Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Eraser35]

when it comes to virginity the brain in my junk says just get it out of the way while my brain is saying save for a legit relationship

[~Shultz]

omg broujos, more stories pl0x

manlytears.jpg

I really have a lot to say. Hanako's arc was my first, and I did it with the good ending. At the end, I realize why I felt so bad: it was because I was seeing myself in a mirror the whole time. I got a depression for the whole week. Those days were really hard, after all. Since then, I've been really emotional, or maybe I'm like this since last year, when I met again my sister after two years on christmas. I made she play the game too when I played, and she knew why I was on that state... Anyways, with her help, I intended to make some lyrics about lots of years after this route. My melancholic mood with her dark aura that I caught from her are a good combination, plus she's an amazing writter. We made the lyrics together, and the rest is mine...

Anyways, I saw myself on Hanako's route a lot, because I rather to be alone. I dislike being around crowds, I feel awkward when I'm with my friends too. Almost any kind of social interaction makes me feel awkward, but I learned to control the fear. I also was bullied, but it was on high school. That ended on the last year, where I fought 'em back, tired of that. My way of thinking eventually changed when I finished high school. It was like opening the eyes and waking up from a dream, everything was a lie for me. Right now I only trust in three online friends and my sister. I turned out from a christian to an atheist, and I turned to think a lot. I discovered my passion for composition and philosophy, so I'm dedicating to my music career that I started when I was three years old. Right now I'm on second semester in university, doing Musical Education, so I'm going to be a music teacher when I graduate. That was one of the reasons I was bullied, because I was a musician and I had a different way to think of anothers. I ended up for a while to study how social interactions worked in my country, only to realize that almost everyone are the same. I realize politics were awful and stupid, so I started to feel like an anarchist, I don't know if I'm anarchist, actually. I started to be a cold person after everything I went through. The bullying was really hard: insults, teasing, fights, pranks, even death threats...

The love part, well, I don't really know what to say. I never had a serious relationship, to be honest. There were some crushes and flirting, but never something serious. And from how I am now, I don't think it would work with anyone here. Right now I only have an online crush with someone, but that's it. But I feel really comfortable when I talk to her, and that's maybe because I opened myself to her. I remember one girl that I was in love fully, I tried to make my move, but she eventually went back with her ex. After that, I never felt the crush anymore with anyone, until what I'm telling you, guys. I don't know how this ecrush happened, it just did. After all, I realized this happened a while ago, but I noticed only a few months ago... Just thinking on this it makes me hesitate if I should continue or not...

Somehow, it brings me to Hanako every step I take. After KS, I've been more careful and cold on everything. I have a heart, but it doesn't work anymore after being hitted a lot before KS. Weird, it is supposed that Hanako should break my heart, and it did, but in a good way. I don't know if I'm explaining well, I think I'm forcing it right now...

But seriously, I loved your stories ;_;

[Surreal-mind]

Greetings to you all.

After reading your posts, I would really like to share my story with you guys,
since you seem like really kind persons.
TO be honest this is the 3rd time I try to write this, I always get second thoughts on sharing my story and end up deleting everything.

First off, I am really sorry if my post is somewhat weird and incoherent, I am really not used to talk about my feelings or my problems or anything like that with anybody. Also I'll try to keep my story as short as possible because it just doesn't feel right to steal much time from you guys.

Well... here we go,

I have always had lots of problems in my life, really lots of them, if I were to talk about all of them all I would probably sound like a liar or a paranoid (or both). I am just gonna focus on one, and it is the endless feeling of loneliness I always have.

I thought that I had already come to terms with the way things are years ago, and I stopped thinking about it. (Until I played the game) Since I am posting in this forum it is pretty obvious that I played KS.
I haven't finished the whole game, I have only gotten Lilly's and Rin's good ending and Kenji's bad ending.
I could relate to a lot of things in the game, they really touched me on a personal level.
From Rin always being misunderstood and lonely, to lots of the things Kenji and Hisao talk about on his ending.

Okay, back then when I was a kid in school i never really got along with anyone, most people were afaid of me, avoided me, or just looked down on me. I did hang out with some kids but I never really got along with them, it was more like
I hung out with them because I had to. I always felt lonely, and it affected my self-image a lot. So I ended up believeng that I was some sort of undesirable pest. Weird thing is that back when I was around 13 years old it turns out that a much older
girl had a crush on me, she even told me. I barely knew her so I really felt nothing for her.
We never had a date or anything because I had to move far far away in a couple of weeks anyway. So in the end nothing happened and we never spoke again, it didn't really affect me 'cause as I said before I never felt anything for her but the whole thing has always been in my mind. (one of those "what if" thoughts that never leave your mind)

So I am the new kid in highschool expecting things to be as bad as they always were. To my surprise everyone in my new class was nice to me, I was very popular with the girls. In the beginning the guys didn't talk to me but there were always lots of girls around me being nice and trying to talk to me the whole time. On hindsight it seems that some of them were even attracted to me physically. The problem is, I was not used to it, the whole concept of people being nice to me
was completely alien, in the begginning everything was tolerable but after a few weeks I started despising them, interpretting their kindness as mockery. I felt like they were trying to make fun of me. I distanced myself from them and
started hanging out with the guys, I ended up getting along fine with them, but I felt like I could not relate to any of them and again I was just talking to them because I was supposed to. The situation with the girls ended up really bad, I had a couple of arguments with them and even ended up insulting some of them, it seems like one of them even tried to ask me out, but I was really rude to her and never gave her the chance.

So... I had to move again, in this new school I ended up being pretty popular with the guys,
they really loved to hang out with me, but again I could never "connect" with anybody. I ended up becoming very close friends with one guy, who had depression problems, I always helped him out and made him feel better,always listened to him when he needed me to, you know how that is ... but I never ever talked to him about how bad
I always felt, no matter how close we were I always felt alone.
I met a girl online, we had a really lame date once but we became friends and chatted pretty much everyday, she seemed to care a lot about me (as a friend) but still I always felt lonely. In the end I had to move really far away again,
I never told them about it and never said goodbye, I just left.

Things kinda got worse after that, I stopped giving a crap about anything, like I became completely emotionless, I got a job where almost zero human interaction is required, I stopped talking to people IRL because it felt like it had absolutely no point, after a couple of years I stopped using forums or similar things, then I ended up even lurking forums, little by little I stopped playing video games or doing similar things, just focusing on my job. So for the last years I haven't really spoken to anybody, you know?
Well I got a lot into art as a hobby but aside from that and my job I've had nothing going on for the last years.

During that time I changed, maybe for the worse, the girl I used to chat with was somehow able to contact me again, I talked with her a bit but she suddenly started implying that she was always attracted to me, the moment she did I stopped talking to her again. When girls smile at me or show some sort of interest in me it pisses me off.
Hell, even one of my neighbours tried to flirt with me, and I heard her talking with someone about me (in a positive way) but it just made me angry.

So there I was, in terms with the fact that I was always supposed to be isolated from everything and everyone. 'Till I played the game ...Rin's and Lilly's path made me really depressed, and it kind of made me realize that it's no okay to stay like this and that I have to at least talk about this to someone.

Now I really don't know what to feel, or what to do with myself.
I am tired of feeling always alone, but at the same time I feel it's just the right way to be.
(probably because I've never felt anything different)

I have had lots of time to think things through.... to figure lots of things out... I know I have problems but I really don't have the slightest idea how to truly fix 'em.

Woah .. even after ommiting tons of details I ended up with a huge wall of text...

Now, there's a high chance of things getting incredibly good work wise, and there's a high chance that I'll move away to a different country next year. I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment,
I don't want to feel lonely but at the same time it's all I know, I'm already used to it. I've the feeling that no matter what I do or try I will never be able to "connect" with anyone ever. (pretty much like rin) Here I am now, with no ideas what to do with myself.

I guess, I just needed to get things out of my chest, thanks to anyone who had the patience to read my semi-incoherent ramblings. So again... thanks for reading.

I wish good lifes to all of you, if I could buy you all an ice cream I totally would.

I am not really expecting anything here but if someone could give me some sort of advice,
or words or something like that... it would be greatly appreciated.
It would be nice to know there's someone out there who sort of understands me.

[Gandara]

Words

Thanks for sharing your story, Schultz.

I'm glad that you're following your dreams and going into music education. Don't let any bullies or idiots tell you what you should or should not do with your life - if it's your passion then do it. It seems like you've gotten over the bullying for the most part, but don't let the past effect your mind. Always look forward to your future, and pave it the way you want to.

As for your relationship stuff... online crushes can be difficult. I can tell you from experience. If it's very long-distance, it can be even harder. If you really feel a connection to this person, maybe try visiting them face to face and see if any sparks ignite. Perhaps something can come of it in such a case.

Stay hopeful, and stay positive.

Lots of words

Don't ever feel bad about the stuff you write here. It's a pseudo-anonymous environment, so nobody's gonna laugh at you or make light of your circumstances (or if they do, they're a troll and can burn in hell).

I don't mean to overstep my bounds, but after reading your post it really feels like a lot of this negative reflection is coming from within yourself. You have an incredibly hard time connecting with other people... maybe it's because you have not connected with yourself yet.

You mentioned moving around a lot as a child - this can be very difficult on a child, as attempting to establish friendships then having them all cut can be traumatizing. My mother had a similar circumstance. Her father was in the military, and as such she was moving almost yearly within Europe. I believe she attended seven or eight different schools over the course of her K-12 education. It is very rough when these circumstances befall you, but understand that it is in the past. You may end up moving again, but that doesn't mean that you should never make connections with people just because the connection may end up being weakened or severed in the future. Hell, no friendship is permanent - people can stop being friends at the drop of a pin, due to unforeseen circumstances or simply due to human nature.

I think that you need to take some time to evaluate your own life. Look deep within yourself and figure out what your true values are. Really focus on coming to terms with who you are as a person, and understand your goals, aspirations and expectations in life. Once you begin to believe in yourself, to believe that you are a strong person who is capable of more than simply existing, I think that you will begin to establish the ability to make meaningful connections with other people.

Nobody deserves to be alone. It sounds like you have some interest in finding a significant other at some point, so you simply cannot continue living the way you do. I've come to a similar realization recently - I'm overweight, I'm not terribly social, and I'm lonely. The only way to fix these problems is to take the time, dedication and honest hard work and fix them yourself. A perfect significant other is not simply going to materialize in your lap - you must strive to find that person.

Don't give up on your work, by any means, but don't let your work and the possibility of relocation shut you out of making connections.

Hope this helps a little. And best of luck to you.

[Xiious]

Words

Thanks for sharing your story, Schultz.

I'm glad that you're following your dreams and going into music education. Don't let any bullies or idiots tell you what you should or should not do with your life - if it's your passion then do it. It seems like you've gotten over the bullying for the most part, but don't let the past effect your mind. Always look forward to your future, and pave it the way you want to.

As for your relationship stuff... online crushes can be difficult. I can tell you from experience. If it's very long-distance, it can be even harder. If you really feel a connection to this person, maybe try visiting them face to face and see if any sparks ignite. Perhaps something can come of it in such a case.

Stay hopeful, and stay positive.

Lots of words

Don't ever feel bad about the stuff you write here. It's a pseudo-anonymous environment, so nobody's gonna laugh at you or make light of your circumstances (or if they do, they're a troll and can burn in hell).

I don't mean to overstep my bounds, but after reading your post it really feels like a lot of this negative reflection is coming from within yourself. You have an incredibly hard time connecting with other people... maybe it's because you have not connected with yourself yet.

You mentioned moving around a lot as a child - this can be very difficult on a child, as attempting to establish friendships then having them all cut can be traumatizing. My mother had a similar circumstance. Her father was in the military, and as such she was moving almost yearly within Europe. I believe she attended seven or eight different schools over the course of her K-12 education. It is very rough when these circumstances befall you, but understand that it is in the past. You may end up moving again, but that doesn't mean that you should never make connections with people just because the connection may end up being weakened or severed in the future. Hell, no friendship is permanent - people can stop being friends at the drop of a pin, due to unforeseen circumstances or simply due to human nature.

I think that you need to take some time to evaluate your own life. Look deep within yourself and figure out what your true values are. Really focus on coming to terms with who you are as a person, and understand your goals, aspirations and expectations in life. Once you begin to believe in yourself, to believe that you are a strong person who is capable of more than simply existing, I think that you will begin to establish the ability to make meaningful connections with other people.

Nobody deserves to be alone. It sounds like you have some interest in finding a significant other at some point, so you simply cannot continue living the way you do. I've come to a similar realization recently - I'm overweight, I'm not terribly social, and I'm lonely. The only way to fix these problems is to take the time, dedication and honest hard work and fix them yourself. A perfect significant other is not simply going to materialize in your lap - you must strive to find that person.

Don't give up on your work, by any means, but don't let your work and the possibility of relocation shut you out of making connections.

Hope this helps a little. And best of luck to you.

Couldntve said any better. also, thread bump.

[Xerxes]

Wall o' text

I read it all, don't worry, and now that I read your story you made me remember that I once passed to a similar situation in where girls in one of the High-School years were constantly pestering me. I'm not the sort of person that likes to take advantage of a situation.
Like you, I thought that they were making fun of me, because those girls that were constantly teasing me actually had boyfriends. So why bother in taking advantage? I couldn't date any of them anyway.
With the boys it was no different.

I'm not too good at giving advices but you should trust people a little more. Have some faith in them, maybe their intentions are good. If you don't give it a try, you'll never know who is right or wrong. Do it for the sake of science. I know it sounds weird, but test them to find out if their are legit with their intentions.

Now that I think about it, after I avoided the annoying girls, the rest that I met were pretty indifferent with me. Another good advice would be be careful with what you with, 'cause you may/will regret that the wish was granted, because it's never granted in a way we wanted, ergo, it comes late and/or in the worse way possible.

[Total Destruction]

storytime from some new bloods

Know what? I'mma answer these storytime with a vague storytime of my own.

I've got really bad anxiety. Sometimes when I have a panic attack, it's impossible for me to sleep, sometimes for days. I had a weird 50/50 breakdown/epiphany a couple days ago (the breakdown happened due to me not dealing with a lot of things that had been building up in response toward something I've gotta do shortly, the epiphany I'm not quite comfortable sharing with y'all just yet; not 'cause I don't like ya, I just feel like a legitimate crazy person and have to sleep on it a bit), during which a buddy of mine gave me the most simple and Zen-like advice ever.

"Relax. Just be you and do you. Let your boy upstairs figure it out."

I feel like this could and might apply to all of us at the HBHC. Chill out, be yourself, handle YOU first and foremost, shift gears a bit when it's someone worth caring about, and let deity/faith/happenstance/string theory/???? handle the rest.



As for relationshippy nonsense, give it time. Chicks aren't all they're cracked up to be when they're the age I'm thinking you are, and you've gotta lot to handle, yourself. Good things come to those with open minds and a bit of patience. Be cool.

[Wanderingheartache]

I'll do this short because I'm pressed for time, but I don't think anything's really wrong... I just thought I'd check in. A friend of mine decided to "troll" me on a bad day, I was angry and I told him to lay off on the joking because I wasn't in the mood for our usual friendly shots at one another... he turned it serious and now there's a fight on my hands or something. I hate dealing with petty high school kids, but not much I can do... he's doing everything in his power to get other friends to turn against me and everyone else just wants to ignore our fight while he keeps dragging them along for summer shenanigans where he purposely makes sure not to include me. No one tells me a thing, but it doesn't matter... they have their right to fun without me.


My other problem is that my laptop is fried, gonna need to get a job immediately if I want to replace it... I'm posting from my brother's computer and I have to be out of his room before he goes to bed. I'm more mad about losing my KS data more than anything, but I am slowly realizing... I get to relive it all again and maybe cheer up?


Anyway, sorry I have to cut it short... I am just checking in and I was hoping I could give some advice. I'm out of time for now.

[Surreal-mind]

Gandara, Xiious, Xerxes, Total Destruction, thank you very much for taking the time to read my huge wall of text, I also thank you for you kind words and advice.

Lots of the things gandara said are true.(well.. pretty much EVERYTHING you said is true)
You can't even begin to imagine how important your advice has been to me, it's really gonna help me try to set things right with myself.

I will definetively try to change everything, I am not gonna give up. I'll give it my best from now on.
Thank you.

about lack of sleep

I can totally relate to that, I have a problem with sleep too. I once went a disturbingly long time without sleep, what makes things worse is lying on bed all night with no company other than your mind making you feel worse...

Edit: For those of you wondering I'm 26. (Man... I feel old)

[Gandara]

"Relax. Just be you and do you. Let your boy upstairs figure it out."

Something seems incredibly familiar between what you said and Hanako's story arc... =)

Nobody else can fix you - you have to do that yourself. Others can help, but at the end of the day you need to build yourself up to be a stronger person.

... he turned it serious and now there's a fight on my hands or something.

Sounds like your "friend" is a twat. It would seem that you've got a decent head on your shoulders - my suggestion is take this kid aside, tell him what's what, and then send the ball back to his court again. Let him know that he's being juvenile and he takes criticism like a babby. His only recourse is to try to turn your mutual friends against you? That's just sad. And if you take the high road, your other friends will (most likely) see him for what he is.

Just stay honest, stay smart and don't play into his aggression. He's pulling a move on you to try to make you "regret" crossing him. Show him he doesn't have that kind of power over your life.

As for your laptop, well... can't help you there chief. It's summer - go mow some lawns or get a job at McDonald's. =)

I will definetively try to change everything, I am not gonna give up. I'll give it my best from now on.

I really hope so, man. You've made a humongous first step by even telling people about your issues - it shows that you've acknowledged the things going wrong in your life. Take it slow with the repairs, one day at a time. It'll take a lot of self-reflection and self-motivation to get yourself rolling again, but you'll get there with dedication and honesty.

And you're not that old. Hell, you've still got over 2/3's of your life left, and for at LEAST 90% of that you'll still be coherent enough to appreciate it.

[~Shultz]

Thanks for sharing your story, Schultz.

Well, indeed is veeeeery long distance

I took a look today on my future. If I don't fix my relationship stuff, I'm really going into a really bad future

>Schultz

...

[Wanderingheartache]

Gandara- Yup, that's exactly what I'm going to do... I'm letting the dog bark until his voice grows hoarse. I don't try to negotiate with morons anymore... I already told him that if I'm having a bad day that we should probably lay off the trolling of each other, even after I showed him some politeness and restraint I don't have with even my family members I noticed he just got worse. But whatever, he's going to find out that more people will abandon him if he's going to pick fights just for the sake of picking fights.



Job hunt is not going so great, but I figure if I hear nothing from some employers... then I should just keep going. I admit it would be nice to get the "we regret to inform you that we are looking for other applicants..." notice once in a while, but businesses don't all operate the same. I'll keep trying to get access to internet when I can. As for the computer situation, I've sold a large chunk of my old gaming library and some of my vintage consoles... I'm still not anywhere near the money I need for a computer but at least my room is cleaner. n_n

[Exbando]

Job hunt is not going so great, but I figure if I hear nothing from some employers... then I should just keep going. I admit it would be nice to get the "we regret to inform you that we are looking for other applicants..." notice once in a while, but businesses don't all operate the same. I'll keep trying to get access to internet when I can. As for the computer situation, I've sold a large chunk of my old gaming library and some of my vintage consoles... I'm still not anywhere near the money I need for a computer but at least my room is cleaner. n_n

Is this going to be your first job? If it is, I have a small piece of advice. Talk to people you know that are employed. I had to get my cousin's roommate to help me get my first job. After that, employers will like you better because of job experience. Another piece of advice. When you put in your application, go back after a couple of days and ask them about it. That at least shows them that you're interested in the job. Hope that helped.

I haven't been posting lately because every time I managed to think of something to say, it was already said, and there's no point in being redundant.

[Wanderingheartache]

Exbando- actually, it would be my second job... my first post ever covered that I had once worked at a gas station. But granted that I lost my job in 2009, I suppose one would treat this as my first job all over again... I'll take your advice to heart though. I shall inquire about my applications.


I know how you feel about the advice stuff to, I've wanted to say things and I've noticed that some of the other people here have worded cleaner than I would have... O///O

[Xiious]

We're all bros here. (Even the female participants in this thread!)

We've all come to realize we, in a way, are all here for each other. It's true that none of us know each other at all, to speak honestly. We just have shared our stories.

Our stories have shaped us into who we really are on the inside. Those of us here care about each other because we can all relate somehow to one another.. reading each other's stories have not only allowed us to give each other advice but to see into ourselves and reflect on the past.

But we should always look to the future.

I have no idea why I said that, something inside me just urged me to post this. So I'm not sure what's going on, but I feel there are more people that follow this thread but don't post... but need an outlet. We will listen, whoever is reading this.

This is no place like most of the internet. We are warm, inviting friends, and we never turn down anyone to come submit your story and join us truly in HBHC.

~Xiious

P.S. Also, I'm sorry i haven't posted in a while. Things have been getting hard, and pretty rough, as there are bridges i have to rebuild. So as of today, I could not be on for more than a week. I will be back online. Just, not for a while. I will miss you guys, and see you soon.