A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)

[Lumi]

You can use my drawings for whatever you want as long as proper credit is given. ^-^

[Total Destruction]

Okay.

First reaction: HOLY SHIT THE BIG REVEAL

Immediate reaction upon finishing this chapter: ... Oh. OH.

Upon reflection of my own life and knowing people who have gone through this kind of thing: Jeezus dammit. (Weird mix of for subject material, and for a satisfactory, gripping story.)

Ascended Flutist, serious dude/tte as s/he is, pointed out a few of the mechanical errors that I noticed, so there's that. I've really got no other critique aside from THANK YOU for throwing me a really well-done curveball. I kinda saw "Death is that special someone that's not around anymore" coming, but was NOT expecting it to be family. That hits WAY more close to home, personally, and Goddamn, it's good.

The story could very well end here, and I'd be cool with it, but I know for a fact you won't disappoint.

Thank you.

[theartificial]

I got teary eyed when she blaming herself.
I had one problem with the chapter, the names of the parents. I see what you did there although her family's initials are constantly SS.
If anyone has seen Higurashi then the brother thing is familiar.

[Helbereth]

My only issue is that when the reveal actually happens, it doesn't seem adequately described. We get an abridged version, like Hisao is hearing, which lacks details that ought to be swimming through Suzu's head for the audience to hear(read).

The portrayal of her emotional state is great, but when it actually comes to describing what happened, it falls a little flat. Confused about whether I'd just been told what happened or not, I reread the passages; like there should have been more to it than was described.

Not knocking it at all, I love the rest of the chapter... but I was kinda expecting a little more grit; not terribly grim-dark, but something appropriately mournful. Her not wanting to dwell on it is fine, makes perfect sense, and works with the scene, but an extra sentence or two would hardly break that up...

Sorry if I sound a little petulant, I'm just a little disappointed it wasn't bigger.

Still want more!

[Mirage_GSM]

It seems several people in this thread are trying to get into Yamaku with a diagnosis of chronic butthurt.

I have yet to see someone in this thread saying he doesn't like the story.

[Doomish]

It seems several people in this thread are trying to get into Yamaku with a diagnosis of chronic butthurt.

I have yet to see someone in this thread saying he doesn't like the story.

The best part is how people will praise this for the same old moeshit and gimmicky plot devices since scissorlips knows that suzu is flavor of the month and people will immediately leave if he doesn't come up with a new trick every so often. After all, people have no reason to stay for mediocre prose littered with adverbs, and the core audience of "moeblob 2.0" is fickle as hell because A-D'AWWW-RABLE is no substitute for strong lasting appeal and storytelling.

There have been a couple (completely wrong) opinions like this one recently. Personally I think the story is great, but some might not agree.

[Helbereth]

Moe implies the character is there just to be cute and attract the attention of people drawn to cute characters. However, Scissorlips' interpretation is a lot deeper than just making Suzu adorable. Her scattered thoughts range from the adorable kind of superhero antics, to the grim-dark games of battleship in her dreams.

A character that falls asleep all the time would automatically fall in two categories - either disturbing or adorable. Suzu in this tale falls into both, I think. Sometimes she's adorably cute; setting up the world around her to catch her eventual face-plants, getting lost in her thoughts betwixt conversations, and then falling asleep to wake disoriented in a different place, and each time being surprised. Other times, she's evasive and dark; running away from her indeterminate future, hiding her nightmares from everyone, and blaming herself for her brother's untimely demise.

Also, it's just plain fun to read. The amount of hilarity this story has evoked is worthy of praise alone, but it has a deeper undercurrent that keeps the reader's attention. It's among the first fan-fictions I started reading here, and I've thoroughly enjoyed both reading it and creating some fan-art for it - as well as offering critiques and suggestions. Scattered as it may seem, there's a lot of punch in the narrative, and I've found myself feeling envious of that energy level - even though I'm not fond of the style.

[Zombiedude101]

Because words cannot describe, I have provided the above image. I'm actually glad I read this today, as initially I was going to do so last night (Or this morning, if you consider the fact that it was 1AM) but decided not to in case I fell asleep whilst doing so or forgot some of the details. Anyway, it's good to see another great portion of this (Feels inducing) story and I honestly consider it a shame that you weren't around as one of the KS Developers. Suzu's Arc would have no doubt been brilliant.

Also:

her family's initials are constantly SS.

I noticed that as well.

[LOL WUT]

Is it wrong if I was staring at this for 5 minutes?

[txalolrn9]

The best part is how people will praise this for the same old moeshit and gimmicky plot devices since scissorlips knows that suzu is flavor of the month and people will immediately leave if he doesn't come up with a new trick every so often. After all, people have no reason to stay for mediocre prose littered with adverbs, and the core audience of "moeblob 2.0" is fickle as hell because A-D'AWWW-RABLE is no substitute for strong lasting appeal and storytelling.

Why is it I have a feeling you're a regular but too cowardly to say that with your real username?

[Lumi]

Another offering, master...



I tried to color this one, but I'm no good with any medium besides normal pencils.

[theartificial]

Another offering, master...



I tried to color this one, but I'm no good with any medium besides normal pencils.

Bicep on her left arm. Just like her father... A bodybuilder.
Nah but seriously you're putting out some good drawings.

[Zombiedude101]

Is it wrong if I was staring at this for 5 minutes?

Maybe. I stared at it for 10 minutes.

[Helbereth]

Another offering, master...



I tried to color this one, but I'm no good with any medium besides normal pencils.

You seem to have forgotten her knee brace.

[Lumi]

Another offering, master...



I tried to color this one, but I'm no good with any medium besides normal pencils.

You seem to have forgotten her knee brace.

Shiiiiiit. =_=