To Feel so Lucky-(Post Hanako Good End)

[fancywalrus]

Hello, after playing the game and reading a wide variety of fan fiction, I've decided to contribute my own work. This is the first chapter in a planned series, I'm expecting to write around 5 to 6 chapters including this one. I know where I want the story to go, it's really just a matter of writing it out and filling in the details. I have every intention of finishing this and have a fair bit of free time, so I expect updates to be fairly consistent as well.

I really enjoyed both the game and some of the tremendos fan fictions that I've read since and felt like trying to give something back. I by no means consider myself an accomplished fiction writer, as I've really only ever written a few short stories for nothing more than personal entertainment, but I've always been interested in giving a full fledged fiction story a shot. This seems like the perfect way to start out so to speak and I would really appreciate any and all criticism on my writing as I would really like to improve. Anyway, here is the first installment in To Feel so Lucky( A post Hanako good end).

Chapter 1

“What do you think?”

I’m unable to immediately answer Hisao’s question as my eyes take a moment to adjust to the light. I objected to wearing a blindfold, but Hisao was persistent that our destination should be a surprise and that being able to see would give it away before we ever arrived. Now I can see what he means, as the first thing I notice is the vast forest that completely surrounds us. The trees extend skyward, blocking out most of the remaining sunlight from view as the sun fades past the horizon.

I find myself staring at the up at the sky, where a wild sea of green occupies my field of vision, swaying rhythmically with the strong breeze that passes through. Completely entranced with the nature of our surroundings, it takes a minute before I even notice the cabin up ahead, standing alone in the forest surrounded by nothing but trees and a small dirt road that leads to the door. The cabin itself reminds me of a toy I used to play with in orphanage called Lincoln Logs. They were never popular with the other kids so I was able to play with them whenever I pleased. This cabin is built in the same manner I built my Lincoln Log homes, one log stacked on the next with a slanted roof atop the structure. The entire scene strikes me as something from a painting and I can’t help but wonder how Hisao knows about this place. It isn’t until I look back at Hisao that I realize I’ve yet to answer him as he gives me an expectant work, hoping he’s done well in picking the spot for our impromptu getaway.

“It’s beautiful,” I say, still looking at Hisao. That gentle smile of his I’ve grown to love flashes across his face.

“I’m glad you think so, I thought that you would enjoy it here.” He knows me well; I don’t think he could have picked a better spot given the opportunity.

“Want to head inside?” I pull him close and we embrace, he gently kisses my forehead as I wrap my arms around him.

“Can we stay out here till the sun sets?” He gives me another smile followed by a nod and we take a seat on the road, eyes turned up to the sky, taking the moment in together.

The sun holds out a little while longer but soon the sky goes dark and we get up to head inside. The inside of the cabin is somehow as picturesque as the scenery outside and I find myself smiling widely as Hisao gives me the tour. The main room is spacious, there are a cluster of couches and chairs in the center of the room around a brick fireplace. The walls are adorned with various paintings of landscapes, each showing a beautiful image like the one I find myself in now. The back wall is also home to multiple bookshelves, a relieving sight, as I hadn’t had a chance to grab any books before Hisao rushed me out of my apartment. There is a small kitchen adjacent to the main room, equipped with a stove and various cooking utensils, as well as a small wooden table surrounded by four chairs.

The bedrooms and bathroom are in the back of the cabin through a narrow hallway. The guest room is relatively bare: housing only a twin bed, nightstand, and dresser. I’m not bothered by it, as I doubt this room is going to see much use during our stay. The master bedroom is a different case. In the center of the room is a king bed, complimented by an elaborately carved headboard that I find myself running my fingers over as soon as I enter the room. Opposite the bed is a large dresser and in the corner is another bookcase complete with a chair on either side.

I find myself imagining that Hisao designed this cabin just for me, spending his time out in the forest building a cabin for just the two of us. I immediately begin imagining Hisao with a full beard, carrying an axe around the forest, chopping down trees and dragging them here. The idea alone elicits a giggle from me, which causes Hisao to give me a look of confusion. Deciding to explain myself, I realize this is the first we’ve talked since entering the cabin as I’ve been silently taking in everything.

“Sorry, I was just imagining that you’ve been building this cabin in secret for us, dressed in full lumberjack gear.” This elicits a loud chuckle from Hisao as I giggle along with him.

“Nothing that romantic I’m afraid, it’s owned by one of my friends from school. A few of us came here for a day away from the city and I realized it would be perfect”

“It is perfect.” I smile at him as I lean in closer to kiss him, we stand there, locked in that kiss seemingly for ages, before I decided to break away.

“I need to shower, I wasn’t expecting anyone today. I didn’t even get out of my pajamas until you rushed me out to the car.” He looks a little disappointed that I end the kiss but I really need to freshen up.

“Ok, I’ll bring your suitcase to the room for you. I’m going to get started cooking dinner. Also, make it a long shower, I still have a few more surprises up my sleeve so don’t come out until I call you, ok?” I don’t mind, I have no problem taking a long shower and there is plenty to read in our room if he still needs time afterwards.

“Ok, just no more blindfolds please.” I say, eliciting a chuckle from Hisao.

“This dinner will be blindfold free, although I’m not sure I can make the same guarantee for the entirety of the trip.” He gives me a wink and grins from ear to ear, causing me to laugh as I head towards the bathroom.

I turn the water on, dropping my clothes in a heap on the ground before stepping into the shower. Luckily the bathroom is stocked with towels, soap and shampoo, as I hadn’t gotten a chance to pack my own. I had planned on visiting Hisao in a few days so I was mostly packed already; I just had a few things that I needed everyday that were still out. Hisao really didn’t give me time to pack the rest of my things, as we were gone from my apartment five minutes after he showed up. I suppose he wanted to whisk me away to our romantic trip, as he called it.
I stand under the water for a few minutes, just getting my body acquainted with the water. As the water cascades over my body, I trace my hand along the scars that cover half my body. They are a constant reminder of all I’ve suffered, all that I’ve dealt with in life. To have no choice but to wear my accident on my face each and every day led me to cut myself off from the world. It took a messy haired boy who looked past my scars, who didn’t see me as someone to be pitied but as a friend, and eventually more. When he showed me his own scar, the jagged red line plastered right on his chest, I realized that he was as scarred as I was, he just had the luxury of being able to hide it.

But he didn’t want to hide it from me.

He helped me to realize that we all have our scars, be they physical or mental, and that revelation helped me more that I could have thought. I haven’t had a panic attack in over three years; I made a small circle of friends at my school, even without Hisao there to guide me through it. Even though he wasn’t there for it, I knew it was because of Hisao I was able to accomplish this. Going to separate schools was tough; though we were close enough that one of us was able to visit almost every weekend. I still remember the talk he gave me after I had a panic attack, no my last panic attack, in the dorms when a couple of girls commented loudly on my scars in front of everyone.

I called him after managing to hide away in my room during the attack. Through tears I managed to relate to Hisao exactly what happened; how the girls had made fun of me, how alone I felt without him there and how I just felt like giving up. Hisao sat quietly, listening to everything I had to say before offering up advice that I still replay in my head today.

“Hanako, you need to listen to me. You are the strongest person I know, to go through everything you have and still come out the person you are today takes a strength that not many people have in this world. You are a beautiful woman Hanako, and don’t let anyone tell you different. However, you need to be willing to let people in. If you just shut yourself off from everyone, nobody is going to get the chance to see what an amazing person you are. I’ve seen you come out of your shell Hanako, all of the friends you made our last year at Yamaku prove that you can make friends, but you have to be willing to try again. I know I’m not there to help you through it, but you don’t need my help to do this, you’re plenty strong enough on your own to do so. Take it at your own pace, but I’m willing to bet that if you give people a chance to see the real you that you will meet some amazing people that would be lucky to be your friend.”

A few days later a couple of the other girls came by to say they were sorry about what the other girls said and asked me to lunch. If not for Hisao’s speech, I doubt that I would have gone with, and I wouldn’t have met the group of people I now call my friends. Just like Hisao had, these girls looked past my scars and simply saw a shy girl who was alone at a new school and could use an invite to lunch. For as scared and anxious as I had been for college, I ended up enjoying it more than I though possible. I made a decent amount of friends and even found my passion in life, finding a job designing the layout for a local magazine. It may not be much, but it's something that I'm able to take pride in and I enjoy doing it. It still amazes me how far I've come in the past four years, the fact I have done so while living on my own makes it all the more rewarding. I'm disrupted from my thoughts as the water suddenly begins to lose it's warmth. Realizing I've used up the last of the hot water, I quickly turn the faucet to prevent the rapidly chilling water from assaulting me any further.

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. As I start drying my hair, I hear Hisao call from outside the door.

“Hanako, dinner is ready, feel free to come out whenever.”

“Okay, I’ll only be a minute.” I call back as I finish drying my hair. I walk to the bedroom and pick out a new blouse I just bought, along with a nice pair of pants. I haven’t had the chance to wear this blouse yet, as it is quite revealing and despite all of the progress I’ve made, I still tend to dress rather conservatively in public. Before making my way to the kitchen, I make sure to move the hair out of my face and clip it in place. Hisao commented once that he likes to see my whole face, so I’ve been trying to wear my hair out of my eyes when it’s just us two.

I walk down the hallway towards the kitchen as I come close to rounding the corner it seems all the lights are off. I turn the corner and a small gasp escapes my mouth as I look in front of me. A red velvety tablecloth is draped over the small table, complete with two plates of food, a glass of wine next to each and two candles providing the only source of lighting. Well Hisao, you are full of romantic surprises today.

Hisao is already sitting in front of one of the plates, dressed in one of his many sweater vests, his gentle smile illuminated by the candle light. I walk over to the table and Hisao gets up to pull my chair out for me, offering up a description of the meal as he does so.

“I know it’s not much but there’s rice, vegetables and tuna. I wanted to make something a little more fancy but I figured I should just focus on making sure it tastes good.” He offers up a quiet laugh as he says this and I give him a warm smile in return before replying.

“It looks delicious, who needs something unnecessarily fancy anyway?” He gives me another smile before moving to his side of the table. Neither of us makes much conversation as we eat, choosing instead to focus on enjoying each other’s company and the food in front of us. As we near the end of our meal, Hisao is the first one to speak up.

“I’m sorry for being so secretive today, I just wanted to surprise you.” I quickly chew the rest of the food in my mouth before replying.

“You don’t need to apologize, I’m glad you surprised me like this. I was a little nervous about it at first, but I trust you. This was a much better idea than anything I had in mind for my visit anyway.” Hisao smiles at my answer and I realize he’s finished his food before me. I only have a couple bites of tuna left so I continue to eat as he replies.

“I’m glad you like it, I was worried that you wouldn’t.” He seems to be sincere but I couldn’t imagine why he’d think that I wouldn’t like this place.

“Why would you be worried? I’m pretty sure you couldn’t have picked a better spot.” We both offer a giggle at my response, Hisao hasn’t seemed worried at all this entire time though, so his statement still catches me off guard.

“Well maybe I wasn’t that worried, but it was still in the back of my mind the entire time.” As I finish up my tuna Hisao takes notice and moves to clear both of our plates. While he walks back to the table, something seems off about him, if I had to guess I would say he was nervous but I can’t help and wonder what about. As I sit there analyzing him, he speaks up again.

“Hey Hanako, I’ve got one more surprise tonight if that’s okay.” He really doesn’t need to ask my permission to surprise me, so far he is two for two on surprises tonight, but I offer up my blessing regardless.

“Of course.” He smiles nervously at me as I wonder what else he could have planned for tonight. He gets up and slowly steps towards me, no asking me to close my eyes or to wait in another room, my mind starts racing as to what he’s about to do.

The romantic getaway, the candle lit dinner, he can’t be about to….

Another step forward, he starts fumbling with something in his pocket, I can’t quite make out what it is in the candle light but I get my answer as he takes another step towards me before falling to one knee.

“Hanako, will you marry me?” His nervous voice cuts through the silence of the cabin as he opens the box in his outstretched hand. In it is an elegant gold ring with a small red ruby in the center.. I’m at a loss for words; the entire scene playing out before something I always dreamed of but never thought would happen is finally realized. I fight to hold back the tears, this is supposed to be a happy occasion, but it’s no use as the tears start falling freely from eyes. I leap up from my chair and wrap in him the tightest hug I can. With my face pressed into his body, I begin to respond.

“Yes.” The muffled sound is hard to understand, but Hisao seems to get the message. Yet I feel I need to answer him properly, I pull away and look directly into his eyes.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I will marry you Hisao.” The enthusiasm behind my answer surprises even me, but I don’t care, I’ve never felt as happy as I do in this moment. Hisao is positively beaming as he slips the ring on my finger. No more words need to be said, we turn to each other, our lips meet and we stand there, locked in with each other. Time stands still around us with nothing to pull us away from this moment. Eventually Hisao breaks away, interrupting the tranquil silence that has developed around us.

“I’m glad you said yes.”

“I’m glad you asked.” As I say this I turn away and blow out the candle before grabbing Hisao’s hand. With his hand in mine, we start walking together towards the bedroom, the cabin lit only by the stars outside. We make our way into the hallway, moving as fast as we can towards the bedroom. Once we enter, we each begin to remove our clothes and I allow myself one last thought before we fall onto the bed together.

How, after everything that’s happened, can I still feel so lucky?

[CptSalsa]

You forget periods after some sentences in quotations.

finding a job designing the layout for a local magazine. I’m glad Hisao recommended a long shower,

Well that was awkward.

as it is quite reveling and despite all of the progress I’ve made,

Should be spelled revealing. But I would be reveling from the sight.

I make sure move the hair out

Should either be "I make sure I move", or "I make sure to move", or another variation.

I walk down to hallway towards

"I walk down the hallway" maybe?

it seems all the lights are off. I turn the corner and a small gasp escapes my mouth as I look in front of me. All the lights are off

I don't know if you intended that but you mentioned all the lights being off two times.

on top of it two plates of food and glass of wine next to each.

"and a glass of wine next to each." should be what you are trying to say.

“I’m sorry for being so secretive today, I just wanted to surprise you.” I quickly chew the rest of the food in my mouth before replying.

Almost thought Hanako was the one saying that.

I forgot where but there's a place where you switch tenses.

And also you made the sex awkward by having a spelling mistake.

we each being to remove our clothes

should be "we each begin to remove our clothes." But if they didn't have sex I will feel really immature.

Maybe I should private message people when I edit their works next time. Can anyone decide for me?

[fancywalrus]

Thanks for the edit, I really missed a few egregious errors there. I'll have to improve my self editing. Also thanks for pointing out the awkward transition there, a few sentences must have gotten cut out because those were never supposed to be back to back.

[naxxar]

it's pretty good so far, i like the idea although i can't escape thoughts of Hanako in a wood cabin burning down ;_; Looking forward to future installments!

[DLMicheru]

This story


especially the Proposal moment made me grin like an idiot, but that could be because I proposed to my girlfriend (now my fiancee) about 2 weeks ago.

[Brogurt]

>ruby

what a straight baller

anyway I counted at least three grammar mistakes. If you write "I love you, Hanako, the only one in the world" then you need to have the comma before the Hanako. Also, there was an issue with a semicolon missing and a comma in its place. If you ever have two complete thoughts, and you could put a period there and still have it making sense, then you should use a semicolon instead of a comma.

so like this

It still amazes me how far I've come in the past four years, the fact I have done so while living on my own makes it all the more rewarding.

should be this

It still amazes me how far I've come in the past four years; the fact I have done so while living on my own makes it all the more rewarding.

uh, anyway, 's cool

[Brogurt]

Also I forgot to say that I kinda hope the next chapter has the sexy time alluded to in this one but that might just be because I'm a horndog

[fancywalrus]

it's pretty good so far, i like the idea although i can't escape thoughts of Hanako in a wood cabin burning down ;_; Looking forward to future installments!

Thanks for reading and don't worry, I can confidently say that Hanako will not be involved in a cabin fire.

especially the Proposal moment made me grin like an idiot, but that could be because I proposed to my girlfriend (now my fiancee) about 2 weeks ago.

I'm glad you enjoyed it and congratulations on the engagement!

Also I forgot to say that I kinda hope the next chapter has the sexy time alluded to in this one but that might just be because I'm a horndog

Sorry to disappoint but all I have planned is that allusion to it, I'm not really confident in my ability to write the sex scene and I'd rather not have it come out being tacky.

I'm glad you liked the ruby, I've never really been a fan of diamonds and I was racking my brain for a replacement when using ruby just popped into my head. Thanks for reading and for the grammer pointers. I think the biggest lesson I learned with this first chapter is I need to devote more time to my edits, I was a bit over-zealous in getting this out there and glossed over quite a few.

[Brogurt]

ruby just popped into my head

What do you mean it "just popped in"? It's her friggin birthstone, and mine too. Now, whether she can recognize that and not be troubled by the thought of her birthday is another thing. You totally could use that as a little development arc if you want. Just saying.

[fancywalrus]

ruby just popped into my head

What do you mean it "just popped in"? It's her friggin birthstone, and mine too. Now, whether she can recognize that and not be troubled by the thought of her birthday is another thing. You totally could use that as a little development arc if you want. Just saying.

It honestly didn't occur to me that it was her birthstone when I thought it up initially. I was thinking through what I could use to replace a diamond and thought that a ruby might be fitting. Then, while thinking about the choice a little more, I realized it was her birthstone as well and went with it. The fact it is her birthstone isn't lost on Hanako, I just chose not to mention it in the first chapter.