I require closure.

[AManWhoWantsToFeel]

After playing this game, no, after experiencing this story, I am inexplicably stuck. This story struck a nerve in me that I thought I had left dead in the past. Evidently it has risen. I do not write this to gain sympathy, I require that my experience be expunged, and I need someone else, I do not care who, to see it.

I requested this game from my friend 4 days ago, at 2 A.M., as a joke. The game was a curious thing to me, but nothing more than a morbid curiosity, something funny to pass the time until College starts up. My friend is an avid 4chan aficionado, and as such, the "CRIPPLED GIRLS DATING SIM" as he so elegantly put it, was the butt of many a joke in my little circle of "friends." To be fair, at some point down the road, he did play it, and like most memes, it faded into obscurity. I don't know what curious strand of my memory decided to bring me to where I am now, but it has led me to this. And now, I am here, in a safe place, where my quick once over has deemed this the appropriate place to hopefully quell my troubles.

I came into this game with a relatively closed mind. I expect a similar fate awaited many of the people who came to love this game. I came into this game to mock it and get a cheap laugh, and in return I relived things, and found out things I did not quite see before, or had ignored.

I read up on the game before starting to see which girls were what. I jokingly exclaimed that "The one without legs is the titular cripple girl, so I'll take her on first." I came to realize that Emi, was me. Actually that's not true, she's a large part of me, she's the current me. For the vast majority of my teenage and adolescent life, I have hidden behind a fake persona. I wear a personality like a suit of armor. Today I am a relatively friendly, boisterous, joker. I'm kinda quirky in my own way but nothing quite of Rin proportions, but I am a little crooked if you will. Anyways, as I grew to become....acquainted....with Emi, I grew to find that I DESPISED, how she was. How I am. I have no close personal friends, I have many acquaintances, but nobody knows the real me. I have one person I consider a close friend, and I only consider him that because I feel obligated to be his pillar of strength. The guy called ME when he wanted to kill himself and I barely even knew the guy, but by being the rope that pulled him out of his misery, it has become a sort of duty. I guess life throws you these crazy things. Anyways, he's my only "close" friend but he, like my acquaintances, do not know what I really am. I am hurt. I have always been hurt, and today I painted a smile on a corpse. I sugar coated a turd. I have deep rooted emotional problems and I am the only one who knows it. But I can't fix it. I don't have the strength, or the courage, or the whatever, to fix it. I had a therapist before, and he, helped me in a way, learn to cope with what I used to be. But I do not know how to let it go. I do not know how to reach catharsis.

Many years ago, I was basically Hanako, except without the survivors guilt and the burn scars obviously. I was a shy, socially inept, terribly pathetic person. I cut classes to read books alone because people frightened me. I didn't want anyone to hurt me, emotionally. Needless to say I was miserable but there was a certain honesty to it that I could embrace. I wouldn't say that I was happier then, but I felt truer to who I am. Some would say that by putting on the armor, so to speak, I have acclimated to what society expects of me. I am a walking sham of a man, and it pains me. But it just feels like bullshit to me, after, Katawa Shoujo. I am fucking lonely. I want someone to know that I am an emotional wreck, but I am afraid that my problems will drive them away. Maybe I'm a coward. No, I know I am. But I don't have the courage to do what must be done. Not yet.

The realization of what I thought I had left behind, has left me pained these last few days. I feel that this game has, opened my eyes so to speak. Not in the way I thought it would. I have made this post in the hope that maybe, just maybe, knowing that someone knows what I am will make me; me, again. I don't want to know who, I do not care who, I just want it out there. I think maybe it will let me sleep soundly again. I think maybe it will give me the courage to someday, find someone I trust enough to shed the suit of lies I have sewn to fit in.

I thank you, anyone who reads this. And I thank the creators of this game, for showing me, albeit in a perfect fairy tale way, that perhaps I can let my armor down, and let someone out there help, some day.

[Auratus]

You might want to post it to Hanako's Broken Heart Club. There are very comforting.
I think I am too Emi-ish in keep things to myself. But I see the world quite differently. You aren't shame for anyone but yourself. You must have anything you proud of. If not, Just start Emi-inspired running schedule in this forum. It would give you some self-confidence.

[WorldlyWiseman]

1. Get posting in Hanako's Broken Heart Club. We're a sympathetic bunch, here.

2. Go play Katawa Crash over in the Fan Creations forum. That'll get you laughing.

3. Make some fanfic and/or fanart, even if it's just something small, if you need to.

4. Head over to openculture.com and try to learn something new. Expanding your interests is always a good thing. The Feels are for nothing if you don't allow yourself to grow.

5. If you really, truly, are hurting, do consider therapy. I say this with all due respect.

[Enceladeans]

I know how you feel. Ever since I beat all the routes I've been feeling sort of...I don't know, empty.