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[Mirage_GSM]

Karen turns around to face me. "Don't go getting any ideas. If you run, they'll find you, believe me. Not too hard to spot someone as burnt up as you in broad daylight."

It's also quite easy to just give the police the adress of the establishment and have them take them all in custody. Problem solved. You don't even have to run away and they don't even need to know who gave the tip.

Karen shakes her head, dashing my hopes immediately. "Kid, we're in Sendai. There are over a million people here. I'm sorry but there's just no chance."

Girl, you're in Sendai, which is in Japan, which has a working judicial system, and Hanako is not really hard to identify...
Plus that Café doesn't seem to make much effort to be discreet. If Hanako went missing, I'd expect the cops to show up there within a week if that long.

For your story concept to work you'd have to change the setting from Japan to some Noir-world where every cop is corrupt, like maybe Sin City.

[Antor]

Hanako suffers from a panic attack disorder, and given the circumstance she's in I really have no idea of what prevented her from having a panic attack up until now, entering that restaurant room with all her scars revealed is practically the depiction of her own worse nightmare...

[Mirage_GSM]

Doomish mentioned in his OP that this story would be extremely OOC for Hanako, so I restricted my comments to the setting.

[nemz]

Doomish mentioned in his OP that this story would be extremely OOC for Hanako, so I restricted my comments to the setting.

He said OC (original charecters), not OOC.

And yes, she could very easily get out of this if she tried. But she won't, at least not until there's enough pressure on her to force her to finally act.

I don't get the comments about Hisao and the dance though. If she's with him shouldn't he the version of Hisao that actually does want her to go out and do things, not the white knight fuckup that got yelled at or just the safe, boring old chess buddy?

[Doomish]

Forget it.

[Antor]

oooh noes
what makes me sad the most is that Hisao is totally not a badass at all, so the chances of him doing something remotely as cool as finding Hanako are so low that I'm probably better off going myself.

BTW I wanted to ask where exactly this is set in the relationship progression between them? I'm guessing after the good ending, she does refer to Hisao as "my boyfriend" but still, something is a little bit off.

[Doomish]

The story is set an undetermined amount of time after the good end. We'll learn more about Hanako's relationship with Hisao and how it started to go downhill a bit in the next few chapters.

[DanjaDoom]

Doomish you diddly doodler, the only thing that can make this story better than it already is is giving Zimos from Saints Row an appearance as the heroic pimp who saves the cute Japanese lolita.

And rubs cum in her burn scars

[Doomish]

Forget it.

[Comrade]

Fuck the free market.
As far as I know, prostetution is leagel in Japan, so why would the cops arrest Len?

[Archangel Gabriel]

Fuck the free market.
As far as I know, prostetution is leagel in Japan, so why would the cops arrest Len?

Pretty sure human trafficking is banned everywhere.
edit: There's a 57-year old law against prostitution on the books in Japan, but enforcement is pretty sketchy, if this article is any indication:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Japan

[Negativedarke]

Lot's of places where prostitution is legal. Very few where kidnapping, holding someone against their will, threats of violence, and human trafficking isn't. This is just my opinion, but I outright consider human trafficking one of the worst crimes there can be. Hence my earlier rant.

[Comrade]

Human trafficking is a despicable crime, and a direct result of poverty and few market economy.

[ProfAllister]

Doomish, let me open this by saying your writing is like a shot of hard liquor - unpleasant, but you somehow manage to convince yourself that you enjoyed it. And, God help us, some people actually develop a taste for it.

Now, to find something sweet and lighthearted as a chaser...

On the subject of human trafficking, it is a real thing, and it happens in the middle of cities of first-world countries with working judicial systems. And people get away with it. Frankly, the least plausible part of this story is how blatant the skeevy bartender was, and even that falls into the realm of plausibility.

Then we come to the implication that Len Mao doesn't buy girls (or hasn't up until now). Ostensibly, he could claim (or perhaps it actually is the case) that Takai finds willing girls to hire, and he's paid a modest "finder's fee." Perfectly legitimate, and Takai takes the fall while Len Mao gets away as the victim of a horrible person. Between Len Mao and the girl, it's just an innocent misunderstanding and miscommunication. (This is an extreme and not very nuanced example, but you get the idea).

One of the arguments for banning prostitution is that there is an extremely thin (evidentiary) line between a legitimate at-will working relationship and sex slavery. And a disgruntled worker in a legitimate establishment could just as easily throw down the accusation of sex slavery as an actual sex slave. When you have a lot of peer pressure, there's the fear that you'll be the only one to speak out, your complaint will be dismissed as hysterics, and then there's the fact that you accused a not very nice person who has power over you of some very inconvenient things.

But that's enough talk of that. We don't want to go off into a tangent like that. This isn't really the proper thread or forum for in-depth discussion of human trafficking and/or prostitution laws.

Back to the story proper:

Interesting artistic decision in throwing out the "Explicit Content" warning right off the bat. A good idea, considering you want your audience to know what to expect. Also gives a bit of an "anyone can die" sense to the writing, as each new chapter threatens a turn for even more unpleasantness.

I also get a feeling that there's going to be a tweest that will make people even angrier at you than the ostensible contours of the story threaten. All remains to be seen.

And, finally, a picky detail-oriented question: How can someone look down a fully-buttoned-and-ribboned Yamaku blouse? It seems to hug to the neck/sternum rather closely.

[Antor]

And, finally, a picky detail-oriented question: How can someone look down a fully-buttoned-and-ribboned Yamaku blouse? It seems to hug to the neck/sternum rather closely.

thanks, it's the first time I laugh for something written in this topic XD

I really agree with your simile with the hard liquor glass, it's exactly the feeling I get from this story, I don't like the feeling of the liquor burning in my throat but I keep coming back for more... wait a minute, that's sounds like I'm an alcoholic...

anyways to provide some data about human trafficking I'll say that it is a fact, in my country (Italy btw, if you're too lazy to look at the very right of your screen ) prostitution is illegal and it's known that a fair share of the prostitutes is a slave for all meanings and purpose.
The Italian "sex workers" count is estimated, by a research commissioned by the Equal opportunity Department of the Italian government in 2007, to be about 45,000. The percentage of slaves is estimated to be 10%-15% if we count the minors (7-8% if we don't, but we do) and almost the totality of them is actually foreign women.
So this story actually hit pretty close to home, and that's the reason why I feel grossed out but intrigued by it.