A story based off a picture- Tea time

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Keneshiro
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A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Keneshiro »

Note from me: I saw this picture joking about Lilly's obsession with tea and sex and out of complete boredom, lo and behold, I wrote this bunch of nonsense. I've popped myself in the story to act as something to move this train-wreck of a story along as well as fulfill my dream of having my waifu.( Don't judge, I'm just going mad.)
I'm still in the process of writing the ending, but would like some critique.
Image


A loud racket issuing from behind rudely interrupts your day dream. Turning around in your seat, you see Keneshiro bustling about the tables, opening and closing containers, fumbling with the tea cups, all the while cursing fluently under his breath.
You’re about to address him when he suddenly jerks his head up and without warning, bolts from the room, leaving the door ajar and you alone with your thoughts. His actions remind you of the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland.

Chuckling at the thought, you use this moment of solitude to take in your surroundings. It appears to be an empty classroom of some sort though it appears that it has been quite some time since it has served in that capacity. Your eyes roam about the room, noting the kettle bubbling away and the tea set placed nearby. You also happen to notice the clock hanging on the wall, and my oh my, isn’t it a strange one.The clock, unlike other clocks, possessed no numbers on its face. Instead, they were all replaced by one single word. Tea. How strange. You move to get up to inspect it, but you hear footsteps coming from the hallway as well as a strange tapping sound. From the corner of your eye, you see a flash of purple and turn to look.

Hand-in-hand with Keneshiro is the purple-haired Hanako. Her tall, thin frame was pressed to that of Keneshiro, half hugging, half hiding behind him. However, she seems different somehow. Something was different about her and yet you can’t quite place your finger on it. You raise your hand, almost robotically, in greeting, and she replies it with a shy half-smile before turning back to Keneshiro, clearly intent on continuing their conversation. Surely things can’t possibly get any weirder, you think, but you hear a melodic voice call your name and your heart gives a jolt.
A familiar figure stands in the doorway. Lilly looks exactly as how you remembered her. Golden tresses, reflecting the evening sun, flow behind her as well as framing her beautiful, angelic face. The evening sun seemed to give Lilly an almost radiant glow, making her look like an angel.

She’s standing at the doorway, not moving, as if waiting fo- Shit. Stumbling as you get up, a few quick strides across the room and you find yourself face-to-face with Lilly, breathing in her perfume. Leading her by her hand, you guide her to a seat next to Hanako. She has a slight smile on her lips and murmurs her thanks, making your heart do flips. You silently swear that if she keeps this up, you’ll probably get a cardiac arrest pretty soon. You settle yourself into the seat opposite her as she begins to serve tea. Her fluid and graceful movements remind you of a ballerina performing on the stage. You are mesmerised as she dextrously fill four tea cups and passes them around. You take a swig of the tea, giving yourself some time to ponder the situation. To your left, Keneshiro and Hanako are happily talking to each other, completely oblivious to the world around them. You notice that they are taking turns telling each other about their day. One talks while the other just sits there, drinking it all in. You take another sip of tea to calm your nerves while wrecking your brains, trying to come up with something to say, when you feel a soft touch on your hand.
Lilly’s hand rests on top of yours. Her serene smile seems to just melt away the tension. No, there’s no need to talk. Her presence was enough.
You’re not sure how long it has been, but your thoughts are interrupted by Lilly who asks Keneshiro for the time.

‘Oh, about a quarter to Sex’

You always wondered how tea felt up your nose was any different than water. Now you know. Sputtering and coughing as you emerge from the tea cup, you barely get to reassure Lilly that you’re fine, when Keneshiro addresses Hanako.

‘However, Hanako-san, I wouldn’t mind starting early, judging from the last time when yo-‘

He is cut off by a furiously blushing Hanako who aims a kick at his legs. A few minutes later, both Keneshiro and Hanako have cleared up and are preparing to leave. As they make their way to the door, hand-in-hand, you feel a squeeze on your hand and look up at Lilly’s enquiring expression. She has left the decision up to you.
Last edited by Keneshiro on Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Kyvos
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Kyvos »

Dafuq did I just read?
Anyway, it was pretty good. Good vocabulary range, no major spelling or grammar issues I caught, decent plot. I would, however, recommend that you double space the beginning of a new paragraph, as well as use indents. While I was reading, I got mixed up when I tried to go to the next line, and this would probably help.
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LOL WUT
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by LOL WUT »

Kyvos wrote:Dafuq did I just read?
Dude, That plus your profile pic made me laugh so hard.
Xanatos I'm Sorry.
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Keneshiro
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Keneshiro »

Kyvos wrote:Dafuq did I just read?
Anyway, it was pretty good. Good vocabulary range, no major spelling or grammar issues I caught, decent plot. I would, however, recommend that you double space the beginning of a new paragraph, as well as use indents. While I was reading, I got mixed up when I tried to go to the next line, and this would probably help.
Alrighties, I'll pop in the changes as soon as I'm done with the ending bit. That bad a plot eh? Or the reason for the da faq?
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Kyvos
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Kyvos »

Keneshiro wrote:
Kyvos wrote:Dafuq did I just read?
Anyway, it was pretty good. Good vocabulary range, no major spelling or grammar issues I caught, decent plot. I would, however, recommend that you double space the beginning of a new paragraph, as well as use indents. While I was reading, I got mixed up when I tried to go to the next line, and this would probably help.
Alrighties, I'll pop in the changes as soon as I'm done with the ending bit. That bad a plot eh? Or the reason for the da faq?
It was a good read. The "Dafuq" was because it's just got that "How did they come up with this?" feel to it, kinda like Alice in Wonderland. If I didn't know about the picture, I would think you were high as hell. Or maybe Rin.
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Keneshiro
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Keneshiro »

Kyvos wrote: It was a good read. The "Dafuq" was because it's just got that "How did they come up with this?" feel to it, kinda like Alice in Wonderland. If I didn't know about the picture, I would think you were high as hell. Or maybe Rin.
Welp, glad you enjoyed it then.
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JTemby
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by JTemby »

BLARGH!
I tried, I really did try, but I have no comment for this piece.
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Keneshiro
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Keneshiro »

JTemby wrote:BLARGH!
I tried, I really did try, but I have no comment for this piece.
That tripping?
I find it rather ironic that this pile of garbage I wrote has more views than the other one. Sigh. :s
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OtakuNinja
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by OtakuNinja »

JTemby wrote:BLARGH!
I tried, I really did try, but I have no comment for this piece.
Who let Nigel in? :lol:

This story is... I find no words, but it was supposed to be something slightly positive. :)
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Keneshiro
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Re: A story based off a picture- Tea time

Post by Keneshiro »

OtakuNinja wrote: Who let Nigel in? :lol:

This story is... I find no words, but it was supposed to be something slightly positive. :)
Tales from my convoluted mind. I was really really out that day. My apologies. I swear, my other story is better.
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