* Tea and Suddenness *
The familiar bell rings as we walk into the Shanghai, and I let my breath out slowly. So far, so good. I asked Lilly and Akira every question I could think of about Scotland and their time there, so the trip wasn’t too bad. Aside from Akira’s erratic driving, but at least that seemed to wake Lilly up a little more.
A waitress leads us to a corner booth, and takes our orders for a pot of tea that Lilly and Hanako enjoy and a platter of sandwiches. Akira looks like she’d prefer something different, but she doesn’t seem to mind too much.
Then she looks at me, then at Hanako, and back to me, and that grin comes back. Beneath the table, Hanako’s hand squeezes mine again.
Akira
“So, we miss anything interesting while we were gone?”
Think quickly, I tell myself. Anything is fine. Almost anything.
Hisao
“Not a whole lot. Everyone’s stressing over exams, and they’re not for a while. Were able to keep up with school when you were gone, Lilly?”
Lilly
“Most of it. Akira’s been helping me with e-mail, and I had my teachers give me some lesson plans before we left. I should be fine.”
It’s good to hear. With the sudden trip and her aunt to worry about, the last thing Lilly needed was to fall behind in her classes too.
But I can tell it’s not what Akira wants to hear about. She gives me another raised eyebrow, and points to the space between Hanako and myself, where the position of our arms makes it clear we’re holding hands under the table.
I glance at Hanako. Her eyes are downcast, and I can’t tell if she’s blushing because she’s embarrassed or if it’s a sign of something bad. Any second now, I think, Hanako’s going to start shaking, and then what?
The waitress comes back with our tea, and I pour for everyone. We clink our teacups together in mutual celebration of Lilly and Akira’s return, then everything’s silent for a moment as we all drink. Then, Lilly lowers her cup and faces where Hanako’s sitting.
Lilly
“Hanako, have you--”
Hanako
“We confessed to each other!”
She doesn’t say it loudly, but Hanako blurts it out with such force I’m surprised the windows don’t shatter.
The silence that follows feels so heavy I consider sinking down under the table. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Lilly at a loss for words, but she’s frozen with her fingers wrapped around her teacup, her mouth slightly open. Akira seems the exact opposite – she calmly sips, her eyes half closed, her entire attitude projecting ‘I told you so.’
Hanako’s breathing hard, and when I look at her, she already has her eyes locked on me, her lips quivering. I try to give her a smile, but I’m sure it comes out a little pained.
That was not how I wanted to handle this.
But hey, it’s out, and there’s no taking it back. I lift both our hands up onto the table, and take a deep breath.
Akira
“Told you, sis. You said he called you just to ask about her, he had to be into her.”
Lilly
“You couldn’t have known for sure.”
Akira only laughs and sips her tea again. Lilly seems to be fighting to regain her composure, but it’s an easy battle, and she takes a drink before turning toward Hanako again.
Lilly
“Despite what Akira says, this is a surprise. But I’m happy for you both. Can you tell me what happened?”
Hisao
“It’s kind of . . . complicated.”
It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do on short notice. And there’s not a chance I’m telling her the whole story right now. Especially not in public.
Besides, what matters is we’re together, right? We’re together and we’re working on understanding each other. Even if it’s only been about a week, it still feels like–
Akira
“Always is. But I gotta say, I’m proud of you two. Didn’t think either of you would go for it.”
Hanako leans against me, and I look down to see her smile. I don’t know why she felt she had to get it out all at once like that, but now that it’s happened, I’m glad she did. It makes things easier now that the important part is out there.
Hanako
“We . . . we spent time together, when Lilly was gone. We talked a lot. I told Hisao about the orphanage, and he told me about. . . .”
Hanako glances at Akira, looking very unsure.
Hisao
“It’s okay. You can tell her.”
Hanako
“About his h-heart. And things . . . happened.”
Akira starts to frown. ‘Things happened’ is about as vague as it can be, but it could mean almost anything in this situation. And considering how close Lilly and Akira both are to Hanako, they might not like what they think it means.
Akira
“Got a bad heart, Hisao? That why you’re here?”
I let my breath out all at once. Somehow, that question is a lot easier to answer than the ones I thought she’d ask.
Hisao
“Yeah. I have arrhythmia, I only found out about it last winter. I had a heart attack in the middle of a love confession.”
Akira’s serious face changes all at once, and somehow, I laugh along with her. It keeps getting easier to talk about my condition, and I don’t mind Akira knowing.
Akira
“Must have been a hell of a confession!”
She downs the rest of her tea, then winks at Hanako and I both.
Akira
“Looks like things turned out better for you this time. Good to know.”
The atmosphere at the table eases after that, and we’re able to talk without trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Or, in Akira’s case, pointing at the elephant and trying to get everyone else to talk about it.
The conversation falls by the wayside as the sandwiches arrive, and shortly after we’re done eating, Akira glances at her watch and mutters.
Akira
“I’ve got to check in at work before I get home, and they know when I landed. You guys want a lift back?”
-------
* All of You *
Akira drops us off at the Yamaku gates, and I pull Lilly’s luggage out of the trunk while she and Hanako get out of the car. Once we’re all set, Akira bids us goodbye, and drives off holding one hand high out the window.
Lilly’s starting to look tired again, so I pick up her bag.
Hisao
“Back to your dorm, I take it?”
Lilly
“Please. I really need to sleep; it’s going to take more than a day to adjust to the different time.”
We walk toward the girls’ dormitory, Lilly’s cane tapping back and forth as she and Hanako make small talk. There’s something good about seeing them together again. I don’t know if what happened between Hanako and myself could have happened if Lilly hadn’t gone away, but I know it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t talked to her.
Hanako told me she didn’t mind only having a few friends; she clearly prefers it that way. All her friends are back now, which is even better. It will be good to see her smile more.
We reach the dorm soon, and make the short trip to the second floor. Lilly’s room is, of course, just as I remember it, and I set her luggage down against one wall at her direction.
Lilly
“Thank you, Hisao. I think I’d enjoy traveling more if I didn’t have to bring so much with me.”
We all chuckle at this, and Lilly folds her hands before herself. I recognize the pose – whenever she gets formal like that, she’s about to say something she’s been thinking about for a while.
Easy to guess what it’s about.
Lilly
“Hanako, Hisao . . . I am so happy for you two.”
I feel myself start to blush, and look at Hanako to see much the same. There’s still a shyness in her smile, even here among the three of us. But I think that comes more from her not being sure how to deal with all this.
Not like I know much better. But we’re working on it.
Lilly
“I’d always hoped you’d find someone, though I didn’t think it would happen so quickly. But I don’t think you could have done better.”
Hisao
“Thanks, Lilly. I don’t think I could have either.”
Lilly makes a face at me.
Lilly
“I wasn’t talking to you, Hisao.”
She smiles a moment later, and we all laugh. This all feels really awkward, but I think we’ll get used to it in time. I remember how, back with my old friends, it was sometimes weird when one of them dated someone and couldn’t hang out with us all the time. But we adjusted.
Then again, none of my circle of friends ever dated each other.
Lilly
“I do want to hear about everything that happened. But not until I’ve rested for a good, long time.”
Hanako
“We can talk tomorrow, Lilly. We’ll let you sleep.”
Hanako and I say our goodbyes, and leave Lilly to unpack and rest. Probably not in that order.
Once we’re in the hallway, I turn to Hanako and catch her stifling a yawn. It seems Lilly isn’t the only one feeling worn out. Being at the airport must have taken a greater toll on her than I thought.
Hisao
“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
She glances at Lilly’s closed door, and bows her head a little, as though ready to apologize for something.
Hanako
“I thought . . . I want to talk to Lilly tomorrow. It’s been a long time, and. . . .”
She trails off, but I think I understand. It’s not like we have to see each other every day, and I could use the time to keep up with my studies. Besides, it wouldn’t feel right to get in the way of them catching up on . . . things.
Hisao
“Okay. I’ll see you in class on Monday.”
Without a word, Hanako leans in close and hugs me.
This has become sort of a thing for us, ever since that day in the park. When it’s time for me to leave, she’ll put her arms around me, and rest her head on my chest, like she doesn’t want me to go. I can’t help but wonder if she never got many hugs, growing up at the orphanage as she did.
I put my arms around her too, feel her sigh as she relaxes against me. There is something undeniably comforting about this. I give her a kiss on the top of her head, then rest my cheek on her hair.
For all the time we spent dancing around each other after we met, this makes it all worth it. Just knowing we can be comfortable around each other, that she can touch me and not feel like I’m going to reject her or get tired of her, that I can touch her and not worry that she’s going to run away.
It makes everything worth it.
We separate after a long moment, and Hanako whispers her goodbyes as she closes her door. I take another deep breath, and head out.
The day has only grown warmer, and I tug at my shirt collar as I head toward the middle of campus. There’s still plenty of time, I could probably get to the library and find a few books before I start studying. Maybe get something that sounds really good, so I can reward myself with an interesting book after studying English–
Hanako
“Hisao!”
. . . what?
I turn to see Hanako hurrying out of the girls’ dorm, some kind of fear in her eyes. My heart gives a single hard thud, and I force myself to breathe evenly. What could have gone wrong in about a minute?
Hanako walks up to me, opens her mouth to say something, then rubs one hand on her arm. I know what that means. She’s looking away, unsure but wanting to speak. I slowly reach out and put a hand on her shoulder.
Hisao
“Hanako, what is it?”
Hanako
“I . . . I was thinking about what I said at the Shanghai. I said that we c-confessed to each other.”
The eye I can see grows wider, and she blushes again. Where is she going with this? I decide to wait, hoping she’ll keep going now that she’s started.
Hanako
“But that’s n-not really true, is it? You told me you love me, but I never . . . I never said. . . .”
Oh. Oh, I didn’t even think about that. It seemed like our feelings were mutual, but I didn’t think . . . there was a lot of other stuff on my mind right then.
Hanako kneeling there, crying, it brought out everything. I couldn’t have held back if I’d wanted to. It never even occurred to me that she didn’t say the same thing.
Before I can tell her that’s all right, Hanako puts one hand on my chest, right in the center. I know what she’s feeling for, and after a moment, her fingers run over my surgery scar. I remember when I showed it to her, showed that she wasn’t the only one scarred. And then, a few days later, she showed me all of herself.
Beneath her hand, my heart starts to beat faster, and as Hanako looks up at me, I know she can feel it. She leans closer to me.
Hanako
“I . . . I love you, Hisao.”
I put one hand over hers, and blink away sudden tears. Has she ever said that to anyone before? How long did it take for her to work up that courage, and. . . .
A sudden idea occurs to me, and I go through with it before I can think to stop myself.
With my free hand, I sweep aside the long fringe of dark hair over the scarred side of Hanako’s face.
Both her eyes go wider than I’d thought possible. I’ve seen all her face before, but that was always by accident or situation, never deliberate like this. The scars are much the same there as anywhere else on her, and I take them all in, preparing for what I know I have to say.
Hisao
“I love you, Hanako. All of you.”
Her eyes squeeze shut, and she presses her face into my chest. Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry. Not what I expected, but I know what kind of tears these are.
After a moment, she looks up at me again, tears streaming down her face. She lifts her mouth toward mine, and I meet her halfway, our lips pressing together in a kiss that sets my heart to pounding.
I don’t think either of us ever imagined this would happen. But here it is.
When we end the kiss, she looks into my eyes for a long time, as though trying to see if I really meant what I said. I don’t break the gaze. She has to know I mean it. And after a moment, she presses her face to my chest again, and lets out a small sigh.
We hold each other for a while, and when we finally separate, she doesn’t say a word. But I know that smile.
Hanako
“See you on Monday, Hisao.”
Hisao
“See you then. Goodbye, Hanako.”
Hanako
“Goodbye.”
She hasn’t stopped blushing, and I watch her return to the dorm before starting back toward the library.
If I’d taken more than a second to think about that, I might not have done it. Or I might have decided it sounded like a line from a bad romantic comedy. But it felt right.
Today was a really good day.
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To be continued.
