Juliet & The Scarecrow: Prologue & Character Bios

[Corrupted Consensus]

{Note to the reader:}
This is the first story I have actually really took the time to write, so please be mindful, I may have made mistakes and been a bit disorganized. I have partially wrote chapter one but so far I've decided to release character bios and a brief explanation of their past to see if this is a story anyone would be interested in. I am also open to suggestions, so feedback is welcome. Thank you for reading.

{Prologue:}

This is a story of a boy named Takeshi and his twin sister Kiyoko Kuronuma. Despite growing up together they had very different interests, but they weren't opposites of each other. No, they were two separate parts of a puzzle that went together almost perfectly. They were like Yin and Yang. They trusted each other with the highest level of trust and always did everything together. The reason the bond between them was so strong was just compensation to make up for the neglect from the rest of their family.

When they were five, their father left without any warning, making their mother a very distressed woman. Every time she would see her children it would remind her of the man she once loved, the man who broke her heart. So, ungrateful, angry and heart broken she would psychologically torture Takeshi and Kiyoko, taking out all the hate she had for their father on them. Mostly she would blame them for their father leaving and tell them that their lives are meaningless and useless.

But on one occasion she went as far as sabotaging Takeshi's love life by manipulating his emotions, something she knew how to do well. She convinced him that nobody would ever be able to love someone like him, which was eventually made worse upon the discovery of his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend. This took a major toll on his psyche, in response his mind began to reject the idea of love and happiness, this is when he became emotionally numb and began hearing a voice in his head. This voice told Takeshi if he learned about pain as much as he could and understand it, no one would be able to hurt him ever again. Most of his current interests are products of this.

But he wasn't the only victim of a broken heart, Kiyoko became a target not too long after Takeshi's heartbreak. Her mother was never able to successfully obliterate her hope as she did to Takeshi. Despite constant criticism from her friends, Kiyoko always had high hopes for love. "Looking for my Romeo," she would always say. And one day she found him, or so she thought. But this was nothing but an elaborate rouse planned by several of the students in an attempt to embarrass her. Unfortunately it went horribly out of proportion. Upon the reveal that the boy she thought loved her was doing nothing more than playing with her feelings she became morbidly depressed.

After a few weeks of being emotionally detached, the voice convinces Takeshi to form a suicide pact with Kiyoko in which she agrees to be a part of. A few second thoughts were thrown back and forth between the two, but that didn't stop Takeshi from grabbing their father's old 22 and attempting to end his life, which failed, fortunately. When Kiyoko saw her brother hit the ground, blood pooling beneath his head, she backed out from the suicide pact and called the hospital. Left scarred by this moment, she suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and insomnia, due to night terrors of Takeshi's attempt on his life. When Takeshi awoke he was put through a several therapy sessions and was diagnosed with severe Schizophrenia with a comorbid Schizoid Personality Disorder and a Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

Both Takeshi and Kiyoko have been seen as unfit to attend public schools by the mental health committee and suggested to their mother that a private school, Yamaka, would be best for them. Although she had little care about their mental health, she jumped at the realization that she wouldn't have to see their faces every day and agreed to pay what ever fee was necessary. Why she never orphaned the twins was a mystery, but Takeshi assumes it's because she just enjoyed torturing them.

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{Character Bios}

Name: Takeshi Kuronuma

Age: 17

Height: 182 Centimeters tall/6 Feet tall.

Hair Color: Shadowy Black

Eye Color: Steel Silver

Motto: "Hollow on the inside, ugly on the outside. One method, one purpose. Frighten, protect. I am a scarecrow." & "They say the eyes are the window to the soul... if you look into mine, you'll see a broken reflection."

Notable features and personality: Takeshi has a gaze, completely barren of any noticeable emotion, but you better believe it is there. His emotions are bound deep within him and his notebooks, but sometimes they can tend to spill out of him without any control. He also wears a white mask decorated with a painting of a crude, faded, bloody skull. But this mask was no psychotic impulse, he wears it because every once and a while when his sister would see the scar on his head from where the bullet hit it would trigger her post traumatic stress. The decoration how ever was a Schizophrenic impulse to scare anyone away from accepting him so he can't be hurt buy someone close to him ever again, suggested by the voice in his head. His philosophy is, if you can scare away any possible danger, you yourself have no reason to be afraid.

Interests: Poetry, music, the Spanish Inquisition and the human mind.

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Name: Kiyoko Kuronuma

Age: 17

Height: 173 Centimeters tall/5.7 Feet tall.

Hair color: Snowy White

Eye color: Steel silver

Motto: "Still looking for my Romeo."

Notable features and personality: Her most distinct feature would more than likely be the sparkle in her eyes and her long white hair. For a girl who hardly sleeps she is quite energetic and joyous. The fact that her brother was able to recover led her to believe that there is always hope, so she is always optimistic. Her goal in life is to fall in love with someone who really cares for her. Although she may seem happy for the majority of the time, certain statements and imagery could set her off to relive the moment when her brother shot himself.

Interests: Art, Archaeology and love stories.

[brythain]

A few problems, although they're interesting characters.

1) This is the KS Fanfiction forum, so do try to get them into Yamaku quickly.
2) Yamaku normally doesn't take people with psychiatric disorders as their primary concern.
3) Some minor typos e.g. 'ruse', not 'rouse'.
4) Generally, we like to see the work, not requests to establish an interest level. Believe me, I've made similar mistakes too.
5) Character bios are also generally frowned upon, since it's normally best to establish characters via the work itself.

Welcome, and have fun here. Take some time to read the stuff and especially Silentcook's pronouncements on said stuff!

[dewelar]

4) Generally, we like to see the work, not requests to establish an interest level.

More importantly, it's against the forum rules to do this. See this post. If you want to write something, write it!

[Corrupted Consensus]

Ah, damn. Alright. Like I said, first time, I'm not quite aware of the rules. Sorry. But at least I got useful advice out of this that I wouldn't have otherwise if I did just jump in.

[Mirage_GSM]

Yeah, the main point is that they wouldn't usually go to Yamaku with mental disorders. The school does accept non-disabled students (if they can pay the tuition), but the stuff you attribute to your characters would probably be considered a no-go.
Paying the tuition would likely be another serious issue for a single mom (who also hates her kids).
Then, access to firearms would be a major problem in Japan - or practically anywhere outside the US or war-zones. Most countries forbid civilians to own them without special permits. Their mother would probably go to jail - or at least she would loose custody of the kids - for this. The latter would be an explanation for why she would send the kids away if she likes torturing them so much.
Come to think of it, if she likes torturing them so much, it's a wonder she didn't lose custody years ago^^°

Also, what brythain said...

[bhtooefr]

A surprising number of countries, even ones with strict gun control, you can get a .22 easily enough for sport shooting... but not Japan, unless he had it before the 1970s.

Japan, the only thing you're getting is a shotgun, and then as soon as their father moved out, the cops would've seized it if he didn't take it with him. Even if he had somehow kept his legal residence there, anyone who used the weapon would be subject to up to 10 years in prison, I believe. Change the suicide method, if you want it to be believable.

Swords are under the same law that regulates shotguns, too, so using one of those is... unlikely. Really, small knives (anything under 13 cm without a peg hole) and archery equipment are the only weapons that will work (and I wonder how crossbows are regulated...) Edit: A crossbow may be a go, but I don't have a reputable source yet.

[Mirage_GSM]

That would be the first suicide by crossbow that I have ever heard of

[bhtooefr]

Hey, it's at least more practical than a suicide by compound, or worse, traditional bow...

And here's a case of a successful suicide by MULTIPLE crossbow bolts: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/8166108/

[Oddball]

Name: Takeshi Kuronuma

Age: 17

Height: 182 Centimeters tall/6 Feet tall.

Hair Color: Shadowy Black

Eye Color: Steel Silver

Motto: "Hollow on the inside, ugly on the outside. One method, one purpose. Frighten, protect. I am a scarecrow." & "They say the eyes are the window to the soul... if you look into mine, you'll see a broken reflection."

Notable features and personality: Takeshi has a gaze, completely barren of any noticeable emotion, but you better believe it is there. His emotions are bound deep within him and his notebooks, but sometimes they can tend to spill out of him without any control. He also wears a white mask decorated with a painting of a crude, faded, bloody skull. But this mask was no psychotic impulse, he wears it because every once and a while when his sister would see the scar on his head from where the bullet hit it would trigger her post traumatic stress. The decoration how ever was a Schizophrenic impulse to scare anyone away from accepting him so he can't be hurt buy someone close to him ever again, suggested by the voice in his head. His philosophy is, if you can scare away any possible danger, you yourself have no reason to be afraid.

Judging from the bio here, this guy feels more like he should be going to Professor X's school instead of Yamaku. It just screams "grim and gritty superhero" about it. It's just too much over the top drama.

Honestly, this is not looking to be a good start. The guy seems like you've tried to stuff as many "cool" cliches in there as possible. The girl is a bit of a mixed bag. The summary suggests she's got some major issues, but the bio just screams "Here's the happy sweet love interest," probably smiling as the wind blows her hair on a bright sunny day while walking under the sakura blossoms.

Then there's the evil parent right out of a Disney cartoon.

I don't want to ruin your day or anything, and I'm not trying to be mean but I don't exactly have high hopes for this.