Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

Juonkiku, thank you for your story. It's sad, but at least you found out quite she wasn't the right person for you. Don't lose your confidence in others and yourself. I am sure that if you keep looking, you will find someone who loves you more truly.

Gandara, you like the girl so I'd tell her "I think I like you." or "I'd like to get to know you better", or similar. Don't ask her if she want to date with you, but rather think of a concrete plan and ask her to if she's like to go with you, like visiting a shop together, or going to a convention, or seeing a movie, etc, whatever you think she will like.

[Nyzer]

Yeah, Juon, a girl like that really isn't worth your time in any way. I don't know how people rationalize shit like that, but I'm sure she has, and has said as much to you.

It would be one thing to drift apart from your significant other... It's another to go work out a plan to leave your significant other while they're at work as you're bedding other people.

You have no reason even to talk to people that still talk to her. What she did was wrong, period. There's no point in keeping people in your life who think that sort of action is tolerable.

She, and that "friend" of yours, have gone well out of their way to earn your hatred. So you shouldn't disappoint them. They're not worth any remorse or longing.

[Juonkiku]

The funny thing is, she actually phoned me about a month or so ago because she was being chased up about a debt that she owed, trying to get me involved. Didn't go that well when I mentioned that I had paid off all of my own debts that were related to me and kept all evidence of such payments. She hasn't tried speaking to me since then .

Its funny, you think you can know someone after a few years of being engaged to them, dedicating your life to them, and them alone. Yet, you can actually know nothing at all, know nothing about who they really are until it bites you. Its sad in a way, because these sorts of people will be the ones to have a very very ugly end when they attempt their ways with the wrong sorts of people. Not that I exactly care what happens any more concerning her.

[Xanatos]

So...Sigh.

My dearest sibling is, as expected, a nuisance...To put it lightly. To his credit, he has learned to knock first and the meaning of "Get the hell out."...Not to his credit, these lessons are already fading from his mind and he's still an over-entitled destructive prick underneath it all. But there's a twist: This time around, he's whining about his rent. $300 rent, to be exact. For perspective, split three ways, our bills take a bare minimum of around $550 each to just get paid with little if anything left for leisurely spending...And that's minus insurance and such. He's only being made to pay half what he should for rent and nothing else. And still bitching endlessly. And blatantly refusing to help pay for food and the like, despite eating every damn thing in sight in bouts of (pot-induced) nighttime munchies (when he's not just complaining about the food anyway). So everyone's quite ready to break his head against the wall.

As soon as possible, he's being tossed back out...Unfortunately, "as soon as possible" here means "as soon as the government gets their shit together" because someone fucked up their paperwork so they aren't getting the payment they should be getting...Father mentioned attempts at employment as well as seeking out a cheaper apartment so we wouldn't have to keep the aforementioned prick around to make ends meet but as far as I can tell (I don't keep tabs on that stuff) he isn't pursuing either of these things...I need to follow up on that and question him on it though.

On my end, I'm steadily slipping into my old oppressive depression. I've been struggling to motivate myself toward employment as well because certain future plans of mine require start-up capital and I just desperately need something to occupy my ever-wretched thoughts...If possible, I'm finding myself even more isolated and apathetic than usual lately. My health has gone farther downhill as I seem to be neglecting myself as I slip further into bad mental places. Places I'm too familiar with...Places I don't want to visit anymore...Even my dreams have become consistently unpleasant. Last night, I contracted some odd disease and vomited blood-coated black chunks while stumbling dazed through the streets. The night before, I was hunted by a man who collected severed ears. He drained my head-blood onto a flower garden. Even my subconscious seems to be suffering.

The lousy company I'm forced to keep here, the crummy financial situation, the utter emptiness of this town...Father suggests I go outside, maybe it'll cheer me up a bit...And I'd love to, I would...But there's nothing out there. I've tried going out and it does nothing but leave me with even less to distract my thoughts. At least in here, there's plenty of technology. This town has nothing worth going to, no one worth meeting...It's a wretched, dead sort of place. Stagnant as ever, and that stagnation bears down on me like a plague, darkens my thoughts, drains me of all but apathy. This is simply not a good environment at all. I truly believe this place would kill me in time. It would have already if I didn't have plans to look forward to...Until such time as I can set those plans into motion, however, I just keep struggling to endure and playing the waiting game...Perhaps some semblance of motivation or will might break through this oppressive inner deadness soon. I prefer depression over apathetic deadness. It's why I quit refilling my antidepressants years ago. Didn't think the two could somehow co-exist but it's a lot worse than either alone...

[Pyramid Head]

So...Sigh.

My dearest sibling is, as expected, a nuisance...To put it lightly. To his credit, he has learned to knock first and the meaning of "Get the hell out."...Not to his credit, these lessons are already fading from his mind and he's still an over-entitled destructive prick underneath it all. But there's a twist: This time around, he's whining about his rent. $300 rent, to be exact. For perspective, split three ways, our bills take a bare minimum of around $550 each to just get paid with little if anything left for leisurely spending...And that's minus insurance and such. He's only being made to pay half what he should for rent and nothing else. And still bitching endlessly. And blatantly refusing to help pay for food and the like, despite eating every damn thing in sight in bouts of (pot-induced) nighttime munchies (when he's not just complaining about the food anyway). So everyone's quite ready to break his head against the wall.

As soon as possible, he's being tossed back out...Unfortunately, "as soon as possible" here means "as soon as the government gets their shit together" because someone fucked up their paperwork so they aren't getting the payment they should be getting...Father mentioned attempts at employment as well as seeking out a cheaper apartment so we wouldn't have to keep the aforementioned prick around to make ends meet but as far as I can tell (I don't keep tabs on that stuff) he isn't pursuing either of these things...I need to follow up on that and question him on it though.

On my end, I'm steadily slipping into my old oppressive depression. I've been struggling to motivate myself toward employment as well because certain future plans of mine require start-up capital and I just desperately need something to occupy my ever-wretched thoughts...If possible, I'm finding myself even more isolated and apathetic than usual lately. My health has gone farther downhill as I seem to be neglecting myself as I slip further into bad mental places. Places I'm too familiar with...Places I don't want to visit anymore...Even my dreams have become consistently unpleasant. Last night, I contracted some odd disease and vomited blood-coated black chunks while stumbling dazed through the streets. The night before, I was hunted by a man who collected severed ears. He drained my head-blood onto a flower garden. Even my subconscious seems to be suffering.

The lousy company I'm forced to keep here, the crummy financial situation, the utter emptiness of this town...Father suggests I go outside, maybe it'll cheer me up a bit...And I'd love to, I would...But there's nothing out there. I've tried going out and it does nothing but leave me with even less to distract my thoughts. At least in here, there's plenty of technology. This town has nothing worth going to, no one worth meeting...It's a wretched, dead sort of place. Stagnant as ever, and that stagnation bears down on me like a plague, darkens my thoughts, drains me of all but apathy. This is simply not a good environment at all. I truly believe this place would kill me in time. It would have already if I didn't have plans to look forward to...Until such time as I can set those plans into motion, however, I just keep struggling to endure and playing the waiting game...Perhaps some semblance of motivation or will might break through this oppressive inner deadness soon. I prefer depression over apathetic deadness. It's why I quit refilling my antidepressants years ago. Didn't think the two could somehow co-exist but it's a lot worse than either alone...

Don't take this the wrong way, i'm not suggesting you turn to booze, but find a good bartender. Just drinking something light and bitching to an organic person that responds does a world of good, and good bartenders are trained specifically to handle depressed assholes because they think the more depressed you are the more likely you are to keep drinking. I find the most luck in small Asian bistros with a bar since i'm a sake enthusiast, immigrants tend to agree with me in terms of politics, and spicy food also serves as a good anti-depressant in my experience. And trust me, i do know what you're going through. Though it isn't to your extreme in terms of sibling irritation, my sister mercifully has a special talent in only calling when i'm on the bus and can't answer, i do know financial depression and dealing with what seems to be a culturally dead town depression. If kitsune udon and organic nigori isn't your style, just wander around, walking aimlessly, just creating the illusion of moving forward in your mind, is great therapy in it of itself, and you may get lucky and find a place that serves up a decent drink and a cheap meal. But that admittedly can put a bit of a drain on finances if you do it more often, i do know a lot of cheap recipes but with someone like your brother it's bound to get tricky. You might try informing him that instant ramen blocks are edible when raw since they're precooked and they're actually deep fried, you never know if that would work on someone strung out, but also i can teach you a few cheap recipes since it really does make a difference if you're eating something that resembles a proper diet.

[Xanatos]

Don't take this the wrong way, i'm not suggesting you turn to booze, but find a good bartender. Just drinking something light and bitching to an organic person that responds does a world of good, and good bartenders are trained specifically to handle depressed assholes because they think the more depressed you are the more likely you are to keep drinking. I find the most luck in small Asian bistros with a bar since i'm a sake enthusiast, immigrants tend to agree with me in terms of politics, and spicy food also serves as a good anti-depressant in my experience. And trust me, i do know what you're going through. Though it isn't to your extreme in terms of sibling irritation, my sister mercifully has a special talent in only calling when i'm on the bus and can't answer, i do know financial depression and dealing with what seems to be a culturally dead town depression. If kitsune udon and organic nigori isn't your style, just wander around, walking aimlessly, just creating the illusion of moving forward in your mind, is great therapy in it of itself, and you may get lucky and find a place that serves up a decent drink and a cheap meal. But that admittedly can put a bit of a drain on finances if you do it more often, i do know a lot of cheap recipes but with someone like your brother it's bound to get tricky. You might try informing him that instant ramen blocks are edible when raw since they're precooked and they're actually deep fried, you never know if that would work on someone strung out, but also i can teach you a few cheap recipes since it really does make a difference if you're eating something that resembles a proper diet.

Wouldn't a bartender, by that logic, be intent on keeping you depressed? And I've actually gone to booze a few times but I'm trying to avoid too much. Aside from my generally shitty health that doesn't need another kick in the side (I plan to work on that...But in these bad moods, I just neglect it worse than usual), my family's prone to alcohol problems...Had to google "kitsune udon" and "nigori" but I've never tried either...Or sake at all. And culturally dead is a good way to put it. You can barely find restaurants beyond fast food, there's no entertainment, the people are rednecks, xenophobes, Bible nuts, and just walking blobs...I need a nice metropolitan place. Nice dense urban core, with some surrounding country when I want some peace.

And my sibling isn't a fan of ramen...Or beans...Or various cereals...Or lunch meats...Or soup...Or various vegetables. This woman we had staying here (the aforementioned 'someone' who fucked up their paperwork, she's in a medical home at the moment) wouldn't eat anything spicy (literally no spices at all, except salt) or any sort of green vegetable, and even she was less picky than this little bastard. Even when we get what he wants, he complains. He asked for cereal recently. Father asked if he wanted a certain kind...He just answered "cereal". Later, he bitched that we got the wrong kind.

And as for aimless wandering, I've tried it often...Never takes me anywhere good but it does physically exhaust me, which lends itself well to relaxation now and again.

And apparently, the whole "find a cheaper apartment to ditch this asshole" plan was followed up on...The management is trying to determine if we're "eligible" to switch to a two-bedroom. What the fuck that even means is beyond me...

I put a lot of the financial blame on the government. Father spent years trying to get disability (which he very much needs, given the range of problems he has and meds he's on), failed repeatedly due to incompetent judges (the one who finally granted it to him called them incompetent, not my words for once), fought for compensatory backpayments , eventually got those (sort of), then some asshole higher-ups decided to take most of it back...He still gets disability but seriously, those pricks owed him and a lot of our plans depended on that compensation...They owed excess of $100,000, he got $30,000. They took at least half of it back over some inane BS which is when shit started going so bad.

[Pyramid Head]

Snip.

Jesus Christ on LSD, your brother sounds like my old man before he started his meds...
Yeah, with those types usually you have to wait for their first experience in shitting blood before you can get them to adjust diet. Sometimes you can screw around with a potheads paranoia, but that method is a little too risky in my honest opinion. Just grin and bear it for now and just keep searching for a decent happy place in town. I don't know what state you live in so i don't know how easy it will be for you to get some cheap public transit, but even a hunt for a nice place, even if it's just in a neighboring town available via bus ride, is just something to do. Keeping yourself occupied with a writing project or something like that is a good way to keep the depression from catching up to you. That's what hobbies are for, letting people focus on something other than just how stupid the species they belong to is.

[Auratus]

I think I am better now but I still need some more advice.
As few page ago. I want to stop thinking about my crush. I afraid I can't do this (even I am of course doing it and Emi would get mad if she is real.) athrough I feel I made good progress. Distancing from her is not as hard as I thought as she is doing the same even with different causes. But I still showed that I have feeling toward her like folding an origami crane and leave it under her desk. (and actually make 70 more for no reason) Not surprisingly that crane end up in classroom bin. Strange, I still happy to look back in past and think we are very same. (Like I am one of two classmate who brings grade book when she ask for it in first day of junior year or I,she and most of you are kind of japan's fan) or polar opposite (In a assessment which teacher tells us to write question and print its picture, She ask if she can print the question while I want to ask if I can draw picture and I have some problem with talking while she talks too fast for "untrained" ear.) As she is top of class. I think to her as some kind of unbeatable rival too, and happy when my score beat or match her in certain subject.
She is only classmate who I mention to my parent,as "talky one".

It hits me, even not as hard as it used to be, when she is walking around class asking weird question with two choice. She used to ask every classmate, but now she ask every classmate... but me. It hits me softly when I realized she didn't included me in survey work. It hits me softly that we never have conversation since 4 July except 2 day ago when I borrow her tape. It hits me quite hard , but the pain is fading , that we can't be what we used to be and can't be what I thought to be. I think she will be around me in university years unless my admission exam are at middle point. (I should clarify it later) It is pretty much too late for me to go anywhere else but where she will go. I wish I can have new love with new crush in new place where anyone is new... except her.

How can I cut this bond, burn its wound and make sure I will end this High School Act and start University Act with her as "extra"?

[Total Destruction]

Man. The HBHC is bumpin' right now.

@Gandara: Dude, you're already overthinking it, and that's never a good thing. Just do what you feel. What's the worst that could happen? She says "No, thanks" and you guys just pick it up from there? Don't sweat it. You want something? HANDLE IT.

@Magnenntae: Yikes. Never been on Prozac, but hey, if it does the job, it does the job. Gonna echo AGAIN the urging to get some exercise, be it a gym membership or even a few brisk walks a week. GET BETTER.

As far as using the HBHC for its God-given puropse... Hahah. Go for it.

@Juonkiku: Thanks for the storytime. Similar story over here, except I'm perpetually unemployed and never finished college and hell, I don't have a bike... Okay, completely different story, hahah, but as for the whole social metamorphosis into holy mother of God, my wife-type person completely sucks, boom. I getcha.

We all got our damage, man. Hah, wasn't that one of the big selling points of the whole Katawa Shoujo experience?

Legitimately have no idea if you're one of the new bloods, but regardless, welcome to the HBHC.

@Xanatos: Yeah, a walkabout would do you good. I used to live in a town right in the middle of nowhere with less than a thousand people, with virtually no money coming in or out of it. It was pretty rough, and dark times breed some really strange people and things. I had a chance to get out and experience some different places (mind you, that chance wasn't a positive one) and it was totally worth it.

Save up those pennies and just GO somewhere for no reason.

Strange dreams and crazy family. I getcha. Been there. Still there. We can DO this, boss.

@Auratus: Don't know what to say other than focus on you and your studies/hobbies/passions/etc. and let your crush just kind of work its way out of your head. Life has a funny way of making things work out if you just let it.

Then again, I have terrible advice when it comes to women. Every one I've been with is crazy and might as well be some kind of alien.

[Nyzer]

How can I cut this bond, burn its wound and make sure I will end this High School Act and start University Act with her as "extra"?

Well, one example would be with that crane. Thinking about the girl is one thing, but consciously doing something like that is another. My honest opinion is that you shouldn't have. You're consciously keeping her important to you by doing that.

Don't give her things, don't talk to her unless you need to or she talks to you first, don't meet her eyes if you guys happen to look at each other - just stop interacting with her entirely. If she brings up the fact that you're acting cold, you can apologize and say that your head's in a bad place or whatever. (Telling her you're trying to get over crushing on her might not be the best idea, or even doable.) But, from the sounds of it, she wouldn't really be likely to complain about it.

Don't look back on your past experiences with her, either. Remembering fondly the times you'd hoped she would return your feelings aren't going to do any good.

The (difficult) process of turning your affection for her into hatred would probably vastly speed up the whole thing, but from the way you've described her, she doesn't deserve that, so don't go that route. But you do need to work at making her less important to you. And I don't say you need to "work" at it lightly; it's hard to do. But you cannot let yourself slip and do things like give her gifts, even fairly inexpensive things like origami.

I wish I can have new love with new crush in new place where anyone is new... except her.

Thinking like that might not be the best idea, either. Do what Lilly told Hisao to do near the end of Hanako's arc: focus on yourself. Work on your studies, especially if you're having enough trouble right now that you're worried about potential university status, play some online games in your downtime, make some online friends or something. But don't pressure yourself about finding love.


Xanatos...

Sounds like you and your dad need to keep your brother on a tighter leash or something. For one, make sure you only buy foods he doesn't like. Unless he adjusts to what you're buying, it's an incentive for him to go get his own stuff. You and your dad aren't obligated to buy the food he likes, especially if he's going to complain when he's asked if he wants anything and then isn't at all specific.

For another... don't let him do pot in the apartment? >_> You can tell him that he can do that shit outside or at a friend's house or whatever, but letting him get high in/around the apartment isn't gonna help that. Quote any legitimate concern you guys have over it at him, there are several. "We could get kicked out" "We don't like the smell" "We don't want you eating all of our shit when you have the munchies" "Fuck you, you don't share your pot" (hey, I dunno if you guys do it yourselves).

Wouldn't a bartender, by that logic, be intent on keeping you depressed?

No, that violates the First Rule of customer service - to build a personal rapport with customers. A bartender that keeps you depressed is going to lose out to one that listens to what you've got to say and forges friendship or at least companionship with you. It's the people that can and will do that sort of thing who make the better bartenders and tend to enjoy being bartenders more. Much in the same vein that the people who try to give advice on this forum continue to visit.

I've been struggling to motivate myself toward employment as well

Find something, anything, even if it's only part-time. The difference it makes, especially if you have bills you stress about, is phenomenal. Apply to every McDonald's and Wal-Mart in town for part-time shifts and see if you get anything. With summer ending and a sizable portion of the job pool returning to schools, you should get fair odds.

Then again, I have terrible advice when it comes to women. Every one I've been with is crazy and might as well be some kind of alien.

If they probed you, then that's a good indicator right there. You may have been drugged at the time though, so think back and try to remember if there were any times you woke up one morning and thought "do I smell lemons?"

[Beoran]

Auratus: a little tick I used to get over a crush was to pinch myself or slap myself in the neck whenever I thought positive things about the girl in question. Do so consistently and you'll see the feelings will cool down much quicker than normally. It's a bit like training yourself not to idealize nor idolize her. Throw away all those cranes, or if yo feel dramatic, write your feelings on them and then tear them up or burn them.

[Xanatos]

(hey, I dunno if you guys do it yourselves).

Last time I did, I faux-punched a puppy while proclaiming to be Muhammed Ali, saw rainbows sprouting from my fingers (and sang the Double Rainbow song to accompany them), and became incredibly paranoid about my tea being poisoned so I spit it into the lap of my younger brother...It wasn't until sometime after the fact that I considered it was likely laced with something. It was a pretty good night either way.

Anyway, the dollar store's hiring last I checked and it's within easy walking distance...Might try that. Mcdonald's (really, any fast food place) is out of the question because I can't keep a fast pace in basically anything I do, much less work, on account of my thoughts tending to get muddled and difficult. I might look into Walmart. Father thinks I'd be good in a security job...And I was planning on part-time anyway. Time is a very precious commodity to me...I'm too aware of mortality, I think.

@Auratus: I'd go with Beoran's advice. I wouldn't train yourself like a dog (good method though) but you might do well to remind yourself of all this crap she's put you through...And I'd go for burning the cranes but then, I'm big on symbolic gestures and a fan of fire. Unrelated question: Where are you from? (I have to ask this of anybody when their English is off, curiosity demands it. You probably mentioned it before but I've been away. XD)

[Walrusfella]

So I ask my brothers and sisters of the Club of Broken Hearts, wat do? Should I just throw caution to the wind, fuck the consequences and ask her out? Or should I continue doing things the normal friend-like way?

I say bugger the consequences and do it. She sounds pretty cool. I wouldn't necessarily put too much stock in the "third time you see her" rule; I've done an extremely scientific survey today of three women that happened to be handy at the time, and they say that's nonsense and they've never heard of it. However, becoming fast friends with a woman and then asking her out is upsetting; it sows doubt about the reasons for the friendship in the first place.

Full disclosure: I've only asked a woman out once, over a decade ago, so my advice isn't based on diverse personal experience. It was the best thing I ever did; maybe it will be for you too. Or maybe she'll say no and you'll be a bit embarrassed, but you're tough and you'll survive that.

Visit to doctor

They basically suggested the two forms of treatment my people have been through. The decision to see a counsellor must be totally yours if it’s going to work well. If somebody’s pressuring you and you don’t want to it will be unpleasant.

It can be a big help to talk to a neutral party who has no personal stake and isn’t going to judge you; after all that’s kind of what you’ve been doing here. You might not click at all with the one you get referred to – it’s very personal and you need someone you can come to trust and have a good rapport with. If that’s not the case, see another. It might take several tries. Hopefully the first one will be useful to you if you decide to go.

It’s definitely a good suggestion to take that sort of medicine at the same time every day. A hiccough in your pills can ruin your day for no good reason.

[Xiious]

Just a little update:
Heading to the hospital guys... have a splitting headache from coughing constantly the last week, I think I might have caught bronchitis again. It sucks, and I'm in pain.. Pray the doctors tell me it ain't bronchitis, I'd like to be in school instead of staying at the hospital because as you all know, I'm immune to most medications and they will have to keep a close eye on me..

..Xiious, out.

[Xanatos]

Just a little update:
Heading to the hospital guys... have a splitting headache from coughing constantly the last week, I think I might have caught bronchitis again. It sucks, and I'm in pain.. Pray the doctors tell me it ain't bronchitis, I'd like to be in school instead of staying at the hospital because as you all know, I'm immune to most medications and they will have to keep a close eye on me..

..Xiious, out.

Bronchitis sucks...Here's hoping it's not too bad.

Not-really-an-update: I just completed Rin's path...Struggled a while before picking the last choice. Picked wrong. Bad end. Fitting though. It's likely how I'd end up handling things...Ironic too, because I've probably been guilty of what Rin does before. Unpleasant experience all around. I'm trembling a bit as I type...Symptom of emotional overload for me. Anger. Frustration. Self-loathing. Depression. Happiness. Nostalgia. Regret. Curiosity. Condescending Wonka was right.

Got about seven or eight save files from all the branches this one takes...Still plenty to see. Then I shut off the game for a few months, minimum. Maybe start work on Little Busters. I will be sorely disappointed if it's not about loli baseball.