceptionally" executed, but it was alright I guess. I did find the personality jumps to be a bit jarring. Perhaps if the stutter was more prominent in later passages, or if there was a bit more emphasis on her athleticism (say, by running back to the icy canopy after lunch), or so on, such that each facet of her hybrid personality is less encapsulated to a single passage, that would be closer to "exceptional". Also, if I hadn't seen the part of your annotation that mentioned you had no idea how to incorpoate Shizune into her personality, I'd have thought the part about not knowing where her goals lie might have fit the bill.

Oh, and the ending confused me at first. All I knew was that he was lying down and had been for a long time. In fact, even after being told it was all just a dream, I still felt somewhat confused (and quite irate, given the cliché). Some more clarity in that regard would be nice in future.

I have this habit of wanting to polish a few things before moving on to a new fic, so I'll see how I can make the transitions more... natural(?) and less one-message-defines-new-facet-y (it's pretty late here, so that will be for a bit later). Oh, and regarding the "goals in life," uh, well... I actually didn't notice (or intend) that it would fit the bill. So, I guess you found the incorporation for me

Clarity... I think the hard part here will be balancing out how clear the situations and the endings are without giving them away too easily. Thanks for the input.

You guys taking the time to read these, and helping out is very much appreciated

[Comrade]

i only now realized you updated.. hopefully you are not done with writing, it wad really nice