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Tadao paces back and forth, kicking the rocks around and scowling. Having never seen him look so angry, I'm grateful for Hisao's company. Looking back at his reassuring eyes, I wonder if I should have had him stay in the stairwell. Parts of this conversation might end up telling him things Amaya would prefer he not know, but I'm willing to bear the brunt of her fury to have his support.
He has to find out sometime, anyway.
As we approach, Tadao slows to a stop and turns to face us, leveling his eyes and grimacing. Holding up a hand to quiet whatever he was going to say, I press back against Hisao's hand, indicating he should stay back. Walking over to stand before his mournful form, I offer Tadao the same pensive look I showed Amaya in her room last night.
After he doesn't say anything for a few long moments, I start leading the conversation. “I'm not here to yell at you or try to tell you what you did wrong,” I start, glancing back at Hisao to gain confidence. Meeting Tadao's eyes again, I continue, “she basically told me what's been going on, and I understand why you've been so worried – you have every right.”
Breathing out a long, slow breath, he squares his shoulders, takes his hands out if his pockets and folds his arms. “It just bothers me,” he states, “she won't tell me anything about it, ever.” His eyes narrow and his voice drops down to a whisper, “like I shouldn't know, or don't need to know, or it's some kind of horrible secret.”
Having had most of the night to think, he sounds rather lucid. The expression on his face tells me he's thought about this a lot, probably more than even Amaya understands. “She hates being coddled," I remind him, "especially where her epilepsy is concerned.” My comment draws a roll of his eyes.
I hear shuffling behind me, and realize this is probably the first time Hisao has learned what condition brought Amaya to Yamaku. Tadao's looks over my shoulder seems a little surprised. “You never told him?” he asks, looking back at me, somewhat bewildered.
Shaking my head, I answer, “no. You know how she gets about people finding out, remember? Besides, it never really came up.” Grinning, I comment, “you didn't tell him either.”
Tadao shrugs, looking less bewildered and more frustrated. “That's the thing, though. I already know about her having epilepsy, but she won't tell me anything about it – what triggers it, or anything. That's why I'm always apprehensive about bringing her anywhere; I don't know if she might end up having an attack and it terrifies me.” Looking into his hazel eyes, I see the weeks of worry reflected there, but there's also a strange lightness.
When he talks about Amaya, he even smiles, though it fades after he finishes speaking. As much as it pains him right now to think about her, he can't keep himself from smiling just thinking about her. Recognizing the kind of smile he's making, I look him straight in the eyes and furrow my brow, asking forcefully, “do you love her?”
Not even a moment of thought precedes his easy answer, “Yes.”
Grinning widely at his quick response, I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze hit reassuringly. “You should know she doesn't love you any less just because she doesn't tell you about the condition she hates,” I say, watching his reaction carefully.
He has to have picked up on that.
Shooting his gaze upward, his eyes close. If I'm not mistaken there are tears falling down his cheeks; something I've only ever seen once. Seeing his reaction, I grin wistfully and ask, “have you told her you love her?”
Feeling Hisao's hand on my shoulder, I realize he's come up from behind and now stands to my side. Watching Tadao, he mentions, “he's been trying for weeks.” I look over at Hisao and raise an eyebrow; he smiles at me and nods. “Guy talk,” he says with a half-smile and a shrug.
Looking back at Tadao, I frown and shake his shoulder. “The hell were you waiting for?” I ask disdainfully.
Glaring at me, he snarls, “I wanted to every day.” His eyes narrowing furiously, he barks, “but she won't even tell me about one little thing – one
important little thing.” He flushes red, his temper starting to boil over. “I can't trust her if she doesn't trust me!” he yells. Beginning to tremble, his arms shoot down at his sides, balling into fists.
“I told her everything – the foster homes, the orphanages, the accident, everything! She listened -I know she listened- and I was ready to listen to her, but no!” he throws his hands up in the air frustratedly and takes a step back, spinning around and grabbing the back of his head with both hands. Hisao takes a tentative step in front of me as I recoil, never having seen Tadao so animated.
Shaking a fist in front of him, Tadao continues his rant, “doesn't she know it's killing me to feel so anxious all the time!?” Spinning back around, he catches a look at my shocked gaze, though I think it only fuels his anger. “I love her,” he blurts, looking pained, “probably more than anything I've ever known, but she won't let me in, and it's making me crazy.” As he stands there, his hands balled into tight fists and resting them on his hips, his eyes cast downward and his breaths come in stuttered gasps as he fights back tears and rage.
Storming past us, he continues yelling, “unless she can meet me somewhere in the middle, I might as well not even bother!” Before either of us can even try to stop him, he's yanked the door to the stairway open and disappears through it, slamming the door behind him.
Listening to the echo of his footfalls practically running down the stairs, I'm dumbstruck. Shocked by the amount of pent-up frustration I just witnessed from a boy I'd always thought to be nigh impervious to heated emotional states, I'm simply at a loss for words. Standing there with Hisao beside me, I wonder how this enmity grew between my two best friends without my noticing.
I've been distracted, I guess.
Now though, at least now we know one thing; they both love each-other. Evidently neither has said it to the other, but that doesn't diminish the fact. Neither of them seem to be in a state of mind conducive to reconciliation, but, I was right; hope still exists. All we need to do now is find a way to get them to confess to each-other - easier said than done.
Finally breaking the spell of silence, Hisao takes my hand and squeezes it firmly, looking at me with a hopeful smile. “I should have said something, I think,” he comments, casting his eyes downward and narrowing them. “Tadao told me last week, and I knew about how frustrated he's been. I didn't know why, really, but I guess I do now...” he trails off, rubbing his sternum again.
“It's not your fault,” I say in a comforting tone, “I'm the one who's supposed to know them well enough to see something like this coming.” Pulling myself around in front of him, I grin playfully and add, “it's cute you're so concerned, though.”
“They're my friends,” he says seriously, “of course I'm concerned.” A moment later he leans forward and whispers, “don't blame yourself, either.”
Meeting him in that lean, I kiss him, this time on the lips. It's brief and a little stilted, but it gets my point across. Grinning widely, he blushes and wraps his hands around my waist. Guilt is something I've actively been trying to avoid; along with regrets. “We'll figure out a way to get them talking again once they both cool down, and then you and I can have a proper date – one that actually ends right,” I say leading the conversation to a happier topic.
His smile is all the answer I need, but he speaks anyway, “I was thinking about that, actually. Your birthday is on a Wednesday, though, so I figured we could celebrate it early.”
Leaning forward again, I bury my face in his chest to hide my blush, but it was probably too late. Whatever he has planned, I really hope we can enjoy it without a storm-cloud of melancholy hanging over the event from our friends' arguments. His hands find their way up to my shoulders and I stifle a giggle; I'm starting to wonder if he figured out I'm ticklish there. I don't think I care, but I'm not going to give away my secrets so easily.
Pushing me away, he has a serious look as he comments, “assuming we can get Amaya and Tadao squared away before then.”
Offering a confident smile, I lean back and shrug. “They both seem out of sorts," I comment, though it's clearly an understatement, "I think what we need to do is get them in a room together – someplace they can't escape.”
Hisao looks off to the side, narrowing his eyes as his thoughts internalize. Watching him think, I have a few meandering thoughts of my own; centering on the idea of getting Amaya and Tadao trapped in a room together. Going through the list of rooms I know of in the school, nothing really comes to mind that wouldn't have an easy exit.
The classrooms all have windows, and the storage rooms have vents and suspended ceilings. It may seem ludicrous, but I could imagine Amaya slinking out of there through almost any hole wide enough for her narrow shoulders to fit. We couldn't gain access to the teacher's lounge -nor could we guarantee not being discovered- and our dorm rooms all have windows as well. Briefly, I entertain the idea of tying them to chairs, but we would have to knock them out to get them trapped like that – I don't think they would be so easily tricked.
At a loss, I look back at Hisao and he shrugs. “We'll think of something,” he offers.
“Yeah I think I might need sleep to come up with something appropriately devious,” I reply, “listening to Amaya last night, I probably got all of three hours sleep...” I trail off, the thought of sleep causing me to yawn. “Did you swim this-morning?” I ask as an afterthought.
Hisao shakes his head. “No, I stayed with Tadao until we left for class,” he explains. “I probably got about as much sleep, too,” he adds, echoing my yawn.
Recalling my own battle with sleeplessness reminds me of the steady thumping over my temple; that nagging ache remains. Grabbing his arm, I pull his watch up to check the time. “You hungry?” I ask, noticing we have half our lunch time left.
“Starving,” he replies, placing a hand over his abdomen. “We should grab something before going back to class – Shizune might even give us a nod to take some extra time,” he mentions. I glance at him and offer a questioning look, to which he responds, “I told Shizune about last night's incident. She was badgering me about the date and I had a depressed look, she said... she was worried.”
Shrugging, I wave a hand to assuage his concern, “that's fine, Shizune's good about gossip like that.” I raise an eyebrow to ask, “Misha?”
“Oblivious; she's still in study-mode,” he replies.
The whole school would likely know by now if not for her sudden studiousness.
“Okay, good. For now, let's keep this as quiet as we can. No need for people to start bugging them about it and making things worse,” as I speak, Hisao is already nodding his complicity. Checking the time again, we head down from the roof to the cafeteria. Finding the line nonexistent by this point, we get ourselves some much-needed sustenance.
Departing a few minutes late, we walk back to class holding hands. When we reach class 3-3, his grip lingers and he offers a reassuring smile. Seeing his supportive look, I return a similar expression and grin happily. It's nice to have someone around perfectly willing to help me with my friends -our friends- and, with that thought in mind, I continue my walk to class with some degree of lightness.
When I reach class 3-1, I find Tadao hasn't returned; I don't expect him to, either. His books and papers are still strewn about on his desk, and his uniform jacket is draped over the back of his chair. Mutou asks me about his absence, and I offer the same explanation I gave about Amaya – figuring the two of them getting ill would make sense. He looks concerned, but, after I mention I'll bring Tadao's jacket and books back for him, he's satisfied and the rest of class goes by without incident.
After a long, boring physics lecture and another droning diatribe about the feudal era, the final bell rings. Gathering Tadao's books and papers and wrapping them in his jacket, I stuff my things in my bookbag and head for the door. Outside, the darkening sky from earlier has dimmed even further making it feel much later in the day. Peering up at those clouds, I imagine we'll be getting quite the downpour soon.
Passing by Jun and Toru near the crossroads between dorms, they don't bother trying to stop my willfully brisk pace, and I'm soon dashing up the steps. Passing the common room and avoiding any of the other girls milling about, I run up the stairs and down the hallways. Nearing my door, I slow to a crawl, not wanting to indicate my return to Amaya.
Especially not while carrying Tadao's stuff.
Unlocking my door quickly, I step through quietly, close the door softly and lean against it, breathing out a long sigh. As though on cue, lightning flashes across the sky somewhere nearby, lighting up my room's interior eerily as the sound of rain begins to beat against my window. A few moments later the rumble of thunder rolls through and I shake my head at the timing. Standing there for a moment, listening to the rain, I'm not surprised when my phone starts to play a familiar tune – the
ring-tone I set up for Nurse.
When it rains it pours.
Deciding not to answer, I send him a text message instead, “headed down now – in the rain.” Punctuating it with a frowning emoticon, I press send and toss the phone over on my desk.
Leaving my books -and Tadao's bundle- on my unmade bed, I reach over and snag the umbrella out of my closet, headed for the door. As I open it, lightning streaks the sky and I'm startled by a shadowy figure standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. Jumping back, I realize it's Amaya. “Hiya, Amaya,” I say reflexively, in a chipper-sounding voice that I realize probably grates on her ears right about now. Reflexively, I take a step back and wince.
Please don't kick my shins.
Offering a sour look, she raises an eyebrow at me and notices the umbrella. “Going somewhere?” she asks, sounding less depressed and more irritated.
“Nurse asked me to visit after class – something about Yoko,” I explain nervously, starting to walk toward the door. “I'll be back-” I start to say.
She interjects, asking, “was
he at school?” before I can get two steps forward.
Looking her over, her shoulders are slack and her eyes are withdrawn; she appears to have spent some more time crying during the day. Not wanting to brush her off, I offer a stilted nod and try to offer a supportive face of some kind, but I don't even know why she's asking.
“Is he miserable?” she asks, completely deadpan.
Wincing, I nod again, watching her reaction carefully. Stoic and emotionless, she doesn't even flinch at the information. Perhaps she lacks the energy to react, or maybe she doesn't care anymore.
That's not likely.
“Good,” she says in monotone. Somehow I expected that, but it still sounds harsh; even in her currently emotionless voice. Drawing in a deep breath, she moves out of my way, but I'm standing in place, dumbstruck.
Watching her face for signals her voice hasn't provided, the look in her eyes indicates something along the lines of guilt or sorrow. Casting downward, her heavy-lidded eyes look away, but the furrow of her brow indicates something like remorse. Perhaps she really is happy about Tadao being equally miserable, but the thought seems to make her regretful.
She knows how much of this is her fault.
Peering back at me with an icy glare for a moment, she spins and stomps away; anger taking her over. Motioning as if to say something, any words I might have get caught in my throat as I watch her disappear into her darkened room. As quickly as the conversation went, she's gone; slamming the door behind her.
Dynamically, Amaya and Tadao are still virtually identical in their reaction, I've noticed. Both of them feel remorseful and guilty, both of them want the other one to be just as miserable, and each of them is in love with the other. Getting them both to realize that separately, though, would be nearly impossible considering their bull-headed natures.
Standing there dumbly for a few moments, I eventually start walking away slowly. Someone will need to push them together, and I -we, Hisao and myself- need to figure out a place we can do that. Somewhere that can be controlled externally. A place where neither of them can worm their way out, and they'll be forced into a discussion – a fruitful one, hopefully.
Where, though? Maybe Nurse might know someplace?
Stepping out into the rain, I pop the umbrella open and start walking across the campus, following a similar route as though I were headed for the pool. Thinking about it, I realize getting an answer about anything from Nurse would be a mission in futility. The flat smile he wears is usually unreadable, and his sarcastic answers often serve to leave you even more confused about whatever you asked.
Approaching the pool, I veer off toward the administrative part of the building. Continuing to mull things over, I realize Nurse might understand if I explained the situation. However, I'm not keen on the idea of informing him of their relationship troubles. Amaya and Tadao would certainly appreciate the discretion, and, if the roles were reversed, I'd expect as much from them.
The revolving door of friendship.
Entering into the hallway that leads to Nurse's office, I shake my umbrella and sigh. Today has been depressing, and I'm probably about to get some more sad news. Hopefully I'm wrong, but the weather seems to be indicating this day hasn't finished laying melancholy on my shoulders.
When I reach his door, I can hear voices inside, but they're too muffled to identify. One of them must be Nurse -it's his office- but the other is a different timbre. If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like Joyce. For a few moments, I stand there wondering if I'd be interrupting them, but, figuring he wouldn't he ask me down here if he's in the midst of a meeting, I lightly knock on the door.
The voices stop and there's a pause, then I hear something that sounds like Nurse inviting me to, “come in,” though it's very muffled.
Pushing the door open, I see Joyce standing by Nurse's desk with her hands on her hips, grinning at me in welcome. Nurse sits at his desk, staring at his computer monitor for a moment before lifting his purple-haired head and smiling broadly. “Come in, Miss Kurai,” he says in his cheerful, though stilted tone, “close the door, will you. We have some matters to discuss.”
I comply, shutting the door behind me, then turn back to see him standing. Joyce moves aside to let him by, and he comes to stand near the cabinets containing various medical paraphernalia. Leaning on the narrow counter-top under the cabinets, he points to a chair as if asking me to sit – evidently this might take a while.
After I sit down tentatively and look back up at his unreadable visage, he mentions, “you haven't been down to my office since last month.” His reference to Amaya's last epileptic episode makes me a little apprehensive, but that was the last time I came down here to see him. Maintaining that same cheery tone, he continues, “I was starting to think you forgot about me.”
Sometimes, I think Nurse starts talking about completely unrelated topics just to hear his own voice; and maybe to build up some confidence before saying what he intended. “How've you been?” he asks with a slight frown, but the grin quickly returns.
Deciding to placate his attempt at small talk, I reply, “nothing out of the ordinary; just a little sleeplessness and the occasional headache.” I reply, trying to be vague. The headache still thudding over my temple is a temporary stress-related pain, and not worth mentioning.
“No falls or trips, then? How is your balance of late?” he inquires. This is still on the level of small talk; he knows I get little dizzy spells all the time, and I sometimes fall over. Nurse seems to be stalling because he's nervous about getting to the real inquiry.
“Good as it can be,” I decide to say. Wanting to get this conversation moving, I ask, “What did you ask me down here for?”
Frowning, he glances at Joyce; looking to her for some kind of support or confirmation. From their looks, I gather her presence has to do with me; perhaps desiring a consult on whether I can be trusted. That makes sense, I suppose; she probably knows me better than anyone else on staff, except maybe Ito. Nurse knows I can keep a secret, though. Whatever it is, I'm leaning forward in the chair, held in suspense. After what feels like an eternity trapped in a few moments, she returns a nod accompanied by an affirming smile.
Pasting that unintelligible smile back on his face, he leans more heavily against the counter-top and sighs, “you recall the incident with Miss Guidot yesterday, no doubt?” he asks, seemingly rhetorically. Offering a nod, I wonder if he might actually think I could have forgotten. “She's coming back later today, and there are some concerns...” he trails off and looks over to Joyce.
Picking up on his hanging statement, she steps over from the desk and smiles at me. “We're worried about her,” she says simply.
Nurse continues, “the incident yesterday was caused by an
accidental drug interaction.” While it remains vague, I do notice he emphasizes the word 'accidental' as though it were the most important part of his explanation. He continues, “we may just be overreacting, but upon talking with Miss Guidot, we learned she hasn't made many friends here – she only mentioned you, actually.”
Wow, really?
My shocked expression is all the indicator he needs to continue, “it's distressing, but not unheard of.” Watching him, I wonder how long it took for him to achieve this level of expressionless speaking. “I don't want to force you into anything, but Miss Guidot seems to have taken to you, and we'd ask if you might...” he trails off again, looking like he's trying to think of the right words.
Joyce finishes his thought, “she needs a friend.”
Nurse looks at her and stares blankly for a moment, then nods. “Indeed,” he says, “we can't be more specific about our concerns, but if you would be willing-”
Interjecting, I say, “I'll do it, no problem.”
Far be it for me to ask why they're delicately dancing around the issue, but if all they need is for me to befriend someone, then I have no qualms about participating. Strange a request as it may be, I think I was already heading toward making friends with her anyway. Yoko seems like a nice person, besides, and she doesn't have any glaringly obvious social issues, so it's somewhat perplexing to find out she hasn't established any friendships outside of my own after four months – I can help with that, I think.
Nurse looks the same as always, his face a blank sheet of composed fabric. Joyce is grinning widely and offers a friendly nudge on my shoulder. After a few moments, Nurse lets out a sigh and his smile doubles. “Well, now that that's out of the way,” he starts, “Joyce tells me you've begun dating.”
Glaring at Joyce, I blush furiously and offer her a scowl. She just grins and shrugs in response, seemingly unconcerned with the dagger-like look of a teenage girl. The whole school probably knows about Hisao and I by now, so I really shouldn't be terribly surprised she told Nurse, but it may have saved me from this embarrassment.
You can't always trust your friends.
Hearing a drawer open somewhere near Nurse, I glance back at him and see he's drawing out a small, oddly labeled box. The placid smile is gone, replaced by a wide grin and his usually squinting eyes are held wide open. Holding the box out, he winks and says, “just in case.”
Noticing the packaging, and seeing what the label says, I blush even deeper red. Joyce starts laughing heartily as I slowly reach up to take the little cardboard box and stuff it in my other hand quickly. Suddenly I wish I'd come here straight from class so I'd have my school bag to stuff it into, but it's a small enough package that I can hide it reasonable well – as long as nobody stops me on the way back.
Joyce stifles her laughter and holds up a hand, “sorry,” she says, “that was all my idea. Don't blame him.”
Nurse continues grinning and says, “now I assume you can figure out how those are supposed to work, but if you need a demonstra-”
“No!” I blurt, not wanting this conversation to continue. I already feel like my face might explode, and I have no idea what he may have had planned for that demonstration, but I don't need that image.
Definitely not thinking about that.
Standing, I glare at him, then look back at Joyce. Both of them are sharing a laugh at my expense, and I can't blame them. Regardless of how superfluous they might be, he just handed me a box of condoms, and even I can find the humor. Cracking a smile finally, I bow toward Nurse and say, “thank you, I'll keep... them... in mind.”
After a few last chuckles, his face returns to that unreadable smile and he leans forward. “You'll keep an eye on Miss Guidot, then, right?” he asks. His calm, relaxed voice assuaging any apprehension I may have had about the idea.
“I was on that way anyway,” I mention, which earns a wider smile from his relaxed expression. “Is that all?” I ask.
Nurse shares a glance with Joyce, then nods. “We've no reason to keep you otherwise.”
Standing, I offer a nod and smile. "Don't worry about Yoko," I reassure him.
Stepping away from his position at the counter, he smirks and starts saying, "if you change your mind about that demonstra-" He stifles that speech when he sees my glowering expression. Chuckling slightly, he walks back over to his desk and sits. “Tell Mister Nakai I'm keeping an eye on him,” he says cryptically as I reach for the doorknob, “wouldn't want something to happen to his medications...”
Ha!... Hmm...
Taking one last look at Joyce, who merely shrugs, and Nurse, who has his face buried in the monitor again, I walk out the door. Standing out in the hall for a moment, I fumble with the umbrella and drop the little box. Blushing and praying nobody is around to see it, I quickly dip down to pick it up, slipping it under the cuff of my uniform blouse as I stand.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself -and try to force the blush away- I start walking toward the exit. Outside, the rain has actually stopped for a little while -or it's falling very lightly- so I cross the schoolyard without being rained upon. Reaching the girls dorm, my thoughts are somewhat jumbled.
Between trying to help Amaya and Tadao, worrying what happened with Yoko, this nagging headache, and now being offered condoms by the school nurse, today has been quite a whirlwind. When I reach my room, I quickly stuff the little cardboard box in the junk drawer of my desk and sit on my bed, rubbing my temples. Losing so much sleep last night seems to be catching up with me, so I push my school bag onto the floor and pile Tadao's stuff next to it before kicking my shoes off and rolling into bed, pulling the covers over me hastily.
Lying there, my thoughts keep whirling. Yesterday turned out to be a nice day, really, but somehow it led to today. Wanting to forget about the whole thing, I stuff my face in the pillow and let my mind go blank. Challenging worse is a fools errand, so I don't dare think things couldn't get worse, but I seriously doubt things could go anywhere but up from here. Rain begins to beat against my window again as I start to drift into slumber.
I think I may actually call Mom tomorrow.
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And damn straight I decided to rick-roll the lot of you with Nurse's ring-tone. It's absolutely perfect IMHO.
