Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Kutagh]

To continue on what Reksho said: The emotional part is really up to the person because every mind is unique, every personality is unique. There might be advice that could work for a fair amount of people dealing with a certain depression, but as far as I know there are different kinds of depressions (or rather, different distinct states of mind that can be called depression). And one of the most important things when helping someone to deal with a depression is to really get to know the 'patient'. That is why Beoran and I tend to strongly recommend getting proper help.
As for talking to psychiatrists and psychologists, they won't force you to do anything unless they think you're a danger to yourself and/or your surroundings if you don't do it. If you are indeed in such a bad shape, then we can't give you proper help anyway, no matter how much we would want to do so. And if you're reasonably fine but dealing with a depression, you can always say no or take your time to think about it when they strongly recommend something.

[Xanatos]

Bullying must have been pretty strong if it got to the point of you strangling one of them, they made you go to this alternative school just because of the strangling incident? I admit i'm surprised at hearing that. By the way, i always thought quitting medicines like those all of sudden/cold turkey could easily land you in an hospital, apparently it's not always the case.

Well, I spent quite a lot of my childhood attacking people and getting suspended for it. Constant harassment was status quo, on top of my increasing inner troubles (which are still around). Around the time that incident happened, I'd been trying to ignore it all and succeeding well enough...Then he started throwing balls of paper at me. Tiny thing, but when you've endured this shit for basically all of life, it can take only a tiny thing to lose it...And this guy was especially problematic over a long period. I'd probably have done some damage but the school cop walked by just then to pry me off.

The anger dropped off over time but in trade, the depression proper worsened. Since I've been figuring out more of the precise causes behind it (OHAI, HORRIBLE REPRESSED ISSUES! HOW THE FUCK ARE YA?), I'm considering an updated posting of my crummy story here.

[TunaSandwich]

I was diagosed with depression couple of days ago and im kinda glad, since thats off my chest. One of my closest friends who i used to have a relatioship with pretty much destroyed my life without her realizing it.
She couldnt get attached to other people and was socially akward person all around. I was her closest friend when i got to know her. We shared everything. All of them. She told me how her depression destroys her life daily and i told how i was raped as a kid. We cried together. It was really something out of a movie or a book. But then her social anxiety took control and she couldnt keep having the relationship. It tore me apart. I cried in her arms begging her to think it over, but she said it was just something she couldn't go trough. ''Then we developed a Friends with benefits relationship'' which lasted an around a month. I had to leave the to go back to school and said to her that i would be back as son as i had an vacation, but when i got back she was much more distant to me. She just said on night that she didnt want to keep the friends with benefits thing up anymore.
She didnt say it aloud, but i know why she didnt want to continue. I am a very uke person when it comes to romance stuff. She wanted someone better, some óne who could take the lead better.
I couldnt do it. My self-esteem got really destroyed after that. i couldnt find anyone really close after that. Boy or a Girl (Im bisexual).
I am really attracted to guys at the moment and i realized that all guys that are gay or bi hate me. Also i have developed a sense that when im near a group of other people same age as me, i automaticly assume if there is even one person in there who dislikes me, that he is going to make everyone one hate me.
So yeah. Thats my shitty life in a nutshell.
I also had a boyfriend when i was 15 but he moved away and i havent talked to him since. He left me overnight.

[OtakuNinja]

A very touching story.
I just want to confirm one thing; are you a boy or a girl?

[TunaSandwich]

A very touching story.
I just want to confirm one thing; are you a boy or a girl?

A Guy. A very emo one lol.

[Xanatos]

A very touching story.
I just want to confirm one thing; are you a boy or a girl?

A Guy. A very emo one lol.

"Location: Finland"

Non-native or legit Finnish?

[Haychee]

I need to get this off my chest, and HBHC seems to be the perfect place to let it go. I've read quite a few posts in HBHC, and I thought I'd share my experiences, and why I feel broken.

To start off, when I was around 2, my sister was born, and about a year after, my mother passed away because of cancer. I can't recall which type, but it was a form of cancer. So straight off the bat, I don't know what it's like to have a real mother.

For school life, the first time going to nursery I remember it being really awkward. I only really had one friend during that time. I just kept to myself mostly and drew. I'd always wanted to be an artist like my dad
Drawing was really the only thing I really did. It was really fun.
However, I then started primary school after finishing nursery. Now, I wasn't the skinniest of people, and hadn't got any friends since my friend from nursery had moved houses and schools. So I got bullied a lot. While certainly becoming sad, I found myself becoming incredibly violent towards these bullies. I was bigger and stronger than them, yet they persisted to bully me. Only after beating them up did they stop (apart from a couple) but it didn't help socially. Everyone seemed scared of me, throwing an occasional nasty remark at me. I remember becoming so violent that I actually hit girls (which, by the way, I am incredibly ashamed of doing. As I learned from Rin's route, making a girl cry is the most despicable thing you can do) whenever they bullied me. I remember becoming friends with a Polish guy at one point, and then another Polish guy soon after. Didn't last incredibly long, one of them moved away, and I kept fighting (verbally and physically) with the other. I also remember becoming friends with two incredibly friendly twins (I must mention also, when I wasn't angry I was regarded as a nice person, but a bit dumb). I had fights with them too and I can't remember the reason. Our school then got planned to be knocked down/used for something else, so a new school was built. It was at this new school that I got a knack for drawing again, and did it with every chance I got. This was around Year 4 in primary school, I think. Unfortunately, this school was also where I had a fight with the Polish guy again and actually scratched skin off of his head, leaving a scar, and then becoming known as 'savage' or 'berserk' whenever I got into a fight. It was also around this time where I became really self-conscious about myself and guilty about all the things I'd done to people, eventually developing depression, and then, somehow, leading to somniphobia.

I remember this phobia causing me to cry almost everyday because I was so scared to go to sleep. Eventually I stopped crying, but the fear was still there. This fear turned my life upside down. I practically stopped drawing, became extremely anti-social, and never exercised or did anything productive ever. Just sit on my ass and play video games and eat food all day. I pretty much did this up until high school, 9th year when we got to choose a subject to study. Obviously, I chose art, and actually chose music along with it because it was the most interesting besides art for me. During high school I managed to get into a group of friends and got somewhat more social, but not much. I was still, almost every night, suffering from panic attacks due to fear of sleeping, causing me to be very tired the next day. To be honest, my life pretty much came to a standstill. I had quite a number of friends, sure. And my grades were above average in most classes. But my art skills were not taken seriously at all, my art teachers getting more and more annoyed that even though I was better than pretty much everyone else in the Art class, I wasn't taking anything seriously due to my chronic worrying caused by my somniphobia. And my fitness and diet were terrible. I never got out and all I ate was crap. I thought I'd just end up as a depressed, jobless guy who's actually scared of going to sleep.

I then found good ol' Katawa Shoujo.

At first, when my friend was playing it, I pretty much had the same reaction as everyone else who hears of it. "Pfft, a dating sim with disabled girls? Are you serious, mate?". But, I decided to play it one day, seeing as I had nothing better to do.
The story captivated me instantly, and my first route was Lilly, getting the neutral ending. After, I went for Rin's route, which, I have to say, pretty much changed my life from that point on.

Since getting the good ending for Rin, I've been drawing and creating art like crazy, like I'd been struck by a lightning bolt. I came out with a fantastic final piece of art for my GCSE Art that I'm really proud of and got an 'A'. Funnily enough, it was based on jellyfish, and their bio-luminescence. However, I still had somniphobia. Even after I became really enthusiastic about art and my social level shot up, I still had chronic worrying and was still scared of sleep. And unfortunately, ever since I moved to a new school since my other one got closed down just like my primary school did, my panic attacks are getting worse, and worse. I find myself becoming an incredibly angry person just like when I was younger and wanting to hurt those who take the piss out of me. Thankfully, I refrain from using violence, but that anger is always there and it feels horrible. And now, my panic attacks are getting worse. I worry about if my art is good enough, if the people who care for me actually care for me, if my step-mum and father are proud of me or not, and the worst thing I worry about is if I will ever find love or not. Being alone without someone to love is one of my scariest thoughts. While I enjoy isolating myself and listening to music to ignore others, I still find it scary not being able to love someone. So now, I feel as if my mind is tearing apart and I'm scared that at some point I might go insane.

Right now, as I'm typing this, it's 2am on a school day. I'm having a horrible panic attack about sleeping, and I need something to take my mind off of it. I thought posting my problem here would help, and it has. I've calmed down a bit.

If you took the time to read all this, thank you.

(P.S. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and shout at and punish my younger self because of how many people I hurt. I'm really ashamed of the things I did, but sadly, they can't be 'un-done'.

[Pyramid Head]

Been gone for a little while but it's officially time to start hauling ass on my fanfiction here. Jah help me with my co-writer...

[Xanatos]

Been gone for a little while but it's officially time to start hauling ass on my fanfiction here. Jah help me with my co-writer...

Holy shit. Thought you died.

@Haychee: ...Nothing to say helpful except offer my support.

[TunaSandwich]

A very touching story.
I just want to confirm one thing; are you a boy or a girl?

A Guy. A very emo one lol.

"Location: Finland"

Non-native or legit Finnish?

Legite finnish person. I was born here and have lived here my whole life.
Cool country, but the prices are high and people are kinda shy (or it's just me ).

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

<snip>

Bro, I'm not one for understanding people on an emotional level, nor am I particularly sympathetic in that respect, but I noticed the thing about somniphobia and it struck a lightning bolt into my head. See, you wrote about how reading Rin's route got you back into art, etc, so perhaps a similar thing can happen for you in regards to your somniphobia. "What," you say, "there's no route about somniphobia!" Well, no, but something close can be found here, courtesy of Scissorlips. Given the effect Rin's route had, perhaps this can help you with your somniphobia. Best of luck with everything, man.

[Xanatos]

Legite finnish person. I was born here and have lived here my whole life.
Cool country, but the prices are high and people are kinda shy (or it's just me ).

Legit, huh? Good for you then. Finnish guys are hot and Finnish metal's pretty kickass.

@BlackWaltz: Route about narcolepsy curing a fear of sleep? Somehow the idea of sleep randomly occurring as a disorder seems more likely to intensify the phobia.

[BlackWaltzTheThird]

@BlackWaltz: Route about narcolepsy curing a fear of sleep? Somehow the idea of sleep randomly occurring as a disorder seems more likely to intensify the phobia.

Narcolepsy is more than just falling asleep at random intervals. Did you know one of the symptoms of narcolepsy is insomnia? Furthermore, Scissorlips' Suzu has somniphobia too, in a manner of speaking. Perhaps if you were to read the route, you might understand why I think this may help. Read: help, not cure.

[Reksho]

You know, I really love this topic. To me, it's a shining example of how people can reach out and help when in times of need or just need some advice on something, even from almost total strangers on the internet. I find this beautiful. However, something got me thinking about the subject of giving advice to others, which is one of the prime reasons this topic exists in the first place. Basically, I read a tweet from someone that went something like this:

''Only take advice from people that already are where you want to be.''

Now I know just as well as you that there are many people out there on the internet playing the expert and give life advice about pretty much anything (quotes on Facebook, anyone?). But this continued to stick with me. Are you a suitable person to give advice about something when you haven't achieved that which the person you're giving advice to tries to achieve? I became doubtful of giving advice. I became doubtful of helping people with my opinion, because that's what an advice is after all: a representation of your thoughts based on your previous experiences. I even thought of many people as pretentious by giving advice so easily.

I read a full text about this and it gave a fitting example to describe the situation. Suppose you've been kicked out of your house with no money and nowhere to stay. You meet a person who's been a hobo for over 10 years and managed to survive with enough food. You sure as hell would follow his advice about that survivaling skill. But you would never follow his advice about saving money or economical investments or else he wouldn't be in the spot he's in right now.

But is this right? An advice is an advice, no matter what the source is, right?

I'm not really sure anymore. You could argue that advice works differently depending on the person but that would only make giving advice even harder. You could also say that the person giving advice is in the middle of following his own advice, so he's still on the road to achieving the same results you want to achieve which would make his advice somewhat credible.

Man, that tweet gave me a headache.

[TunaSandwich]

Legit, huh? Good for you then. Finnish guys are hot and Finnish metal's pretty kickass.

Well thank you ^^