Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Xiious]

Ok there is something to get out of my chest. I need to say something here to at least calm myself from some stress. My-ex girlfriend has passed away from cancer and i didn't even know she had cancer until 2 months ago. I asked her why she hid this from me and she told me she didn't want me to be sad. I just couldn't believe this and I had a breakdown. She calmed me down but I still couldn't believe it. That she had a disease and her time was short. I promised her that I would give her the best month of her life. I gave her the best nights of her life. I wanted her last moments to be happy and full of memories. and they were happy. But now, i really don't know. I feel like I should've seen her having cancer if i knew her well enough. I feel like i failed, not only her but anyone who i would date later on. A few months ago she would've committed suicide but i saved her from doing that. But she only lived for 6 months. It feels like either way her death couldn't have been prevented. I really don't know what to do right now. I'm trying to keep a strong front but every time I see a place we used to go to, I can't help but cry a little.

This song plays in my head every time i try to walk around my street to try to calm down but i just can't

If I knew what was going to happen to Melody, I would've been with her every minute before the accident... I'm envious of you getting the chance to say goodbye.

[Xanatos]

I don't think she wants you to be sad for her now either.

This. A lot of this.

[Camoufrage]

I don't think she wants you to be sad for her now either.

This. A lot of this.

Ive begun to find the majority of this hilarious

BTW how the hell are you at 750 posts when youve been around for like 3 weeks?

[Xanatos]

I don't think she wants you to be sad for her now either.

This. A lot of this.

Ive begun to find the majority of this hilarious

BTW how the hell are you at 750 posts when youve been around for like 3 weeks?

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

[Camoufrage]

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

Ha Ive been staying awake till 9am recently and been here for going on 4 months. Not half of your posts

[Xanatos]

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

Ha Ive been staying awake till 9am recently and been here for going on 4 months. Not half of your posts

Well, you must fill your time with other things then.

[LOL WUT]

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

Ha Ive been staying awake till 9am recently and been here for going on 4 months. Not half of your posts

Well, you must fill your time with other things then.

I do things... that involve... the ... the bed.

Yeah. I am going to keep it at that.

[Camoufrage]

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

Ha Ive been staying awake till 9am recently and been here for going on 4 months. Not half of your posts

Well, you must fill your time with other things then.

I honestly dont know WHERE you post this shit

WHY YOU STREAM THAT SHIT?

[Xanatos]

I honestly dont know WHERE you post this shit

WHY YOU STREAM THAT SHIT?

Who's streaming shit now?

[Helbereth]

BTW how the hell are you at 750 posts when youve been around for like 3 weeks?

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

I thought I was a prolific poster, but he's over 100 ahead of me and I've been on the board for almost 3 weeks longer.

Update on my insomnia:
I actually slept for 6 straight hours last night. I actually think I've been waking up so frequently because of creative inspiration... I need to get a recorder or something; to dictate the ideas instead of having to get up and write them down.

That or keep audacity open and use that...

That's what I think, anyway... It's completely possible it's totally unrelated.

[Pseudogenesis]

BTW how the hell are you at 750 posts when youve been around for like 3 weeks?

I have a lot of time to fill. I don't sleep much.

I thought I was a prolific poster, but he's over 100 ahead of me and I've been on the board for almost 3 weeks longer.

Update on my insomnia:
I actually slept for 6 straight hours last night. I actually think I've been waking up so frequently because of creative inspiration... I need to get a recorder or something; to dictate the ideas instead of having to get up and write them down.

That or keep audacity open and use that...

That's what I think, anyway... It's completely possible it's totally unrelated.

I find that I can't get to sleep if my mind is too active, which I would assume is the same problem you're having. Playing Katawa Shoujo sent my brain into maximum overfeel, so I ended up staying up hours after playing it unable to sleep.


On the topic of having an easily usable recording device, I'd love something like that. In fact, I was thinking of possibly designing a device that you could use to easily use to keep a dream journal, as well as an easy way to manage the entries, if such a thing hasn't been created (or isn't created by the time I can design something like it.) Maybe I'm being too ambitious.

[Xanatos]

I was thinking of possibly designing a device that you could use to easily use to keep a dream journal, as well as an easy way to manage the entries, if such a thing hasn't been created (or isn't created by the time I can design something like it.) Maybe I'm being too ambitious.

I believe it's called a microcassette recorder...Outdated device though. There are apps of similar function but none are very good.

[ShinigamiKenji]

If you sum up the posts of everyone else here, we wouldn't be able to catch Helbereth and Xanatos post count combined. I doubt even some devs could beat it, and they're here for around 5 years.

@Nyzer: Then maybe it's psychological or, worst and least likely, maybe some kind of tendinitis or something like this that could have gone worse after your accident. But I bet it's mostly psychological, and that should go away with some time. Though I'm no doctor.

@Helbereth: Good that your sleep is getting better. I wonder what you dream about, that keeps making you get up after only 2 hours...

@Hadokant: Damn, I would do much worse in this situation. You did your best, don't feel guilty. And it's better that you could stop her suicide, even if it was only 6 months, because you gave her the best time of her life. Give it some time, you will get better. And learn from this, as well. Depending on the person, it may take one week, one month, one year, one's lifetime, but it will subside a little at least. Cry if you need, but don't forget how to laugh. That's the only thing I can tell, and even though many people have already said it, it's true.

Just a random thought about myself: one thing I noticed is that, after playing Katawa Shoujo, I've been more emotional over some things. Before, I think I was more cynical about everything. I can't really describe it, but I've been feeling more about the things I used to only rationally think about. Maybe I could call it something good.

[Kutagh]

@Hadokant: Agreed with ShinigamiKenji. You stopped her from dieing when she (probably) felt like she didn't matter and that life was worthless. Now she died with a couple months that she (hopefully) thoroughly enjoyed and felt that she mattered for you. But the one thing she wouldn't want to happen is that you start feeling like your life doesn't matter anymore. Mourn for a while but gradually start enjoying life again.
This quote from Game of Thrones does apply though: "What is dead may never die". Don't forget her and what you've done for her.

[ArazelEternal]

Ok there is something to get out of my chest. I need to say something here to at least calm myself from some stress. My-ex girlfriend has passed away from cancer and i didn't even know she had cancer until 2 months ago. I asked her why she hid this from me and she told me she didn't want me to be sad. I just couldn't believe this and I had a breakdown. She calmed me down but I still couldn't believe it. That she had a disease and her time was short. I promised her that I would give her the best month of her life. I gave her the best nights of her life. I wanted her last moments to be happy and full of memories. and they were happy. But now, i really don't know. I feel like I should've seen her having cancer if i knew her well enough. I feel like i failed, not only her but anyone who i would date later on. A few months ago she would've committed suicide but i saved her from doing that. But she only lived for 6 months. It feels like either way her death couldn't have been prevented. I really don't know what to do right now. I'm trying to keep a strong front but every time I see a place we used to go to, I can't help but cry a little.

This song plays in my head every time i try to walk around my street to try to calm down but i just can't

That is a heart breaking story man. I cant imagine being in that situation. Your right to feel sad, and the tears will come now and then. But what you have to do is think of how happy she made you, how much you loved her, and what she meant to you. Instead of mourning her death, celebrate her life and who she was. You did the best thing anyone could have done for her, and thats giving her your love and support.