Where the Painting Should Be ~ Rin Neutral End

[Andonymos]

Hello, KS Forums.I'm completely new here. I've posted a couple stories on 4chan in the past, and an Anon suggested I come here in order to improve my writing, and my stories. So, here I am.

This was my first completed work of fiction, but I'm fairly satisfied with the outcome. Please enjoy.
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...nothing

Nothings been coming to me for the last three hours I've sat in front of this canvas.
There used to be days... weeks where I could do nothing but paint.
But now it's been weeks since I last painted.
There's nothing there...

But I changed. That exhibition I did for Nomiya and Sae should have made me a better painter. But now I can't paint at all. Maybe I've run out of painting. Not paints, or paintbrushes, just painting. It's like... I have a car, and it's full of gas, and I need to drive somewhere, but there isn't anywhere to drive to. I'm just idling...
I have to paint.

Maybe it's the paintbrush.

No, the paintbrush still works. Now there's a big, red slash where my painting should be. Besides, paintbrushes have always understood me, and never asked my any questions I couldn't answer. Only questions like, "Hey, Rin. Wanna paint today?" and I'd always say "Sure." Always... but not now.

Maybe it's the art school.

No, they've been good to me here. Most people here are nice to me. They say my art has potential, that I'll be famous one day. A lot of people still stare at me, but they're all art-school-types, so they get really nervous when I stare back. Nobody here helps me dress like Emi did, though. They all say nice things, but not about me... just my paintings.

The place looks nice. The rooms are all large and covered in artwork. The doorways aren't wide like at Yamaku. They aren't designed for wheelchairs.

The room I'm in is huge... almost as big as a auditorium. There's nobody here but me, the paintbrushes, and my "painting." The ceilings are huge. They're supposed to make me feel open to new ideas, but it just makes me feel empty. Alone.

The classes here are easy for me to understand. Not like science was. I never liked science. Hisao did though.

Hisao...

It's been almost a year since that last hug in the rain. Almost a year since I last saw him.
That all made sense to me though. He wanted me to become a better painter. That's why he told me to do the exhibition. It only made sense that I should come here to this art university then... right?

Something's been missing ever since I stopped seeing Hisao. But I never felt this way before I met him. He gave me something I never knew I needed. Maybe he was drugging me... no. He was too nice. He was always nice.

---

"Hello? Is that Rin again?"

There's a man in the doorway at the other end of the room. The custodian. He comes around at seven to clean and turn off the lights. He's short and squat, and his jumpsuit makes him look shorter and squatter. His voice is smooth and fatherly. He's kinda taken Nomiya's role, but with less... loud noises. He's usually the first one to talk to me about my art.

"Yeah. Sorry I'm in your way. I'll go now."

"You know you're not in my way. You shouldn't be so down on yourself." His eyes fall on my picture. "Look at that! You even got something painted today."

"Ah... that isn't a painting... It..."
I can't say "I was testing to see if the paintbrush still painted." He'll think that I'm weird. I don't want to be weird. The old Rin used to say weird things. I'm a new Rin. Maybe I should take a new name. "Tin Rezuka." Maybe "Akuzet Nir."

"Well, it's enough of a painting for me. Heck, there's probably some meaning you can fish out of it if you look hard enough. I can't do that, though. I just clean." Right. Cleaning. I should go.

First, I write my name on the painting. It's not something I'm used to, but it's something one of my teachers said I should do one time. They also want titles, but... I can't usually. I'm never happy with the titles to my paintings. They're always... wrong. This time, however, I have the perfect title.
"Nothing. Akuzet Nir."
...
The title works, but my name doesn't. I think I'll stick with "Rin" for now.

With that dealt with, I hop off of my chair and shuffle out of the room. I don't think I said goodbye to the janitor. I wonder if I should ask for his name. I don't know anybody's name here. Nobody is interesting enough to remember. They're all skinny and have weird hair colors. And have issues with the government. And with their parents. And they all do drugs. I don't do drugs. I can't grab needles or lighters or cigarettes. Sometimes I wish I could, though.

--

The air here is smelly. And noisy. I can't think and I can't breathe. It's a constant battle to stay afloat. I'm not even free in my room. I have trouble sleeping through the sirens and the screams of drunkards in the streets.

And there's no forest nearby, either. Just one of those twigs that schools try to pass off as trees. The ones which have poles supporting them with a big rubber band. I tried using it as a Worry Tree once. I sat there for five minutes. The Worry Twig didn't give me any shade. It bent against my weight. People gave me weird looks. It only made me worry more. I left.

They've even locked the door to the roof. Someone said it was because there were too many kids committing suicide by jumping off there. I'm stuck here on the ground.

---

Here's my dorm. It's a bit larger than my old one, but it's also darker. There's a bed, a small tv, and a kitchenette. I don't have any food that requires cooking, though. I stopped trying to learn how to
cook.

I close the door behind me and start walking in. The only other people who have been in here were my parents. They helped me move in, told me how proud they were of me, and left. I think they're glad i'm away, learning to take care of myself. They must've worried for a while that they'd have to take care of me for my whole life. Afraid I'd be a lifelong burden.

My bed sits across from my tv, both at the far end of the room. There's a window on the wall between the two which faces the city streets. I can't open it very often. The lock is especially "safe." That means "hard to open with toes." I don't like having it open too often, though. The city is loud enough with the window closed.

It's kind of dark in here, so the flickering screen of the television makes lights dance eerily around the room and on the window. The man on the tv talks about cold fronts pushing in. I don't understand a word of what he says.

My bed is messy. The grey blanket is wrinkled and wrapped around itself in a way that is very difficult for me to undo. It's easier to just wiggle my way into the sheets until I'm happy with how covered I am from the night's cold. I usually wake up a couple of times a night to re-adjust myself, but it doesn't effect me enough to make me make my bed every morning.

The television is annoying, so I press the "off" button, and the weatherman goes away. I don't know if I would have left it on if I understood meteorology. What if he knew when people stopped watching his show. Maybe the show was just for me, and I've just crushed his spirit by shutting him out. I couldn't help that, though. I don't know what he's saying.
...
I hope you forgive me, weatherman.
I don't blame you for my lack of understanding.

---

I'm exhausted. Not tired, it's only about eight thirty. My body just isn't willing to move much further. I turn to fall into my bed, when something outside the window catches my eye. A man. Average height, average build. Slacks, white shirt, and a tie.

The bright neon lights of the bars are to his back, so I can't make out the front of him very well. What is it about this guy that's so... friendly? His hair... it's all messy. There's one streak of hair that pokes almost straight up to th-

Hisao?

It can't be.

He should be at his own university. Studying science. Becoming successful. Achieving his dream. I haven't seen him anywhere... Has he seen me, though? Followed me here, or searched out for me?

Impulses take over. I want to talk to him again. I NEED to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To see his face. To give him the best hug I can and to feel his body pressed against mine.

I need him.

"Hisao! Hisaooo!"
I yell, but it's no use. The window stands between us, as well as about a hundred meters of distance. I try waving my sleeves at him, but I don't think he can see my though the darkness.

He starts turning away. No. Walking away, now. No. No! NO!NO!NO!

I fall into hysterics.
"HISAO! HISAO! HISAO!"
I can't stop screaming. My lungs and throat are starting to sting. I don't care.
My toes begin fumbling for the window lock. But through the panic, I can't get it open. My big toe keeps slipping off of the lock. I try and try and try. I look up. He's still there. Just about to round the corner. Come on, toes. Please. Please. Please.

But I can't do it.

I look out the window. He's gone. Rounded the corner. Off to a better world. A world without me.

"...Hisao..."

My head hits the window as the panic drains away. It isn't replaced with anything. I'm empty again.

I can't hold back the tears. Or the sobs.
Not that I try to hold them back.

My knees go limp, and I fall to the ground. I rock back and forth, sobbing harder than I ever could before I met him.

Hisao definitely took something away. Nothing physical. Not a drug.
I gave him my heart.
And he had no choice but to take it.
He may not know it, but he still has it.
He may not want it, but he still has it.
I wish I could take it back, go back to how I was before we met.
But it's too late for that.
I can't take it back from him.
It's his forever...

---

I continue wailing, weeping, and rocking back and forth until I roll sideways onto my bed. Tears stream off my face onto the sheets.

I hope he comes back. Any day. Any time. Even just for a moment. He was the last person to like me for me, not my paintings.


Eventually, darkness overcomes me, and I fall into slumber.



~~~~~



The sun is the only thing that blankets me this morning. So warm... it makes me want to go back to sleep. It's weird that waking up only makes me want to go back to sleep.
...
I guess it isn't that weird, isn't it? Maybe that's sleep's job, to make waking up feel great. And then we want to go and sleep again to feel that nice awakening again.

Well, I can't sleep more. I have classes today.
...I have more classes to get to. Even if I missed a couple. Right now is... halfway through Art History. Dang.
We were just getting into stuff like cubism and abstract art. The type of stuff I usually paint.

I guess I have time to shower before I have lunch. The showers will be empty at this time of day. It takes me longer to shower than most girls. I'm also embarrassed to be out in the open like that. When I'm naked in front of people, it's like I'm a book open to the most important part, where the whole plot is tied together. Nobody will understand what's going on, since they haven't read the whole book, and all I want to do is tell them about the rest of the story, but nobody will listen. So instead, I just shut myself and walk away.

Emi and Hisao used to listen. Nobody else even asks. I need to be read, but nobody will even glance at my first page. They'll just read what they see the book opened to, and walk away.

...No shower today.

I need the Worry Twig.


-~-~-~-~-~


The campus is deserted. Usually there are some people out and about between classes, but today there's nothing. Just me. There aren't any clouds. There isn't any wind.

Just me.

At least the walk will be quiet.

Last night... that's all I want to think about. All I can think about.

Was it really him? I mean, he was built like Hisao, and who else has hair that awful? Not awful... unique. His hair was like how he was; he was different. The only person since Emi to take a look into the novel that is Rin Tezuka. That's why I liked him. Even though he didn't understand me, he tried.

He saw this book that was a million pages long with words he didn't understand in a language he couldn't read and he still tried. He saw a puzzle with a lot of pieces and the box was missing so he didn't know what the puzzle was supposed to look like when it was finished but he still tried to put it together.

I think that's why he got frustrated... I didn't give him enough pieces, or give him a translation guide or a dictionary. I should have talked to him more... It's all my fault he le-

Wha-

The Worry Twig

It's gone.

Snapped in half, probably by some drunk student last night.

I... it...

I'm completely alone. The Worry Twig was going to be my only friend. I was going to tell it everything and it would listen. That's what the Worry Tree was good at, and I bet the Twig would have listened too, but now I'll never know, will I?

I'm... naked. Nobody to show my book to. Nobody to solve my puzzle. No clouds in the sky, no rooftop for lunch, no Worry Tree to lean on, no Emi to laugh with, and most of all... no Hisao to-

"Rin?"

His voice.

I don't remember falling to my knees, but I have to look up at his face.
I don't remember crying, but I can barely make out his face through the tears.

I don't remember jumping into his arms, but his warmth is the only thing that I can sense.
The only thing I want to sense.

He doesn't kick me. He wraps his arms around me, burying my crying mess of a face in his shoulder. He felt the same way I did. He came back. He must have felt the same way.

Images flow into my mind. Pictures of figures dancing together as the world behind them dissolves away. I can paint these things. I can, but not yet.

Painting will have to wait, because this love won't wait.

We won't let it wait.




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Hope you liked it. Here's the original paste, if you need it for any reason.


Feedback is appreciated, as I'm terrible at editing my own writing.

[nemz]

Good stuff here.

Still, I wonder what it is about the neutral ending that people just won't leave alone despite feeling like the most honest ending. Sometimes things just don't work out, people. Happy endings are lies created by stopping the story when it's most convenient.

[Elcor]

That was amazingly sweet and a great d'awww moment at the end.
Looking forward to seeing more.

[TheSongofRaven]

whoa, nice story bro, can you make other neutral endings for other characters ?

[Andonymos]

Still, I wonder what it is about the neutral ending that people just won't leave alone despite feeling like the most honest ending. Sometimes things just don't work out, people. Happy endings are lies created by stopping the story when it's most convenient.

I would have ended it at the part where Rin falls asleep at the windowsill, but RFM convinced me to continue it. I don't prefer one ending over the other, but I like some of the stuff in the "good end" continuation. eh.

whoa, nice story bro, can you make other neutral endings for other characters ?

I dunno. Rin's neutral end was the only end that continued past the moment of decision (unless you count Emi's bad end if you double-screw yourself). Also, I just write what pops into my head. If any other neutral end resolutions come up, I'll put them on paper (so to speak).

[Oddball]

It's pretty good, although the characterization seems to shift a bit. In the beginning, Rin seems far too normal, you even make a point of saying she's not weird anymore, but a few more Rin-like oddities seem to slowly stray in. At first they seem a bit out of place, but as you continue, the oddities seem more common and natural and by the end of the story Rin seems like her old weird self again. I'm not sure if it was intentional on your part or not. If it was, you did a good job.

[Mirage_GSM]

At least she didn't blame it on the weatherman. Poor guy has it rough as it is
I think this is one of the best Rin pov stories I've ever read... Not that there are very many but still!

And I've said it before, but in my opinion KS has exactly one neutral ending - Hanako's chess ending. The one this story is based on is definitely bad.

[Andonymos]

I think this is one of the best Rin pov stories I've ever read... Not that there are very many but still!

Y-you too.

It's pretty good, although the characterization seems to shift a bit. In the beginning, Rin seems far too normal, you even make a point of saying she's not weird anymore, but a few more Rin-like oddities seem to slowly stray in. At first they seem a bit out of place, but as you continue, the oddities seem more common and natural and by the end of the story Rin seems like her old weird self again. I'm not sure if it was intentional on your part or not. If it was, you did a good job.

It wasn't exactly intentional.
I posted this as several parts, and people noticed that there were too many ellipses in her thinking. So, I focused in on what Rin-like writing would be like, and the second half is a result.

This whole fic was really good for me. It helped me get a real grip on writing Rin.

[Mirage_GSM]

I think this is one of the best Rin pov stories I've ever read... Not that there are very many but still!

Y-you too.

Yeah, why?

[Andonymos]

I think this is one of the best Rin pov stories I've ever read... Not that there are very many but still!

Y-you too.

Yeah, why?

Uh... it's a parody of a nervous person thanking someone.