Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Shadowstalk]

Well, turns out she does indeed have a boyfriend. Now I'm glad I didn't tell her. ^^

The good thing is; the boyfriend his neither my cousin nor any guy I know.
Tha bad thing? She has a boyfriend. ._.
Excuse me, I'm gonna go and cry all night...

Babe, come here pls

[Umber]

http://i.qkme.me/35rnzq.jpg

Babe, come here pls

"I had sex once and it was awful."

You know, maybe Kenji's vision really is that bad...

[OtakuNinja]

Well, turns out she does indeed have a boyfriend. Now I'm glad I didn't tell her. ^^

The good thing is; the boyfriend his neither my cousin nor any guy I know.
Tha bad thing? She has a boyfriend. ._.
Excuse me, I'm gonna go and cry all night...

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but..."

Thanks... I think I'll buy School Days tomorrow... I need something dark and hilarious.

[Umber]

Thanks... I think I'll buy School Days tomorrow... I need something dark and hilarious.

Katawa Shoujo: Kind-hearted teenager, first girlfriend (nope). Surrounded by girls, has a relationship with one, gets over the first girlfriend, chooses to support/understand the new one. If he fails to connect with a girl, he is unintentionally killed.

School Days: [Negative adjective here] teenager, first girlfriend (success). Surrounded by girls, ends up having sex with a majority of them, gets back with the first girlfriend instead of getting over her, declines to support his "second" one. He connected with his first girl and was then intentionally killed. And people were happy.

I don't support, nor do I reject, this idea.

[Erpi]

I wasn't sure if I should even post my story on here because you know, everyone has their (painful) history. On top of that a friend of mine frequently lurks on here but ye w/e it's 5 am might as well. So here follows my life-story and how playing KS influenced me for those of you who are into this stuff.
So maybe a little background first. Both my parents are from Turkish decent and I live in Belgium (born and raised) which immediately makes some people biased against me before getting to know me. I remember having someone from Turkey over as a visitor and while she was slightly drunk she was saying things like: Where do you guys belong? You're not really Turkish because you don't live in Turkey but because you're from Turkish decent you don't "belong" in Belgium either. Even if she was drunk and let it slip it was true.
My parents had a divorce when I was 3 y/o and my father who had been a complete piece of shit to both my brother and my mother did a 180 when it came to me and was a really nice guy. Thing was though, my brother had an extreme hatred towards him and as an extension towards my mom. Because of this my dad thought that neither one of his children loved him and moved away to Turkey. I of course didn't hate him at all but my brother asked me to not keep in touch with him and so I respected his wishes (this was 9 or so years ago, I can't remember it's been long). Also as mentioned before my brother hated my mom so when he was 18 he joined the military and lived alone for 10 years (holy shit that actually was a really long time when I think about it). Until last summer when he decided to mend the fences between my mom him (note: my mom was not the one at fault, or at least I don't think so
my brother is really stubborn).
Okay so to sum up my background: Being "foreign" and single mom taking care of me while all of her siblings were being assholes towards her (Turkish family and maintaining honor and blablablabla) on top of that having one of her sons reject her for over a decade.

Ok so this is the part specifically about me.
When I was little I was always friendly to everyone in my class and they were friendly back. The occasional Turk reference/joke by some as I was the only one without Belgian roots but nothing harmful. This continued until 3rd grade of middle school or as you in the US call it High school. I messed up my entire year because I really wasn't interested in the material and was having more fun in class than doing work. This caused me to switch majors from economics to electro-technics. To do this I had to switch schools and the only school that had this was a school with around 1000 boys and on a good school year 3 girls. That wasn't the main issue, the main issue was that it was a school designed for people who wanted to pursue a more practical major (things like electricity and metal/wood related things). Basically it was a school filled with assholes and a breeding ground for bullies. I remember my first year there, I was keeping to myself because I'm an introvert and very few people in my class seemed worth hanging out with. But ye, most (3/4th of the class) were complete assholes. I was still with the "be friendly towards them and they'll be friendly towards you" mentality. Boy was I wrong, those people managed to turn me from a people loving person into a people hating person (over time). I tried to be friendly towards them but all they did was make fun of me and be -extremely- racist towards me (again I was the only foreigner in a class of 22). I wasn't being physically bullied because I could take care of myself, someone tried to physically bully me at one point but he ended up going to the hospital that same day to take pictures. But I'll keep it "short" and not go into specific details. Teachers were ignoring the bullying / not paying too much attention to it. The main reason they kept at it every single day was because I put on this "mask" on of appearing happy on the outside but I was dying on the inside... I hated going to that place... I hated being around people. I skipped class and faked being sick so often that at one point a teacher approached me and asked which chronic illness I had. Every year a bulk of the bullies would drop out of my class because they were too retarded for major that had 2 hours/week of "math". But the bullying and the ignoring of the bullying would continue on. One year though, one of the teachers who makes a lot of racist jokes himself (but you let it slide because you know he thinks he's being funny) was teaming up with the bullies against me in class. This triggered something inside of me. I tried distancing myself from emotions as much as possible but now I felt truly... depressed. I had never felt this down in my life before and to add to that, my mother who had been living alone with me was suicidal to the point where every day I came home with the fear of seeing her dead body laying on the floor... I'm not going to go into my mom's situation too much but just take it from me that she was depressed a lot and I was always behind my pc because gaming was my escape from reality. We lived in the same house but we almost never talked, not even dinner (I have this habit of eating behind my pc). But ye back to the me being depressed part. One day my mom forced me to have dinner with her in the kitchen and have small talk with her. I remained silent for the most part just staring at my plate and trying to eat but when my mom noticed this she kept digging and eventually I couldn't control myself and simply bursted into tears. I wanted it to stop but couldn't control it. And my mom who thought I was otherwise a happy and carefree person (yes I even had this mask around my mom) was completely shocked. I later got out of the depression by thinking about it objectively. I know this is going to sound weird/funny but I figured that emotions and mental state was just a chemical imbalance in the brain and that I just needed to re balance things. That night when I went to bed my head felt weird and when I woke up I was out of the depression (not saying that I can manipulate the chemicals in my brain on the go but I guess just having a better understanding of things helped me). I did have 2 friends in my class but they were the "geeks" of the class or as much as you can be in there without becoming a target. They didn't protect me or anything because they simply didn't want to get involved. In my senior year of high school I made 2 more friends in my class (and yes the bullying continued even then) who I now days call my closest friends. I went to college with them and as I'm writing this I'm a 22 year old college senior and had the best times of my life these past 3 years with my friends and in a class that once again is bully proof where people are friendly to each other again.

Sorry for the novel, there were a lot more things that happened but I'm pretty sure you get the picture.
Now, why did I write this? At first I didn't want to do it because who cares right? But then I read some of the stories on here and felt I should add one more to it. I know this isn't the saddest story or anything but I personally went through hell and even writing this - bringing up all those memories made me sad and angry. As you might have guessed by now, Hanako is the one that I connect to the most. I may not have burn scars and have lost both of my parents but I went from being a people loving person who only wanted the best of others even at my own expense to someone who is skeptical of others until proven otherwise. Hanako had her closest friends back stab her, I don't want to think about what would have become of me if my friends had done the same.
I came late to the KS scene, so I finished Hanako's arc around new year and since then I felt the need to change my life around. Despite still not having played Emi's arc I've been going out running every single day of the week as well as going to the gym. The reason for this is because I want to go out more now and meet a special someone to share it all with. I used to think that I didn't need anyone around me and that I was best off being alone... until I played Hanako's arc... Ever since I've actually felt lonely for the first time in my life. One more thing that I can think of on the spot is that I've also become a lot more appreciate of the 3 closest friends that I have. They went off to places like Denmark and France to do their internships so before they left I suggested to have my birthday party as well as make it a going away party. No wait, it gets even better, they suggested we go to a bar and play pool (I know right). I decided that no matter how cheesy it sounded that I would thank them for being my friends all those years and sticking with me. And so I did, right before we departed. Felt weird but was worth it.

Oh ye before I forget, my mom fulfilled her dream and bought a house rather than rent one (so I could have some form of legacy etc) and as I said before my brother decided to move back in with us after all these years (him not being there and ignoring her all those years really tore my mom apart). So right now my life and that of my mom is in order and I'm back to being happy without having to put up a mask. But I'm afraid the damage has been done though...

You'll have to excuse me for any mistakes made in this story as it's 6 am right now and I want to go to bed rather than proof-read it. Hoped you enjoyed it.

[Sgt Spice]

I used to think that I didn't need anyone around me and that I was best off being alone.

I know how this feels, god I know how that feels. I know what it's like to have asshole siblings, and have old friends leave. But take your experiences, from Ks and just from life and use them to forge a better life for yourself. Yeah it's a little cliche but don't let anyone bring you down, not even yourself.

[YZQ]

I used to think that I didn't need anyone around me and that I was best off being alone.

My own observation is that I can get by with little human contact, but when I do, I roll with it and make the most of it.

[pandaphil]

Thanks so muc for sharing your story Erpi. I'm sorry you've had such a hard life, but I'm so happy that things have turned around for you! I wish you much happiness!


I'm not sure about my thoughts on being alone. I do spend a lot of time hiding in my room alone just out of unhappiness. I live in a fairly small town and to me, people in general just seem obnoxious and unpleasant. But I love the ocassional trips into Seattle for art supplies. I uess I prefer being around the more city type of person. But for the most part, its just me and my keyboard. Making friends just seems like so much hard work though. Trying to think of things to talk about, having to remember birthdays and special ocassions. Being alone is so much easier. You can be yourself and not have to worry about what someone else is thinking.

At other times though it gets so terribly lonely. I'd give anything to have a special person I could care for, and who cared back. I might feel like less of a useless burden on everyone. At this point it just feels like my life is over, an I'm just sitting here passing the time til I die.

[OtakuNinja]

Thanks... I think I'll buy School Days tomorrow... I need something dark and hilarious.

Katawa Shoujo: Kind-hearted teenager, first girlfriend (nope). Surrounded by girls, has a relationship with one, gets over the first girlfriend, chooses to support/understand the new one. If he fails to connect with a girl, he is unintentionally killed.

School Days: [Negative adjective here] teenager, first girlfriend (success). Surrounded by girls, ends up having sex with a majority of them, gets back with the first girlfriend instead of getting over her, declines to support his "second" one. He connected with his first girl and was then intentionally killed. And people were happy.

I don't support, nor do I reject, this idea.

Your posts always put a smile on my face.

[Walrusfella]

The real question I had was, and please disregard sappiness and think about this deeply; does love as pure and deep as what Hisao and Emi had exist on this Earth? I was reading the forums and people were saying the love they shared was very rare in the real world. This is when I realized, what is the point in trying to love if you cannot reach this level?

I've never really been in a meaningful relationship in my life and this game made me realize what love could be. If that level of love, where you can love somebody and be best friends with them, and share everything, and just click, doesn't exist, then what is the point of trying to love?

Any insight is appreciated, and sorry for the length of text. Also, please don't tell me what i want to hear, I'd rather hear the truth.

I know it's been aeons in internet-time, but I wanted to answer your question. Yes, it does exist. I personally know this for a fact. Unfortunately I have no means of proving it to you, just my word on it. Nor is it as rare as some people think - I know several people who have experienced it as well. It's entirely reasonable to hope that you will too, though of course it's never a sure thing.

Good luck with improving your life. If you decide to go ahead with the physical activity, you'll be in good company.

I wasn't sure if I should even post my story on here because you know, everyone has their (painful) history...

...You'll have to excuse me for any mistakes made in this story as it's 6 am right now and I want to go to bed rather than proof-read it. Hoped you enjoyed it.

Thank you for posting your story, Erpi. I know it must have been very difficult putting that all into words. You've shown a lot of strength to recover so well after so long in despair. I'm glad you found this game which has helped so many.

I don't think you need to worry so much about that old damage getting worse; the pain of that sort of thing recedes with time. A bit of background to substantiate that opinion: I was bullied in school much the same as you were - school just seems to be set up to exacerbate it. Same bullies, same indifferent teachers, same bad advice on how to deal with it. Perhaps I'm being too hard on the teachers, maybe they just didn't know what to do, but still.

Things got better in my last year of high school and continued to get better in college. I met some good friends I could be myself with, I met the girl I would eventually marry, and I found out the normal world (school is not normal) is much less conducive to bullying. As time moved on those bad years started to matter less and less, and now they don't matter at all. It will probably be the same for you.

Also, cherish those three good friends, and make an effort to stay in touch with them while they are away. It's too easy to lose friends to distance and lack of effort.

As a side note, Nooby posed an interesting question back on page 184; he asked if we should feel sorry the bullies instead of being angry at them. I think that's a nice ideal, but I can't live up to it, even as I am now. I can forgive some of them; they were either dimwitted or lashing out because of trouble elsewhere in their lives. Others were hard-eyed tormentors who knew exactly what they were doing and delighted in it, and I can't empathise with them or explain away their conduct.

The people I hated the most were not the alpha bullies, but the people who were easily led by them. These people would be okay or even nice on their own, but as soon as a charismatic bully was around they would join in enthusiastically. I absolutely loathed them at the time, but I have enough perspective now that I understand why they might have done that.

[Dr_Chickenman]

Oh please for the sake of everything. Don't let yourself go down to a state where you can't have fun anymore. I know what I'm talking about...

You know that other game where you are standing in front of a wall of boxes? I played it and got that feeling right... staring at that overwhelming wall...and just thinking: 'whats that shit all about. What should I do with that.'

I suffer from that feeling since years. Please never get it close to you.

[Kyllmann]

I'd like to mention in advance that my story isn't near as tragic as some of the ones I've read here, and in comparison I seem to have had a much better life (so far) but I felt compelled to share it anyway. I've been going through a really rough patch recently and need to vent a little. I just don't want to come across as someone who's bitching about their life solely to get attention, so please don't regard me as such.

I've had my share of rough times, what with moving a few times and losing old friends. I've lived in both the U.S. and Germany (currently in the U.S.) and I've generally never been a very social person, so whenever I lost the friends that I'd made, it hit me quite hard. I was never "popular with the ladies" but I've never minded that; I'd prefer solitude over a party any day. I was lucky enough not to be bullied more than once or twice. I'm a pretty intelligent guy, which of course has it's advantages, but also it's drawbacks. I never needed to study until about 7th or 8th grade, and by then I was too used to just winging it that I never tried to learn how, overall making me lazy as hell. As such, my grades have never been the best that they can be, instead they were simply average. This, also, never really bothered me until just recently, when I realized how much I screwed myself over all those years.

Which, in turn, brings me to why I'm here. Generally an avid gamer, I picked up Katawa Shoujo very recently, a little over a month ago; after playing though and beating Deus Ex: Human Revolution, I felt like I needed a change of pace, and a friend recommended KS. This isn't my first visual novel (I've played Persona 3 FES, Phoenix Wright, and Miami Law) but I think it's the best I've ever played. I've played all arcs but Rin's. (Incidentally, I got the manly picnic first. Additionally, from what I hear about Rin's arc, I'm really missing out.) Since I last played for an extended period of time, which was about three weeks ago, I've always found myself coming back to scenes in the library, as I'm sure most of you do too.

To be honest, this game made me rethink my life a little bit. I've started trying harder in school than I ever have, in fact I've been trying to be less lazy in general. I've been playing less video games, and have become more creative. But for some reason, I've been quite depressed for the past week and a half. I'm not sure what's causing it; it could be the fact that I recently found a book I had borrowed from a recently deceased family member and never remembered to return (it really gets to me for some reason) or the fact that, with the grades I had last year, I've more or less killed my chances of getting into a top-level college unless some miracle happens, something I know I'd be otherwise be very well capable of if I'd tried. I've been pushing my friends and my girlfriend away, unconsciously or not. I've been constantly tired, feeling depressed, and my already terrible memory had been getting worse, and overthinking it like I have been doesn't help in the slightest. But by and far the worst thing for me is that, even after overthinking it, I still don't know exactly why.

Again, I know I've had a much better life than many out there, and this may just have to do with the later teenage years, but the fact that I can't figure out how to make it better makes it even harder for me to deal with. For right now, I'm just hoping it'll go away soon. If it doesn't... well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Thanks for hearing me out, everyone.

[Umber]

Kyllmann and Erpi, it makes me glad to hear your stories. Your stories connect to me on an emotional level, because I share a few of the same experiences. Tough to get these things out, but once you start, it's difficult to stop. That's my opinion, at least.

In any case, I wish you both the best of luck. I'm going through some personal problems as well, and I'll have to deal with them just like you two had.
I'll be sharing eventually, but too much stuff's going on. Isn't it seven years bad luck for people to see a work in progress?

[Xanatos]

Yes, it does exist. I personally know this for a fact. Unfortunately I have no means of proving it to you.

So you don't know it for a fact then.

[Sgt Spice]

@Kyllmann I can connect with your story, I was also a very lazy videogame afficionado in high school, now i'm in a community college paying out of my own pocket. But don't let that stop you, reach for your dreams. Don't worry about the past, you can't change it so why worry about it? Enjoy the present and create a better future for yourself.
As for the depression, I don't know, talking about it always helped me with mine. Time heals all wounds, and if not, you could always see a therapist or something. Don't push away those you are close to, unless you want to, but then they wouldn't be close then. Anyway, good luck.