Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Ghotiheads]

You know people tend to be a bit deeper then they look at first glance.

I for one have particularly long lungs apparently.

[ShinigamiKenji]

Why everybody complaining about boring people? Boring people are boring, indeed, but still better than straight out assholes. Still, I once found a girl boring at first, but deep inside she was a very interesting person. But she always talked about frivolous things because she didn't want to reveal that side to many people. Too bad she had a boyfriend (she wasn't that pretty, but still not a wretch).

Now assholes are assholes, no matter how I try to view them.

And I think I've come to a major source of my problems: I'm going to delete all my games (except KS). Seriously, I think I'm running from my problems with gaming. Let's see if I end up better or as "The Last Sane Man in the World"...

[Ghotiheads]

Joking aside, from a distance you are one of two things. You're either boring, or you're insane.

How many people have you passed on a daily basis and forgotten their faces a block later? If you even distinguished separate faces that is.

[Beoran]

Anyway, we were happy. Sexually inactive but happy nontheless.

Please forgive my to jump in here, but unless both partners are either very religious, or physically hindered by disease, old age, or handicap, or both asexual, I don't believe a relationship between adults without sex can be really completely happy. Something essential is missing. I think the three main ingredients of a good relationship are mental attraction or friendship, emotional attraction or love, and physical attraction or sex. I think all three are needed to make a truly happy and durable relationship. So that's why I think sexual inactivity is a big red alarm that something is wrong. Of course, that's no reason for him to cheat on you. He should have talked to you if anything was bothering him. Or if he wasn't really physically attracted to you, he shouldn't have proposed, and you should have become friends in stead.

I'm actually a bit sad to hear it ended up so badly with him because I think it would be better if he had at least realized that he had thoroughly hurt you and apologized to you. But I guess that's too much to ask of reality? I hope you will find (or have found) a partner who is more loyal, but above all, willing to talk about what bothers them. I believe there are no two people who are perfectly matched, there are always some differences to overcome, so communication is really important.

I forget who it was who said it, but it's quite possible to turn an online relationship in an IRL one, even if you're from the other ends of the earth, if you're both willing to go through the problems it brings. It's even becoming more common these days, I think, and it may be a way to fish in "wider pools", if you're ready or it.

Also one thing I dislike is calling ladies who like to have sex "whores". I think nothing is wrong with a healthy adolescent (or otherwise) sex drive, as long as you don't hurt anyone, including yourself. "Dumb" is something else though... but I plead that we are all dumb at time in this or that way. And that's one reason why we end up hurting ourselves or others. Well, sorry to drift off with such philosophy, I hope it's helpful to someone.

Ghoticheads, it can be harrowing to go though medical procedures. We have to remember that doctors are also people, and each have their own specializations and skill levels. You may have a disease that they just don't know well. I think it would have been better to go to the hospital with a cardiologist. In my experience, for some diseases, you really need a specialist who has experience with whatever it is you have to get proper care, especially if it's a rather uncommon or commonly misunderstood disease (those also exist!). all in all, keep with it, and if the hospital you're in can't find anything, switch to the other one. It sucks it costs that much money, but your life is far more valuable.

Edit: oh yes, and "boring" people. That just means you either don't know them well enough, or are not into the same things they are in. If you love knitting then knitting is very exciting. Like Kenji, I'd say boring is fine. Far better than someone who doesn' t care for others.

[Myshina]

Please forgive my to jump in here, but unless both partners are either very religious, or physically hindered by disease, old age, or handicap, or both asexual, I don't believe a relationship between adults without sex can be really completely happy.

"M" may have sex, but he truly has no enjoyment in it. He never once orgasmed, and he is rather dull and boring in that area. That's probably why I never doubted him in subject of cheating. I thought that maybe I can Sacrifice Sex if it means having love. Guess I was wrong.

I would never know why he actually did what he did. He never apologized, nor explained what really drove him to do what he did. When I told him I'm going to break the engagement, he just nodded and told me he understand. If he have showed signs of truly feeling guilt and wanting to be forgiven, we may have gotten together again; but nothing is perfect.

Putting that aside, I think my Relationship with guys is pretty much screwed. (See Signature.)

While "M" has been rejecting Sex and not wanting, the Men I went to dates with were the complete opposite. But I'm not going to lose hope in Men yet. That's what Kenji-Kun would have wanted me to do. xD

[gragon]

Also one thing I dislike is calling ladies who like to have sex "whores". I think nothing is wrong with a healthy adolescent (or otherwise) sex drive, as long as you don't hurt anyone, including yourself. "Dumb" is something else though... but I plead that we are all dumb at time in this or that way. And that's one reason why we end up hurting ourselves or others. Well, sorry to drift off with such philosophy, I hope it's helpful to someone.

i have to disagree with that one, ladies who like to have sex are indeed just ladies. but if a woman sleeps with alot of different men in a short piriod of time they deserve the titel. if you like to have sex i totaly get it. but you dont have to switch partners every other day. (just my toughts tough)

oh, and i actualy have a girl-friend (no love relation) i met online and im going to visit her this vacation too ive already met her tough she was visiting my town and i gave her a little tour. so now im visiting her town and she is going to do the same

[ShinigamiKenji]

Also one thing I dislike is calling ladies who like to have sex "whores". I think nothing is wrong with a healthy adolescent (or otherwise) sex drive, as long as you don't hurt anyone, including yourself. "Dumb" is something else though... but I plead that we are all dumb at time in this or that way. And that's one reason why we end up hurting ourselves or others. Well, sorry to drift off with such philosophy, I hope it's helpful to someone.

i have to disagree with that one, ladies who like to have sex are indeed just ladies. but if a woman sleeps with alot of different men in a short piriod of time they deserve the titel. if you like to have sex i totaly get it. but you dont have to switch partners every other day. (just my toughts tough)

oh, and i actualy have a girl-friend (no love relation) i met online and im going to visit her this vacation too ive already met her tough she was visiting my town and i gave her a little tour. so now im visiting her town and she is going to do the same

I don't know how it is out there, but here the guy that gets all the girls in a party is the "cool guy". Of course, if women do the same, they're labeled "whores". Never really got it, I always thought those guys were "douchebags". And if a woman just like doing it, fine, but, as any other thing, overdoing it is not healthy (not only physically, also mentally and socially).

[Helbereth]

I thought that maybe I can Sacrifice Sex if it means having love. Guess I was wrong.

I don't think you were wrong. Healthy, loving relationships don't require sex as a crutch. Honestly, sex should be icing on top of the relationship; otherwise it's an empty, emotionless experience for both of you.

Perhaps you were just wrong about the guy. Your story seems to indicate he was about as honest as a politician, so I'd doubt anything he ever told you, really.

[Myshina]

I thought that maybe I can Sacrifice Sex if it means having love. Guess I was wrong.

I don't think you were wrong. Healthy, loving relationships don't require sex as a crutch. Honestly, sex should be icing on top of the relationship; otherwise it's an empty, emotionless experience for both of you.

Perhaps you were just wrong about the guy. Your story seems to indicate he was about as honest as a politician, so I'd doubt anything he ever told you, really.

Icing on top of the cake; that's true.

He was like in all aspects of his life, now that I look back to it. I gues I was Blinded by Love back then.

[Camoufrage]

I feel like saying that its very possible to have a relationship without sex. I know it sounds corny but if a person is UNABLE to and you love them would you abandon them simply because they don't have sex? I'd hope not.

Also, sex is a drug that can ruin peoples lives. I know that better than anyone.

[Kouryuu]

I don't know how it is out there, but here the guy that gets all the girls in a party is the "cool guy". Of course, if women do the same, they're labeled "whores". Never really got it, I always thought those guys were "douchebags". And if a woman just like doing it, fine, but, as any other thing, overdoing it is not healthy (not only physically, also mentally and socially).

From where I come from those 'cool guys' are called 'man-whores'. Fuck those guys.

[Beoran]

Helbereth, I sort of disagree with you. I agree that that sex shouldn't be a crutch for a relationships which lack love or friendship. But I also think love alone is also a "crutch" when the relationship lacks sex (or friendship). Love, friendship and sex. I really need all three of these and I believe that in an ideal relationship all these three aspects should be OK, none of them given up for the other. I disagree with the "icing on the cake" view. More like, sex is the the sugar in the cake. Love is the flour and friendship is the eggs and butter. You can have a cake without sugar, but... it will lack sweetness. I wouldn't recommend leaving out the sugar unless you want to eat bread in stead of cake.

Myshina, I think that in relationships there shouldn't be too much sacrifices made. In stead, mutually agreeable and happy agreements and compromises should made between the partners. You can't sacrifice sex for love, but neither is it a wise idea to sacrifice love for sex, of course. Hmm, am I being Captain Obvious here? It does sound very strange though he didn't enjoy sex... I probably agree that I wouldn't put too much stock into what he said. I do think it sucks for you you never even got to hear his reasons. You deserved at least that much. So I guess all I can do is hope that the girl will some day have regrets and tell you what she knows.

As for the other guys being sexually interested in you, isn't that great? I would be worried if they weren't interested in you... I think that it's normal for both for men and women to be sexually interested in the person that may become their life partner. However, and of course, if we want a committed relationship, then it's a matter of weeding out those who are in it /just/ for the sex. I would mention to the person I'm dating pretty soon I'm looking for a serious relationship, probably to get married if all goes well. If the "Marriag" word doesn't make them run for the hills or abhor them, then you know they're probably serious enough. And then it's a matter of feeling if you feel very comfortable with the person (emotional aspect) and figuring out if can get along well as friends too. Ideally, testing sexual compatibility happens after all that, but I have to admit that when falling in love, sometimes it can go a bit fast... Ah well...

ShinigamiKenji, I agree with you that the double standard isn't fair. We have a guy here in the thread who was living a swinging lifestyle but got tired of it. I don't think there was anything wrong with him. I think many young people these days have a phase in their late teens and early twenties where they're not ready yet for a committed relationship but still feel they need to satisfy their sexual desires. As I said before, as long as they don't hurt anyone including themselves, I think it's fine they do this. I think it would be better if they would realize they are missing out on the 2 other essential parts of relationships, but I think most of them will realize this as they grow older, like our visitor on the forum did.

Camoufrage, I think a relationship without sex is possible but only under certain circumstances which boil down to that both partners don' t care about sex. If person A is unable from the beginning, and person B loves person A, but has a normal or high libido, it's going to be a very hard going for the two of them. Person B will have to sacrifice sex for love. Person A will feel that she or she is unable to meet B's needs, which is also not a nice feeling. Such sacrifices and feelings of inadequacy erode the relationship.

I think it's not about sex alone either, but for anything either of the partner needs. For example, if your partner need a cold glass of water several times per day, then you have to make sure there's always a bottle in the fridge. But if you don't have a fridge and are unable to buy one, then you'd best consider that the relationship will be (a bit) more difficult, and maybe impossible if the other really can't live without that that cold glass of water. In a relationship, both partners should feel as good as is possible, without having to force themselves to be who they are not. Everyone hast their own quirks, and things they feel they really need, thing they really don't want to live without. I could say, "Hey, but it's possible to live without a cold glass of water", but then I'm thinking in a selfish way. I have to see it from my partner's point of view, and if I do then, then the only conclusion I can make it that I'll make sure it is there for her when she needs it. Because that's what it means to be there for the other.

Of course, it's a different story if two people already have a committed relationship, and either of the partners becomes disabled, Of course, I don't say one should drop the other, but in such a case both partners should realize it will be a difficult time, and that maybe some or other mutually satisfactory compromise will be needed. There are many possibilities if both partners are willing to look for them. I'll stop my rambling here... And like always, no offense intended, everything in my honest opinion, which if far from being anything like an established fact.

[gragon]

Also, sex is a drug that can ruin peoples lives. I know that better than anyone.

sex means baby's and babys mean people. and not all people function correctly,well they mostly do but the mind is twisted and that leads to people like euhm...
hitler,hitler was made by sex!

sex is evil, we have... no we must stop it.
yep... thats the random toughts i have Whahahah~

also i went to the pool with my family today. and yea.... was it fun? no not realy. i usualy enjoy swimming but today for some reason i couldn't be myself i actualy felt realy akward the wole time i was with my family so i just jumed in the pool and stayd in there for most of the time...

trying to make a better bond with the family? GAME OVER.

i realy dont think i can do it. i mean how can i not have a great bond with someone i have been with my entire live? (like my mother or father) or does it get worse and better over time?

[Walrusfella]

Also my dads wife already knew, and plans on leaving him once the baby is born. That was easy, I dont even have to get involved. Life is better, so Ive finally begun editing a YT video Ive been planning for months. Heres to hoping its any good

That's something a relief. Reading about you dealing with that situation properly has been good for me, in a way. You did what I couldn't.

[Beoran]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law, gragon. You lose.

More seriously, for sex and everything else goes: "ABUSUS NON TOLLIT USUM", that is "Abuse does not take away use, i.e., is not an argument against proper use." Eveything can be abused, even a glass of water (you could throw it into someone's face, etc). That doesn't mean a glass of water is bad. It just means that the person abusing the glass of water like that is the doing something bad. Same for everything else really.