Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

[Leaty]

… Proceed.

Finally, a Misha path!

I wouldn't get your hopes up for me to write one. Right now, I don't want to get any more ambitious than a parallel story to Act One (which is why the story is titled what it is.) Writing a Misha path would essentially be tantamount to rewriting Shizune's path, replacing Hisao with a borderline-OC, and revising the conclusion of the story, which is a close enough prospect to rewriting The Girl Who Lived that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn't help that Doomish has already begun to write a Misha path and it's better than anything I can do in that area, nor does it help that any Misha path I tried to write would now be tainted by my having read it. And, at any rate, as much as I adore Misha, I don't really care for Shizune, so writing a ton of somatic dialogue for a character I don't find that exciting really doesn't make my life any easier in that regard.

I'll say this, though; if, after all is said and done, I haven't provided a springboard for somebody else to write a great Iwanako/Misha romfic, I'll have failed at what I'm setting out to do.

[Guest90206]

Words words words Shizune no Misha no words words words.

All I'm hearing here is DIFFERENT GIRL.

Shit, son, in my opinion, if you can make Iwanako, whom we know nigh upon nothing about, work as a character, you can probably work with just about any character.

But that's just me.

And no, I'm not a yuri fanatic; I see this as having legitimate promise for a unique storyline.
But that's not to say I don't enjoy a good yuri-fic... >=_=>

[Leaty]

(deadfic)

[Leaty]

(deadfic)

[Leaty]

Author's Notes were here. I'm getting rid of them for now.

[crushinator]

I like it. A part of me hopes it will be a Yuri storyline.

I don't have any literary criticisms to contribute unfortunately. I do however look forward to the next instalment.

[Leaty]

It will be a yuri storyline. Try as I might, I can't bring myself to write an Iwanako/Kenji story.

I'm starting to realize I'm not very good at ending scenes. This is the second time I've had to go back and tack on more to a chapter to make it feel more "complete." I think I'm just too eager to put my stuff up. Anyway, Chapter Four should now feel much less abrupt. I wanted to dwell on the birth control thing a little more.

[griffon8]

It's a perfectly good place to pause the story. The scene is about to change, so that works.

Heck, check out how short the chapters are to my stories. I had some comments that they were too short, but the breaks were at points that I felt were natural pauses in the story.

[atw_ah]

I would say that the original ending of chapter four was good enough as it was. It ended the chapter with a bit of comedy. But considering how you are writing your Iwanako, I think that the extension was the better solution. Your Iwanako is still in the transitional stages of being in Yamaku so ending with something funny wouldn't have fit with the tone of the other chapters. Your extension reveals more of her current state of mind by how she warps the situation into a cold and hopeless realization of her future.

Also, since you have said that you're going to make this into a yuri storyline, the extended ending is a good starting point for Iwanako's change in sexuality. I think it's better that she realizes that a relationship with a man would be hampered by the fact that having a child is out of the question instead of her one day going "Oh look, this girl is a lesbian. She seems moderately attractive. Why don't I be lesbian too?"

I just realized, how would a Iwanako/Kenji storyline even start without Hisao being in Yamaku in the first place?

Either way, excellent piece of fiction you've made for yourself. I can't wait to see how your Iwanako interacts with the cast.

[Mirage_GSM]

I just realized, how would a Iwanako/Kenji storyline even start without Hisao being in Yamaku in the first place?

Easy: You just have to make up the situation where they are meeting instead of copying it from the VN.

[Leaty]

(deadfic)

[nemz]

I continue to hope you'll be mostly fleshing out the oft-ignored parts of the student body. Here's hoping you hook her up with somebody nobody has used yet, maybe even an OC from one of the other classes, such as the mysterious 3-1.

[Mirage_GSM]

Natsume and Naomi are not canonically lesbian.
There is one fic where Naomi is paired up with Hanako, while Natsume is explicitly straight.
There is another recent fic about Miki and Suzu where Natsume and Naomi are referred to as a couple.
There might be one or two more fics I am forgetting at the moment, but there's nothing in the source material that would suggest that.

[griffon8]

Frankly, I'm surprised nobody got angry about Iwanako's hairstyle change. The idea behind it was to ensure that she look as different from Hanako as possible, as she would otherwise look fairly similar. I wanted her to look distinct in a yearbook photo, and my opinion is that what we see of her in game isn't quite up to par, so I came up with a bunch of fruity contrivances to give her a unique appearance. Aesthetics are important to me, even though this is a purely text-based exercise, but I thought this would piss off some purist somewhere. I remember reading some terrible Daria fic a long time ago where a magical gypsy or something cast a spell on her and she permanently because some chesty blue-haired dream girl.

I'm surprised you considered it an issue. I thought it was very well done. I didn't see it as a way to keep her different from Hanako, I just thought it was a great way to give Iwanako a problem and a way of dealing with it.

As for doing that to Daria, well 'terrible' and 'magical gypsy or something cast a spell on her' are redundant.

Changing the genre of a story for a fanfic can be done well, but it usually isn't.

[Beoran]

Yeah, I liked the hair color change too, one that would be quite shocking for her Japanese mother. It mean's she looks like a "Yankee" (a delinquent, rebellious youth). In Japanese context, it would be her way to say "screw it all, I don't care anymore." Also, this makes her close in her ideas to Misha... I can only say WAHAHA~to that.