Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness

[DanjaDoom]

So yeah, I've had this idea up in the ol' brain bank for awhile, so I decided to write this up. This frankly took way longer than I intended it to, mainly due to my onset of writer's block. Hopefully you all put up with it.

And about my other story, Real...Alright, I'll be totally honest here. Lately, I've been feeling a little self-conscious about this story. I just didn't feel like it was getting up to the standards of Scissorlips' story, and I just didn't know how I wanted to continue writing it.
I know it's stupid, they're two different stories, but I've been feeling like the "B-writer", y'know?

But I've started up the next installment now, don't worry.

[/bitching]

As always, I'm a whore for comments and reviews, so feel free to tell me what you feel
p-please ;_;


Campology: Part One

“Who’s ready for another round?”

If God exists he’ll be merciful and drive us off the cliff.

“Good! All together now!”

Jigoro cranks his vintage FM radio up to its very peak, letting the inharmonious screech of his Irish folk track wail through the RV.

“HI-HO, THE RATTLIN’ BOG AND THE BOG DOWN IN THE VALLEY OH!”

Misha joins him in his off-key crooning with her own lyrical stylings. I have a feeling we’ll be reading about the sudden demise of over a dozen animals within a five mile radius in tomorrow’s paper.

Next to me on our couch is my cousin, Akira, appearing as if she just swallowed shaving cream with a side of unfiltered Everclear. She catches me eyeing her and gives me a rub on the head, as if reassuring me that she only hates some of my family, not me.

The telltale sounds of ceramic clanking against laminated marble a few feet away lets us know of Lilly’s presence. Ever the Jap-Scot Belle, she tries her best to hide the pained expression on her face. Across from her is Shizune, who, taking full advantage of Lilly’s lack of sight, is busy staring disapprovingly in her direction.

Seeing that Misha is still (horribly) singing along with Jigoro’s folk tunes, she chooses me as the ear for her ramblings.

[You believe this girl?] she asks with a scowl.

[What about her?]

She pauses for a bit to squeeze a few more seconds of glaring in.

[She sits weird.]

Upon seeing my befuddled face, she continues.

[It’s been two hours and thirty two minutes. She’s been sitting in that ninety-degree angle the entire time we’ve been on the road. Who does that?]

[Lilly.]
[Don’t get smart with me Hideaki,] she admonishes. [I’m still your older sister!]

[Lilly’s your cousin. Don’t you think you should treat her with the same respect?]

[No,] she signs without hesitation.

I shrug and resume my futile attempt to drown out the noise around me. I feel exhausted, like a man who’s been dragged through the ground. Mostly because I was. When dad tells someone they’re taking a trip in the morning and what time to wake up, they better fucking wake up.

Some exposition would probably do good, wouldn’t it? The annual three day Hakamichi Family Camping Trip™ (yes, he trademarked the name,) has started today. Though, when I say “Hakamichi family” I really just mean my father, my sister, and I, along with whatever poor schmucks were strong-armed into coming with us.

In this case, Lilly and Akira were the unlucky winners. Oh, and Misha, because why not.

A dip in the road sends the aforementioned blonde up a few inches, shocking her out of her tea-induced coma.

“Sorry you had to be stuck with us for three days,” I joke with her, eager to pass the time on this bus. Plus, Akira snores really loud.

She smiles brightly at me. “It’s no trouble at all. We haven’t talked in a while, Hideaki. I’m eager to catch up!”

I find myself thankful that she can’t see the red in my cheeks. That’d probably get awkward quick, even with a girl like Lilly. A sweet, lovely girl like...

Cousin, cousin, she’s my cousin, C-O-U-S-I-N, cousin...My hot cousin.

Shit, stop that!

“Hideaki?”

“Uh, oh, right, so am I Lilly! I always love talking to you!”

“How very kind of you, Hideaki! I can tell you’re growing into quite a handsome young man. Are there any girls in your class you have eyes for?” she asks teasingly, running a pale, velvety hand through the hair on my scalp.

“Y-yes,” I answer dumbly, now hoping she can’t feel the heat emanating though my face.

The warm smile she gives me doesn’t help at all. “Then she’s a very lucky girl.”

I chuckle uneasily.“I think I’d be the lucky one, actually.”

She smiles at my poor attempt at humor and turns to the window, enjoying the warmth of the summer sun on her face.

Out of the corner of my eye I spot Shizune making a kissing motion with her hand, which she then puts on her backside.

[Very mature], I chide.

[Traitors don’t deserve my graceful maturity.]

[So what, talking to my cousin is betrayal now? You don’t like her, I do. Frankly, I think she’s sweet.]

She snorts inaudibly. [Yeah, I know. I saw you and your lip service over there. Does her ass taste as flowery fresh as I thought?]

Scowling, I begin to retort before I wind up flung into the back of the mothball riddled chair. Misha happens to be occupying said chair, but my wry frame falters before her unignorable girth.

“We’re here!” Jigoro hollers from the front, stomping his way out into the foggy morning air. The whiplash leaves the rest of the RV’s occupants a bit slower to exit, but eventually we all find our way outside.

The early morning hour leaves the sun muffled under a thin layer of clouds. The cool air is rather refreshing against our stiff and aching joints.

A magenta luggage bag narrowly misses Lily’s cranium and crash lands into a nearby bush, sending a family of red squirrels running. My father’s started to unpack.

“I’ll go help the old bastard before he sends some Korean kid to the hospital like last time,” Akira grumbles, rolling her sleeves up. I decide to go with her and supervise. It’s been almost an hour since her last smoke break; she’s volatile.

As we shuffle through Misha’s gaudy cornucopia of pink and banana yellow luggage, a faint smell of nicotine waifs past my nostrils.

“Kid, you got a minute?” Akira asks clandestinely. I peek over my shoulder back at dad, who’s currently struggling to deadlift Misha’s fourth cosmetics bag.

“What do you need?” I mumble.

Checking one last time to make sure everyone is preoccupied, she waves me over behind a thick patch of evergreens that dot the edge of the camp.

“Do you think you can do me a favor?” she asks.

“I suppose. What do you need done?” I inquire, tucking my hands away into my pockets to combat the outside cold.

She grins toothily at me and ruffles my hair. “Good man, I knew I could count on you! Look, I’ll keep this short and simple. I need you to watch Lilly.”

I arch my brow in surprise. I’m not adverse to watching Lilly at all, but it’s certainly an odd request coming from the overprotective Akira. “Watch her?”

“Well, I mean, I can’t be around her all the time, you know? Besides, I’m sure she’d get sick of me after a few days.”

“Lilly doesn’t seems like the type of girl to get sick of anyone, at least not outwardly. Besides, you’re plenty fun to be around, Akira.”

She smiles again, more genuinely this time around. “That’s sweet of you, kid. I know you’re lying, but still.”

“Do you think Lilly really needs someone to look after her, though? I mean, she’s gotten along pretty good so far.”

The suited blonde bites down on her lip, guilt visible in her visage. “Come on, kid, don’t guilt trip me here...I’m already bummed about this as is.”

“Then why do it?”

“Because, this isn’t some safe, comfortable school on top of a hill! We’re in the wilderness! There’s, like, a laundry list of things that could go wrong!”

She sighs. “Kinda makes me question the wisdom of me bringing her out here in the first place...”

I pat her awkwardly on her bicep. I’m still not used to the whole “touching people” thing.

“Well...you care alot about her, right?”

“Of course!” she defends, her voice perhaps higher than she intended.

“Well, it seems to me like this is a good thing, isn’t it? Being out here in this new environment? It shows that you really think she can take care of herself. If there’s one thing teenagers love more than anything, it’s people thinking they’re independent. Trust me, I know. I’m something of an expert.”

The muscles in her shoulders ease up for the first time since she brought me over. She smiles.

“Damn, Hideaki, you’re...you’re good. You’re good. I’d kiss you on the cheek right now, but that’d be weird...”

“Probably,” I answer, my mouth creasing into a smirk.

She exits the grove first, her hand held out in front of me to signal that I should wait.

“What were you doing back there?” Jigoro asks, his voice gruff and low like a crime-solving bloodhound.

“I was taking a piss,” she responds matter-of-factly. “What, you just ask every woman you see what she does in the bathroom? Sicko.”

Sour-faced, he grumbles before heading the stark opposite direction of wherever Akira’s headed. Did I mention they don’t get along?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Already the sun has begun to settle below the tree lines, casting a comforting violet glow around our campsite. That serenity, unfortunately, doesn’t extend to sound. My father’s currently throwing a fit over losing his signed Willie Nelson acoustic guitar. How will he sing Funny How Time Slips Away without it, he wonders? No one else is too keen on finding out. Besides, it’s not really signed by Willie Nelson anyway.

Yes, the signature in fact belongs to Will E. Belson, a street performer I met a few years ago in front of a Coffee Bean. He didn’t speak good Japanese, and I suspect he was mildly retarded, but he was a kindred spirit in his love of banana bread. I simply couldn’t refuse him.

Lilly, polite as she is, is doing her best to dispel the curling at the ends of her mouth.

“You’re laughing at my dad, aren’t you?”

She jumps, either not expecting my voice or the accusation of being rude. “N-no, of course not! I just...remembered a funny story, is all...”

“Then tell it to me.”

Her face just screams, “You’re a sadistic bastard and I hope you have a terrible Christmas.” Only more politely.

“It was about...a dog...named Julio...i-it escapes me at this moment, but it’s a very funny story, I assure you.”

“Lilly, you’re bad at lying,” I tell her, a smirk creeping onto my face. I feel like an elementary school kid pulling on a girls pigtails.

The look of disquietness on her face is replaced with a humorous smile. “It’s never been my strong point, unfortunately. Akira seems to have yielded that dubious trait.”

“Same. Shizune’s always been a better liar than me...at least, that’s what she tells me. I’ve never actually seen her do it much. She says it’s ‘unbecoming’ of a dignified woman.”

This gets a chuckle out of her. Supplemented with the crackling of our campfire, it’s a pleasant sound. I get a little brave and scoot closer, basking in the illuminated glow of the fire as it reflects in her hair.

“My sister asked you to watch me, didn’t she?” she inquires, the polite tone not leaving her voice.

I stammer a bit. “N-no, why would you think...”

My tongue has affixed itself to the side of my mouth. I can’t do it. I can’t lie to Lilly. Whether because I don’t want to or because I just don’t have the ability to, I’m not sure.

“What gave it away?” I sigh.

“There was a distinct lack of yelling...”

We share a stifled chuckle that leads to a few minutes of silence. Suddenly, her pale right hand brushes only inches away from my face; it smells sweet, like a bakery. She maneuvers her hand next to my thigh in what I can positively identify as the most awkward moment in my post-pubescent life.

It takes me awhile to realize that she’s not, in fact, looking to feel my six-pack abs; she’s searching for her cane. Ever the consummate gentleman, I place the lightweight steel rod into her hands and help her to her feet. She nods in thanks and takes my hand in hers; I’m sure she doesn’t need any help, but for this moment I’m sure as hell not complaining.

“I think it’s time I turn in to bed,” she answers. With the light from the campfire positioned just right, I can see now that she’s quite tired.

We reach our destination, Lilly’s tent, in due time. Akira’s silhouette is visible inside, her raspy breathing indicating that she may have snuck a bit more liquid courage in before calling it a night. In the next tent over, a guttural spasm akin to a bear choking out crippled dog reveals that my dad’s gone to sleep as well.

She turns to me one last time. “If I may ask...what did you tell her?”

I straighten myself up despite the fact that she can’t see me doing so. “I told her to give you a chance. You know how to take care of yourself. I mean, you’ve been blind for a while so-”

Did I really just say that. I said that didn’t I. Oh Shit on a shit sandwich.

“I-I mean, that was callous of me sorry, what I meant was-”

The delicate tip of Lilly’s pointer finger presses against my lips and halts my efforts to make myself look like a bumbling ass. “It’s fine, Hideaki. Thank you for the escort, my handsome cousin.” With that, she bends down and delivers a kiss to my left cheek before retreating into the confines of her tent.

I stand there for a bit, smiling giddily like one of those old cartoon characters. I walk, nay, float back to the campfire and plop down like I’ve just descended from a cloud. Not even the prying stares of my sister are enough to bring me down.

[What’re you so happy about?]

I raise my fingers to answer, not even taking my star-struck eyes off the dancing flames. [She called me handsome.]

Shizune makes a face that I liken to Snoopy after he licked Lucy. [You know she’s just buttering you up to get your family fortune, right? It’s the gameplan of the succubus.]

[Wouldn’t it technically be Lilly’s family fortune too?]

She looks at me like I just grew another head and ate a starving African child with it.

[Technically my ass! That whey-faced bimbo’s not getting any of my stuff!]

[Shouldn’t you be bothering Misha?]

My now exasperated sibling shoots her thumb behind her towards a blanketed, snoring mass that I assume is Misha. Oh, yep, I can see a pink curl sticking out.

[How about reading a book? Those are pretty nice.]

Her cheeks begin to puff. [What’s wrong with talking with my brother? Is that a crime now or something? You’re being very hurtful here, Hideaki!]

[Maybe you should make it a crime at your next student council meeting. And you can’t use my room this time.]

This little quip earns me a jab in the ribcage. It was worth it. I can’t breathe now. But it was worth it.

[What did she say about me?]

[What makes you think she said anything about you?]

Her face comes only inches away from mine. I can smell the scent of teeth whitening strips and Go-Lean bars.

[I have a sense for these kinds of things you know.]

[Like...spider-sense?]

[No. Like an otherworldly sense. I just know when people are saying I’m a boorish frump with an abrasive personality!]

[That seems oddly specific...]

[So it’s true?!]

My gut feeling tells me this won’t end well. My back’s already bent over like a contortionist against the edge of the log. Else I have a trail of fire ants crawling on my tail, I should make amends.

But I don’t. That’s not as fun.

[She said her boobs are way better than yours.]

I could swear I hear the sound of glass cracking somewhere.

[What?!]

[Yeah, she said something about, uh, what was it...mosquito bites?]

Shizune violently shakes the nearby Misha, jolting the mass of pink upward in a groggy daze.

“Oh God, is it bears?! It’s bears isn’t it?! Quick, make yourself look bigger!”

[Misha, get my ruler! I’m gonna show that blonde cow what a real woman looks like!]

The duo skulk back to their tent, one determined and one hopelessly confused.

Seeing the darkness growing around the camp, I reckon it’s time for me to head to bed as well. I have my own tent, thankfully.

Picking up a bucket, I douse the campfire’s flames. “I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed...” I mumble to no one in particular.

I really miss that show.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for the lack of glorious Jigoro here, but I wanted to try my hand at writing Akira and Lilly, who I planned to have in my last chapter but ended up cutting.

I promise there'll be more zany schemes in the coming part(s).

[Helbereth]

You don't give yourself enough credit, DD.

In terms of sheer hilarity, I've found your Hideaki stories exceedingly entertaining. The colorful metaphors alone often result in riotous laughter that I have to stifle for fear of waking everyone in the house.

The only reason I haven't perused your Suzu story is because I don't want to end up confusing the different tales.

[DanjaDoom]

You don't give yourself enough credit, DD.

In terms of sheer hilarity, I've found your Hideaki stories exceedingly entertaining. The colorful metaphors alone often result in riotous laughter that I have to stifle for fear of waking everyone in the house.

The only reason I haven't perused your Suzu story is because I don't want to end up confusing the different tales.

I guess everyone's had that "second fiddle" feeling in their life, as unwarranted as it may be.

I can definitely say the Hideaki stories are the ones I have the most fun writing. I'd personally say I'm a better humor writer than a drama writer, but hey, I'll let the public decide on that one.

And I'm pretty sure our Suzu stories are pretty different. I think you'd be able to read them both with no worry

Thanks for the vote of confidence Hel, I'm enjoying your OC story!

[Hoitash]

As someone who is a B-writer (I prefer the term hack writer myself) I know your pains.

Fortunately, there's enough readers to go around that if you have talent, you shall find your niche, if you know where to look

...I hope that came out right. In any case, excellent addition.

[DanjaDoom]

As someone who is a B-writer (I prefer the term hack writer myself) I know your pains.

Fortunately, there's enough readers to go around that if you have talent, you shall find your niche, if you know where to look

...I hope that came out right. In any case, excellent addition.

Thanks for the input Hoitash!

Us B-writers have to stick together after all.

[griffon8]

The only reason I haven't perused your Suzu story is because I don't want to end up confusing the different tales.

I'm pretty sure our Suzu stories are pretty different. I think you'd be able to read them both with no worry

I'll say. Scissorlips's story is Suzu/Hisao from Suzu's POV, and DanjaDoom's is Suzu/OC from the OC's POV. That is enough for me to separate them in my mind.

Oh hey! Scissorlips updated his! Sweet.

[Helbereth]

Oh hey! Scissorlips updated his! Sweet.

Oh, the sweet naivete...

A large part of me wants to just keep them separate; I'll have plenty of time to read DD's.

[DanjaDoom]

The only reason I haven't perused your Suzu story is because I don't want to end up confusing the different tales.

I'm pretty sure our Suzu stories are pretty different. I think you'd be able to read them both with no worry

I'll say. Scissorlips's story is Suzu/Hisao from Suzu's POV, and DanjaDoom's is Suzu/OC from the OC's POV. That is enough for me to separate them in my mind.

Oh hey! Scissorlips updated his! Sweet.

He's also much cooler than Hisao *hint hint*

Guess it's time to update Real...real soon...

yeah

[OtakuNinja]

You succeded with the impossible, two times in a row!

1. You made Jigoro look sweet :'3
2. You made me want a Lilly x Hideaki route.

[DanjaDoom]

You succeded with the impossible, two times in a row!

1. You made Jigoro look sweet :'3
2. You made me want a Lilly x Hideaki route.

1. Jigoro is always sweet in an abrasive, violent way.

2. >mfw

[OtakuNinja]

You succeded with the impossible, two times in a row!

1. You made Jigoro look sweet :'3
2. You made me want a Lilly x Hideaki route.

1. Jigoro is always sweet in an abrasive, violent way.

2. >mfw

Haha, keep up the good work.

[Helbereth]

I described Jigoro in another thread:

fatherly concern masquerading as belligerent antagonism

[DanjaDoom]

I described Jigoro in another thread:

fatherly concern masquerading as belligerent antagonism

That's just beautiful...

[Total Destruction]

You made me want a Lilly x Hideaki route.

Fuck.

You're right.

Legit, gettin' facts straight type question: Who was smoking? Could swear Akira didn't.

I'm all about this story right now. Well-needed after that punch-to-the-gut the latest Scizlipz update was.

[DanjaDoom]

You made me want a Lilly x Hideaki route.

Fuck.

You're right.

Legit, gettin' facts straight type question: Who was smoking? Could swear Akira didn't.

I'm all about this story right now. Well-needed after that punch-to-the-gut the latest Scizlipz update was.

I'd fuck 'em both, so I think it'd work out petty well.

Total, I should give you like a "#1 DanjaDoom fan" button or something

And yeah, it was Akira. Large quantities of time dealing with the Hakamichi clan drives a person to do drastic things.