Katawa Shoujo Forums

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Needs paragraphing; easier to read for the old folks around here. Seems like a fairly solid prologue, at least enough to make one want to read the main story.

Well thats one of the more depressing things I've read in a while(I don't handle deaths well, even of fictional characters I know nothing about). Also seems a little overkill in the disabilities. For the most part, though, I agree. You have my interest.

"I'm not interesting to look at, with my plain clothing and the dirty blond mess of hair God dropped on my head and then forgot about." I've read that sentence over about 6 times, but I still don't understand it. Also, It's a bit jumbled. Maybe you should tab when you create a new paragraph, or press enter twice instead of once. Other than that, I really hope you continue with this story, because I think it'd pass for an actual route

It's been said, but I'll just reinforce the idea: walls of text aren't fun.

OTHER than that, good read. I want to scream at you for doing this, because about two thirds of my family have DWI arrests under their belts, but I don't feel like it. Screwed up leg, lost arm, lost eye. Damn. Daaaammnnn. To be fair, though, a rollover ain't pretty. Had an ex who did a rollover. She got lucky, her jeep was built like a tank and she barely got hurt, but she learned her lesson. No taking turns at 70mph.

I fixed the formatting errors and a punctuation mistake near the middle. I'll post the first few scenes of act 1 when I get home in like ten hours.

I agree: A good start.
Most of the names will pass for being Japanese and the others are dead anyway

Removed until further notice.

Heh, this really feels like KS2: The Re-Imagining. You have me entertained.

Really enjoyed this chapter. It's refreshing to have a protagonist who actually doesn't mind being there. Really liked the writing, and there are some lines that I loved, like

Xililirite wrote:He looks like he showered just long enough ago that he needs another one, and shaved just long enough ago that he should do so again.

.

He's right, his opinion of Hanako does make him seem shallow, but it's hard to really fault him for it. It also seems like Shizune and Hanako are out, but there's plenty of other girls out there, especially of you include the side characters.

Next chapter we get to meet grill, but I'll spoil one thing now: she isn't any of the characters from the game.

One of the things that may piss a few people off is that this story isn't about the major characters of Katawa Shoujo. Yes, it includes some of them, but it's ultimately about four original characters not found in the game. Hopefully I'll be able to develop them all enough that you guys don't mind, but Takeo won't be getting with Rin or Lilly or something.

I'll give some characters cameo appearances, as you've already seen, but ultimately it's about Hurk, Takeo, and two other yet to be introduced characters.



Also, on the story being KS2, that's basically the feel I was going for -- starting from the same basic point but going in a wildly different direction with a different protagonist, with different interpretations of similar concepts, specifically his being at the school. I wanted it to be enjoyable to read by people who've never even played Katawa Shoujo before, and wrote it with both potential audiences in mind.

I never did like those pictures at the end of the hallways. They're weird. And Hurk looks like a good character from what you've put of him in this part.

Ooooh, Hurk gets real fun as the story goes along

Xilirite wrote:Ooooh, Hurk gets real fun as the story goes along

Then I cant wait for the parts to come!

I will admit, I'm not a huge fan of a mostly OC stories(I've never read a story very long that went that route), but I'll give this a chance. It's just that, without a familiar character to hang on to, it will be more difficult to maintain my interest, though not impossible. What you have so far is promising.