The Long Path. On hold.

[LorSquirrel]

Greetings Katawa Shoujo forums. While I was re-writing my fic, A Painful Past. I decided too start writing this story that i have named, The Long Path. If you have the time, tell me your opinions and criticisms and, as always, enjoy.



(yes I'm still re-writing A Painful Past)



The Long Path.


Prologue.


I open my eyes.


I'm... standing? How the hell!?


Wait this isn't my dorm room.


I'm in a field of flowers... okay this is weird...


As I ponder how the hell I got to this field I notice that there is a small dirt path going across the field. How did i miss that?


After a minute of standing there staring at the small path I decide that following this path is a better idea than staying here all day and start walking.


I wonder where this will lead me.


Hopefully I'll find out soon.

[KeiichiO]

Interesting...

You need to work on your punctuation. There were many times where a comma was needed to separate the independent clause and the dependent clause. Plus, it makes reading the sentences a whole-lot easier. I see commas and periods as little breathers within writing. Without them, it'd be virtually impossible to read something without passing out due to windedness.

That being said, the prologue seems very interesting. I'm very curious to how this will end up. Keep on writing!