Warpath (Sengoku Rance/KS Crossover)

[BobBobberson]

Eh, finally got around to writing. Didn't want to dive back into Running Interference, so here's something I churned out after completing four of Sengoku Rance's routes, which involved countless battles and hours lost. Anyways, read and enjoy!...if you're into this kind of thing.

Strolling into the Student Council room, Hisao Nakai dumps his bag full of things needed for a trip into a nearby desk. But as soon as he turns around, someone tackles him to the ground.

“DIE FEMINIST!” Kenji yells, straddling Hisao. “...Oh, it’s you Hisao. What the hell man, I was about to shank you!”

Kenji gets off Hisao and pulls him up to his feet.

“Hey, you know about my condition right, you’re lucky I didn’t get another attack.” Hisao complains, rubbing his chest to make sure he’s not going to keel over again. “What’re you doing here anyways?”

“I received intel from my sources about a possible feminist meeting in the Student Council room around this time.”

“Who the hell are your sources? Ah never mind, I don’t have time for this. I was supposed to meet up with Shizune and Misha for a trip over to Fumitzuki Gakuen. Apparently, we’re in talks with the principal about installing this “Summoning Battle” system in Yamaku. Kinda surprised those two haven’t shown up to be honest.”

“Well at least the Council whores will be out of the way for a few days, good job Hisao on luring them out of campus!” Kenji raises his hand for a high-five.

“Yeah, no.” Hisao bats his hand away, still slightly irritated at the surprise attack.

“You’re right, can’t let the feminists know you’re one of us.” Kenji deduces.

“Yep, that’s definitely why. Damn, can’t believe I’m going to be away from Hanako for a few days.”

“You’re still going out with that scarred whore?” Kenji asks exasperatedly.

“First off, no she’s not a whore. Second, we’re not going out, we’re just friends.” Hisao replies, taking a seat on a random chair. “Anyways, where are those two? It isn’t like them to be late for something.”

Meanwhile, in a bush under one of the room’s windows, two human-shaped figures indiscernible in the dim dawn light peek at the two boys through the window.

Strangely enough, they don’t use words to communicate, choosing instead to use sign language to convey what they want to say.

“Do you have the device?” One of them asks.

“Of course I do. Let’s see how Hisao deals with what we’re going to do to him.” The second person replies.

“What about the annoying one?” The first person asks.

“Eh, I doubt he’ll affect our plans. He’s a delusional fool, probably will end up getting killed in a few days. If anything, he might actually forward it a bit. Anyways, let’s do it now before they notice we’re missing.”

Nodding, the shorter one stands up and takes aim at the two boys with the mysterious device. Hisao and Kenji don’t notice this person though, too busy embroiled in their half conversation, half argument. The device wielder takes her time trying to line up a shot with the device, but during her aiming period, Hisao mentions something about looking for the Council and moves to leave the room, Kenji following him like an annoying puppy.

As soon as the mystery person activates the device, it could see another pair that’s unidentifiable from its view closing in on Hisao and Kenji. But it’s too late to turn back, with a flash of light the four of them disappeared.

“Tch, I think we may have some collateral damage.” The device wielder informs its partner.

“No matter, we’ll continue with the plan.” The other person replies.

Turning the device towards themselves, with a cry of “PLOT DEVICE”, the two mystery assailants disappear in the same flash of light.

An undetermined amount of time later...

“Oy, this is some good dango. Don’t you agree, Kenji?” A brown-haired man wearing a dark green cape and heavy platemail inquires.

“Yeah, best dango I’ve ever had.” Kenji replies to him.

While Kenji and the man eat their dango, Hisao can only support his face with his hand and think over the events of the past few days.

What. The. Hell. One minute Kenji and I are walking out of the Council room, and the next thing I know, I wake up to Kenji shanking a couple of bandits that looked like they were from medieval Japan with his combat knife. Looks like because of our different attire, they mistook us for royalty and planned to hold us for ransom. At least he always comes combat equipped. Filled me in on where we were while we traveled down a road, apparently I was knocked out for longer than he was. Seems that we’ve been teleported to some form of JAPAN, except everyone still uses swords and all those old weapons I saw in the History Channel. We managed to run across an inn, but naturally the meager amount of gold coins we took from the bandits’ corpses weren’t enough to rent a room. Somehow, Kenji managed to strike up a conversation with a guy wielding a talking sword...Chaos? I think it called itself that anyways. He was verbally abusing this woman with pink hair, and I think Kenji liked how he was keeping his female (Turned out she was his slave) in line. The man introduced himself as Rance, who proudly proclaimed that he was on his way to Owari to meet and probably fuck the beautiful princess Kouhime. For some godawful reason, Rance took a liking to Kenji and bought us several rounds of sake. When the two got drunk, they got into a brawl over the differing viewpoints on females: Kenji thinking even the females here were feminists and that sex was evil, Rance stating that his goal was to fuck every cute woman and that sex was great. Consequently, they both knocked each other out with right hooks, but the morning after, Rance offered to let Kenji and I follow him and his slave Sill to Owari. Apparently we should be considered lucky, since he very rarely helps out guys as well as show Kenji the error of his ways. Since we have very little information about this world, Kenji and I both agreed to his invitation, although he still outright stated that females are evil. So now we’re in Owari, munching on dango and tea in Tea House Nobu.

“Oy, waiter, another plate of dango!” Rance orders from his table, having just devoured his 5th plate of dango.

“Rance-sama, can I try a stick.” Sill meekly asks from next to him.

“No, dango is too good for slaves like you.” Rance replies.

Kenji nods in agreement, too busy finishing his own plate of dango to throw in his own derogatory comment. While Hisao probably would have interjected on Sill’s behalf by now, he has no desire to be on the business end of Chaos.

The waiter, a pale middle-aged man with stubble all over his face approaches the group with two plates of dango.

“Here you are, one plate for you, and here’s a plate for your girlfriend, on the house.” The waiter says.

Sill’s eyes light up at the plate of dango placed in front of her, but in a blink of an eye, Rance grabs the dango and gobbles it up.

“Really, Rance?” Hisao asks.

“Yep, really. Gahaha!” Rance laughs. “Wait...she’s not my girlfriend!” He attempts to clarify to the waiter.

“Are you giving away dango again, brother? Our profits will drop again if you keep doing that!” A girl with long black hair strolls up to the waiter.

“Relax Kou-chan, I don’t do it THAT often.” The waiter pats her head. “Anyways, what brings you foreigners to Owari?” He inquires.

“I’m here for the beautiful princess Kouhime!” Rance declares. “Not sure what these two want though. They’re just following me” He gestures to Kenji and Hisao.

“We’re here to find out how to-” Hisao starts to explain, but Kenji quickly covers his mouth.

“Be quiet, man. This is an unknown world, best if they think we’re from this world for now. Haven’t you read all those sci-fi and fantasy books?!” Kenji whispers into Hisao’s ear. Understanding what he meant, Hisao nods and clarifies his statement.

“We’re just following Rance for now. Kinda needed a guide to get us to Owari.” Hisao says.

The waiter nods his head at our words, looking at us intently. Then he receives a brainwave, snapping out of his trance.

“Well I’m Oda Nobunaga, of House Oda. This is my sister Kou.” The waiter, now revealed to be nobility, introduces himself.

“Wait...Kou...so SHE’S the beautiful princess in the flyer?!” Rance asks, aghast at this new revelation.

“Yep, she’s my pride and joy.” Nobunaga replies, patting Kou in the head.

“I told you to stop sending out those flyers, brother!” Kou complains.

“Hmm, she’s cute, but she needs maybe four, five years before I can take her...” Rance thinks out loud.

“You shouldn’t man, feminists come in all ages! Even now she might be sending intel back to the feminist headquarters!” Kenji randomly jumps in on the conversation, spewing his usual nonsense.

“Kenji, look, she’s an innocent cute preteen princess, she sure as hell ain’t no feminist, or I wouldn’t be planning on taking her virginity five years from now.” Rance says.

“The problem is that you’re planning far too ahead.” Hisao adds in.

“I wouldn’t let you take Kou’s chastity even in five years. I’m her big brother, hence I’m a major obstacle to your goal.” Oda smiles mischievously at Rance. “Anyways, we’re having a royal feast at Oda Castle tonight, would you four like to join us?”
Since the group of four didn’t have anything else to do, they accepted his offer and went to the castle. After a night of debauchery in which Rance hit on multiple women within seconds of each attempt, Kenji outdrinking five grown men, and Hisao conversing with Nobunaga to gain more knowledge of this version of JAPAN, the group of four find themselves eating breakfast with Nobunaga and Kou in the guest room Rance and co. slept at when the party ended.

“Damn, can’t believe someone like you beat all five of those guys at drinking.” Rance compliments.

“Eh, I’ve got a bit of an immunity to the stuff, this sake’s nothing compared to whiskey.” Kenji gestures to the backpack lying on the corner of the room. It, along with Hisao’s backpack, also got teleported with them to this world, which explains how Kenji killed those bandits with his knife and why Hisao isn’t dead from lack of medication yet.

“You should let us try some of this ‘whiskey’ sometime, Kenji. Seems very...potent.” Nobunaga requests.

“No can do, man. This stuff is uber rare, dunno when I can restock on the stuff.” Kenji wraps his hands around himself protectively, as if imagining that he is the whiskey itself.

“So what’s this about you trying to conquer Japan?” Hisao, the only level-headed male in this group asks Nobunaga.

“Eh, JAPAN is messed up right now, all the lords who have control of a region are fighting each other. It’s mass chaos out there, and my advisors are telling me to go take advantage of such a rare opportunity. But I only want moderate amounts of territory, it gets more tiresome when you have more territory to govern over. It doesn’t help that I’ve had to defend my last territory, Owari, from rebels.” Nobunaga explains.

“Your plan seems weak, like you.” Rance interjects. “The best defense is a good offense, I say we go out there and conquer ALL of JAPAN!” He pumps his fist into the air.

“Rance-sama...we only came here for a hot springs vacation.” Sill complains from the corner of the table. Rance intentionally made her sit there so she’d suffer discomfort from the corner poking into her stomach.

“I have to agree with Rance on this one, you’re not going to go anywhere holding this measly territory. Your best option is to take a gamble and throw out a carefully planned offensive.” Kenji adds in his own advice, sounding almost like a normal human being as he does so. This fact does not go amiss to Hisao.

“Huh, I’m surprised you’re having bouts of normality there Kenji.” Hisao muses, finishing a bowl of rice.
“What do you mean, normality? I’m still me...? I’m just giving Nobunaga-sama sound military advice based on what little information I gathered. Hell, about a quarter of the books I read are about military strategy, both medieval and modern, in case the feminists start the war.”

On hearing Rance and Kenji, Nobunaga puts down his plate and goes into a brooding state, which is him absentmindedly patting Kou on the head.

“Brother, why must you pat my head so much?” Kou asks.

“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking, Kou-chan. Anyways, Rance, if you think you have the ability to take over JAPAN, I’ll offer you the role of secret rule of Oda.” Nobunaga says.

“”””WHAT?!””””

Four astounded voices shout out.

“Really? I’ll do it if you’re serious. Seems like a challenge worthy of Rance-sama!” Rance answers.

“Rance-sama...” Sill is displeased at Rance, but can do nothing about it.

“Brother, are you serious? You’re handing over control of Oda to a complete stranger!” Kou interjects.

“Don’t worry, Kou-chan, I have a feeling that Rance may be just what we need. A warrior knows when to trust his gut.” Nobunaga pats her head again.

“So...looks like I’ll need some subordinates. Ruler can’t be expected to do everything himself.” Rance scans the room for suitable candidates. “Hmm, Kenji, Hisao, you guys free? Ah, screw it, I’ll appoint you two commanders anyways.”

“Heh?” Is all Hisao can say in response to this conscription.

“Yeah, I’ll become an officer. I’ll also vouch for Hisao here.” Kenji says. But before he can say anymore, Hisao rotates Kenji so they can have a private (read:whispered) conversation.

“Of all the BS you’ve put me through, this is probably the biggest one yet. WHY would you even consider accepting Rance’s offer?” Hisao asks.

“Look, right now, we’re still in the dark about how we got here, and how to get back. JAPAN’s a big place, so we’re going to need help to explore it. What better way to do that than on the back of an army?” Kenji explains, having another normal moment.

“Ah, damn it, that makes sense. And that’s something I thought I’d never say in response to one of your explanations. But I have no combat or strategic training.”

“I’ll teach you, and I imagine Nobunaga-sama has retainers who can help you as well. That reminds me...”

Kenji turns towards the table again.

“Nobunaga-sama, do you have any retainers with you right now? Hisao and I are going to need an update on Oda’s status.” Kenji asks.

“Of course, I forgot to introduce you to him. 3G!” Nobunaga calls. In a few seconds,an old 3-headed man bursts into the guest room.

“It’s a monster!” Rance unsheathes Chaos, and Kenji pulls out his knife.

“Relax, this is my chief advisor, 3G. He’s a youkai.” Nobunaga explains.

“A youkai?” Rance asks, perplexed at the new term.

“Basically monsters, but they can be either good or evil. Looks like this one is good, if he’s serving Nobunaga-sama.” Hisao explains, recalling a lecture Mutou gave on disproving the supernatural.

“Indeed, I’m 3G, Nobunaga-sama’s advisor.” The heads reply in unison. The middle head is smiling, the left head is crying, and the other head has an angry face.

“You’re fired.” Rance states, sheathing Chaos.

“WHAT?!” X3

“Whoa, you’re seeing this too Kenji?” Hisao asks, rubbing his eyes to make sure he’s not hallucinating.

“Yep, 3 heads. Looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore. Always wanted to use that line. Even if a female said it.”

“3G, I’m giving control of Oda to the foreigner Rance here (Gestures to Rance). I’ll explain later, but for now, take these two men to our conference room for a debriefing on Oda’s current status, as well as JAPAN’s current events.” Nobunaga orders.

“Wait.” The left head says.

“You’re giving...” The right head says.

“Oda to...” The middle head says.

“A FOREIGNER?!” X3

“Yes, I’ll explain everything later. Just take Hisao and Kenji for debriefing for now.”

“As you wish, Nobunaga-sama. Come along, you foreigners must be out of the loop if he’s actually asking me to give you an update on current events.” 3G says.

Nodding to each other, Hisao and Kenji get up and follow 3G out of the room, marking their first day as commanders under the Oda Family.

[Mirage_GSM]

I take it you're not completely serious about this, are you?Because if I honestly had to criticise this, I wouldn' t know where to begin...

[Scissorlips]

I'm not entirely sure why I read this, I never read crossovers and the whole time I feared the worst. I'm glad to see that there hasn't been a single Rance Conquer yet, though. So far, at least. I, I don't really know what I'm expecting now.