geolord11 wrote:Can someone do me a favour and put the link for the proofreader bellow cheers
New to the fanfiction word, I see. That's okay. We all start somewhere.
A proofreader isn't a thing you can link to. It's a person. The idea is that you write your story and before posting, you give it to this person and they check it for errors offer suggestions and things like that.
geolord11 wrote:Can someone do me a favour and put the link for the proofreader bellow cheers
New to the fanfiction word, I see. That's okay. We all start somewhere.
A proofreader isn't a thing you can link to. It's a person. The idea is that you write your story and before posting, you give it to this person and they check it for errors offer suggestions and things like that.
ok then do you know any proofeader's that would be willing to help me
And we're back onto another part of the story all the thanks to Suox (my new profeader) for your help.
I wake to find myself in the Nurse’s room with a headache which could slay a walrus. What happend. Ohh wait. My competitive spirit got the better of me and i passed out.
Great job George. Second day yet you've ended up in the Nurses office, brilliant. Behind the curtains of the room I'm in, I hear voices so I decide to walk towards the source of sound. I pull the curtains and before me is the Nurse and Emi, but something isn't right.
Emi is crying with a look of worry written all over her. Boy if I thought Emi’s pouting was bad. I feel terrible I caused her upset and I don’t know how I can ever make it up to her. In one quick motion Emi runs at me and puts me in the biggest hug I've ever received, I relax and cuddle her back her tears falling onto my chest, its weird shes known me for a day yet shes really attached to me.
“I thought I'd lost you, it’s all my fault i encouraged you to race me, I’m so sorry wil..” I cut her off because I know its not her fault.
“Hey, I know it’s kind of you to worry but i’m fine, and its silly to think it was your fault ok.” She doesn't answer back but instead nods her head then wipes her tears away.
“George I've notified your teachers and you now have the day off.” The Nurse says this not with his smug grin but with a serious expression.
“Nurse would it be alright if Emi could join me.” He creeps a small smile but still not his usual smile.
“Why of course.” With that me and Emi leave his office.
“So Emi, is there anything you wanna do today?” She doesn't answer me, still clearly blaming herself for what happened.
“I-I'm sorry.” She says.
“Emi I told you it wasn't your.” She cuts me off before I can carry on.
“Not that, I don’t really get attached to people that much. I guess you kinda remind me of a more happy Hisao.”
More happy Hisao really, she turns around and holds me in a tight hug. So many thoughts are going through my head, but they suddenly grind to a halt, as I enjoy the warmth of Emi’s body being pressed against mine. She then lets go of me and asks.
”So what do you wanna do today.”
“Wait didn't I just ask you that.” She giggles and says.
“If you have no clue, we could go to city.” I nod the city does seem appealing but first I’ll have to get changed.
“Alright then meet me at the gates in ten minutes.” And with that she runs off and I make my way to my room.
What a great start to the day.
Please like I said leave thoughts, ideas, feedback and comments thank you
Okay...
I get the feeling I know this scene already from the original KS. It's very similar to Slow Recovery.
Also, if you get the day off from school because you're ill or injured, it is usually to rest. I have the feeling nurse would not be happy if he learned your OC used his free time to go off gallivanting.
Finally, your plot progression is extremely fast, and the lampshade doesn't help much. It took Hisao weeks of actually being in a relationship to get Emi to admit she had problems opening up to other people, and here she just offers up this information at a whim.
I'm really sad in saying this but i'm giving up on this fic, I can't find the time nor the inspiration to do it. Recently life and girls have been getting me down so I've tried to find ways to cheer myself up. But this is no place to complain i'm gonna be doing that in Hanako's broken heart club But still I love the character and have been working on another fic with a friend with the same character and one of hers so far its going well but i'm still not sure if i'll post it or not. Once again though I apologize to the people that may of enjoyed this fic, but hopefully i'll be back to write again. I would also like to thank everyone who commented as well giving me constructive feedback I really appreciate it. But for now i'll have to call this fic a dead one maybe in the future i'll carry on but don't put your hopes up. Once again i'm sorry and I hope to see you all soon.
But still I love the character and have been working on another fic with a friend with the same character and one of hers so far its going well but i'm still not sure if i'll post it or not. Once again though I apologize to the people that may of enjoyed this fic, but hopefully i'll be back to write again. I would also like to thank everyone who commented as well giving me constructive feedback I really appreciate it. But for now i'll have to call this fic a dead one maybe in the future i'll carry on but don't put your hopes up. Once again i'm sorry and I hope to see you all soon. 
