Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Xiious]

Thanks. I'll see what happens. Maybe a new, slow relationship is what I need to get back on my feet.

[Exbando]

Didn't I say somewhere that I believe nobody is worthless or useless (albeit not directly to you)?

That you did...that you did

Exbando,

If you don' t want to end up living with your folks in your thirties then both for jobs and relations you'll have to start working on it. I know it can be hard to get motivated, sometimes when we're in a bad place we just feel too bad to have the drive to change the situation, but that's exactly what is needed. Only incredibly lucky people get more out of life than they put in to it. I daresay the majority of people actually get less out of it than the work they put into it. It's not really fair, but there's sometimes no better way then just to keep on trying, fighting, looking...

KS is a bit idealistic but, suppose you could find a love that is 10% as good as in the game, that would already be nicer than being alone, right? I think it's not that hard at all to find a love that is 10% as good as the ones we see in KS. So, then why not look a bit harder to find your 25, 50, 75 or even 100%.

I thought a lot about your post, but it fell prey to my "I'll think about it some more and come up with something more useful to say" trap.

I definitely know that feeling of being rudderless and adrift. Over the past few years I've arranged my life to my liking, but I still have a job I hate and my career's still a shambles. I'm not all the way there yet, not by far. That said, all of the problems you mentioned are fixable - there's plenty of hope if you take action like Beoran said (it seems "do as Beoran says" is always good advice ). Concentrate on one problem at a time, so you don't look at the whole thing and give in to despair.

Like a lot of people on this thread, I had a awful time in school, I found it hard to talk to women, and I'm shy. I'm going to turn 30 this month; I'm married, I have my own place, a car, a motorcycle, a cat, and a measure of domestic bliss. You can have all that stuff too. You won't end up living with your parents at 30 if that's not what you want and you work on your problems. Life might seem bad now but you can make it better.

I would like to meet new people, but I think that some of the lack of motivation is simply not knowing how to go about it. I go to my local card shop occasionally to play magic, but I don't really know what to talk about to some of the people. Even if I find something to talk about, I never remember their names. I've never been one to start conversations. In fact, I only get into conversations if some of friends get me involved in it for the most part.

One of the biggest pitfalls you can trap yourself in is using words like these. Words like "should", "maybe", "probably" and "might" are no good when you're attempting to make a legitimate change in your life.

I dropped out of college at 19. I told myself, "I should go back to college." - six years later, I finally said, "I am going back to college." In high school and beyond, I constantly said, "I really should lose weight and get healthy." Today, I am saying "I am losing weight and I am getting healthy."

You cannot give yourself outs. If there's something that must happen in your life, it MUST happen. It cannot be pushed to the side due to inconvenience, apathy or laziness. You will lose years of your life if you put important change off, years you can never get back.

Do yourself a favor... tell yourself, "I am going to get a new job" and do not quit until you have a new job. It might take a long time, but you will find one eventually. And you will certainly never get a new job if you don't try.

For right now, I think I'll focus on meeting new people. After all, if I meet new people, it should be a little easier to get a new job. At least I'm making money right now, right?

@Exbando: I mighta already replied to ya, but I dunno, so I'll do it again. Dude, I'm like 20-something, without a job, without any real degree or certificate, kinda slumming by jumping at opportunities as they come by and seeing what the fuck. I'm no shining example of how to be a kickass dude, but at least I make the effort to go out and be a kickass dude, yanno? I getcha, perpetual ennui and the realization that "FUCK me I haven't done or will ever do a Goddamn thing" is rough, but hey, this world is nuts right now, and life is waaaay more complex than it should be. You're just in an extended metamorphosis, man. Just get out there and keep trying, even if it seems pointless, because fuck entropy, that's why. You're SOMEBODY, dammit, and you have all the potential in the world limited by you and you alone. Sure, it's a bumpy fuckin' road, but baby steps, ya dig?

Jesus, I'm excessively positive when I'm drunk. Sixer of Killian's on an empty stomach is NOT a good lunch, kids. LEARN FROM YOUR OLD UNCLE T.D., OKAY.

@Beoran, random guests, and pretty much everyone else here:

I feel this accurately sums up what I have to say about you cool guys and gals. Listen up.

I'll definitely keep trying! Quick question: What does entropy mean? I looked it up and had no idea what the definition even meant...

I guess it's good thing that I don't drink ad don't ever intend to do it, right?

High-five for Waterboy! I love that movie!

Just to let everyone know, once again, if I haven't replied to your story, I have still read it. There were even some stories I've read that were either deleted or changed soon after being posted (though I can't for the life of me remember the names of those people...)

[Kutagh]

Yeah, not knowing what to talk about... Usually that happens because of a lack of confidence. I'd start with the people that play Magic, talk about them, ask them how they designed their decks for example or why they use specific cards. If they made an interesting choice, feel free to debate it. Don't be afraid to say incorrect things, everyone does that at some point.

And about alcohol: I'd say don't fully ignore it but drink with measure (so don't drink ten beers ). There's nothing wrong with a bit of alcohol (unless you have serious issues with alcohol).

[ArazelEternal]

Jesus. I hop across a few states and the HBHC gets NUTS.
@AzraelEternal: JUMP ON IT JUMP ON IT JUMP ON IT GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Two black broads is the best kind of sandwich to be in, hahahah! But seriously, good on ya!

Thanks for your and everyone elses votes of confidence. Makes me feel a bit better about things.

Jesus, I'm excessively positive when I'm drunk. Sixer of Killian's on an empty stomach is NOT a good lunch, kids. LEARN FROM YOUR OLD UNCLE T.D., OKAY.

Which is exactly why I dont drink till later in the day, say 4 or 5 PM. Though I dont say no to the occasional beer with lunch, but certainly not a sixer.

[ArazelEternal]

I'll definitely keep trying! Quick question: What does entropy mean? I looked it up and had no idea what the definition even meant...

Entropy is the level of randomness in a system. The level up entropy goes up, the level of randomness goes up. A system with a really low level of entropy is predictable: you can get a really good idea of whats going to happen and when. A high level of entropy means that the system is totally unpredictable; you have no idea whats going to happen or when.

Here. Definition 3 is the one you probably want to look at.

[Surreal-mind]

Small update:
So...
in my first post I said that things were looking kind of good and I might end up moving to a different country next year.
I've been doing some things here and there, and to make a long story short:
It seems that sometime during next week, I'll finally know IF and WHEN I'll be moving away.
I'm really nervous right now, I can't wait anymore to get the news.
I'll keep my fingers crossed the whole week, I really wanna leave this fugly place!
Hmmm... guess I just needed to tell someone

Wish me luck!

[Gandara]

Best of luck to you, sir!

Mind if I ask, is the place you're moving an upgrade from your current residence? Also, you gonna be making some sweet dinero with the new post?

It's always nice to start fresh. And if you're turning your life around anyways, a fresh start might be exactly what you need to give everything another go. =)

[Surreal-mind]

Best of luck to you, sir!

Thank you !!
Without going too much into detail...Right now I'm stuck in a really ugly country in the middle of nowhere, (coming here was a really bad decision) and I'm trying to move back to Europe... so yeah.. TOTAL UPGRADE
As far as money goes... I'm not sure yet, I really don't know, nor do I care much about that. Right now my only priority is moving away from here.
After much thought, it really seems like a fresh start is exactly the thing I need !

BUT... I still don't know WHEN I'll be able to leave, might be in a couple of months, or maybe next year.. I dunno...

AGH ! The suspense is killing me !!

[Xiious]

Update:

I've started to have nightmares, and nightly....it's getting really hard to sleep... I'm even afraid to close my eyes for longer than a few minutes nowadays...

They started three days ago, and I've had a really rough time since then.

And I have no idea what to do....

I'm turning towards you guys cause everyone around me has detected a change in the way I am, and most are avoiding me. The girl keeps trying to find out what is wrong but... I keep telling her I'm fine. That's probably a mistake, but it's a spur of the moment lie that I can't seem to stop myself from saying. Nonetheless she is persistent... I'm thankful for that... maybe soon I can tell her what's wrong with me....

For now, I continuously feel like I need to hide... I'm scared guys, I don't know what triggered the nightmares but they are making my life a living hell! ;_;

[Gandara]

I've started to have nightmares, and nightly....

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/gu ... -in-adults

Pretty decent write-up about some potential causes and solutions. A lot of times, nightmares can be caused by large changes in a person's life. Notably, they're often triggered by trauma or the resurgence of past trauma, but they have a myriad of other causes as well - dietary changes, alterations to daily routine, medication, or even the stuff you eat before you go to bed.

You've obviously been making changes in your life. Have any of these changes been physical? Have you started exercising, or have you altered your diet at all? Have you started or stopped taking any medication? These would be the first places I would look. If you answered yes to any of these, maybe try toning back the change a little and see where that takes you.

If these nightmares are enough to be causing sleep deprivation, it might be a good idea to check with a doctor about it. They have sleep centers where you can stay the night and they can examine your REM cycle. Who knows, maybe you've got something serious going down like sleep apnea.

My first bet is that it's simply a factor of the changes going on in your life. Maybe try a few home remedies - drink a warm glass of milk before you go to bed, put on a CD of super mellow music, or perhaps get a new pillow.

As for the change in your mannerisms, that's likely caused by the sleep deprivation. If anyone asks you, just tell them you've been having a rough time getting sleep for the past few days. It happens to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, so there's nothing to be ashamed / embarrassed about. And it's nothing you can't make it through. Stuff that messes with your sleep is the absolute worst - I know from experience. Just hang in there.

[Guest]

Update:

I've started to have nightmares, and nightly....it's getting really hard to sleep... I'm even afraid to close my eyes for longer than a few minutes nowadays...

They started three days ago, and I've had a really rough time since then.

And I have no idea what to do....

I'm turning towards you guys cause everyone around me has detected a change in the way I am, and most are avoiding me. The girl keeps trying to find out what is wrong but... I keep telling her I'm fine. That's probably a mistake, but it's a spur of the moment lie that I can't seem to stop myself from saying. Nonetheless she is persistent... I'm thankful for that... maybe soon I can tell her what's wrong with me....

For now, I continuously feel like I need to hide... I'm scared guys, I don't know what triggered the nightmares but they are making my life a living hell! ;_;

What Gandara said.

As well, if you're having trouble telling her, just type up "sorry, I know I've been off, but I've been having sleep trouble" on your phone in a text. Don't delete it. And when you work up the nerve to send it off, just send it, and damn the consequences. It can be a lot easier to say something that way via text/email rather than voice mail or in person.

And you can probably find some sleep medications out there, I know there's some over-the-counter stuff as well. Personally, I all but stopped dreaming years ago - I might vaguely recall a small detail or two upon waking up, for about half an hour or so, but if I get an actual dream (or nightmare) it's once in a blue moon... so, I can't offer much help on that. Sorry >_>
I did get a few more "nightmares" shortly after my most recent bout of depression - they weren't something terrifying, but just the type of nightmares that preyed on all the weak points in my psyche. But they weren't too common either, and they seem to have finished appearing. I suppose just... hold on, they should be gone soon, hopefully?

[Xiious]

Well....weeks ago I was a really secluded guy, and didn't go out much. Then i started hanging with the Girl, and i was outside walking around almost every day...

I don't take medication, I have a fear of any sort of pill.

[Gandara]

I'd say chances are high that it's just a lot of change coming in at once. If you went from internet recluse to socialite overnight it could have an impact. Just try to slow things down a little bit, and really work everything out in your mind. Sort it out upstairs, yo!

[Guest]

I'm sure someone can suggest Nyquil (which comes in a liquid). I couldn't tell you whether it's effective or not myself, as most sleep meds do very little to actually get me sleepy, yet do a fair bit to leave me feeling slow and weary the next morning. (Ugh.) I also seem to build up a quick and permanent resistance to them over a relatively short time...

Though I'm betting that your nightmares are just caused by an overactive mind in comparison to before. A few weeks back, you probably weren't thinking so hard about so many difficult things, were you? That can't be helping your sleep situation much.

[Revvy]

In the past 3 years, I have been led on by girls constantly, they have always said stuff like

"Yeah, I really like you"
"Mmm, You're Hot"

Etc.. and stuff like that, but whenever it came to trying to take things further they always had a sudden change of heart.
I have been in 1 relationship in the past 3 years and that only lasted 30 days and even after that finished, I found out I had been cheated on several times in what I thought was the happiest time of my life..

Since that relationship, I've changed a lot, for the worse in many ways. I started drinking a lot more, going to lots of random parties and just sort of went down the "Manwhore path" in life, a lot of 19 year old guys see appeal in the idea of going to random parties and sleeping with a different girl every almost every 2 weeks, but to be perfectly honest, I don't like the life I am currently living, I know they say "Don't knock it, til you try it" but I've gotten to that point where I'm pretty much doing anything and everything with anyone out of desperation and self pity that I can't manage to get into and maintain a stable relationship and it hurts, because many of my friendships have ended due to this way of life, I just don't know what to do.. I want a proper relationship, but I don't want to be led on and given false hope again..