The writer not resisting the chance to sneak in an off-continuity meme is pretty much like that. Needs getting into, is awkward, and ultimately it stinks.advicefrog wrote:What's like anal?
Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated Nov 26th)
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Silentcook
- Carelessly Cooking You
- Posts: 2572
- Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:22 am
- Location: Imola, Italy
Re: Up and Down and All Around
Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and '21, and all I got was this lousy forum sig.
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated April 22
>me in charge on not explaining jokes
all right, here goes
The anal joke is actually a bit more morose if you dig deeper into why Emi would say it in the first place. >digging deeper into a 5 minute fanfiction
It was a faux-suggestion for our two lovers, and I was not implying that Emi had any experience with anal already. But what it does mean is that she's still a nympho because she hasn't found someone like Hisao to help her out with her attachment issues. She still sees sex as the main point of a relationship because she is still unwilling to invest herself emotionally, for fear of getting hurt.
all right, here goes
The anal joke is actually a bit more morose if you dig deeper into why Emi would say it in the first place. >digging deeper into a 5 minute fanfiction
It was a faux-suggestion for our two lovers, and I was not implying that Emi had any experience with anal already. But what it does mean is that she's still a nympho because she hasn't found someone like Hisao to help her out with her attachment issues. She still sees sex as the main point of a relationship because she is still unwilling to invest herself emotionally, for fear of getting hurt.
Sins of the Unworthy
Sins of the Unworthy
Dear Mother,
Hello again. It’s me, Hanako. And I with all honesty, it’s been a while since you’d invaded my thoughts like this. It feels to me like every time beforehand that I thought of you, I was overcome by rage, sorrow, and grief. But not this time.
It might seem silly for me to write this in the first place, but I'd like to get some things off my chest. I guess I can't stop myself from being sentimental when it comes to the things I care about.
Anyway, I’ve been doing well. Much better than ever before, actually. But I’ll get to that later. Right now, I’d like to apologize. I’m sure you’ve heard all the curses uttered in your name before. And I’m sure you know why. I was upset; angry, even. That fateful day that you threw yourself in harm’s way to save me… For a long time, I had never forgiven you for that. You left your own daughter alone and unwanted in this world. How the hell was she supposed to even make anything of her own life in her current state? It was an empty existence, and you deserved to live much more than she did; after all, you had the potential to do something with your life if you had lived, perhaps.
At times, I hated you. I called you selfish, and I don’t even know why. I guess I figured that you wanted to be remembered by others as a hero for saving your daughter, without having to live with the aftershock of having no family or home. Like those heroes of old, who would go out on the blazes of glory, fighting to death in the midst of battle after having suffered so many wounds that they’d be crippled if they ever made it out alive. And in honor of their death, statues would be erected, songs would be sung, and they would be treated as heroes for taking the easy way out.
Obviously, I was wrong. I still don’t know if it ever crossed your mind that it you’d be a better choice for the world of the living than I was, but I do know that it doesn’t matter now. I’ve spent years pining for you, despising you, and wishing that it was me in your place. And it has affected me greatly. It has affected me negatively. I’ve had to see a therapist for as long as I can remember, and every single visit was torment in a different form. Gnashing its teeth in disgust, sitting upon its throne, looking down at pitiable old me, telling me that I was going to be alright in the most monotone and inhuman voice imaginable, and only because it was given money if it did so.
That was probably the worst of it, because that was the only time I had to really get close to another human being. I made a habit of staying as far away from other people as much as possible. The orphanage that I was sent to had a library, and since most of the other kids were playing with each other outside, it was usually deserted. I fell in love with that library. Reading became my primary reason for existing, I think. There were no other people in the library to make fun of me for my scars, and I could pass hours in there, living out my fantasies in the words printed upon the page. I tried to bar myself off from the rest of the world. At least if I was useless, I wasn’t a burden.
That last paragraph seemed to have a lot of exposition, didn’t it? Yes, half of my body was scarred badly, and following my stay in the hospital, I was sent to an orphanage. The doctors and administration used a lot of long words that I can’t remember, but I spent my entire life there up until high school, and the reason for that was because nobody wanted me.
The high school in question was Yamaku High School, a school for the disabled. I wasn’t really by any means disabled, but it was the best place for me to go at the time. I could “fit in” there alongside the blind, the deaf, and the lame. I met a boy there with a heart condition, and what happened with him is a story for another time. In the end, he helped me feel like I was worth something, and I helped him feel like he was worth something. Let’s just leave it at that.
Really, life is only what you make of it. Wallowing in pity won’t accomplish anything, and as long as it took for me to realize that, it was worth it when I did. When I really started making strides to improve my life, things definitely got better. Those meetings with the therapist I told you about earlier? They became much more pleasant, and much more productive. Life in general just got better for me once I realized that if I wasn't going to truly live it, then your sacrifice would be in vain.
So I’d like to apologize. It took a long time for this body, mind and soul to blossom, but it did. So I’d like to forgive you for saving me, and I’d like to thank you for saving me. You did so out of love, not selfishness, and as much as I’d like to reciprocate the love you’ve shown me, I don’t think I can do so within the confines of this letter. Maybe I’ll have a statue built in your honor one day.
Yours truly,
Hanako Ikezawa
P.S.
I’m due this summer. We’ve been looking at baby names; haven’t found any good ones yet. Happy Mother’s Day!
Dear Mother,
Hello again. It’s me, Hanako. And I with all honesty, it’s been a while since you’d invaded my thoughts like this. It feels to me like every time beforehand that I thought of you, I was overcome by rage, sorrow, and grief. But not this time.
It might seem silly for me to write this in the first place, but I'd like to get some things off my chest. I guess I can't stop myself from being sentimental when it comes to the things I care about.
Anyway, I’ve been doing well. Much better than ever before, actually. But I’ll get to that later. Right now, I’d like to apologize. I’m sure you’ve heard all the curses uttered in your name before. And I’m sure you know why. I was upset; angry, even. That fateful day that you threw yourself in harm’s way to save me… For a long time, I had never forgiven you for that. You left your own daughter alone and unwanted in this world. How the hell was she supposed to even make anything of her own life in her current state? It was an empty existence, and you deserved to live much more than she did; after all, you had the potential to do something with your life if you had lived, perhaps.
At times, I hated you. I called you selfish, and I don’t even know why. I guess I figured that you wanted to be remembered by others as a hero for saving your daughter, without having to live with the aftershock of having no family or home. Like those heroes of old, who would go out on the blazes of glory, fighting to death in the midst of battle after having suffered so many wounds that they’d be crippled if they ever made it out alive. And in honor of their death, statues would be erected, songs would be sung, and they would be treated as heroes for taking the easy way out.
Obviously, I was wrong. I still don’t know if it ever crossed your mind that it you’d be a better choice for the world of the living than I was, but I do know that it doesn’t matter now. I’ve spent years pining for you, despising you, and wishing that it was me in your place. And it has affected me greatly. It has affected me negatively. I’ve had to see a therapist for as long as I can remember, and every single visit was torment in a different form. Gnashing its teeth in disgust, sitting upon its throne, looking down at pitiable old me, telling me that I was going to be alright in the most monotone and inhuman voice imaginable, and only because it was given money if it did so.
That was probably the worst of it, because that was the only time I had to really get close to another human being. I made a habit of staying as far away from other people as much as possible. The orphanage that I was sent to had a library, and since most of the other kids were playing with each other outside, it was usually deserted. I fell in love with that library. Reading became my primary reason for existing, I think. There were no other people in the library to make fun of me for my scars, and I could pass hours in there, living out my fantasies in the words printed upon the page. I tried to bar myself off from the rest of the world. At least if I was useless, I wasn’t a burden.
That last paragraph seemed to have a lot of exposition, didn’t it? Yes, half of my body was scarred badly, and following my stay in the hospital, I was sent to an orphanage. The doctors and administration used a lot of long words that I can’t remember, but I spent my entire life there up until high school, and the reason for that was because nobody wanted me.
The high school in question was Yamaku High School, a school for the disabled. I wasn’t really by any means disabled, but it was the best place for me to go at the time. I could “fit in” there alongside the blind, the deaf, and the lame. I met a boy there with a heart condition, and what happened with him is a story for another time. In the end, he helped me feel like I was worth something, and I helped him feel like he was worth something. Let’s just leave it at that.
Really, life is only what you make of it. Wallowing in pity won’t accomplish anything, and as long as it took for me to realize that, it was worth it when I did. When I really started making strides to improve my life, things definitely got better. Those meetings with the therapist I told you about earlier? They became much more pleasant, and much more productive. Life in general just got better for me once I realized that if I wasn't going to truly live it, then your sacrifice would be in vain.
So I’d like to apologize. It took a long time for this body, mind and soul to blossom, but it did. So I’d like to forgive you for saving me, and I’d like to thank you for saving me. You did so out of love, not selfishness, and as much as I’d like to reciprocate the love you’ve shown me, I don’t think I can do so within the confines of this letter. Maybe I’ll have a statue built in your honor one day.
Yours truly,
Hanako Ikezawa
P.S.
I’m due this summer. We’ve been looking at baby names; haven’t found any good ones yet. Happy Mother’s Day!
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FishyBroski
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 4:49 am
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated May 13th
Can it be? A Brogurt fan-fic? Oh my god it is! 
I loved it, all nice and fluffy.
I loved it, all nice and fluffy.-
lolawesome
- Posts: 134
- Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:38 am
- Location: Vinson Massif, Antartica
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated May 13th
Never imagine Hanako would have any resentment towards her mother for saving her life, that's very interesting, brogurt. You certainly have a knack for that sort of thing
did you just throw in that post script to fight off all the Hanabros still mad about the original version of Mendacium??? LOL
did you just throw in that post script to fight off all the Hanabros still mad about the original version of Mendacium??? LOL
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BlackWaltzTheThird
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated May 13th
I just read through all off these in one sitting. It's quite curious to see the gradual change of technique and competency over time. That being said, your stories were hit and miss. I'll spare you the trouble of repeating what everyone else has already said (that, and after over an hour of delays on my train, I'm damn tired and still have an assignment to do 
). Just keep working at the writing, and you're be a pro in no time at all.
Cheers, BlackWaltz.
). Just keep working at the writing, and you're be a pro in no time at all.Cheers, BlackWaltz.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated May 13th
That's cool and all but it doesn't really help me if I'm not told which ones were hits and which ones were misses.
It can be inferred that you don't want to repeat the thoughts of others on the writings, and that their reactions should be enough for me to judge, but some of the writings are pretty much without comment at all.
It can be inferred that you don't want to repeat the thoughts of others on the writings, and that their reactions should be enough for me to judge, but some of the writings are pretty much without comment at all.
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated May 13th
Really great, was not expecting the P.S. at the end.
Fan Fiction writer's are drug dealers and they don't even know it.
Square Knot (WIP)
Kind of a weird request here, but bear with me. This is the opening to a piece I will finish later, and me posting it here in this form serves two purposes. First, it's been a while since I wrote anything ever, so I want to know if I've gotten rusty. Second of all, me posting it here should convince me to finish it instead of leaving it hanging.
----------------------------------
The morning bustle of the hallways filters out as I shut the door to the classroom. It is unsurprisingly empty, save for a couple students talking amongst themselves in the near corner, the token teacher reading at the front of the room, and the dark-haired damsel at the back. She looks busy with something, but today was only supposed to be an introduction to some new content, so I can’t imagine why.
I soon find myself moving towards her, fueled by equal parts curiosity and attraction.
“Hey, Hanako. What’s up?”
She looks up from whatever’s occupying her to meet my gaze. A light blush rises to her cheeks, which makes me smile a bit.
“Oh, h-hello Hisao. N-not much…”
“Well, it looked like you were concentrating on something, so… I mean, if you’re not, that’s fine.”
My sentence hangs somewhat awkwardly in the air. But I don’t know what else to say.
After a moment of silent contemplation, she speaks softly, almost a whisper.
“I… I got this… from my therapist.”
She puts her hand, clasped around something, on her desk and opens it, revealing a gray, egg-sized electronic device. On the front face there is a small round button and a monochrome LCD screen, bordered by plastic. Besides that, there doesn’t appear to be any features worth noting. She resumes, this time with a bit more volume.
“It’s… You see the button there in the middle?”
“Yeah?”
“Whenever I talk with someone new, I-I have to press that button… But I have to actually p-participate… I can’t just say one word…”
Her voice begins to come down once more.
“I have to… s-show it to my therapist next time we meet. I can press the button as m-much as I want, but… it won’t do any good unless I’m truthful about it.”
“I see… Um… if you don’t mind me asking, how many presses do you already have?”
“N-none. I just got it yesterday… But you could be the first, if you’d like.”
“I’d love to be your first, Hanako.”
A few muffled sounds come from the girls in the corner of the room, followed by some snickers and giggling. I look towards Mutou to see if he noticed as well, but he raises his book up in front of his face before we make eye contact.
Oh, they must have heard-
Damn.
“Uh, I’ll just… I’ll just go now. Later, Hanako. Some other time.”
Another outburst from the girls makes me realize that I probably just made the situation worse. As I see the red in Hanako’s face, I realize that I’m probably just as flustered as she is.
“B-bye…”
“Yeah, I… Bye.”
I promptly stand upright, walk back to my desk, and sit down.
Luckily, students begin filing in and the room begins to fill, saving me from my torment. A recognizable pair of drills and a head of short blue hair make their way towards their usual seats. I try to avoid eye-contact, but that doesn’t stop Misha from slamming her palms down on my desk as loudly as possible.
“Hiya, Hicchan~!”
“Hello, Misha. Fancy seeing you here. At school. Where we always are.”
“Aww, don’t be like that, Hicchan~. We just wanted to acknowledge you.”
“Then you could have done it without making a scene. You know, silently. Like Shizune.”
I look up at Shizune to confirm that she did in fact acknowledge me. She meets my gaze and then resumes her walk to her desk, almost professionally. Misha, after giving a defeated look, follows her without another word.
…Geez, I do feel kinda bad about getting mad at Misha. It wasn’t her fault that I had embarrassed myself and wanted the attention to just go away. She’s well-meaning, but with the way she acts, it would be easy to think that she’d never heard the words “tact” or “subtlety” in her life.
The bell rings, and the classroom’s volume is gradually drowned out by today’s lesson.
----------------------------------
The morning bustle of the hallways filters out as I shut the door to the classroom. It is unsurprisingly empty, save for a couple students talking amongst themselves in the near corner, the token teacher reading at the front of the room, and the dark-haired damsel at the back. She looks busy with something, but today was only supposed to be an introduction to some new content, so I can’t imagine why.
I soon find myself moving towards her, fueled by equal parts curiosity and attraction.
“Hey, Hanako. What’s up?”
She looks up from whatever’s occupying her to meet my gaze. A light blush rises to her cheeks, which makes me smile a bit.
“Oh, h-hello Hisao. N-not much…”
“Well, it looked like you were concentrating on something, so… I mean, if you’re not, that’s fine.”
My sentence hangs somewhat awkwardly in the air. But I don’t know what else to say.
After a moment of silent contemplation, she speaks softly, almost a whisper.
“I… I got this… from my therapist.”
She puts her hand, clasped around something, on her desk and opens it, revealing a gray, egg-sized electronic device. On the front face there is a small round button and a monochrome LCD screen, bordered by plastic. Besides that, there doesn’t appear to be any features worth noting. She resumes, this time with a bit more volume.
“It’s… You see the button there in the middle?”
“Yeah?”
“Whenever I talk with someone new, I-I have to press that button… But I have to actually p-participate… I can’t just say one word…”
Her voice begins to come down once more.
“I have to… s-show it to my therapist next time we meet. I can press the button as m-much as I want, but… it won’t do any good unless I’m truthful about it.”
“I see… Um… if you don’t mind me asking, how many presses do you already have?”
“N-none. I just got it yesterday… But you could be the first, if you’d like.”
“I’d love to be your first, Hanako.”
A few muffled sounds come from the girls in the corner of the room, followed by some snickers and giggling. I look towards Mutou to see if he noticed as well, but he raises his book up in front of his face before we make eye contact.
Oh, they must have heard-
Damn.
“Uh, I’ll just… I’ll just go now. Later, Hanako. Some other time.”
Another outburst from the girls makes me realize that I probably just made the situation worse. As I see the red in Hanako’s face, I realize that I’m probably just as flustered as she is.
“B-bye…”
“Yeah, I… Bye.”
I promptly stand upright, walk back to my desk, and sit down.
Luckily, students begin filing in and the room begins to fill, saving me from my torment. A recognizable pair of drills and a head of short blue hair make their way towards their usual seats. I try to avoid eye-contact, but that doesn’t stop Misha from slamming her palms down on my desk as loudly as possible.
“Hiya, Hicchan~!”
“Hello, Misha. Fancy seeing you here. At school. Where we always are.”
“Aww, don’t be like that, Hicchan~. We just wanted to acknowledge you.”
“Then you could have done it without making a scene. You know, silently. Like Shizune.”
I look up at Shizune to confirm that she did in fact acknowledge me. She meets my gaze and then resumes her walk to her desk, almost professionally. Misha, after giving a defeated look, follows her without another word.
…Geez, I do feel kinda bad about getting mad at Misha. It wasn’t her fault that I had embarrassed myself and wanted the attention to just go away. She’s well-meaning, but with the way she acts, it would be easy to think that she’d never heard the words “tact” or “subtlety” in her life.
The bell rings, and the classroom’s volume is gradually drowned out by today’s lesson.
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BlackWaltzTheThird
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (½ Updated Oct 28
Oh snap. Bitch got owned.Brogurt wrote:“Then you could have done it without making a scene. You know, silently. Like Shizune.”
*snicker*Brogurt wrote:“I’d love to be your first, Hanako.”
Anyway, not much to analyse here. Only a few hundred words I suspect. And from what I gather, Hanako has some kind of electronic counter thingamobob? So, what she's supposed to keep track of when she talks to people? Seems reasonable. I don't recall whether or not I ended up reading any rewrites you may or may not have done recently so I'm not sure if this fits in with anything else. I'll get around to it soonish. Probably. But jsut considering this one, I can't say there's anything really needing attention. There's a few spots where some extra punctuation might be nice, but that's probably just me being pedantic. So yeah. Work on the rest of it so there's more for me to look at.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (½ Updated Oct 28
I'm not a very good writing critic, but I do get those instinctual cringes when something blatantly bad comes across my eyes. That hasn't happened. So far so good! Though, as BlackWaltz said, there isn't really much to go by. The basic story concept sounds interesting and you already have some fun one-liners, so it's certainly enough to make me want moar.
And frankly, even if it were a piece of crap, I'd encourage you to continue anyway.
And frankly, even if it were a piece of crap, I'd encourage you to continue anyway.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
Square Knot
The morning bustle of the hallways filters out as I shut the door to the classroom. It is unsurprisingly empty, save for a couple students talking amongst themselves in the near corner, the token teacher reading at the front of the room, and the dark-haired damsel at the back. She looks busy with something, but today was only supposed to be an introduction to some new content, so I can’t imagine why.
I soon find myself moving towards her, fueled by equal parts curiosity and attraction. Heck, I think I’d be saying hello even if she hadn’t been acting oddly.
“Hey, Hanako. What’s up?”
She looks up from whatever’s occupying her to meet my gaze. A light blush rises to her cheeks, which makes me smile a bit.
“Oh, h-hello Hisao. N-not much…”
“Well, it looked like you were concentrating on something, so… I mean, if you’re not, that’s fine.”
My sentence hangs somewhat awkwardly in the air. But I don’t know what else to say.
After a moment of silent contemplation, she speaks softly, almost a whisper.
“I… I got this… from my therapist.”
She puts her hand, clasped around something, on her desk and opens it, revealing a gray, egg-sized electronic device. On the front face there is a small round button and a monochrome LCD screen, bordered by plastic. Besides that, there doesn’t appear to be any features worth noting. She resumes, this time with a bit more volume.
“It’s… You see the button there in the middle?”
“Yeah?”
“Whenever I talk with someone new, I-I have to press that button in the middle… But I have to actually p-participate… I can’t just say one word…”
Her voice begins to come down once more.
“I have to… s-show it to my therapist next time we meet. I can press the button as m-much as I want, but… it won’t do any good unless I’m truthful about it.”
“I see… Um… if you don’t mind me asking, how many presses do you already have?”
“N-none. I just got it yesterday… But you could be the first, if you’d like.”
“I’d love to be your first, Hanako.”
A few muffled sounds come from the girls in the corner of the room, followed by some snickers and giggling. I look towards Mutou to see if he noticed as well, but he raises his book up in front of his face before we make eye contact.
Oh, they must have heard-
“Uh, I’ll just… I’ll just go now. Later, Hanako. Some other time.”
Another outburst from the girls makes me realize that I probably just made the situation worse. As I see the red in Hanako’s face, I realize that I’m probably just as flustered as she is.
“B-bye…”
“Yeah, I… Bye.”
I promptly stand upright, walk back to my desk, and sit down.
Luckily, students begin filing in and the room begins to fill, saving me from my torment. A recognizable pair of drills and a head of short blue hair make their way beside my desk and take their seats. I try to avoid eye-contact, but that doesn’t stop Misha from slamming her palms down on my desk as loudly as possible.
“Hiya, Hicchan~!”
“Hello, Misha. Fancy seeing you here. At school. Where we always are.”
“Aww, don’t be like that, Hicchan~. We just wanted to acknowledge you.”
“Then you could have done it without making a scene. You know, silently. Like Shizune.”
I look up at Shizune to confirm that she did in fact acknowledge me. She meets my gaze and then resumes her walk to her desk, almost professionally. Misha, defeated, follows her.
…Geez, I do feel kinda bad about getting mad at Misha. It wasn’t her fault that I embarrassed myself and wanted the attention to just go away. She’s well-meaning, but with the way she acts, it would be easy to think that she’d never heard the words “tact” or “subtlety” in her life.
The bell rings, and the classroom’s volume is gradually drowned out by today’s lesson.
The lecture goes off without a hitch, and we are soon left with a worksheet to be turned in at the end of class.
“You may work in groups as well, but if all you’re doing is copying each other’s work, then you’re not learning the new material.”
…And ample resources to complete it with. The students converge into their separate clusters, and Hanako wastes little time in moving her desk over to where me, Shizune, and Misha are sitting.
“Is it… Is it alright if I join you…?”
I think she already knows the answer is yes, but her modesty won’t let her make assumptions. It’s rather cute, if a bit depressing to think about.
But before I can react, Misha answers for me.
“Of course! Unless, Hicchan has something to say about it~.”
I move to shoot Misha a sort of teasing glare, but her eyes are closed and a grin is plastered on her face. She seems awfully proud of that response.
“No, I don’t have anything to say about it.”
Hanako nods, and we all arrange our desks and get to work. But before I’m even done writing my name on the paper, Misha cries out.
“Uwaa! I don’t get it!”
Despite her loudness, few people take heed. I guess they’re all just used to her by now. She then signs something to Shizune, who returns a few quick motions.
Misha slumps her head down on the desk, and speaks with one of the saddest voices I’ve ever heard out of her.
“Hicchan? Hanachan? I need some help with this…”
I look over to Hanako, and I can almost see the lightbulb above her head turn on with a *Ding!*.
“Umm, M-Misha. I think I know how to do this problem. I could show you, if you want…”
Unsurprisingly, Misha’s jovial demeanor returns in an instant.
“Really, Hanachan? Thanks!”
Hanako then turns to me, and begins speaking, almost with an air of authority.
“H-Hisao, I’m going to take Misha to the side and personally show her how to do this kind of p-problem. I-I-I mean, if that’s alright…”
Almost.
“Sure thing. I guess I’ll just stick with Shizune.”
A slight shrug marks the end of our spoken conversation, and Misha and Shizune sign back and forth for a short while before our desks split from theirs.
“First, you n-need to identify…”
Hanako’s voice trails off as I return my attention to my own partner and the worksheets in front of us. A glance at Shizune’s tells me that she’s already begun, and before I can start as well, she slides a notepad my way.
[You might want to hurry up if you don’t want to get left behind.]
Thanks for that, Shizune.
I slide it back without a response, and get to business, every so often comparing my work with hers. A number of minutes later, I see her glance back at Hanako and Misha, then she writes something else on the notepad and gives it back to me.
[I think we’re far enough ahead for now. Does it seem to you like they’re getting along a little too well?]
[Too well? I think you’re just looking too deep into things.]
I nearly consider telling her about Hanako’s therapy, but she doesn’t need to know. It’s not that I don’t trust her to keep a secret, but I don’t want this to be between anyone but my girlfriend and I. So I settle for a more cliché response…
[Maybe they just have a lot in common.]
…And pass it back to Shizune so I can get back to work.
Moments go by uninterrupted, and I’ve nearly finished another question when Shizune once again gives me the same notepad, with a new addition at the bottom.
[How do you think she would feel about grouping with me if you were to go with Misha?]
[I don’t think that would go over too well.]
[Why is that? You know her better than I do.]
I can already feel how taxing this conversation will become. Shizune has already halted progress on her classwork to wait for my reply. Plus, this feels like a test for me to see if I actually understand her a little better than when I first met her.
[Well, you’re really demanding in your expectations, and really forceful in getting that across. That doesn’t come across too well with her.]
This marks an irritated, almost angry look across her face. What the hell? I wasn't accusing her of being the sole problem or anything like that. Just part of it.
She then put her pencil to paper with some kind of divine retribution. Firmly, but not enough to break the lead. Quickly, but not quite sloppily. I feel like I’m in deep now.
[I'm not stupid. Do you think I would ever dream of pressing my expectations on her if I didn't think she could reach them?]
[I never said you were stupid. And you might have a point about expectations, but it's hard to see her that way sometimes.]
I pause for thought, tapping my pencil on the paper. I’m not sure if I want to go here, but…
[She's had more than one panic attack in class, hasn't she?]
I slide the notepad back to Shizune. Her face lowers noticeably at first, and then perks back up to its usual determined state as she writes.
[In class, yes. The Student Council has files on these sorts of things as well. But if you think I "lowered my expectations" for her as a person because I was willing to help her out of the room and give her a bit of peace, like that time you were here, you're wrong.]
Damn. She’s right. I want to respond, but I think doing so would be futile. I want to at least acknowledge what she said, though…
[Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.]
I set the notepad back on her desk and continue with my work. Wrapping up the problem I left off on, I stealthily look over to her desk to confirm my answer, only to notice her writing on the pad again, this time turned away from me. What is she up to now? Is she still mad about something?
Shizune peeks over her shoulder, then finishes her note and extends it to me with a mischievous look on her face. I’m certain mine becomes one of blank confusion, but it doesn’t stop her from staring at me expectantly with the pad in her outstretched arm, occasionally motioning at it with her eyes, telling me to grab it.
I do so, and the contents of the note are far from what I expected.
Very far from it.
[You and Hanako aren't just friends anymore, are you? By the way, you should join the student council.]
[What makes you say that? Your room isn't that close to hers, is it? And no, I’m not joining.]
She slides the notepad back to me, with a glint in her eye.
[Are you implying that I might have heard something from her dorm room?]
…
I…
I don’t know what to say.
I’ve never been so…
…Simultaneously embarrassed and ashamed in my entire life.
Defeated in one sentence.
So soundly…
So completely…
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my reaction right now.
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my cheeks, redder and warmer than they’ve ever been before.
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my completely dumbfounded expression.
Luckily, I spot something written below her armor-piecing question.
[Besides, I've seen the looks you’ve been giving her recently. Misha even says that you sound happier and more flirtatious towards her. And are you sure about Student Council? We'd be willing to undergo some restructuring. Hanako can join too, if she wants.]
Something to respond to! Yes!
But I need to be careful. She’s trying to sandwich me between two delicate conversations, hoping I’ll fold under one to keep up the other. Well, I’ll show her.
[Yes, I am certain about Student Council. And speaking of Hanako, she and Misha are probably farther ahead in the worksheet than we are by now.]
I hand the pad back to Shizune, and almost as if on cue, I hear a familiar sound.
“Wahaha! Only four more to go!”
Well, Shizune can’t hear it, but I think it was on cue.
Seeking out Shizune again, I see her give me a smirk, forged of both resentment and playfulness. She tosses the pad down between us, a one word response.
[Fine.]
The last word is exchanged between us; and from that point on, all further communication is done with numbers and equations as we speed through the rest of the questions.
I box my last answer, and Shizune quickly grabs the paper before bolting out of her seat and rushing to Mutou’s desk up front. A sideways glace shows me a girl attached to some pink drills heading along the same trajectory.
Right as I realize what’s going on, I hear a firm slam on the desk, followed by a weaker one a split-second later.
I stand up from my seat to inspect the damage, and it appears that Shizune has successfully placed both our papers on the desk before Misha could place hers and Hanakos, thereby sealing our position as first place: the first group to complete the classwork.
I take a quick look around the room, and it seems that all the other students are lollygagging or lazing about. Most of them don’t even appear to be aware of the drag-race that just occurred on school grounds, so I guess it really was between us and the Hanako/Misha tag-team.
Misha puts on the biggest pout I’ve ever seen, but then swaps it out for one of her trademarked massive Misha smiles.
“Wahahaha! There’s no beating you, Shicchan!”
Having settled that competition, Shizune and Misha occupy themselves with a conversation in sign, and Hanako stalks her way up to the two of them before talking with Misha some more.
It then dawns on me that the notepad me and Shizune were still using is still here. I think it was even a little enlightening for me to think of how I feel about Hanako compared to Shizune, so maybe Hanako would benefit from reading some of this too. Just, not all of it.
I search out what is probably the most relevant sentence…
[I'm not stupid. Do you think I would ever dream of pressing my expectations on her if I didn't think she could reach them?]
…And carefully tear off everything below it, before discarding the scrap. Next, I haphazardly rip at the perforated edges until it comes off. Taking the note with me, I head over to Hanako’s desk and find one of her books sitting on top, with a bookmark inside.
I make sure she’s still busy, and then slip the note between the pages held apart by the bookmark.
There, all nice and good. No need to make a big deal about it right now. Although I gotta say, it feels kind of like I’m blackmailing Shizune by doing this.
Well, it’s not like she’d be able to do the same to me. I’m sure it’s no big deal.
I soon find myself moving towards her, fueled by equal parts curiosity and attraction. Heck, I think I’d be saying hello even if she hadn’t been acting oddly.
“Hey, Hanako. What’s up?”
She looks up from whatever’s occupying her to meet my gaze. A light blush rises to her cheeks, which makes me smile a bit.
“Oh, h-hello Hisao. N-not much…”
“Well, it looked like you were concentrating on something, so… I mean, if you’re not, that’s fine.”
My sentence hangs somewhat awkwardly in the air. But I don’t know what else to say.
After a moment of silent contemplation, she speaks softly, almost a whisper.
“I… I got this… from my therapist.”
She puts her hand, clasped around something, on her desk and opens it, revealing a gray, egg-sized electronic device. On the front face there is a small round button and a monochrome LCD screen, bordered by plastic. Besides that, there doesn’t appear to be any features worth noting. She resumes, this time with a bit more volume.
“It’s… You see the button there in the middle?”
“Yeah?”
“Whenever I talk with someone new, I-I have to press that button in the middle… But I have to actually p-participate… I can’t just say one word…”
Her voice begins to come down once more.
“I have to… s-show it to my therapist next time we meet. I can press the button as m-much as I want, but… it won’t do any good unless I’m truthful about it.”
“I see… Um… if you don’t mind me asking, how many presses do you already have?”
“N-none. I just got it yesterday… But you could be the first, if you’d like.”
“I’d love to be your first, Hanako.”
A few muffled sounds come from the girls in the corner of the room, followed by some snickers and giggling. I look towards Mutou to see if he noticed as well, but he raises his book up in front of his face before we make eye contact.
Oh, they must have heard-
“Uh, I’ll just… I’ll just go now. Later, Hanako. Some other time.”
Another outburst from the girls makes me realize that I probably just made the situation worse. As I see the red in Hanako’s face, I realize that I’m probably just as flustered as she is.
“B-bye…”
“Yeah, I… Bye.”
I promptly stand upright, walk back to my desk, and sit down.
Luckily, students begin filing in and the room begins to fill, saving me from my torment. A recognizable pair of drills and a head of short blue hair make their way beside my desk and take their seats. I try to avoid eye-contact, but that doesn’t stop Misha from slamming her palms down on my desk as loudly as possible.
“Hiya, Hicchan~!”
“Hello, Misha. Fancy seeing you here. At school. Where we always are.”
“Aww, don’t be like that, Hicchan~. We just wanted to acknowledge you.”
“Then you could have done it without making a scene. You know, silently. Like Shizune.”
I look up at Shizune to confirm that she did in fact acknowledge me. She meets my gaze and then resumes her walk to her desk, almost professionally. Misha, defeated, follows her.
…Geez, I do feel kinda bad about getting mad at Misha. It wasn’t her fault that I embarrassed myself and wanted the attention to just go away. She’s well-meaning, but with the way she acts, it would be easy to think that she’d never heard the words “tact” or “subtlety” in her life.
The bell rings, and the classroom’s volume is gradually drowned out by today’s lesson.
The lecture goes off without a hitch, and we are soon left with a worksheet to be turned in at the end of class.
“You may work in groups as well, but if all you’re doing is copying each other’s work, then you’re not learning the new material.”
…And ample resources to complete it with. The students converge into their separate clusters, and Hanako wastes little time in moving her desk over to where me, Shizune, and Misha are sitting.
“Is it… Is it alright if I join you…?”
I think she already knows the answer is yes, but her modesty won’t let her make assumptions. It’s rather cute, if a bit depressing to think about.
But before I can react, Misha answers for me.
“Of course! Unless, Hicchan has something to say about it~.”
I move to shoot Misha a sort of teasing glare, but her eyes are closed and a grin is plastered on her face. She seems awfully proud of that response.
“No, I don’t have anything to say about it.”
Hanako nods, and we all arrange our desks and get to work. But before I’m even done writing my name on the paper, Misha cries out.
“Uwaa! I don’t get it!”
Despite her loudness, few people take heed. I guess they’re all just used to her by now. She then signs something to Shizune, who returns a few quick motions.
Misha slumps her head down on the desk, and speaks with one of the saddest voices I’ve ever heard out of her.
“Hicchan? Hanachan? I need some help with this…”
I look over to Hanako, and I can almost see the lightbulb above her head turn on with a *Ding!*.
“Umm, M-Misha. I think I know how to do this problem. I could show you, if you want…”
Unsurprisingly, Misha’s jovial demeanor returns in an instant.
“Really, Hanachan? Thanks!”
Hanako then turns to me, and begins speaking, almost with an air of authority.
“H-Hisao, I’m going to take Misha to the side and personally show her how to do this kind of p-problem. I-I-I mean, if that’s alright…”
Almost.
“Sure thing. I guess I’ll just stick with Shizune.”
A slight shrug marks the end of our spoken conversation, and Misha and Shizune sign back and forth for a short while before our desks split from theirs.
“First, you n-need to identify…”
Hanako’s voice trails off as I return my attention to my own partner and the worksheets in front of us. A glance at Shizune’s tells me that she’s already begun, and before I can start as well, she slides a notepad my way.
[You might want to hurry up if you don’t want to get left behind.]
Thanks for that, Shizune.
I slide it back without a response, and get to business, every so often comparing my work with hers. A number of minutes later, I see her glance back at Hanako and Misha, then she writes something else on the notepad and gives it back to me.
[I think we’re far enough ahead for now. Does it seem to you like they’re getting along a little too well?]
[Too well? I think you’re just looking too deep into things.]
I nearly consider telling her about Hanako’s therapy, but she doesn’t need to know. It’s not that I don’t trust her to keep a secret, but I don’t want this to be between anyone but my girlfriend and I. So I settle for a more cliché response…
[Maybe they just have a lot in common.]
…And pass it back to Shizune so I can get back to work.
Moments go by uninterrupted, and I’ve nearly finished another question when Shizune once again gives me the same notepad, with a new addition at the bottom.
[How do you think she would feel about grouping with me if you were to go with Misha?]
[I don’t think that would go over too well.]
[Why is that? You know her better than I do.]
I can already feel how taxing this conversation will become. Shizune has already halted progress on her classwork to wait for my reply. Plus, this feels like a test for me to see if I actually understand her a little better than when I first met her.
[Well, you’re really demanding in your expectations, and really forceful in getting that across. That doesn’t come across too well with her.]
This marks an irritated, almost angry look across her face. What the hell? I wasn't accusing her of being the sole problem or anything like that. Just part of it.
She then put her pencil to paper with some kind of divine retribution. Firmly, but not enough to break the lead. Quickly, but not quite sloppily. I feel like I’m in deep now.
[I'm not stupid. Do you think I would ever dream of pressing my expectations on her if I didn't think she could reach them?]
[I never said you were stupid. And you might have a point about expectations, but it's hard to see her that way sometimes.]
I pause for thought, tapping my pencil on the paper. I’m not sure if I want to go here, but…
[She's had more than one panic attack in class, hasn't she?]
I slide the notepad back to Shizune. Her face lowers noticeably at first, and then perks back up to its usual determined state as she writes.
[In class, yes. The Student Council has files on these sorts of things as well. But if you think I "lowered my expectations" for her as a person because I was willing to help her out of the room and give her a bit of peace, like that time you were here, you're wrong.]
Damn. She’s right. I want to respond, but I think doing so would be futile. I want to at least acknowledge what she said, though…
[Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.]
I set the notepad back on her desk and continue with my work. Wrapping up the problem I left off on, I stealthily look over to her desk to confirm my answer, only to notice her writing on the pad again, this time turned away from me. What is she up to now? Is she still mad about something?
Shizune peeks over her shoulder, then finishes her note and extends it to me with a mischievous look on her face. I’m certain mine becomes one of blank confusion, but it doesn’t stop her from staring at me expectantly with the pad in her outstretched arm, occasionally motioning at it with her eyes, telling me to grab it.
I do so, and the contents of the note are far from what I expected.
Very far from it.
[You and Hanako aren't just friends anymore, are you? By the way, you should join the student council.]
[What makes you say that? Your room isn't that close to hers, is it? And no, I’m not joining.]
She slides the notepad back to me, with a glint in her eye.
[Are you implying that I might have heard something from her dorm room?]
…
I…
I don’t know what to say.
I’ve never been so…
…Simultaneously embarrassed and ashamed in my entire life.
Defeated in one sentence.
So soundly…
So completely…
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my reaction right now.
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my cheeks, redder and warmer than they’ve ever been before.
There’s no way that she doesn’t see my completely dumbfounded expression.
Luckily, I spot something written below her armor-piecing question.
[Besides, I've seen the looks you’ve been giving her recently. Misha even says that you sound happier and more flirtatious towards her. And are you sure about Student Council? We'd be willing to undergo some restructuring. Hanako can join too, if she wants.]
Something to respond to! Yes!
But I need to be careful. She’s trying to sandwich me between two delicate conversations, hoping I’ll fold under one to keep up the other. Well, I’ll show her.
[Yes, I am certain about Student Council. And speaking of Hanako, she and Misha are probably farther ahead in the worksheet than we are by now.]
I hand the pad back to Shizune, and almost as if on cue, I hear a familiar sound.
“Wahaha! Only four more to go!”
Well, Shizune can’t hear it, but I think it was on cue.
Seeking out Shizune again, I see her give me a smirk, forged of both resentment and playfulness. She tosses the pad down between us, a one word response.
[Fine.]
The last word is exchanged between us; and from that point on, all further communication is done with numbers and equations as we speed through the rest of the questions.
I box my last answer, and Shizune quickly grabs the paper before bolting out of her seat and rushing to Mutou’s desk up front. A sideways glace shows me a girl attached to some pink drills heading along the same trajectory.
Right as I realize what’s going on, I hear a firm slam on the desk, followed by a weaker one a split-second later.
I stand up from my seat to inspect the damage, and it appears that Shizune has successfully placed both our papers on the desk before Misha could place hers and Hanakos, thereby sealing our position as first place: the first group to complete the classwork.
I take a quick look around the room, and it seems that all the other students are lollygagging or lazing about. Most of them don’t even appear to be aware of the drag-race that just occurred on school grounds, so I guess it really was between us and the Hanako/Misha tag-team.
Misha puts on the biggest pout I’ve ever seen, but then swaps it out for one of her trademarked massive Misha smiles.
“Wahahaha! There’s no beating you, Shicchan!”
Having settled that competition, Shizune and Misha occupy themselves with a conversation in sign, and Hanako stalks her way up to the two of them before talking with Misha some more.
It then dawns on me that the notepad me and Shizune were still using is still here. I think it was even a little enlightening for me to think of how I feel about Hanako compared to Shizune, so maybe Hanako would benefit from reading some of this too. Just, not all of it.
I search out what is probably the most relevant sentence…
[I'm not stupid. Do you think I would ever dream of pressing my expectations on her if I didn't think she could reach them?]
…And carefully tear off everything below it, before discarding the scrap. Next, I haphazardly rip at the perforated edges until it comes off. Taking the note with me, I head over to Hanako’s desk and find one of her books sitting on top, with a bookmark inside.
I make sure she’s still busy, and then slip the note between the pages held apart by the bookmark.
There, all nice and good. No need to make a big deal about it right now. Although I gotta say, it feels kind of like I’m blackmailing Shizune by doing this.
Well, it’s not like she’d be able to do the same to me. I’m sure it’s no big deal.
Last edited by Brogurt on Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Square Knot
Didn't change anything in the original text. About 4 times as long now as it was then. Bam.
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BlackWaltzTheThird
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:38 am
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated Nov 1st)
This is more like it. Delicious chocolately content to analyse. Right. I hope this is more to your flavour, man.
Might just be my mind playing tricks on me, but something about this part seems off. The line immediately before was, more than likely, Shizune's message. So then the first line here would be Hisao's response. Then we have the narration interlude, then another line. This is also Hisao's am I right? As in, he's continuing the note he's writing? Yeah, I think that's right.Brogurt wrote:[Too well? I think you’re just looking too deep into things.]
I nearly consider telling her about Hanako’s therapy, but she doesn’t need to know. It’s not that I don’t trust her to keep a secret, but I don’t want this to be between anyone but my girlfriend and I. So I settle for a more cliché response…
[Maybe they just have a lot in common.]
This line is also messing with me. So, Shizune is saying that she would take it easy on her if she thought Hanako couldn't handle her? Actually wait I've now looked at the lines after, I think the point is what's not being said here. That is, Shizune is pressing her expectations on her because she thinks Hanako can reach them. Yeah, that bit doesn't sound so ominous any more, considering how Hisao put it in Hanako's book. But given I misinterpreted it at first, I worry that Hanako may as well.Brogurt wrote:[I'm not stupid. Do you think I would ever dream of pressing my expectations on her if I didn't think she could reach them?]
Goddamnit Hisao you retard, she's deaf. Even if you had Hanako screaming like a pornstar, Shizune still wouldn't have heard. Shiiiiieeet kid, giving away things like that... Christ, dumb as a stump, even in fanfiction.Brogurt wrote:[Are you implying that I might have heard something from her dorm room?]
Bolting.Brogurt wrote:bolding out of her seat
...Goddamnit, Hisao. Little wonder Suffer_Not smacks you all the time in his lets play.Brogurt wrote:I’m sure it’s no big deal.
BlackWaltz's One-stop Oneshot Shop - my fanfiction portal topic. Contains links to all my previous works, plus starting now any new ones I may produce (or reproduce)! Please, check it out!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
BlackWaltz's Pastebin - for those who prefer to read things with no formatting and stuff. It's mostly the same as in my thread. Also contains assorted other writing!
Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated Nov 1st)
That is correct. I tried keeping things consistent with the notation, but I had to break consistency twice to accommodate certain things. I was wondering if it would be a problem. I'd like to let others read it to see if the problem is on my end instead of your mind playing tricks on you, but >implying anyone else will read thisBlackWaltzTheThird wrote:Might just be my mind playing tricks on me, but something about this part seems off. The line immediately before was, more than likely, Shizune's message. So then the first line here would be Hisao's response. Then we have the narration interlude, then another line. This is also Hisao's am I right? As in, he's continuing the note he's writing? Yeah, I think that's right.
YesThat is, Shizune is pressing her expectations on her because she thinks Hanako can reach them. Yeah, that bit doesn't sound so ominous any more, considering how Hisao put it in Hanako's book.
I don't see that causing a problem. It's just the other half of the same statement. If the outcomes are A and B, and X leads to A, then it should be safe to assume that Y leads to B. Am I making sense here? I just woke upBut given I misinterpreted it at first, I worry that Hanako may as well.
That's the jokeGoddamnit Hisao you retard
♥Bolting.