A Memory Hisao has of Lilly

[Paddy]

READ THIS PAGE FIRST:
TABLE OF CONTENTS (in the order of "the book"):
Preface - 5th page
From where came this book?
Drunk By Ourselves - This page
Hisao and Lilly get utterly wasted after Akira has a bad accident.
How Can She Keep from Singing? -This page
Hisao and Lilly at a hostel at night.
Gloria - This page
In their old age, Lilly receives a miracle.
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This is an excerpt of a memoir Hisao wrote about his life with Lilly.
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...Could Lilly sing? Oh, yes, she could sing. Like a skylark. She always had a most melodious voice. I am sure it was a gift of the gods.

I remember once, when we were rooming together in a hostel in Nara - long story - I was tired. Nodding off. We'd had a long trip and I was exhausted. I was about to fall asleep on my cot, right next to the window, the cool, night air wafting through and making our room just comfortable after a long, hot day.

But just as I was about to fade into the depths of sleep, my eyes popped open. There was a most beautiful lilt coming from outside, in the garden. Soft, tender, gentle. A lover's deepest song. It was... wonderful.

I went to tap Lilly on the shoulder - "Lilly," I said, "do you hear-?" Then I realised I was tapping thin air. She wasn't there. (Boy, I must have been tired, not to have not felt her by me.)

"Lilly?"

It was strange. It was rare for her to be by herself - of course, you know why. I wondered why she was out alone this late. (It might have been... maybe 10:00 at night.)

"Lilly?" I called, still lying in bed. Right. Like she'll hear me from here. I got up, left, and went out to the garden.

I opened the door. And there she was, in the austere desolation of the pebbles and stones, standing beneath the dim light of the moon in her silk pyjamas, her hair undone, her hands folded, singing in the night. It was... serene. She was serenity itself in that moment. I could not understand her words, as they were in English, but the words streamed magnificently.

I watched, and listened, in awe. Honey filled my lips, and I didn't want it to end. I was taken with the beauty of it.

But I must have made some noise. One instant she was the picture of peace, at one with the world. The next the spell was broken, and she was herself again.

"Hello? Who is there?"

"...me," I muttered sheepishly. Even though she couldn't see me anyway, I still looked away ashamedly. I felt as if I'd accidentally peeked into her diary (if she'd had one), or probed a part of her I wasn't supposed to.

But she just turned around, smiled, and walked towards me. "Oh, Hisao. Hello," she said kindly. She turned her head, as if looking around, eyes wide open.

"Oh, my. It's quite late. I can hear the crickets! I don't know where the time went." she tried to explain.

"It's alright," I smiled as I offered her my arm. She took it and we walked arm-in-arm back to our room, and we went to sleep.

I had wondered what she had been doing, singing to the skies. It was not until... later... that she told me it had been prayer. ...

The link is the song Lilly was singing, in a voice I thought would be like hers.

[nemz]

I'm not a Lilly fan or a believer in any faith, but it's still a pleasant scene.

[Helbereth]

Indeed.

The song doesn't have to be a prayer to a divine being. Listening to it, the lyrics are as much an affirmation of love as it is a prayer. Humbly asking for whomever will hear to offer her guidance for whatever may come.

There's strength in asking for help, and I think Lilly - in the context of the story - may be requesting aid with whatever she and Hisao are doing at that hostel in Nara. According to Wikipedia, Nara seems to be a place full of spirituality and history, though I can only guess why they would be in the area.

I enjoyed the song and the story is quaint if a bit short. I wish there was more.

[Paddy]

I may write more. Now, I have no intention of making her a raging evangelical Christian. Nor holier-than-thou.

But I could see her as being a nominal or lukewarm Presbyterian. (She might have been taught to be a Christian as a child - Scotland once was a Christian country, after all.)

I could take it in some interesting directions.

[Kayo12]

That was lovely, Paddy. I always imagined Lilly having a very quite faith, not wanting to offend others with her beliefs, but very sure of God's love.
A beautiful scene with a lovely song to play along with it. Listening to the song made me a little misty eyed, even. Those words, coming from Lilly, hit just a little bit harder than they have the times I've heard it before.

I'm glad someone other than me isn't afraid to think of Lilly's cross as something more than just jewelry.

[Mirage_GSM]

I may write more. Now, I have no intention of making her a raging evangelical Christian. Nor holier-than-thou.

But I could see her as being a nominal or lukewarm Presbyterian. (She might have been taught to be a Christian as a child - Scotland once was a Christian country, after all.).?

And what kind of country is Scotland now, if not christian?

[Yellow 13]

It was beautiful

[Otakumon]

I may write more. Now, I have no intention of making her a raging evangelical Christian. Nor holier-than-thou.

But I could see her as being a nominal or lukewarm Presbyterian. (She might have been taught to be a Christian as a child - Scotland once was a Christian country, after all.)

I could take it in some interesting directions.

But did she ever actually live in Scotland? When her parents abandoned her and Akira it was to move to Scotland when she was 12. If she lived there any at all she was likely too young to take on any denomination, and she has evidentily grown up in Japan.

[Kayo12]

I may write more. Now, I have no intention of making her a raging evangelical Christian. Nor holier-than-thou.

But I could see her as being a nominal or lukewarm Presbyterian. (She might have been taught to be a Christian as a child - Scotland once was a Christian country, after all.)

I could take it in some interesting directions.

But did she ever actually live in Scotland? When her parents abandoned her and Akira it was to move to Scotland when she was 12. If she lived there any at all she was likely too young to take on any denomination, and she has evidently grown up in Japan.

I don't think living in Scotland would have as much an effect on any choice of religion she takes as much as being raised by, at least presumably, a Mother who has some religious upbringing or such a traditional household.
Again, all conjecture. The game, thankfully, has no real concrete evidence of her beliefs other than she went to a Catholic school and wears a cross. Head canon is fine, but actually coming out with Lilly being Christian during the course of the game? Even I don't like that.

[Paddy]

I may write more. Now, I have no intention of making her a raging evangelical Christian. Nor holier-than-thou.

But I could see her as being a nominal or lukewarm Presbyterian. (She might have been taught to be a Christian as a child - Scotland once was a Christian country, after all.)

I could take it in some interesting directions.

But did she ever actually live in Scotland? When her parents abandoned her and Akira it was to move to Scotland when she was 12. If she lived there any at all she was likely too young to take on any denomination, and she has evidently grown up in Japan.

I don't think living in Scotland would have as much an effect on any choice of religion she takes as much as being raised by, at least presumably, a Mother who has some religious upbringing or such a traditional household.
Again, all conjecture. The game, thankfully, has no real concrete evidence of her beliefs other than she went to a Catholic school and wears a cross. Head canon is fine, but actually coming out with Lilly being Christian during the course of the game? Even I don't like that.

Oh, yeah. I might have misread that. I thought Lilly had lived in Scotland until she was 12. Must have missed something.

I agree, Kayo, but only because it seems neither Christians nor atheists seem to know enough about Christianity - or about writing - to write anything tastefully about it.

I'm working on another section. I don't know when it might be done. Might be done tonight.

[Daitengu]

Lily does wear a cross. So it's not a far fetched idea. (Them things aren't fashion accessories)

I thought I remembered her having gone to a Catholic school before going to Yamaku. Been a while since I've played so...

[Paddy]

Lily does wear a cross. So it's not a far fetched idea. (Them things aren't fashion accessories)

I thought I remembered her having gone to a Catholic school before going to Yamaku. Been a while since I've played so...

Indeed. But I'd say if anything Lilly was nominally Presbyterian since the Church of Scotland (which is Presbyterian) makes up the majority of religious in that part of the world. And it wouldn't make sense to think she'd converted to Catholicism, either. For, unless she had some kind of addiction to the act (God forbid!), I don't understand how a convert who actually came to understand and love the faith would rationalise then indulge their "healthy adolescent sex drive". Doesn't mean she's depraved... she just doesn't know or care about her Christian faith, or perhaps just some parts of it, is all. And given how no one's taught her why it's important, I don't entirely blame her (though I do feel sorry for her).

I'm almost done with the next section.

[Daitengu]

According to the 2001 Scotland census 16% of people claim to be Roman Catholic.

As for Japan itself 80-85% of people don't follow a particular religion, with only 15 to 50% of that 20% believing in a God. From there you split that in to actual religions and Christianity as a whole ends up being about 5-7% of the total Japanese population. The likeliness of a Catholic private school would be higher than Presbyterian, as Catholicism has a larger global reach.

Thems the facts IRL.

Game wise I would just assume that Lily was put in a Catholic private school as a way to keep her out of the public eye, as it was the closest to her father's beliefs. It would go with the theme of her family. Mainly for a lack of choices(realistically) since Japanese customs and moral are known to create a bias against handicapped, and shame families for having 'flawed' children.

[Kayo12]

Game wise I would just assume that Lily was put in a Catholic private school as a way to keep her out of the public eye, as it was the closest to her father's beliefs.

Isn't it her Mother who is Scottish and thus implied to be the religious one?

[Paddy]

Forgive me if this seems a bit preachy or questionable. Truthfully, I know nothing firsthand about drinking, so this is what I imagine drinking does. And I am not a teetotaler, even if this tract seems to come off that way. I swear.

...Now on the subject of wine.

Yes, we drank together. We drank when we were happy. Occasionally when we were... amorous. (Not that we'd ever needed it.) "Life is a celebration, and wine the libation to it", so she'd say.

We once tried drinking to be happy. We learned there is a difference.

It was on the night after we'd received the phone call that Akira was in the hospital. After the car accident. We didn't know at the time that fate and the doctors would keep her alive.

But we almost lost three lives that night.

When she answered the phone and they told her... she didn't move. She couldn't move. ... She couldn't stop crying. I was crying, too. Akira was a good friend, and she's been a saviour to me many times. But to Lilly, she wasn't just a sister. She was a mother, father, and a best friend to her for six years.

... When I look back, I can't imagine the pain of losing my mother, father, and best friend all at the same time. I didn't think about it at the time.

But she was torn to pieces. Tears streamed down her face. She stood frozen in desolation. Her mouth agape. Here blue eyes pooled with sorrow.

... I couldn't stand to see her like it. I wanted to kill her pain.

I saw a bottle of wine sitting on the kitchen counter. I had an "aha!" moment. I grabbed the bottle, a couple glasses, and a corkscrew.

Lilly came to the counter and sat down with me when I popped the cork. I poured us both a glass.

"Ah..." she sighed relievedly to herself after she threw it back.

Truthfully, the wine was making me feel better, too. Akira's accident didn't seem so bad now...

...and then I remembered that she had had an accident and did not want to. I poured myself another glass.

"Want another?" I asked.

She nodded quickly, and I poured us both another glass.

We threw another glass back together. And I felt rosy and warm. Lilly's cheeks were blushed, and she was smiling again.

"Ah..." she sighed comfortably again. "I'm glad we did this." She cradled her head in her hands. A few strands of her hair fluttered around her eyes as she shut them. Her lips curled into a slightly goofy smile.

"...is there any more?" she asked.

Peering into the bottle, I frowned when I saw it was empty.

"...No, no there isn't," I said in dismay. And I grimaced and put the bottle back on the table. Then I plopped my head into my hands.

There was a long, tense pause.

"...Well, then..." she said hazily, "let's go out and get some more." .

...Hm. It seemed like a good idea at the time. There was a bar within walking distance. We weren't completely pickled just then. Or at least, we didn't feel like it...

...so we walked out into the neon lights of the city to go... and get totally shit-faced. That news had been a terrible end to the day, and we just wanted to forget it.

So we stumbled into the shady, smoke-filled bar, past the neon beer logo lights, and dropped ourselves onto the nearest barstools at the end of the long, polished counter. We were still reasonably with it, so we ordered a couple of glasses of wine. We threw them back under the dim lights. For a few minutes we'd savour the buzz. How good it felt.

Then we'd ask the bartender for a couple more drinks, at random. Throw them back. Cough. Chuckle, laugh. It was all a blur... I don't think Lilly or I remember exactly what the Hell we were doing.

Anyway, we really got tanked. We laughed under the cruel lights, in an idle, pointless world (to paraphrase something Lilly read to me about an old Persian poet). In that moment, the alcohol was the only thing we lived for.

We were absolutely out of it. We clung to each other, holding each other onto our chairs, laughing at the funniest joke no one had ever heard.

"Mmmyyy... Gggguuuaadd... eeeiIII ppphhhhffeeeell great," I slurred while I clung to her shoulder, resting my lead-filled head next to her block.

"SSssssshhsso ddddoo eeiiIIIaai, Hhhhiieessaaooo..." she slurred. We could barely understand each other.

We clumsily turned our heads to each other. I looked very generally in Lilly's direction. I could swear she was trying to look at me.

As our heads started closing in on each other and we felt each others' heat, our mouths opened for a sloppy kiss.

But just as we were about to meet, her head fluttered down, and she fell back on her seat and collapsed onto the wooden floor. I flopped out of my seat and threw myself down to her. My stupored eyes widened like bug eyes.

"L- lll- lliiiy?" My jaw dropped in what little consciousness I had. I turned to the bartender.

"Ssshhh-sshhhheeee wwonnnn't wwakhuppphh..."

And then I joined Lilly in blackout.

It wasn't until the sun rose that I woke up in a hospital bed, an IV tube stuck in my wrist. I felt like someone had shoved a brick down my throat. But I was also groggy and sedated. I was better than I was last night, and I could move and talk, but I was still out-of-it a bit.

Simply being back in a hospital was enough to scare me - and to irritate me.
"Great..." I thought to myself, "...back in the hospital again." I sighed and looked at the sterile, white ceiling, resigned to stay in a hospital bed yet again.

After a few minutes another thought dawned on me: Lilly. She was stone cold knocked out on the bar room floor last time I saw her. Dear God, where was she?

"...Lilly..." I breathed. My eyes opened wider. I tilted my head around, vainly looking for her. "...Lilly?"

A short, older doctor wearing glasses walked in, staring at my chart.

"Good morning, Nakai-san," he spoke monotonously. "and how are we doing this morning?"

"...Fine... I guess," I said. I looked at the doctor.

And the doctor looked at me. "Responding? Looking? This is good. Very good."

"It is?" I asked, the trace sedatives still leaving me a bit woozy.

"You had severe alcohol poisoning." The doctor stared at me. My eyes followed his head as he looked me over.

"Doctor..." I tried to ask.

"You should not be able to respond as well as you are." He continued to hover over me. "You took in about a liter of hard alcohol. You should have been in a coma for a day or two - if you woke up at all."

He shone a light in my eyes, and I squinted and tried to shield them.

His eyes widened. "My goodness..."

"Doctor..."

He flipped through his charts, his eyes widening. "And with your heart condition... My boy, it's a miracle you're alive, never mind responsive."

"Doctor..." I said again, trying to conjure up some force in my voice.

"Oh! Sorry, yes?"

"Is there a girl... she blind. ... Lilly Satou?"

He put his fingers to his forehead for a few seconds.

..."Oh. Mmm..., yes. She's in Room 534."

I lifted myself up off my bed. "Could we go see her?"

"As it so happens, yes," the doctor replied. "We can do so now, if you like."

I could not hobble down the hall with my IV-stand fast enough!

The doctor guided me to 534. It was just a bit past the nurse's station and to the left. And there was Lilly, a doctor running various tests on her. She was sleeping. Right above her was a window, and the sun rose above her head, crowning her hair with the majesty of the star's rays.

Lilly's doctor saw me and my doctor at the door. He was a taller, dark-skinned fellow who was trying to grow a goatee.

He smiled, and waved us in.
"Her vitals are good. She's been coming in and out," he said, "but I think that's been because of the sedative."

I watched Lilly while the two doctors talked. Her hair was pulled back, although it was matted. She lay draped in a flowery-patterned hospital gown, like mine. She breathed slowly, but normally, like she would in our bed at home. She seemed at peace.

Her doctor came over to her again. "I examined her an hour ago. She's still very sedated. Come back later."

I didn't want to leave her. I brushed my fingers along her pale cheek, and felt the air go out of her mouth. Then I turned sadly away and went out.

An hour or two later, the doctor came and told me I was ready to go. He gave me my clothing and allowed me to change into them.

"Okay, Nakai-san," he said, "you're free to go." And he gestured to the door.

"If I may," I said, throwing the plastic clothing-holding bag into the trash, "may I wait in Satou-san's room?"

He nodded, and he led me back to her room, perhaps just to make it seem official, past the nurses and their charts.

He dropped me off in Lilly's dark, forest green room. Her doctor had left. No other doctors seemed to mind my existence at the time. The porous hospital curtains were now pulled back, dimming the sunlight, removing her crown of sun. She slept like a child at rest in its mother's arms. Her very... being seemed to be at perfect rest.

I walked over to her, and tenderly brushed my fingers across her face again. I watched her sleep. I adore her lightly closed eyes and her delicate snoring. I was only waiting for her to wake up.

I don't know how long I simply spent waiting. Looking. Longing.

But finally, she opened her eyes. She reached out her hand to my face, and felt around my nose, and lips, and eyes with her soft, small hand.

"Hisao-kun?" she said quietly.

"Lilly!" Tears came to my eyes. Her eyes misted, too. We hugged as best as we could with an IV tube in her wrist and her still somewhat sedate. We held each other close, for a long, precious time.

"Hisao?" she spoke. She smiled contritely. "I'm sorry."

"Lilly? You did nothing wrong."

She bowed her head into my chest, and I held her.

"We should never, ever do that again," she spoke resolvedly.

"Amen (sa-zo)."

It was only a few hours later that Lilly was also allowed to leave her bed. I loved every moment of it - simply being with her, drinking in a libation greater than wine. That of being one with they whom you love. Even in their most helpless moments. It was painful to see her so weak, but it's what caused me to cling to her more.

So I am thankful, even for those awful times. But to this day we have never again drunken because we were sad. We'd dodged a bullet; we dared not tempt providence again.

Ha ha hah.

Did I mention Akira was actually in the same hospital as we were? We went to visit her...