Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]

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Leaty
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by Leaty »

This thread should be getting more comments than those that merely consist of a post promising a fic to be written in the future... I'll make comments on what you've posted since I last said anything here.

Intermezzo: First of all, let me say nooooooooo not the Yuuko/Kenji ship. Image Arrgh, seriously, there's nothing wrong with your writing (Kenji interludes are usually pretty funny,) but oh, do I hate Y/K. It's fine as what it was in the game— subtext that a relationship had existed in the past and resulted in Kenji's breakdown (and the worsening of Yuuko's anxiety)— but I have never liked it in fics. It's always done as an afterthought to give a subplot to the Greek chorus and it seems to miss the point of that whole relationship (if it existed at all,) which was that it was a terrible idea to start with and somehow wound up a thousand times worse. I'll like this subplot if it ends badly; that would be interesting (albeit kind of a weird narrative choice to go with two pseudo-comic relief characters, but then again, Rin...)

You write Kenji and Yuuko well, though. Kenji made me laugh, so that's definitely a good thing. Be careful not to Flanderize them (me again with the goddamn tropes) and your story won't suffer, even if I will.

Lost in Thought: The whole dream sequence was kind of heavy-handed. I don't really care for dream sequences in general because I think they're a bludgeoning technique, especially when they're used here, where you indicate there's some degree of prescience to the dream. Hisao's not psychic and as his complete inability to figure out Emi's dad's death shows, he's not particularly insightful, either. I can absolutely believe Hanako would have recurring dreams about fire and her parents, I can believe Rin would have dreams where she's a flying saucer filled with bara doujinshi, I can't believe Hisao would have dreams like the one in this chapter.

I read this chapter twice, once before your revision and once after it, and I agree with comments that the Emi-as-therapist thing was kind of out of nowhere, but I disagree that her behavior would have been completely impossible. Problem was that you skipped a step; Hisao has no intimacy with Emi, even as a friend. He even bailed on her rooftop lunch with Rin in this timeline. What you would have needed to do if you wanted to double down on what you had written was lay the groundwork earlier, basically by writing a whole extra chapter somewhere before this that would have reinforced the affection Hisao and Emi have for each other. Which would be sort of a challenge, since you as an author have an interest in keeping things with them platonic, but... the best things in life aren't free.

Waiting: Some of the writing in this chapter is serious Hisao-in-a-can. His trepidations about locating Kagami were kind of silly. Lilly is in the class 3-3 classroom on the morning of the fourth day of Act One to talk to Shizune; Hisao is kind of dumb if walking into Class 3-4 at some point before class or during lunch didn't occur to him.
She did bring quite a bit of food- it looks as if she was planning on eating with someone else. Did she expect me? Or hope I would come? Or someone else? Trying to figure out her intentions is making my brain hurt. I can't do it on an empty stomach.
The transition from the beginning of this paragraph to the italicized portion doesn't feel natural. There should at least be an ellipsis before it, but ideally you would break up ideas by having Hisao physically emote.
Gaah. I hate this so much. I'm walking on eggshells around this girl, even though I thought I wouldn't have to. I can almost feel the business end of the elephant in the room crushing me against the floor.
"Hisao Nakai is walking on eggshells" is literally his entire pathos for the whole length of Act One, and Hanako's route, t'boot. I don't know... I suppose there's nothing inherently wrong with this paragraph, but it feels like a holding pattern. It gives me serious déjà vu, enough that reading it disassociated me from the story a little. It's just too on the nose, too jarringly obvious. I don't know, I can make suggestions regarding how to change it if solicited, but it's just wrong.

Kagami is likeable as ever in this chapter. I like how casual she is while still being desirable. One thing I like about Kagami is that she doesn't really need to be "saved." I wouldn't say she's as pulled together as Shizune, but you get the impression she'll be okay no matter what Hisao does (which is good, because obviously he doesn't pursue her in canon...) The other four girls all gave this vibe that they were still going to be kind of messed up if Hisao didn't pursue them (which is kind of... you know what? not the time or place,) but Kagami doesn't.

Oh, by the way, I got the intended implication that Kagami saw Hisao as her last chance for real friendship because he was a transfer student without any first impression of her, but that's not stated outright so it came off more that she latched on to him because he's a Master of Romance. Might want to clarify?

If it wasn't good I wouldn't be posting. Keep writing.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by ZtotheT »

Excellent
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forgetmenot
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by forgetmenot »

Whew, edits fer daaays.
First of all, let me say nooooooooo not the Yuuko/Kenji ship.
MOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHA you've pretty much just guaranteed I'll be continuing this subplot, because I'm sadistic. :wink:
In all honesty, I do have an ending in mind for the whole Yuuko/Kenji thing. And it's anything but happy. sadissssstiiiiiicccc
I can't believe Hisao would have dreams like the one in this chapter.
It's actually a (loose) reference to Blade Runner, which is based on the book Hisao is reading. It might be a little heavy-handed (and pushing at the fourth wall), but it also illustrates one of the themes I'm planning to incorporate later on in the route. I like foreshadowing, and I don't plan on doing it often.

She did bring quite a bit of food- it looks as if she was planning on eating with someone else. Did she expect me? Or hope I would come? Or someone else? Trying to figure out her intentions is making my brain hurt. I can't do it on an empty stomach.

The transition from the beginning of this paragraph to the italicized portion doesn't feel natural. There should at least be an ellipsis before it, but ideally you would break up ideas by having Hisao physically emote.
Gaah. I hate this so much. I'm walking on eggshells around this girl, even though I thought I wouldn't have to. I can almost feel the business end of the elephant in the room crushing me against the floor.

"Hisao Nakai is walking on eggshells" is literally his entire pathos for the whole length of Act One, and Hanako's route, t'boot. I don't know... I suppose there's nothing inherently wrong with this paragraph, but it feels like a holding pattern. It gives me serious déjà vu, enough that reading it disassociated me from the story a little. It's just too on the nose, too jarringly obvious. I don't know, I can make suggestions regarding how to change it if solicited, but it's just wrong.
Duly noted, and edited accordingly. I agree with you on the point of the second paragraph.


On a personal note, I really appreciate you reading and commenting on my work. It's tough to catch everything; even going back and reading it a hundredth time more I'll always find one more thing that'll stick out and need fixing.
If it wasn't good I wouldn't be posting. Keep writing.
Thanks, this means a lot. New chapters up soon!
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

The Blade Runner reference was obvious, so I didn't for one moment interpret this dream as prescient in any way.
If you're unfamiliar with the title "Do androids dream of electric sheep?" - or even with the movie - I can see how this dream would seem strange, though.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by Solistor »

This is the first OC fic I decided to read, and so far it's pretty neat. Your OC doesn't reek of the major design flaws that riddle the dreaded mary sue archetype, and Kagami seems like she's going to grow into a compelling character in her own right.

Regarding less on the story and more on yourself, now: The way you answer some of the readership's questions gives off the impression you've done a lot of planning, and I commend you for that. I look forward to reading the rest of this, if you've truly put that much effort and heart into your story.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by griffon8 »

Leaty wrote:First of all, let me say nooooooooo not the Yuuko/Kenji ship.
That is my least favorite non-canonical pairing as well. There is no good basis for it other than each of them vaguely fits what little is given about the other's ex. To me, it only makes sense if the characters we see pictures of in the game are the only characters that exist in the world of the game.

Besides creating an excellent fic, Helbereth has certainly shown us that you don't have to restrict the number of new characters to one additional romantic choice for Hisao.

As for this fic (Hey, there's an idea! Talk about the fanfic in the thread you're posting in.), I enjoy Kagami as well. Her age was obvious, like it was to Hisao in hindsight, but it was still presented well. I'm glad her memory problem isn't to the extent of Memento, or even 50 First Dates, because I don't expect anyone in a high school to be able to deal with that level of memory difficulty. That is, they would not be in a high school, even one as diverse as Yamaku.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by Comrade »

When I started reading this, I wasn't so sure about it, but I think it just took some time for me to enjoy it.
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forgetmenot
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/3]

Post by forgetmenot »

Scene 11: Invitations

Thursday passes much in the manner of the previous two days. By that, I mean slowly and tediously.

At least it's Friday. Just gotta get through today and a half-day tomorrow, and then I'll be scot-free until Monday.

Day three in a row of morning runs passed without much conversation, as did yesterday. Emi's concentration was in high gear today. I guess there's a track meet this weekend. Maybe I'll go - if I can manage to wake up in time. Accompanied by certain side effects of my medicinal regime, one particular effect of the additional exercise is catching up to me: drowsiness. I'm having more trouble staying awake in class now than I ever have, and that's not good. Especially with exams coming up in... a little more than a month? I honestly hadn't expected summer to be approaching so quickly.

For all that sleepiness, I seem to be following Mutou's lecture today rather well. At least, it seems like I understand more of what's going on than most of my classmates. I could be knocked out cold, like that girl in the front row with the sea-green hair.

Misha fidgets nervously next to me, her signing straining to keep up with Mutou's somewhat frantic pace. She and Shizune still don't appear to be getting along too well. I can't imagine the strain that must put on them, seeing as how Misha is practically one of Shizune's appendages. She needs Misha to function on a normal level, even in a school for the disabled. Infighting can't be good for that dynamic, even if it is a cold war.

The bell ringing for lunch cuts Mutou's explanation of quantum tunneling effects short. I'm not really in the mood for the cafeteria, but I don't have enough time to go into town... I don't have any food in my room, either. I should probably do some grocery shopping over the weekend.

I decide the cafeteria is my best option. Well, it's really my only option other than starvation.

For my meal, I retrieve some questionable-looking curry bread and some juice. I suppose it's better than nothing. I look around for some seating, but there's no sign of anyone I know. Kagami's in the city for private lessons, so that's out. Emi is... well, I'm not sure where Emi eats lunch. I can't remember where she said to meet her when she invited me last week. And Kenji...

"Hey dude, how's it hanging?" I hear directly in front of me.

...Kenji's right here. Crap. I'm not really that desperate for company. Not when the price is another lecture on the dangers of feminists and the importance of stocking up on pizza, or whatever.

"Hi, Kenji," I say halfheartedly, my unenthusiasm leaking into my voice slightly. Kenji takes no notice.

Luckily, Kenji seems like he just wants to eat, and most of the lunch period passes in relative silence. I manage to choke down my very dry and crumbly curry bread even after running out of juice halfway through it. I'll have to stop at a water fountain on the way back to class, which should be starting relatively soon. I guess I'll head upstairs, then.

But as I rise to leave, I feel a small kick from under the table. "Don't... move..." Kenji whispers.

I sit back down to massage my aching shin. "Ow, what the hell, man?" I inquire angrily. That bastard really knows how to push my limits.

"Ssh~!" Kenji says, still eating. "They have spies everywhere," he says. "Act natural."

"You could have told me that before you kicked my shin, idiot," I retort.

"I need to give you something, Hisao. We'll stand up on the count of three, walk to the front of the table, and then you shake my hand. No contact after that point without the password."

"Shake hands? Why? What password?" I ask, but Kenji doesn't seem keen on answering any of my questions. He stands and walks to the end of the table.

When I fail to reciprocate, he tilts his head, raises his eyebrows, and hisses, "Come on!"

I suppose there's only one way to get out of this. I stand, rolling my eyes visibly. That is, visibly to everyone except Kenji. I wonder if his poor vision has something to do with his failure to be at all stealthy.

I extend my hand in the way I've seen it done on television. I hope nobody's watching, because this definitely looks odd.

As Kenji's hand extends to meet mine, I can see a small slip of paper tucked between his thumb and palm. As he slides the small sheet into my hand, he loudly proclaims, "A pleasure having lunch with you, fellow student. I shall see you on the morrow."

Great. If they already weren't before, now everyone's watching, I'm sure of it.

Kenji walks out of the cafeteria conspicuously. He's a terrible actor.

I suppose I better have a look at the slip of paper that's in my hand. There's just a single word scrawled. Nearly illegible, too.

"Mayonnaise"

What? Is this Kenji's idea of a joke? Or maybe his idea of a shopping list? I turn the page over. Thankfully this side is a bit more helpful, partially because the handwriting is more readable than the other. He must have taken his time with this side.

"Sunday, 3:30. Library. Back room."

I didn't even know there was a back room in the library. Interesting. I briefly ponder ignoring Kenji's invitation, but think better of it. If I skip out on him, I'll just have to explain myself later. Sometimes I really wish I lived on a different floor. I guess I know what I'm doing on Sunday afternoon, then. I hope it doesn't involve puppets.

The bell rings, and once again I find myself falling asleep in class. Maybe I should get checked for narcolepsy. Sleepiness seems to be effecting me more than my heart cond-

WHAM!

My head slamming into the desk has drawn quite a few stares from around the room, including the teacher's. I rub my head reflexively and blush. I should have gotten coffee on my way back up to class. Thankfully, the teacher simply turns back to the board and continues writing some words in English that I don't understand. I definitely need a nap later if I'm going to get any work done today.

Luckily, class ends, and manage to make it back to my room without further sleep attacks. However, as soon as I lock my door, I hit the bed like a sack of mud and pass out like my pillow is soaked in chloroform.

The loud ring of my cell phone jolts me out of a dream.

From the look of the room, I've been asleep for several hours; a hazy orange glow filters through the blinds and shrouds the room in mid-evening light.

The phone rings again. Right, gotta answer that. I check the caller ID: it's my mom's number.

I flip the phone open to answer. "Hello?"

"Hello, Hisao! It's mom," I hear from the small speaker pressed against my ear.

"Hi, mom," I reply, not masking the tiredness in my voice as well as I should.

"I just thought I'd call to check up on you," she continues, not noticing my half-yawn at the end of my previous sentence. "Just to see how you're adjusting to Yamaku, how you're feeling,"

"I'm good," I say, not really thinking much about what I'm saying. "Classes are good, I'm making friends."

"That's good to hear, Hisao."

A long pause.

"Uh, Hisao..."

I wonder what she- oh.

"My heart's fine, mom. I've been taking my medication, and I've been getting some light exercise," I say, answering the question I know she was going to ask.

"T-that's good news. I'm glad you're feeling better," she says. I didn't say I was feeling better, mom.

Another pause. This one's longer than the first.

I decide to break the silence. "So, how are things at home?"

"Things are normal, yeah. Your father's still at work; I've been home for a while making dinner, sorting through the mail, that sort of thing."

I briefly ponder asking her if any of my old friends have attempted to come by, or if anyone even knows I'm out of the hospital yet. I severely doubt it.

My mom breaks the silence this time. "We miss having you around the house, Hisao."

Really? I was hardly ever at the house. Mostly because nobody was ever there. I guess she's being... polite? Polite isn't really the right word for it. There's something more... formal about the way she says it. Like it's just supposed to be said, nothing more.

"I miss you too, mom," I reply.

A fourth pause. Short this time.

"Well, honey, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call. Do you have enough money for food and things like that? I'll have your father send some more in a week or two."

"Yeah, I should be ok until then. Thanks for asking."

"Ok. Well it was nice talking to you, Hisao. I love you."

"Love you too, mom. Bye."

"Bye."

I set the phone back down on the nightstand.

I can't tell how I feel about the conversation I just had. Not great, that's for sure. It was almost worse than what it was in the hospital. At least in the hospital there was a reason to talk, a catalyst. She was my mother and I was her sick child, and that was how we carried on. But now? Now I'm just Hisao again.

Except I'm not.

I'm not Hisao. I'm Hisao with an asterisk next to his name. See the attached footnotes: likely to keel over and die at any moment without warning. And for my family, for my old friends, for... Iwanako... seeing around that asterisk is like seeing over a brick wall two feet taller than you.

I'm sitting up in bed now, twisting my hands together. I walk to my desk and pick up my English textbook. I try to read for a few minutes, but my concentration fades quickly, and I find myself reading the same few paragraphs over and over repeatedly, not absorbing any meaning. I close my book, frustrated.

I sit back down on my bed and sigh heavily. My eyes wander back to my phone. I wonder...

I flip open my phone and dial the newest entry in my contacts.

And after a few seconds, she picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kagami. What's up?"

"Nothing much. Taking an... extended break from homework."

"Me too," I say. She emits a small giggle. "Actually, I just woke up from a nap. I haven't eaten, and I was wondering if you wanted to get some food."

"Sorry, Hisao, I literally just finished dinner ten minutes ago," she says apologetically.

"Oh, that's cool," I reply. Damn it.

"But~" she continues, "I have rehearsal tomorrow afternoon in the city. Why don't you meet me there afterwards, and we'll have an early dinner? There should be a few restaurants around that area."

I break into a wide smile. "That sounds great, Kagami."

"Cool. I'll text you the address. Rehearsal ends at 4:30, so we'll meet then?"

"4:30 is good for me. I'll see you then," I answer.

"See you then! Bye, Hisao."

"Bye, Kagami."

I set the phone back down on the nightstand, this time with a grin on my face instead of a frown.

Maybe I will get some studying done tonight after all.

__________

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Last edited by forgetmenot on Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by forgetmenot »

A big shout-out to SemisoftCheese for proofing and giving me editing advice. Much love. Go read the Saki pseudo-route continuation! /shamelessplug

Scene 12: Crescendo

I glance at my phone, checking the time- it's 4:00. The bus is late, and it's at least a twenty-minute ride into the city. I hope I'll have enough time to find the address Kagami gave me. I'm starting to regret not asking for a phone with more features when my parents offered to get one for me. I don't think this one does navigation. Or anything besides calls and text messaging. Hopefully there'll be a map stand or something at the bus stop. I want to kick myself for not looking for directions before I left Yamaku. I suppose it's too late now, though.

At 4:05, I finally hear the dull rumble of the bus's engine as it rolls over the hill and into the stop. I deposit the necessary coins into the box and make my way towards an empty seat near the front of the bus. Thankfully, I spot a small plastic box mounted on the wall opposite my seat filled with maps and pamphlets. I pull one of the maps from the box and open it. The city seems a lot larger than what I'd expect for the area, although it's not larger than where I grew up. I suppose I haven't seen much - er, any - of the surrounding area besides Yamaku, which probably contributes to the "smaller" feel I've been getting.

Fortunately, the address Kagami gave me looks like it's only a few blocks away from the second bus stop in the city. Looks like I won't have to hoof it very far, which is good considering Emi upped my morning runs to a mile and a half today. I'm still not sure if I'm going to attend the track meet tomorrow, even though she gave me those puppy dog eyes when I told her as much after she invited me today. I'll probably end up going, as much as it makes me feel like a pushover.

Seventeen minutes later, I'm thanking the driver and disembarking from the bus. The concrete and blacktop surfaces do little to rein in the stifling mid-June weather. I can already feel myself sweating as I check the map one last time for orientation and set out on my way.

Being in the city reminds me of... well, it reminds me of before I came to Yamaku. Before I found out about my arrhythmia. It's nostalgic in a way, even though it's also a place I've never been. Surprisingly, it doesn't bother me as much as I expected. Although, I suppose when meeting a beautiful girl for a dinner date it's difficult to be upset about it.

It takes about ten minutes for me to find my way to the building Kagami's orchestra rehearses in. It's a small building nestled between two taller ones, its black corrugated metal facade clashing with the faded concrete structures on either side. A brightly multicolored marquee on the front indicates that it's the community center for the arts I've been looking for. Kagami doesn't appear to be outside yet, so I cross the street and enter the building.

It's not much cooler inside, unfortunately, even though there's an awful racket coming from the vents overhead. I approach the water fountain to the side of the lobby for a drink. Thankfully, the water is ice-cold, and I'm able to get my thirst under control.

Hm, I wonder where the orchestra rehearses? I cross the lobby to a set of double doors and peer through one of the small rectangular windows. Before my eyes is a pretty large auditorium; there's got to be at least 800 seats in there. This building must be deeper than it is wide. On the stage is a full orchestra. At least a hundred people are up there. This sure seems like a bigger deal than Kagami makes it out to be. They don't seem to be playing right now; the conductor is waving his arms emphatically at the cello section.

Well, it's probably ok to go inside and sit down, just as long as I'm near the back.

I open the door quietly and make my way to one of the red plush seats in the last row. The acoustics in this room must be great: it's tough, but I can make out what the conductor is saying even from all the way back here.

"...all right, once more from letter E, and then we're done. And celli, please remember it's a b-natural at 107, not a b-flat," he says. I think I understood about a quarter of that. The members of the orchestra, however, appear like they've understood every word and raise their instruments to play. The conductor raises his baton, and brings it down forcefully.

I jump a little as I'm assaulted by a wave of brass and timpani. The music is... violent, I suppose. Very violent. But it's performed well. At least, I think it's performed well. It seems more... progressive than what I listened to in the hospital, though.

The loud shrieks of trumpets disappear as quickly as they came, and are replaced with violins repeating the same motif, although it seems higher than it was when the trumpets played it. As I watch the violins, I notice Kagami. She's sitting in the first chair to the conductor's left, bowing furiously. Her eyes dart back and forth from the music in front of her to the conductor's hands above her. Her playing is significantly more impassioned than the rest of the violin section- some of the musicians near the back of the violin section barely look like they're alive. In contrast, she's seated on the edge of her seat, moving in time with the music, her entire body given into some of the notes she's playing. She's far away, but I can see her grey eyes sparking with intensity from here.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it's over. The conductor circles with his baton, and the entire orchestra freezes for a half-second, before a collective breath is exhaled and they all sink back into their seats.

"Good work, everyone. Sorry we're a little late today. I'll see you next week," the conductor says, stepping from his podium and jumping down to the floor below the stage. The musicians begin to rise from their seats, shuffling around to their cases. Kagami remains on the stage for a few seconds, penciling something into her music before she grabs it from the stand and vaults off of the stage in one fluid, practiced motion.

Packing her instrument takes only a few seconds, and before I know it, she's quickly ascending the aisle. I stand up to meet her. She sees me standing and waves.

Kagami looks great in casual clothing. I imagine her dress is mostly because of the insufferable heat outside, but the pairing of a powder blue tank top with a small pair of black shorts is nothing short of flattering. I'm probably staring too much at her long, shapely legs, which are drawing ever closer. Stop it, Hisao. Eye contact.

Luckily, Kagami seems or pretends not to notice my staring. "Hey, Hisao," she calls out in greeting, before looking to me for affirmation that I am, in fact, the person she's supposed to be meeting.

I smile back. "Hey, Kagami."

"Whew," she half-exclaims as she finishes hiking up the carpeted walkway. "Almost didn't recognize you without your school clothes on. I'd say something about all the staring, but it comes in handy for recognition once in a while."

I can feel myself blush reflexively. Kagami laughs. "S-sorry," I stammer.

"Aww, don't get all bent out of shape about it. C'mon, let's get out of here."

I follow Kagami out into the lobby, where we each get one more drink from the water fountain before heading back out onto the street. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and pushes a small keyboard out from behind the screen. It's significantly more advanced than mine, a fact that's highlighted even more when Kagami holds down a small button on the bottom and says, "Ice cream," into the mouthpiece. She looks back up at me, as if to say, "If that's ok with you."

I nod. It's too early for dinner anyway, and ice cream might just be the best way to cool down short of an ice bath.

Kagami's phone beeps as the results of her search begin to populate the small screen. She squints at the first few entries. "Seems like there's a decent place about three or four blocks from here. Sound good?" she asks.

"Sounds good. Let's go," I reply.

As we walk, Kagami turns to face me. "So, how long were you waiting?"

"Oh, not too terribly long. I just heard the last run-through or so."

"Cool. Well, what'd you think?" she asks.

I draw my mouth to one side of my face. I didn't really have time to process what I heard in that auditorium. "Uh... it was loud... and pretty aggressive. You looked like you were enjoying yourself. You play with a lot of... intensity."

"Yeah, I probably look like an idiot. Mr. Ito - he's the conductor - says I'm too expressive sometimes," she explains.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," I reply, not sure how to recover. "You look... passionate. Like you really care about what you're playing. It's a good thing, I promise."

You look beautiful when you play. That's what I want to say to her. However, considering we agreed to be just friends for the time being, I suppose it's a little too forward.

Kagami shrugs. "If you say so. I doubt looking passionate alone will win me the concerto competition, though."

I tilt my head and ask, "Concerto competition? What's that?"

Kagami smiles. "Thanks for taking the bait and giving me an excuse to talk about it," she says, winking. "A few of the third-years in the orchestra had the chance to audition to play a solo piece with the orchestra for the last concert, which is in about two months. The competition was earlier this afternoon."

"Well? How did it go?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Pretty well, I think. I'm already practicing something for college auditions in the fall, so I just played that," she answers, referring to the piece I've heard her play a few times.

She leans in closer to the side of my face and whispers for dramatic effect. "To be honest, I invited you to the city because I knew I'd either want to celebrate or forget about screwing up, both of which I can do with you." She winks mischievously.

I mock surprise. "I'm not sure I appreciate being manipulated like that."

She retorts by playfully bumping me in the leg with her violin case. "Oh, stop it. You know you like hanging out with me."

It's true, I do. Why wouldn't I want to hang out with a beautiful, funny girl on a Saturday evening?

We arrive at the ice cream parlor, where a significant line has formed. Apparently we weren't the only ones to think of beating the heat with frozen treats. As we stand in line, I continue our conversation from before.

"So, when do you think you'll find out about the competition?" I ask.

"Should have results next Saturday at rehearsal," Kagami replies. "I'm not gonna get my hopes up about it until then. They rarely pick violin players anyhow."

"How come?" I ask.

"We're too common. There's a lot of literature out there for violin, but less for a french horn or marimba player, for examples. Judges tend to favor the uncommon stuff. It's just how they work," she says dejectedly. Kagami really seems down on herself today. I wonder if her audition went as well as she made it seem? In the case of this being either the celebration or the post-failure forget-about-it party, the least I can do is buy her some ice cream.

She cheers up when I hand her a rather oversized cone full of rum raisin ice cream. Kagami begins to set her violin down to get into her purse, but I motion for her to stop. She pouts for a second, but eventually shrugs and makes her way over to the corner of the store closest to the door, while I pay for our purchases and make my way around the small mob gathered around the counter, careful not to drip any chocolate ice cream onto any unsuspecting patrons.

"Thanks for the ice cream, Hisao. You're a gentleman," Kagami says politely as we exit the shop.

I smile. "Least I can do for you. Especially on a day like today."

"I know~" Kagami attempts to say with a mouthful of ice cream. Apparently she just bites it instead of licking around the corners like I do. "Ish too hot outshide."

We locate a bench near a small garden, which smells of freshly cut grass. There must be a park around here somewhere. I look for it over my shoulder as we sit down.

"Um, Hisao," Kagami says, tapping me on the shoulder. "You're... melting onto your sweater vest."

Uh-oh, she's right. I pull the napkin from the bottom of my cone and quickly dab at the front of my vest, but it's no use - there's a large brown stain right in the middle now. Kagami giggles.

"Just take it off, Hisao. It's too hot for sweater vests today anyhow," my companion says as she lazily bites into the top of her cone. Man, she eats ice cream quickly. She extends her hand to take my cone.

I eye her playfully before handing it to her. "No stealing," I fake-chide. She raises her own ice cream cone to her chest in a "who, me?" gesture. Of course, after I pull my sweater vest over my head, I catch Kagami with her tongue extended, barely touching the side of my cone.

"Hey!" I exclaim as I playfully try to snatch my cone back from her.

"What? I was just fixing it. It was dripping down the side," Kagami huffs, crossing her arms and turning slightly away from me before bursting out in a fit of laughter. I can't help but laugh with her.

This is great. All the anxiety from earlier this week is melting away, and I feel just as good as I did at the festival. I think briefly think back to something Emi said earlier this week about relieving stress. Maybe this is how I need to do it- spending time with Kagami eating ice cream. Definitely an agreeable arrangement.

Kagami finishes her cone significantly faster than I do. "Aren't you gonna get brainfreeze?" I ask.

"Nope. Never had it. It's actually kind of weird." She pauses for a moment, reclining on the bench with her hands behind her head, playing lazily with her braid. "So, what do you want to do until dinner?"

"Is there a park around here? We could go for a walk," I suggest.

Kagami narrows her eyes. "You're asking the wrong girl, Hisao. I'd probably need a map even if I lived here."

Oh, right. Nice going, Hisao. For a moment there I totally forgot Kagami even has a disability.

"Sorry, I... forgot," I say without really thinking about it. Kagami tilts her head quizzically. I should probably clarify. "I-I mean, you just work around it so well, it's hard to remember sometimes, I guess."

Kagami sighs. "Fair enough, I suppose. Although to be honest..." She trails off.

"What?" I ask, curious about what she was going to say next.

"It's nothing. Kind of boring, actually. Let's find that park, ok?" she says, standing up and slinging her violin and purse over her shoulder.

I wonder what she was going to say. It's probably best to not push the matter.

I hand Kagami my map, which she unfolds and studies as I finish my ice cream. After a minute or so, Kagami stands up and points to our left. "Good call on that park, Hisao. It's only a block or two from here. That way, I think."

Sure enough, we arrive at the park, which is surprisingly large considering it's more or less in the middle of the city. There's a group of students playing with a frisbee about fifty meters or so to our left, but besides that, there doesn't seem to be that many people here.

I find a trash can and dispose of the napkins that came with our ice cream. As I turn around, I see Kagami bent over, smelling a patch of flowers. I try to avoid staring at her behind, which looks incredible in those shorts. She turns to face me, a daisy in hand.

"So, Hisao," she says as she weaves the stem of the flower into her braid, "you already know what I want to do after graduation. What about you?"

"Honestly, I haven't given it much thought," I reply. "I guess college was always assumed, but... well, I don't really have any idea what I want to do. I haven't had much time to think about it recently, either."

"True, I suppose," Kagami replies. She looks at me like she's getting ready to ask something, but then directs her gaze forward.

I want to know what she's thinking. "What's up?" I ask.

"Well," she starts before pausing for a minute. "Ok, bear with me here. You have a heart condition, right?" I nod in affirmation. "Ok, and you're at Yamaku because you had a heart attack." I nod again. Kagami exhales. "Phew. I'm having trouble remembering everything I was reading this morning, but I got curious and wanted to ask."

"Ask what?" I inquire, wondering what she could be building up to.

"When were you in the hospital? How long?"

"That's it?" I ask, slightly relieved it wasn't something more serious, whatever that might be.

She shrugs. "Just curious, that's all. I promise, no more pressing questions today." She winks, awaiting my answer.

"A couple of months. My heart attack was in January, and I was only home for a few days before coming to Yamaku two weeks ago," I say.

"Hm," Kagami says. For once, it appears she's the one that's lost in thought. Is that how I look when I think? I've got to be less obvious in the future.

I decide to inquire as to what's on her mind. "Why'd you ask?"

"No reason. Just curiosity, like I said." Kagami swings her violin over to her left side, leaving a bright red mark on her now unoccupied right shoulder. She rubs it nonchalantly and turns her head to look at me with those glassy grey eyes. I'm not exactly sure how they can be so reflective yet so piercing at the same time.

We pass the next half hour or so walking through the park, idly chit-chatting about the weather and school and Kagami's orchestra. She's really passionate about her music, although I suppose I'd be just as passionate about it if I were as good as her. Or maybe vice-versa. Maybe her passion is the reason for her skill.

As I think this, however, Kagami gets ahead of me a few paces, so I jog to catch up. The flower in her hair looks beautiful; the bright yellow and white of the daisy contrasts brilliantly with the dark cherry strands of hair with which it's intertwined. The flower follows the motion of her braid as it sashays gently between her shoulder blades.

"Catch up, slowpoke," she calls over her shoulder as I make the last few paces to rejoin my companion at her side. "Getting tired?" she asks.

"Honestly, no," I reply. "I guess those morning runs with Emi are doing the trick after all."

"Emi? Who's that?" Kagami asks.

I falter. I wonder how well she knows her own classmates. "Um, Emi Ibarazaki. She's on the track team, kind of short, strawberry blonde hair..." I forego mentioning she's also a student in class 3-4 for a few moments. Hopefully Kagami will pick up on it.

"Hm. Sounds familiar," Kagami says as she furrows her brow in thought. "Uh... is she a double amputee? Missing both legs?"

I hadn't even thought of mentioning her disability. It seems so thoroughly un-Emi that it didn't even cross my mind. "Yeah, that's her," I say.

"Ok, she's in my class. 3-4. You run with her in the mornings?"

"Yeah, Nurse sort of set it up as a way to get my heart back into... well, not-killing-me shape."

"I suppose that's a good thing." She scratches her chin casually. "So you're up early every morning, trying to get your heart better."

"I guess that's one way of putting it," I say, curious as to where she's going with this line of conversation.

"Hm," she says, pausing for a moment. "I guess I never realized how similar we are, if you're into that whole sappy 'oh-my-god twinsies' thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm up a few hours before class too. Every day. I... well, I have kind of a crazy complicated system. Long and short of it is that I'm rebuilding my memory from my journal, pretty much every day."

I suppose she has a point. Although given my apparent quick progress, I wonder...

"Has it..." I briefly hesitate before I ask. But Kagami smiles warmly, as if to give me permission to ask, so I do. "Has it gotten better? Your memory? Over time, I mean."

"It has. Not a lot of progress recently, but let's just say I'm a lot better now than I was the first year or two after my accident. The journal's something they suggested in therapy. Then, I couldn't remember anything without its help. Now I can usually fill in the gaps ok by myself, with the proper reminders. My records don't have to be as detailed as they were."

I'm not sure exactly what to say right now, but something seems better than nothing. Kagami's been pretty open today, so I suppose there's no harm in asking. "What all... well, what do you remember of... before?"

Kagami's furrows her brow and scrunches her mouth into a tight pattern, her expression indicative of deep thought. "Bits and pieces I guess. Some things more clearly than others. I remember my old primary school pretty well, violin recitals, weekends with my mother, things like that. We went to the beach during the summers, at least once every year." She pauses, closing her eyes and smiling. "I remember mother yelling at me for swimming too far out into the ocean. Building sand castles and digging moats for the tide to fill. Eating picnics on the beach and getting sand in my sandwiches."

I remember something Kagami said at the Shanghai. "Your father never came with you?"

"Ha," Kagami says bitterly. "Him? No, he was far too concerned with his work to spend time with his wife and daughter. To be honest I never really saw him much, except for family gatherings and holidays. Mother and I were low-maintenance, which I'm sure is what he preferred."

"Were?" I ask, not really thinking about the subject I'm asking Kagami to delve into.

"Yeah, were. After my accident, I... well, I became a liability, which is one step worse than an inconvenience."

"And your mother? She couldn't...?"

Kagami turns and faces me, her expression a mixture of frustration and sullenness. She stares at me for what seems like hours with those deep grey eyes, boring a hole into my skull with her stare. After a while, she lowers her gaze.

"No, she couldn't. She was just another liability for my father to sweep under the rug and forget about. Which he promptly did. I never even saw the asshole after. Just his assistant."

She faces forward again, staring at the cracks in the pavement as we walk.

"Kagami, I..."

"It's not your fault, Hisao," she says wistfully. "I'm not upset with you."

"That's good," I reply inanely.

We continue walking in silence for a moment, but Kagami soon turns to face me and smiles mischievously. Apparently she's snapped out of whatever bad mood I may have accidentally put her in. "You know what else is good?" she asks.

"I have a feeling you're about to tell me," I reply.

"Pizza!" she says, and points across the street to a small awning with the word "Pizza" written across it in green, red, and white lettering. I guess we've reached the other edge of the park. I wonder where we are?

However, that train of thought is quickly derailed by the smell of pizza wafting across the street and my subsequently growling stomach. We can figure it out later; we have a map, after all. Pizza first.

After Kagami and I order, we sit down in a booth in the middle of the restaurant. There doesn't seem to be anyone else here, save for the lone waitress and the cooks. It almost reminds me of the Shanghai, in a strange way. What doesn't remind me of the Shanghai, however, is the particularly large pie that's placed in front of us after about fifteen minutes. It's plastered with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms, and onions; this particular combination of flavors is new to me. However, as I bite into my first piece, I can quickly see why Kagami insisted on ordering the pizza exactly as it sits before us. It's delicious.

"Mmm. You were right," I say as I ingest my second mouthful of the delicious food cupped in my hands.

"See? I told you," Kagami says, a smug satisfied look on her face. "I propose there is no better pizza topping combination in the world. Although, if somebody were to tell me about one, I'd actually be ok with it. Better pizza, and all." Kagami takes a vigorous bite out of her slice as she finishes her sentence.

I chuckle in between bites. "I don't think you'd find anyone in Japan who eats enough pizza to challenge you," I say. Although, from what little I've experienced, Kenji could possibly give her a run for her money. I guess he'd be a pizza savant, if in fact he were any kind of savant. Which doesn't seem likely in the first place.

Kagami laughs. "I very much doubt that. But I'm flattered, none the less." I briefly ponder telling her about Kenji, but that's a can of worms that's better left unopened.

We finish what's left of the rather large pizza in a short time, surprisingly. I must have been really hungry. Normally I don't even eat unhealthy food. I suppose one time won't kill me, though.

"I can't believe I ate that much," Kagami says as she leans back against the booth we're seated in. "Sorry I'm so gross."

"It's fine, I ate just as much," I reply, taking a similar position against the backside of my booth. We sit in silence for a short time before Kagami snatches the bill from the table and walks up to the front of the restaurant to pay, leaving me no time to protest. Oh well, I did buy the ice cream after all.

We exit the restaurant into the early evening sun, which is already starting to cast long shadows onto the streets. With minimal discussion, we make our way back to the appropriate bus stop, where we luckily happen upon a bus heading back to Yamaku already stopped beside the small glass enclosure. We pay our fare and take two seats near the back of the bus.

As the bus chugs out of the city, the greenery of the surrounding countryside begins to fill the windows. Kagami's gaze is fixed on the passing scenery blazing past the glass in front of her.

"I had a good time today," I say. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Thanks for coming. I really like hanging out with you, Hisao."

She doesn't avert her eyes, but I can see her smiling in the reflection in the window. "It's different, you know? The country? I never really got outside the city much when I was a kid."

"Neither did I," I respond.

"City kid too, huh?" she asks rhetorically. "I guess that's why I like the city here so much. It sort of reminds me of home, on a smaller scale. At least what I remember of home."

I lean into my seat and think back to our conversation about her family. I wonder what could have happened to her mother. Maybe something happened to both of them in the same accident?

Speaking of which, I also don't have any idea about the specifics of her accident, either. I suppose it's only fair- I haven't exactly been forthcoming about the situation surrounding my heart attack. It'd be too assuming of me to expect her to share it unprovoked. She's been so open with me about things that I'm sure must be uncomfortable for her, asking her about her accident now seems selfish.

But I'm broken out of my introspection by a soft, but constant force on my right shoulder. I glance to my right. Kagami's leaning on my shoulder, her arm pressed into mine, still facing the window. I look in the reflection to see if she's asleep. Her eyes are closed- should I say something? But almost if she can read my mind, she speaks up.

"Is this ok?"

"It's... it's fine." I say, the hints of a smile creeping into the corners of my mouth.

"Good," she replies, smiling, and presses her shoulder deeper into my arm.

__________

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Last edited by forgetmenot on Sun Jul 21, 2013 12:38 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Kagami's phone seems way more advanced than anything that was available in 2007, even if this is Japan...

Otherwise another nice chapter.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by Oddball »

Mirage_GSM wrote:Kagami's phone seems way more advanced than anything that was available in 2007, even if this is Japan...
She's secretly a traveler from the future.

That detail wasn't mentioned because it really wasn't important to the plot. :P
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by forgetmenot »

Mirage_GSM wrote:Kagami's phone seems way more advanced than anything that was available in 2007, even if this is Japan...
So I did some (limited) research and modified the description slightly to match one of the more popular phones in Japan from 2006 (Some Wilcom handset, I don't know the name, I could only find video). From what I've read (slow) internet and GPS capability were modestly available around 2007 in Japan, especially in cities. Also, if anyone would have the latest, greatest tech, it'd be Kagami.

Because she's from the future, obviously.

Also her family is loaded. But if we're throwing plausibility out the window here I'd at least like to throw it as far as I can.
Last edited by forgetmenot on Sun Jul 21, 2013 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

forgetmenot wrote:But if we're throwing plausibility out the window here I'd at least like to throw it as far as I can.
Fair enough :lol:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by Comrade »

Time travel should be restricted to soviet officers only!
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Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/10]

Post by forgetmenot »

Hey y'all.

So, I have a bit of a confession to make: Kagami's love for music was mostly inspired by my own. So I went and wrote her a theme as a small break from writing the new chapter.

Here it is: Memory, Kagami's theme.

I may or may not write more of these, it depends if the mood strikes again or not. Enjoy!
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