Bad Hanako (post-Bad End)

[JackMackerel]

This is a really shitty snippet I signed up to post. I signed up a while back, forgot about KS for a while after job and college punched me in the face, and found this bumming around in my hard drive.

It's based on a longer RP (op is a faggot), and I'm eventually going to come back and finish it. Or not.

---

Knock, knock, knock.

She mimicked Hisao's insistent knocking. It was always harsher than it needed to be, like a detective pounding at the culprit's door right before the big chase scene. Something she hated, but it was necessary.

Footsteps pounded to the door and yanked it open, and Shizune signed hurriedly, excitedly, the movements coasting to a dead halt when she realized who it was.

Hanako, she signed, regarding her with a searing gaze full of contempt. Hanako nearly ran when her eyes bored into hers, but if she could handle Hisao and Lilly, she could handle someone even more predictable and flat than the two of them put together.

Instead, she folded her arms (so her left hand didn't fly up to her face), trying to position herself like some school delinquent, giving her the stare she had practiced all last night, trying to recreate her anger and madness she knew she had when Hisao fled her room and purify it into something that'd strike fear into Shizune's heart.

If it did, it didn't show. Shizune signed, furiously. What are you doing here?

Hanako shoved a notebook out, like a cop shoving their shield at a looter. Dark red marker circled a sentence, in neat handwriting that'd make Shizune jealous (or so she hoped), I'm joining the student council.

Shizine's glare let up, if only ever so slightly, and it snapped back around. Did she send you here-

Hanako gave the notebook a shake, pointing at the line right underneath it. She knew Shizune would pretend to not notice, but if she was bothered to get off her high horse for a microsecond, she'd see it read: I don't care about Lilly. She and I are done. No ifs, ands, or buts.

She kept shaking the notebook and pointing to the lines underneath, until a firm hand placed itself on top of the notebook and forced it down. Hanako forced herself to look at Shizune, steeling herself for-

Wait. Was she actually not glaring at her for once? Her face was like... she didn't know, like those moms on the telly when their wayward sons came home.

If only for a second, before it turned into a vile smirk.

So, you finally came crawling to us, huh? Did she throw you away? She sneered, her motions like syrup dripping from a bottle. Hanako figured it was like someone talking to a retard, but she'd ignore that for now.

Courage, remember?

Even if it made her want to throw up.

[ChrisTheCat]

Please continue this! It seems like a good (and somewhat realistic, given the fickleness of humans) premise and I would very much like to see how it turns out.

[Oddball]

This seems rather vicious for Shizune. I'm by no means her biggest fan, but she never struck me as that cold blooded.

[Trivun]

Hmmmm, this is interesting. On the one hand, I kind of like it, it does show promise. However, I can't get over two things. One, near the start you make it confusing over who you're referring to every time you say the word 'she' - half the time it's referring to Hanako, then switches to Shizune in the same sentence. I had to read the first few sentences several times to work out who was doing what.

Second, Hanako and Shizune both seem a bit too out of character. Shizune seems much too vicious - sure, she doesn't like Lilly, but she's never that nasty towards her even when they confront each other in the game. There's still enough respect there as well for them to eventually reconcile in one ending, remember. Not to mention she never shows any signs of nastiness to Hanako, she even works with her in Hanako's arc on a project, so her attitude here is kind of odd. She seems to be treating Hanako as nothing more than Lilly's playhing, which was never the case in the few times they communicated in the game.

Hanako herself seems too out of character as well. I understand she's very angry at this point, and upset, but there's no way she would do something so nasty or petty as start saying things to Shizune behind Lilly's back, going "we're done, I'm finished with her". Hanako would be much more likely to hide away in her bedroom and cry, and I say that as someone who absolutely adores the character - joining the student council is the last thing she'd do, especially when it's still the time when she wants to be left alone by literally everyone. She screamed at Hisao for constantly intefering when she was upset over her birthday, she's not going to suddenly turn around and team up with Shizune, and Misha even less so.

I don't know, I just can't get those nitpicks out of my mind, because they are major nitpicks. Otherwise I do like it, you're a decent writer and it shows promise. I just can't bring myself to believe the characters themselves in this case.

[JackMackerel]

Please continue this! It seems like a good (and somewhat realistic, given the fickleness of humans) premise and I would very much like to see how it turns out.

I will, though it'll most likely require a new thread - planning to rewrite this section, as well as the rest of the RP log I have.

This seems rather vicious for Shizune. I'm by no means her biggest fan, but she never struck me as that cold blooded.

Yeah, she's supposed to soften up, per the RP that was spawned from this. She WAS paranoid Lilly was doing something to harass her, and acts strict as heck when she's testing Hanako later on for admittance, but nowhere as bad as this piece made her out to be.

Hmmmm, this is interesting. On the one hand, I kind of like it, it does show promise. However, I can't get over two things. One, near the start you make it confusing over who you're referring to every time you say the word 'she' - half the time it's referring to Hanako, then switches to Shizune in the same sentence. I had to read the first few sentences several times to work out who was doing what.

Second, Hanako and Shizune both seem a bit too out of character. Shizune seems much too vicious - sure, she doesn't like Lilly, but she's never that nasty towards her even when they confront each other in the game. There's still enough respect there as well for them to eventually reconcile in one ending, remember. Not to mention she never shows any signs of nastiness to Hanako, she even works with her in Hanako's arc on a project, so her attitude here is kind of odd. She seems to be treating Hanako as nothing more than Lilly's playhing, which was never the case in the few times they communicated in the game.

Hanako herself seems too out of character as well. I understand she's very angry at this point, and upset, but there's no way she would do something so nasty or petty as start saying things to Shizune behind Lilly's back, going "we're done, I'm finished with her". Hanako would be much more likely to hide away in her bedroom and cry, and I say that as someone who absolutely adores the character - joining the student council is the last thing she'd do, especially when it's still the time when she wants to be left alone by literally everyone. She screamed at Hisao for constantly intefering when she was upset over her birthday, she's not going to suddenly turn around and team up with Shizune, and Misha even less so.

I don't know, I just can't get those nitpicks out of my mind, because they are major nitpicks. Otherwise I do like it, you're a decent writer and it shows promise. I just can't bring myself to believe the characters themselves in this case.

Yeah, I vaguely recall tearing a chunk of words from each of the sentences and screwing up the 'she' subject more than once. I'll have to fix this.

Mea culpa on my part - when I wrote this, I had taken only Emi's route and was going off on my attempt to go down Shizune's route, plus Hanako's bad end and some weird hearsay (everyone wanted to beat in Shizune and Misha's head for something that happened in Hanako's route, which I was about to start had my laptop not died on me). I DO vaguely recall Shizune staring down Hanako or something when Hanako was in one of the rooms the Student Council was going to use, I need to fire up KS again. :V As before, the rest of the snippet would have had her softening up (the RP actually had her hug Hanako), so.

That's also pretty true - I assumed Hanako spent a day sobbing her eyes out before this happened - but, again, I was also solely going off her bad ending and assumed "I hate you, and I hate Lilly" was more "I can do things myself, get the hell out you white knights" than "leave me alone ;-;". Still not much of an excuse, though. Her logic was, in this case, wanting to show Lilly and Hisao she wasn't someone in need of rescuing (on top of spiting Lilly).

Either way, the snippet right now is going to get re-written and I'll hopefully get the rest of the scene in.

[Guest Poster]

(everyone wanted to beat in Shizune and Misha's head for something that happened in Hanako's route, which I was about to start had my laptop not died on me).

The part you're referring to is when Hananko has a breakdown in class during group work. If you got up to Hanako's bad end, you've passed that scene already.

As for Hanako...her relationship with Lilly is complex. On the one hand, while she's calm, she admits to Hisao that she loves Lilly very much. On the other hand, she doesn't completely trust Lilly's friendship with her...part of this is due to Lilly's motherly attitude and part of it is due to Hanako having a very difficult time trusting people in general. She's unhappy with Lilly occasionally coddling her, but she doesn't really hate Lilly. (Hate the sin, love the sinner-kind of thing) What's mostly happening in her bad end is Hanako feeling extremely depressed and miserable and Hisao's well-intended but misguided interferance pushing her past the breaking point where her depression and self-hatred boil over and amplify her frustrations. It's indeed kind of out-of-character for her to be so cold about Lilly after she's calmed down.

It's probably a good idea to finish Hanako's bad, neutral and good ending so you become familiar with all fascets of her personality.

Like others said, Shizune isn't that cold towards Lilly either. When Hisao first asks Shizune why she and Lilly are always fighting, she even denies this is always the case. Lilly and Shizune, due to their opposing personalities, frustrate the hell out of each other, but don't actually loathe each other. They're still family. Chances are, if Shizune were to be confronted by Hanako being this cold towards Lilly, she'd probably be freaked out.

[JackMackerel]

Also true as well. This was made before I found out they were first cousins, and I thought the argument they had in Act One was more hatred than frustration.

The line of thought I had was she's still pissed and goes to Shizune out of a still boiling rage, but Shizune kinda-sorta talks her out of it.