Mirage_GSM wrote:I mostly agree, but I still wish 3-3 wasn't always the dump for new students. The first contacts will invariably be Shizune and Misha, and it gets stale after the 22nd iteration - maybe even sooner.
Why can't new students sometimes come into 3-4 instead?
I agree, but I guess it also depends on the goals of the story. If one of the characters from 3-3 is going to play a major supporting role or maybe a love interest, it might work. It does bug me a little bit when the new arrival given the same spot and treatment as Hisao does though, less for the repetition and more for what happens when the master of romance himself does show up?
Still, it's been handled pretty well so far, and 3-4 could present a sizable challenge because it could potentially involve creating a whole slew of new characters, which is always difficult to pull off effectively. I suppose neither choice is better than the other, it just depends on how well it's handled.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
Thanks for the comments guys! To address sending the main character to 3-3, I'm already writing outside my comfort zone about something I thought I knew a lot about, so sending him to a new class was too much work and risk for me to comfortably handle. I don't want this main character to replace Hisao, that would be lazy and not very enjoyable, but the idea of Emi running into him and hitting his head ran through my mind more than once (won't happen though). I do want to keep things fresh.
I have a couple ways I can go from here, one way involving another OC, one way just involving the main cast. My personal preference is the first option, but this would basically turn the main cast of KS into a supporting cast/backdrop for the main characters interactions.
So I was wondering what people's opinions of a two OC story are. Is it too detached from being a KS fan fic to be entertaining, or is it still close enough to be a good story?
Mirage_GSM wrote:I always prefer reading stories with OCs - if done right they have MUCH more potential for originality. Just try to avoid Mary Sues...
I'm going to try to be careful with what my characters are able to do, and if anyone gets a whiff of Mary Sue just slap me.
When reading fanfic, I tend to gravitate towards the ones that feature more of the characters I've come to know and love. That doesn't mean they have to be the main characters, but having your OCs interact with the established cast would do a lot to help ground it in-universe.
Still, considering the majority of Hisao's class received no real screen time or characterization, you still have a lot of wiggle room. That's not even getting into those characters that don't quite exist, like Saki or Hitomi. You could still have your OCs be the main characters with people like Taro or whoever that guy is that took LeLouche's seat playing the Kenji role.
I'm going to try to be careful with what my characters are able to do, and if anyone gets a whiff of Mary Sue just slap me.
Okay, but you have to promise not to defend yourself.
Different people read fanfiction for different reasons. Some like to see more of the characters they know and love, some like to see more done with the familiar setting. Really, either one is fine as long as it's done with care. Personally I would be interested to see another OC or two in this story, to help it get more out into the realm of things that we haven't already seen done before a bunch of times, but it's all up to what you want and what you think you can do effectively.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
A new update! This chapter was one I was looking forward to, but for some reason during the whole writing process it left a bad taste in my mouth, and I had trouble getting it written. I feel my dialogue needs work, and I need to remember that just because something isn't relevant to the advancement of the plot doesn't mean it isn't useful to the feel of the story, like little random pieces of conversation. I think I'm still looking for that comfort zone, and hopefully I find it in a chapter or two, which is where even more fun lies. Read, criticize, and enjoy!
Chapter 5: BB
I think I'll go for another walk.
It's around 11 at night, and I still can't get to sleep. The whole day went better than I could have imagined, with Misha and Shizune showing me around Yamaku all day and answering my questions. I think I can safely call them friends now, which brings me some comfort. Yet despite all that, I still can't get any sleep. Something is still itching at the back of my head, just a little itch that keeps plunging me too deep into thought for my own good. I've been doing too much thinking lately, I need to do some more living. A walk will do me well.
Departing from the boy's dorms with my green school jacket to keep me warm, I start to stroll around the large campus, taking the same route I did last time I took a walk. Routines will help me settle in, I think. Routine was everything in baseball, and as long as I stuck to mine I was fine. Obviously I haven't had a real routine to stick to in almost a year, so getting into one would be a big step forward.
Looking up, I can see the whole moon peeking over the rooftop, softly illuminating the grounds in its white glow. Even at night this place is beautiful. Keeping my gaze on the moon I think about how I'll never be able to go there. Well, I never was going to be able to in the first place, and even then I didn't particularly want to, but now so many things in life might as well be like trying going to the moon.
Of course, I still haven't tried to go to the moon. Maybe I'll take a shot at it someday.
Wait, stop, was something just on the moon? Back up.
Catching my eye is a black silhouette against the moon. Is someone standing on the roof? I keep gazing at this precariously perched figure while slowly moving towards the building. Getting closer, I make out it's a female student. Her shoulder long hair is blowing gently in the breeze, the tips of her shoes hanging over the edge. She's just staring off into the night sky. Odd. And dangerous.
“Um, hello?” I shout up to her as quietly as I can, if that even makes sense.
She turns her head towards me and leans down, making me cringe at the possibility of her tumbling down on top of me.
“Hi down there! I, uh, guess you caught me. You won't tell anyone I’m up here right?” She says in a hushed tone.
“I won't tell anyone, but isn't it dangerous, standing right on the edge?”
“Nah, I’m not scared of falling,” she says proudly, putting her hands on her hips.
“But what if you do fall?”
“I dunno,” she says with a shrug. “Catch me or something.”
“I'll do my best. So what are you doing up there anyways?”
“Thinking, mostly. It's a nice view. Hey, you wanna come up here too?” She says, pointing to a far off fire escape. “Then you won’t have to yell all the way up here and all.”
Hanging out with strangers on rooftops isn't something I usually do, but I've been doing a lot of unusual things these days.
“Sure, I guess.”
I walk over to the fire escape and take a moment to observe the climb ahead of me. I’m not a fan of heights honestly. Don't look down then, I guess. When I get about halfway up, I look down anyways. Oh hell, that's a long drop. I tighten my grip on the rung as my head throbs and my face starts to burn up. I was supposed to avoid stressful situations. But a simple ladder? This is ridiculous. Taking a deep breath, I finish my ascent and let out a sigh of relief as I reach the roof.
That girl is sitting on the ledge now, still looking out at the beautiful night sky. As I approach her I get a better look at her, her hair is black and her pale face shines in what little light there is. I lean up against the ledge next to her, being careful not to lean too far.
“I can see why you come up here, it's nice,” I say, trying to start a conversation.
“It really is. I'll come here to just be alone with my thoughts, or if I just want a pretty view.” She turns and looks at me with a friendly smile. “Say, aren't you that new guy around? You seem new.”
“Yeah I am, but… how do I look new?”
“You have the look of someone who has no idea where they're going,” she says with a sympathetic smile. “Skip, right?”
“That's right,” I reply, bowing slightly.
“You can call me Reika,” she exclaims proudly. “Reika Schierholtz.”
“Sheer-what?” I've been tongue tied. She just laughs at my confusion.
“It's German, from my father's side,” she explains. “So Skip, if you don't mind me asking, why are you here anyways?”
I don't quite understand. “Didn't you invite me up here?”
“No, I mean why are you here?” She asks, holding her arms out wide.
“Oh, why am I at Yamaku?”
“Yeah, what are you in for?” She says, like Yamaku is some sort of prison.
I guess it's not obvious why I’m here, since my problems are only inside my head. Thinking about it, I can't tell why she's here either. I ponder for a moment whether or not to tell her, ultimately deciding to let her know. She seems trustworthy.
“I have some problems with my head, you could say. I got bonked a couple times and it gives me trouble now and then,” I say, trying to downplay my problems a bit. Trouble now and then is putting it very lightly.
She looks like she's thinking for a moment. “What kind of troubles? Will you get better?” She asks in a flurry, sounding a little concerned.
“Bad headaches mostly, sometimes some other stuff. I don't know if it will get better, but I think I already went through the worst of it all. I haven't been able to really get my life back yet,” I say, wincing at the last part of my answer.
She looks a little bummed out, then perks up. “If it's any consolation to your heads insides, your outsides look fine and dandy,” she cheerily says, giving me a big grin. I chuckle at the compliment. "It's the nature of any relationship here, ya know? If someone is deaf or blind, if affects how you communicate with them. Or maybe they're not as mobile as you, or can't do as many things as you. There always seems to be some limitation here or there, and when I'm trying to be a good friend, I want to ignore it, but I can't. So my view now is, it's good to know. Unless of course someone is here for no reason, then they're just weird."
I laugh. "But then they're just as weird as everyone else here."
"Yeah, I guess so," She says with a giggle.
Now I’m curious about her. “Is it all right if I ask you the same question then? Why are you here?”
She looks down at her feet, still dangling over the edge of the roof. She looks sad, and I’m afraid I might have struck a nerve. Looking back up at the night sky, she smiles softly, her eyes still filled with sadness.
“I’m sick. I only have a few months to live.”
I freeze up. I don't know what to say. I try and wrap my head around the idea that the person sitting next to me won't be here in a few months, that she'll be dead. I can't imagine it at all. And here I was, thinking lost limbs or being deaf was the worst thing that could happen to someone.
A thought does come to me though.
“Well what are you doing here at school then? Why aren't you out in the world, living life?” I ask, almost crying the questions out.
“Because I am living life,” She replies, her voice soft. “This is the life I want, one where I go to school like any other girl, where I do all the things I want to do with my friends and family. I understand that my time left is precious, and I live it all just the way I want to. And when it's my time, I'll be ready.”
I’m in awe. How someone that's in a situation like hers doesn't completely lose it is beyond me, and for her to go about her days like she does is amazing. I look up at the night sky, and I realize something. This night sky is worth the time of someone who doesn't have much left. There's something special enough about just looking at it all night. Now I can comprehend how this girl isn't going to be here in a few months. I wish I didn't.
She taps me on the shoulder. “Hey, I didn't mean to get you so down.”
“No, it's OK, I was just thinking. Maybe… maybe I should try to be like you a little.”
She looks at me, perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I should be trying to live my life again, not hanging around thinking about how I can't. You're not moping around, thinking about what-ifs or anything like that, you're just living.”
“Hmm…” She puts a hand to her chin and looks pensive for a moment, then snaps her fingers and looks at me confidently. “I know! It's settled then.”
“Wait, what's settled?” I ask.
“You want to live your life again? Well then, I'll teach you! I know a thing or two about living, I'll have you know,” she says proudly, taking on the tone of a teacher.
“Are we going to have classes or something?” I ask, chuckling.
“No, nothing like that silly!” She says, giving me a nudge. “I'll just give you a shove in the right direction, the rest is up to you. Are you in Skip?” She holds out her hand, smiling.
This has been an odd night. Reika is a little funny, but she's also one of the bravest people I've ever met. She's pretty, too. But more importantly, I could use a little help getting my life in order. I might even make a good friend while I do it. I give her a firm handshake and smile.
“I’m in.”
---
There's a couple references/easter eggs/foreshadowings/whatevers in here, one of which is Schierholtz, which you'd need to dig a little deep to figure out. Plenty of things like this will be dropped throughout future chapters, mostly for my fun.
I don't think this chapter was bad at all, none of the scenes really stuck out as being unnecessary, clunky or pure fluff. It was interesting seeing your character continue to struggle with fitting in, and I'm quite curious to see where the dynamic with the OC introduced in this chapter takes both your protagonist and your story. The only thing I really noticed were one or two little bits of word repetition ("The whole day went better than I could have imagined, with Misha and Shizune showing me around Yamaku all day and answering my questions", moon three times in three lines -- although some words are next to impossible to find synonyms for, I understand that), but otherwise, I don't think your dialogue really felt off at all. I enjoyed this chapter, and I continue to enjoy this story.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
Another update, this one was much easier to write, and my hope with this one is that I didn't get too technical that I scare readers. Other than that I'm relatively satisfied with the direction of the story, so read, criticize and enjoy!
Chapter 6: Hot Start
When Reika told me that she was living her life to the fullest, I was imaging grand things. Trying new things every day, or maybe eating exotic foods and going on roller coasters rides. I certainly wasn't imagining doing math homework.
“Tell me again why we're doing this?” I say, groaning.
She sighs. “Because, your education is important to your future,” she says, like a teacher giving a lecture.
“OK I get that part, but why on the roof?”
“I like the roof,” she replies.
“Fine. But shouldn't we be doing fun, amazing things?” I complain more than ask.
“I'll have you know,” she says, starting another lesson, “that truly living doesn't mean you have to go all out every day. It just means, well, living your life how you like. Don’t regret anything, and follow your heart.”
“I guess I understand that, but my heart isn't exactly leading me to my math homework.”
She crosses her arms and gives me a pouty glare, which is only able to make me laugh. She glares at me harder.
“What's so funny, bud?”
I cough to keep myself from laughing more. “Nothing, you just look so not angry when you do that. And I'm not your bud, bro.”
“Hey, I'm not your bro, dude,” she says, her expression lightening up.
“I'm not your dude, girlfr-oh forget it. You know, we're not gonna get any math homework done at this rate,” I say, closing my notebook.
She looks down at her math homework and flips her textbook closed in defeat. “I guess you're right. So if not math, where does your heart want to take you?”
I stop and think for a moment. This is easy, what do I feel like doing right now? What's the first thing that pops into my head?
“Hey, isn’t there a baseball club here?”
The captain of the baseball club was nice enough to let me use stuff from the equipment shed by the track, and he also gave me access to the batting cages. It took a little convincing to get Reika to toss me the baseballs, but I explained to her that the big L-shaped net should protect her against almost any ball.
“So wait, if this thing is supposed to keep me safe, why do I need to use a glove?”
I shrug. “You know, just in case.”
“You're kidding, right?”
“Don't worry about it,” I say with a dismissive wave of my hand. “Just toss the ball.”
She tosses the ball and ducks back for cover as I take a hack at it. My swing is hard, but I hit nothing but air as the ball sails by me. I'm a little rusty.
“Did I throw it right? I don't watch much baseball or anything…” She says, still hiding behind her net.
“Uh, yeah, you did fine, I just need to get used to this again. Let's keep going.”
Another toss, and this time I almost lunge for the ball, taking a violent cut at it that rattles my head around as my whole body rotates through the swing. I prop myself against the fence to relax while the throbbing in my head dies down.
“I think you tried too hard that time. Are you… OK?” She asks, sounding worried, which doesn't make me feel any better.
“Yeah, I'm fine, just messed that up a bit,” I answer, trying to reassure her.
“You should relax more, you look all tense and coiled up and stuff. Keep a light grip on the handle and try to stay on your back leg,” she says, lecturing me again.
Her comments surprise me though. “I thought you said you didn't watch much baseball, and now you're an expert?”
She chuckles a little. “I paid a lot of attention.”
“Fair enough, I guess.” I put her advice into action, keeping my weight balanced and relaxing my grip. “Like this?”
She sighs and puts a hand to her forehead. “No you're still too-ugh, you know what, hang on.” She walks over to me and bluntly puts one hand on my chest and the other on my butt, making me blush.
“Um, what are you doing?” I ask, confused and curious.
She then shoves me hard with both hands, straightening me up from my crouched stance. I'm standing almost straight up now, and the bat is gently resting on my shoulders.
“And stop being so scared of missing that you forget how to hit the damn ball,” she says sternly.
“Whoa, hang on. I appreciate the, uh… mechanical changes you made, but what makes you think I'm afraid to miss?”
She leans in closer to me and pokes my head. “Because, you're that kind of guy. You go into a situation, only thinking about how you could fuck it up, so you think of all the ways you can fuck up as little as possible, not even thinking about how you can succeed. The pitcher isn't the one striking you out, you are striking you out. So stop playing mind games with yourself, and just hit the ball!”
I'm surprised, and impressed. Somehow Reika has gotten into my head after barely spending a few days with me. She's not wrong either. Thinking about how to avoid losing at all costs will only make me lose. Try thinking about how to win.
“Or I'm wrong and you just suck at baseball. I'm pulling all that out of my ass anyways,” she says with a shrug and a smirk.
Or maybe she didn't get in my head and just guessed. I'm less impressed, but I still learned a lesson.
“Toss another one, let's see if this works.”
She nods and gets in place. This is easy Skip, see the ball, hit the ball. Easy. She tosses it and ducks away, and I patiently watch it get closer. OK, you saw the ball, hit it. Planting my front foot into the ground, I take a smooth hack at the ball. The solid crack of wood meeting its target tells me I didn't miss as I drive the ball right down the cage, where it wedges itself into the chain link fence.
“Holy crap, you almost killed me!” Her voice cries out from behind the net. “Also that was cool, you hit the snot out of it!”
I look at the lodged baseball with a sense of satisfaction. “I guess your advice worked.”
“Now, will you stop being so afraid of failing?” She asks, a confident smile on her face, like she just won some game.
“Sure, but on one condition.”
“OK,” she says, folding her arms. “What's the condition?”
I pick up a ball and wind up like I'm going to hurl it right through her, making her flinch in terror.
“Stop being so afraid of baseballs.”
She gives me her usual pouty glare, and I can only laugh.
The walk back to her dorm is quiet, but pleasant. I had fun today, learned something, and started to get back into baseball shape. But I feel a little bad for Reika. All she did was help me, all day.
“Hey Reika, we should do something you want to do next time. You sorta did all the work, and I don't want to feel like I'm the one who needs all the help either.”
She stops and ponders what I said for a moment. “Hmm… I'll think of something, but later, I want to get some rest.”
“Sure thing, and hey, thanks for today, I mean it,” I say as sincerely as possible.
She giggles a little at the comment, her face turning a little red. “No problem, just glad to help,” she says, beaming a big smile at me. “Hey, about the next time we hang out…”
“What about it?” I ask, curious.
“Didn't you mention earlier that you didn't have any clothes besides your school uniform?” She asks, obviously scheming something.
A nice littler chapter, the action is fun and the dialogue is organic. I thought it was a little odd that she was the one correcting his posture though, since wasn't baseball his favorite hobby before the onset of his condition? And also, my initial impression of Reika wasn't someone who would casually drop the F-bomb in conversation, especially since she goes back to saying things like "snot" only a few lines later. It struck me as odd, and it also seemed strange that he wasn't in the least perturbed by it.
Other than those things though, I enjoyed the update.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
Thanks for the comments guys! And Scissorlips, in baseball, different postures and stances work for different people, my idea was that she was suggesting more than correcting, trying to help him find what works. And with her use of profanity, I knew in my head that he wouldn't be perturbed by it's use and that he's used to it, but I forgot that you guys didn't know it, because I've put no evidence in the story that that's the case. One of those little planning things, I guess, and now I can remember to address those sorts of issues in my future works. A big goal of mine is to never have to explain stuff as an author, I believe my writing should be able to speak for itself without my help, otherwise I haven't done my job.
An update! This chapter got on my nerves for some reason, just how I wrote it I guess, something felt off. I was hoping to show more of the character's, well, characteristics, but more fleshing out will come in time I guess. Hopefully this gears me up for a good next chapter, as you'll probably be able to guess what happens in that one. Read, criticize, and enjoy!
Chapter 7: Tools of Ignorance
“Which one do you like better Skip?”
I look at the two pairs of socks Reika holds in front of me. They're both striped and full of a jumble of colors that make my eyes hurt a little.
“They look the same,” I answer.
She rolls her eyes at me and then deposits both pairs in her basket. “You can never have enough socks anyways. Now come help me look at shirts.”
“I thought we were here to get me new clothes.”
“We will in a bit,” she says, mystified by the floral print on a shirt.
“Is there even a men's section in this store?” I ask, looking around for any sign of male clothing.
“Jeez, don't get your boxers in a bunch, I got what I needed,” she says teasingly, holding up a full basket of new clothes for herself. “The men’s section is right over there. What were you thinking of getting anyway?”
“I dunno,” I say, following her through the vast store. “Just some casual stuff, jeans and shirts I guess.”
“But that's boring! You should get something interesting, like this,” she says, pointing to a rack of colorful bow ties.
“I'm not really a tie guy,” I say, pointing at my bare shirt collar.
She thinks for a moment, before grabbing an article of clothing and bringing it back. “You could be a leather jacket guy!” she exclaims, hold up a tight fitting, black leather jacket.
I shake my head. “I don't think so.”
“Fine, then how about…” she trails off, grabbing something else to entice me with. “Sweater vest guy!”
Glaring down at the argyle sweater vest, then back at her, I simply say nothing and shake my head again.
“Fine then!” She cries out, grabbing one last thing, a solid blue tee. “You can be bland boring shirt guy, how does that sound?”
“Sounds good to me.”
She groans in defeat, unable to get me to give in. It makes sense for Reika, when she's not wearing her school uniform she's wearing something loud and crazy. Today she has a blue top and a bright red skirt to go with orange and black striped knee socks that painfully clash with everything else. I guess with her situation, why wear the same thing twice?
“Hey, do you want to get coffee after this? I know a nice place, and I wanna talk to you about some stuff,” she says, her eyes lighting up.
I shrug. “Sure.” I wonder what she wants to talk about.
The coffee shop Reika picked is nice, with quiet outdoor seating and a warm feel to it. I ordered just a cup of coffee, while Reika ordered some crazy frozen drink that has whipped cream and a cherry on top of it. She finally quits sipping on her drink and takes a breath before talking.
“You know the festival is coming up soon, right?”
This is the first I've heard of it. “There's a festival?”
“Tanabata, silly! Yamaku has a great big festival every year, and all the students help make it,” she explains. “I would have guessed Misha or Shizune would have mentioned it to you by now, they're always looking for help.”
“They mentioned needing help once or twice I think, but they didn't mention any specifics to me. I didn't really want to be a part of the student council anyways, it's too business-ey for me.”
“Most people don't want to be a part of the council. Apparently Shizune can be a bit of a, you know…” she stops and looks around before leaning in to my ear and whispering, “…bitch.”
“I dunno, Shizune seemed awfully nice to me,” I say with a shrug.
“I wouldn't really know if she was anyways, it's just gossip in the halls,” she says, taking a long sip from her melting beverage. “So, you are going to the festival, right?”
I'm unsure of whether or not I want to go. Big crowds and events were never really my thing, and the noise could prove to be too much for my head.
“I'll have to think about it.”
Reika's glare tells me that I just gave her the wrong answer.
“You gotta go Skip! Come on, I'll show you around it all and everything! You'd probably be able to knock over all the milk bottles, and there's other fun stuff too!”
She seems really into this, and I don't want to disappoint her. Besides, I should keep trying to get out more and do new things, maybe this will be good for me.
“All right, I'll go.”
“Awesome! You'll have fun, trust me.”
I imagine Reika and I running around at a festival at night, the vibrant colors lit up brilliantly against the starry sky. Romantic ideas pass through my head for just a moment before I shake them off. I don't think I feel that way about Reika, right now I'm just glad to have her as a friend. Either way, I think it could be a fun time.
“Hey, wake up daydreamer,” Reika says, snapping her fingers and dismissing my amorous ideas. “Is there anywhere else you wanted to go today? We still have plenty of time left in the day.”
I think for a moment about what else might want. “Yeah, actually.”
“A sporting goods store?”
“Yep,” I reply. “I didn't like the bats that the baseball club used, so I'm gonna pick up my own.”
Reika follows me as I stroll through the various racks of clothes and shelves filled with equipment before reaching a stand filled with bats. Carefully examining each bat's weight and length, I eventually settle for a black Mizuno bat, 34 inches long. Before I'm about to turn and head back to the register, a shelf catches my eye. On it is a set of sleek black and white catching gear, shin and chest protector, face mask, helmet, everything. I slowly move over to it and pick up the face mask, running my finger over the leather padding that surrounds it.
“When you played baseball, you were a catcher, right?”
I nod. “Yeah,” I say in a hushed tone. “A pretty good one too. Load of good this thing did for me, huh?” I say with a chuckle, tossing the mask back onto the shelf.
“Why don't you buy the set?” She asks, a curious look on her face.
“That's not me anymore. Not with the damage my head took. Nurse's orders and all.”
She glares at me with that glare I know so well, and before she speaks I already know what's coming.
“You're going to let someone else tell you how to live your life?”
“Well, when it's a matter of brain damage, yes, I am going to let him. I can't catch anymore, it's too risky.”
“But you won't know if you never try again! I'll throw to you, help you get back on your feet. Or knees, or whatever.”
Thinking about getting back into the squat makes my head a jumbled mess. There's a huge injury risk. Maybe I'm not that good anymore. The whole experience could put me in serious pain. But I want to catch again. I want to put down signs, baffle hitters, maybe even get a hit once in a while. I want to at least try.
“You know what? Why not.”
Reika grins and helps me load the gear into a basket. Another step towards getting back to normalcy. I hope.
The bus ride and walk back is quiet, but peaceful. Reika and I are both exhausted after a long day out, and I’m dying to get some sleep. No midnight strolls for me tonight.
Once we get back to Yamaku, I walk Reika back to the girls dormitory.
“Thanks for the help shopping Skip, and hey, we have to get you back to playing again, we can play catch or something, OK?”
“I'd like that,” I say with an eager smile.
“And I'll swing by your dorm at noon the day of the festival, OK?”
“Sure thing, see you then.”
“You'll have fun, I promise. Oh, and I'll have a surprise waiting for you…” she says ominously, flashing a devilish grin before disappearing into the building and leaving me confused, and interested.
Well then. This should be fun.
Last edited by MrDan on Fri Oct 26, 2012 5:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
This is completely and utterly hypocritical to say, but I am always grateful that you post in such small, easily digestible chapters.
This was an enjoyable little couple of scenes, I chuckled at the dig at Hisao's sweatervest. I'm pretty sure that Tanabata is a sort of "Japan in general" festival, so he would know about it, even if he didn't know about the school's plans to celebrate it. Although in the dialogue it's not completely explicit that he doesn't, I just thought it was worth mentioning. There are a couple instances of word repetition here and there which is always something to watch out for, although I know in the case of words like "bat" it can be really hard to come up with a suitable synonym. Also "examining each bat's weight". Other than that though, I'm curious as always to see where things head to next.
[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.
I've been just a little sick, so my apologies for a new update taking forever, and this one is smaller than the usuals, which hopefully doesn't mess with the flow of it or anything too much. I wanted to really tackle the festival in this chapter but I wasn't up to it, so instead I wrote a little something that took place before. What happens in this update was never going to happen originally, but I found it to be fun to come up with and it didn't mess with anything, so I threw it into the story. Hopefully I'm up to writing the festival chapter soon, I aim for it to be my best update yet. Read, criticize, and enjoy!
Chapter 8: Seventh-inning stretch
Oh god she's texting me again.
Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. That's what I've had to live with for the past few nights, the incessant vibrations of my phone being bombarded with texts from Reika. She keeps talking about Tanabata, if I'm ready, if I'm excited for the festivities or her surprise. I shouldn't complain though, I like talking to her, and she’s probably the only person I talk to with any regularity. I'll talk to Misha and Shizune sometimes, they're always friendly to me. My parents call every once in a while, and my visits with Nurse are always fun. Reika is the one I always see and talk to though.
Taking my eyes away from the cheaply produced monster movie on TV, I flip open my phone to check what she has to say this time.
“Whatcha up to?”
I quickly shoot a text back, trying to keep up with the cheesy action of the movie.
“Watching a dumb monster movie on TV. You?”
Before I can even put my phone back on my nightstand it lights up and vibrates again. This girl is crazy fast.
“I think I'm watching the same one, this movie is boring. Your roof in 10?”
I don't see why not, so I quickly fire back a text saying I'll meet her there, and I head up to the roof myself. It's not too cold tonight, which is nice, and the stars are out. I take a seat on the ledge of the roof, being careful not to lean too far over the edge. This spot on the roof used to make me nervous, being dangerously close to tumbling over the edge, but spending so much time with Reika on rooftops has made me used to it. After a little bit of time I hear the soft sound of footsteps approaching.
“Hey Skip. Couldn't sleep either I guess?” Reika asks, sitting down on the ledge next to me.
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Excited about Tanabata?” She asks, sounding as chipper as ever.
“You sound more excited than me. You've been talking or texting me about it non-stop.”
“I just want it to be fun you know?” She says with a shrug. “It's the last one I'll ever get to go to.”
Oh, right. I never thought about it like that. I take a moment to think, it's always hard to find words after someone brings up that she's, well… yeah. She must be really looking forward to tomorrow. I need to make sure that everything goes well and that she has the time of her life, what little of that she might have left.
“Hey,” I say, giving her a gentle nudge with my shoulder. “We'll make tomorrow great. I promise.”
She smiles. “It'll be the very best,” she says, giving me a nudge back, “with only the very best guy.”
Her comment makes my heart skip just a beat, and I turn away and scratch my cheek to hide my blush. It makes me think back to something I thought about a few days ago, how maybe, just maybe, I like this girl. My heart flutters once more when I get the idea that, with all her excitement over the festival, her taking me around all the sights and sounds, not to mention her surprise, maybe she likes me too.
“Reika… is tomorrow and everything, is this a date?”
Reika breaks her gaze from the stars to look at me, not with a glare, not out of shock or anger, but just to look at me. It seems like she's almost examining me. Her expression seems to turn to sadness for a moment, before producing a small, soft smile.
“It might be one, if you want it to,” she says in a gentle voice.
I smile back. “I'd like that, if it was.”
She swings her legs back over the roof and stands up. “Then it's a date,” she says, leaning down and giving my head a quick peck before starting back towards the roof exit. “Good night Skip, I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night Reika,” I say, waving to her.
I gently touch the spot on my head where she kissed me, not wanting to lose the feeling. I got a date. Me, Skip, got a date for the festival tomorrow. I lean back to gaze at the stars for a bit, savoring the funny, warm feeling in my chest. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough, but I think sleep can wait just a little longer.
