Journey of a Non-otaku
Posted: Thu May 15, 2014 1:57 am
I apologize in advance if weeaboo is considered an offensive term; I'm not too privy to this stuff. I don't mean to offend 
EDIT: Replaced the title with the more fitting term, as many have helped me understand the distinction. Thanks!
Also, this is a long read. I don't know if anyone cares, but I felt I'd put this out anyways. Just wanted to maybe get some feedback on my thoughts.
And I mean a very long read. Abandon all hope here.
All right, so I'm not an anime-loving, Japanese sort of guy. Surprisingly. I've loved Godzilla since I can remember (a long time), and used to think Japan was cool. Then I grew older, and I still loved Godzilla, but I gradually noticed Japan was... weird. Or, in a more direct way, perverted. As an internet denizen, I see a lot of anime-related content indirectly on gaming forums and such, and so often it seems that girls are treated quite unfairly. Always in skimpy clothing, being preyed on by weird guys, et cetera. I just really don't like that stuff. And then I hear about there being women's underwear vending machines for weirdos, games like Rapelay, and some guy marrying a character in his DS game... I developed contempt for modern Japanese culture.
So I never got into anime. The only anime I ever fully watched was Umineko no naku Koro Ni, but even that got a bit needlessly risque at times. But other than that, I tend to look down upon all anime-ish things. Other items also counted, such as Metroid: Other M (what a travesty that abomination is) and other poor characterizations of women. And men. I'm not looking through tunnel vision; I also hate how men are so often portrayed as sex-hungry, braindead zombies. Not to say that this isn't prevalent in Western culture as well (just look at the latest Mortal Kombat... yikes), but it just seems inescapable in Japan.
A few months ago, I was reading the Two Best Friends Play wikia (if you don't know who they are, look it up, because they're awesome). I was reading Liam's page. He's the youngest of the group, and is a huge weeaboo. I don't mind it, because he's a nice guy. But it's been constantly brought up that he is/was under house arrest, and when discussing his Top 10 games of 2012, his number six spot goes to Katawa Shoujo, and when he tries to discuss it, he (possibly jokingly) says that his lawyers won't let him talk about it. It's implied that he tried to create a real life Katawa Shoujo, but I have no idea what that even means.
I looked up the game, and found its Wikipedia page. Reading it, it sounding interesting, albeit I was still disaffected by the fact that it was some Japanese-anime-dating-simulator-thing where the primary goal is to get a girl. Seemed as gross as ever to me, and I had little interest.
Months later, I'm perusing the Battlefield 4 forums, and for some reason, someone's Gravatar catches my eye. It's a cute anime girl with short hair and glasses. Don't know why this grabbed my attention so, but I clicked on his profile and found a bunch of links to other images, one of the same girl. I noticed it said it was from Katawa Shoujo, and, remembering the name, I for some reason grew interested.
Perhaps it's because I was at a different stage in my life just those few months later. I'm under plenty of anxiety from various sources, my close friends have been distant (more so than usual, it seems), and I was getting lonely. Looking into the game more, I felt I might as well give it a try, and I downloaded it. And I played it.
And here's where it begins.
The first thing I noticed was how incredibly well-written this game is. I mean damn, I've read over nine books over the past year, and this was somehow way more engaging. I don't like reading, though. At least, not anymore. I used to like it, but after years of school-required reading being heaped upon me, I grew to dislike the task. But reading this was the first time I was genuinely engaged with a novel in years. Perhaps it's also because I'm in the latter half of my high school education, so it was a bit more relatable.
Albeit, it's annoying that this is a "choose your adventure" game, but you're given so little autonomy. Is Hisao a representation of the player, or is the player just guiding Hisao? What's the goal of the experience? I'm new to this, so I wasn't sure. There are dozens of times in the game where Hisao responds to a situation where my response would be drastically different, so it felt a bit frustrating at times. Perhaps I'm just too used to my Fallout, Mass Effect, and Elder Scrolls.
Knowing full well what the goal of the game is (to form a relationship with one of the girls in the game), I wasn't sure whom to pick. I liked them all. Well, not Emi. She's a bit too energetic and athletic for my tastes. I'm in okay shape myself, but I just don't like sports and exercise and all that corn. Here's my assessment of the other four:
SHIZUNE: Well, as you might have guessed, it was her picture that allured me to the game on Battlelog. I really like short hair, so that's one thing. The glasses are also cute. I also liked her very assiduous nature, but she was quite... rude at times. Especially now as I go through her "route." Actually, she seems quite evil and manipulative when I look at it. But I'll find out the true story soon enough, I believe.
Well, that felt weird. I never thought I'd find myself evaluating an anime girl like that. What have I gotten into...
LILLY: I liked Lilly a lot. Her maturity, composure, and wisdom all remind me of myself, in a way. Added onto her already incredibly kind nature, I honestly felt happy when she was in the story. Weird for me to say, I guess. This is a digital game... is something wrong with me?
RIN: Now this was unexpected. Rin's incredibly dry humor and nonchalant attitude was just so hilarious. Her artistic nature was also very wonderful, and I always loved when she was in the game. Unfortunately, it wasn't very often for me.
HANAKO: And here we go. This is the girl I went for my first time. I wasn't expecting it, at all. I expected to take more a liking to Shizune or Rin, but gradually, I liked Hanako more. Despite the rough beginnings and everything, I just thought of her as the most important. Mainly because I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I moved away from my home state three years ago. I haven't made a friend since I moved; I have very bad social anxiety that I've been working hard to get over. My only friends, all three of them, live far away. I only converse with them digitally, so I'm pretty much alone by myself at lunch and break, trying not to be noticed. I get along better with girls, but I go to an all-boys school, so it's all the tougher. So knowing how it feels to be in her position, I wanted to help her as much as I could.
Spoilers follow.
And so I stuck with Hanako the entire game, and ended up making all the right decisions, surprisingly. I got the "good" ending. I put that in quotes because it wasn't so much an ending as much as a sudden stop. It ended just when things were finally getting good. Relatively speaking. And I know that you can make your own headcanon/fanfiction and stuff, but I don't really like that. I didn't like it when Mass Effect 3 ended so vaguely, with very little closure, just so people could speculate or make their own headcanon and whatnot.
But, I don't think that was as big a problem to me as what can be easily guessed was a problem for me... the sex scene. Now, I'm not asexual. I just have strong convictions. But if I felt this scene were handled properly, I wouldn't mind it much, if at all. The problem is that it feels so incredibly contrived, just put there for the sake of having that moment in her storyline. She's showing you her scars, just like Hisao showed his scars to her. (Did I just call Hisao 'you' as in 'player'? There I go making that mistake again). And suddenly Hisao is taking off his clothes. Like, that's a jump. Just because a girl takes her shirt off, it means sex? Even if someone were to argue that, this scene, in this context, with this character, didn't fit. It was too early. Far too early. I sat there thinking "Dafuq is happening? Why?" It took me out of the story.
It's an intimate moment. But intimacy is not synonymous with sexual activity. It's said that Emi helps Rin get dressed in the mornings. That's intimate, but not sexual. It's just out of place and misguided.
Oh, and Hisao has a magic condom that suddenly materializes. Where'd he get that? When? How? Why? Just... I don't even.
It actually doesn't bother me too much to sour the experience of the whole game, though. I still thoroughly enjoyed it. The interaction with Hanako was really nice and rewarding, and actually eye-opening for me. You see, as much as she reminds me of myself, she also reminds me of my closest friend. She lives far away, and has severe troubles she's been dealing with. I can barely be there for her, but I've tried to be there as often as I can, if only digitally. I offer advice, and constantly poke my head in to check on how she's doing. But going through the story with Hanako, I suppose I learned that it might be best for me to back off a little bit and let my friend come to me instead. Work out her own thoughts.
So other than just being a genuinely enthralling story, I also learned some important things. And to think this was made by a bunch of people from 4chan, a location I despise. It's very well done, and I congratulate the team for their very careful effort.
Where am I now? Well, after being disappointed with the abrupt ending, I took to the wikia page for Hanako's Route. I looked in the comments. I never look in the comments of wikia pages. This was new. I found out two things from one poster responding to someone else who had similar issues as myself:
1. The beta version of the game has fuller storyline for Hanako.
2. A fanfiction called Sisterhood has also been written, and is apparently a very good and fitting epilogue.
First off, beta version? What? Where? Is there a major difference other than just a continued story? Is it worth it? Hopefully someone can clarify that for me.
I'll read Sisterhood later, when I have the time. School ends a week from Friday, so things are tough right now, and I need to get in gear.
Looking back, I feel as though I may have misjudged the whole Japanese thing. Sure, there's still an abundance of ridiculous garbage like I mentioned earlier, and the sex scene with Hanako was rather out of character and tasteless, but maybe there's a few diamonds in the rough. Even if those diamonds have scratches, it still holds value.
Am I a weeaboo now? I don't know. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. But before I read this, I told myself one thing: I am never going to Japan. Afterwards, though, I'm a bit more openminded. Maybe one day I'll take a trip there. Just for a few days to a week. See what the culture is like for myself, beyond the internet disgustingness.
And now, I'm going through Shizune's route. I'm definitely more interested in her story than anyone else's, save Hanako's. Although I feel really guilty doing so. Hanako is the most vulnerable and dysfunctional of everyone, as far as I know. Not helping her feels like I'm cruelly neglecting her. If I don't do her route, does she ever recover? Does she ever gain confidence in herself again? These questions still bother me.
...what the hell, it's just a game. The top of the website is telling me that.
Well, I'm nuts. Maybe. Sorry for boring you, just wanted to vent my thoughts and feelings. Goodnight... or good morning, whatever the case may be.
Oh, and I forgot to add: Kenji is freaking hilarious. I wish there was more of him that didn't involve throwing the game.
EDIT: Replaced the title with the more fitting term, as many have helped me understand the distinction. Thanks!
Also, this is a long read. I don't know if anyone cares, but I felt I'd put this out anyways. Just wanted to maybe get some feedback on my thoughts.
And I mean a very long read. Abandon all hope here.
All right, so I'm not an anime-loving, Japanese sort of guy. Surprisingly. I've loved Godzilla since I can remember (a long time), and used to think Japan was cool. Then I grew older, and I still loved Godzilla, but I gradually noticed Japan was... weird. Or, in a more direct way, perverted. As an internet denizen, I see a lot of anime-related content indirectly on gaming forums and such, and so often it seems that girls are treated quite unfairly. Always in skimpy clothing, being preyed on by weird guys, et cetera. I just really don't like that stuff. And then I hear about there being women's underwear vending machines for weirdos, games like Rapelay, and some guy marrying a character in his DS game... I developed contempt for modern Japanese culture.
So I never got into anime. The only anime I ever fully watched was Umineko no naku Koro Ni, but even that got a bit needlessly risque at times. But other than that, I tend to look down upon all anime-ish things. Other items also counted, such as Metroid: Other M (what a travesty that abomination is) and other poor characterizations of women. And men. I'm not looking through tunnel vision; I also hate how men are so often portrayed as sex-hungry, braindead zombies. Not to say that this isn't prevalent in Western culture as well (just look at the latest Mortal Kombat... yikes), but it just seems inescapable in Japan.
A few months ago, I was reading the Two Best Friends Play wikia (if you don't know who they are, look it up, because they're awesome). I was reading Liam's page. He's the youngest of the group, and is a huge weeaboo. I don't mind it, because he's a nice guy. But it's been constantly brought up that he is/was under house arrest, and when discussing his Top 10 games of 2012, his number six spot goes to Katawa Shoujo, and when he tries to discuss it, he (possibly jokingly) says that his lawyers won't let him talk about it. It's implied that he tried to create a real life Katawa Shoujo, but I have no idea what that even means.
I looked up the game, and found its Wikipedia page. Reading it, it sounding interesting, albeit I was still disaffected by the fact that it was some Japanese-anime-dating-simulator-thing where the primary goal is to get a girl. Seemed as gross as ever to me, and I had little interest.
Months later, I'm perusing the Battlefield 4 forums, and for some reason, someone's Gravatar catches my eye. It's a cute anime girl with short hair and glasses. Don't know why this grabbed my attention so, but I clicked on his profile and found a bunch of links to other images, one of the same girl. I noticed it said it was from Katawa Shoujo, and, remembering the name, I for some reason grew interested.
Perhaps it's because I was at a different stage in my life just those few months later. I'm under plenty of anxiety from various sources, my close friends have been distant (more so than usual, it seems), and I was getting lonely. Looking into the game more, I felt I might as well give it a try, and I downloaded it. And I played it.
And here's where it begins.
The first thing I noticed was how incredibly well-written this game is. I mean damn, I've read over nine books over the past year, and this was somehow way more engaging. I don't like reading, though. At least, not anymore. I used to like it, but after years of school-required reading being heaped upon me, I grew to dislike the task. But reading this was the first time I was genuinely engaged with a novel in years. Perhaps it's also because I'm in the latter half of my high school education, so it was a bit more relatable.
Albeit, it's annoying that this is a "choose your adventure" game, but you're given so little autonomy. Is Hisao a representation of the player, or is the player just guiding Hisao? What's the goal of the experience? I'm new to this, so I wasn't sure. There are dozens of times in the game where Hisao responds to a situation where my response would be drastically different, so it felt a bit frustrating at times. Perhaps I'm just too used to my Fallout, Mass Effect, and Elder Scrolls.
Knowing full well what the goal of the game is (to form a relationship with one of the girls in the game), I wasn't sure whom to pick. I liked them all. Well, not Emi. She's a bit too energetic and athletic for my tastes. I'm in okay shape myself, but I just don't like sports and exercise and all that corn. Here's my assessment of the other four:
SHIZUNE: Well, as you might have guessed, it was her picture that allured me to the game on Battlelog. I really like short hair, so that's one thing. The glasses are also cute. I also liked her very assiduous nature, but she was quite... rude at times. Especially now as I go through her "route." Actually, she seems quite evil and manipulative when I look at it. But I'll find out the true story soon enough, I believe.
Well, that felt weird. I never thought I'd find myself evaluating an anime girl like that. What have I gotten into...
LILLY: I liked Lilly a lot. Her maturity, composure, and wisdom all remind me of myself, in a way. Added onto her already incredibly kind nature, I honestly felt happy when she was in the story. Weird for me to say, I guess. This is a digital game... is something wrong with me?
RIN: Now this was unexpected. Rin's incredibly dry humor and nonchalant attitude was just so hilarious. Her artistic nature was also very wonderful, and I always loved when she was in the game. Unfortunately, it wasn't very often for me.
HANAKO: And here we go. This is the girl I went for my first time. I wasn't expecting it, at all. I expected to take more a liking to Shizune or Rin, but gradually, I liked Hanako more. Despite the rough beginnings and everything, I just thought of her as the most important. Mainly because I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I moved away from my home state three years ago. I haven't made a friend since I moved; I have very bad social anxiety that I've been working hard to get over. My only friends, all three of them, live far away. I only converse with them digitally, so I'm pretty much alone by myself at lunch and break, trying not to be noticed. I get along better with girls, but I go to an all-boys school, so it's all the tougher. So knowing how it feels to be in her position, I wanted to help her as much as I could.
Spoilers follow.
And so I stuck with Hanako the entire game, and ended up making all the right decisions, surprisingly. I got the "good" ending. I put that in quotes because it wasn't so much an ending as much as a sudden stop. It ended just when things were finally getting good. Relatively speaking. And I know that you can make your own headcanon/fanfiction and stuff, but I don't really like that. I didn't like it when Mass Effect 3 ended so vaguely, with very little closure, just so people could speculate or make their own headcanon and whatnot.
But, I don't think that was as big a problem to me as what can be easily guessed was a problem for me... the sex scene. Now, I'm not asexual. I just have strong convictions. But if I felt this scene were handled properly, I wouldn't mind it much, if at all. The problem is that it feels so incredibly contrived, just put there for the sake of having that moment in her storyline. She's showing you her scars, just like Hisao showed his scars to her. (Did I just call Hisao 'you' as in 'player'? There I go making that mistake again). And suddenly Hisao is taking off his clothes. Like, that's a jump. Just because a girl takes her shirt off, it means sex? Even if someone were to argue that, this scene, in this context, with this character, didn't fit. It was too early. Far too early. I sat there thinking "Dafuq is happening? Why?" It took me out of the story.
It's an intimate moment. But intimacy is not synonymous with sexual activity. It's said that Emi helps Rin get dressed in the mornings. That's intimate, but not sexual. It's just out of place and misguided.
Oh, and Hisao has a magic condom that suddenly materializes. Where'd he get that? When? How? Why? Just... I don't even.
It actually doesn't bother me too much to sour the experience of the whole game, though. I still thoroughly enjoyed it. The interaction with Hanako was really nice and rewarding, and actually eye-opening for me. You see, as much as she reminds me of myself, she also reminds me of my closest friend. She lives far away, and has severe troubles she's been dealing with. I can barely be there for her, but I've tried to be there as often as I can, if only digitally. I offer advice, and constantly poke my head in to check on how she's doing. But going through the story with Hanako, I suppose I learned that it might be best for me to back off a little bit and let my friend come to me instead. Work out her own thoughts.
So other than just being a genuinely enthralling story, I also learned some important things. And to think this was made by a bunch of people from 4chan, a location I despise. It's very well done, and I congratulate the team for their very careful effort.
Where am I now? Well, after being disappointed with the abrupt ending, I took to the wikia page for Hanako's Route. I looked in the comments. I never look in the comments of wikia pages. This was new. I found out two things from one poster responding to someone else who had similar issues as myself:
1. The beta version of the game has fuller storyline for Hanako.
2. A fanfiction called Sisterhood has also been written, and is apparently a very good and fitting epilogue.
First off, beta version? What? Where? Is there a major difference other than just a continued story? Is it worth it? Hopefully someone can clarify that for me.
I'll read Sisterhood later, when I have the time. School ends a week from Friday, so things are tough right now, and I need to get in gear.
Looking back, I feel as though I may have misjudged the whole Japanese thing. Sure, there's still an abundance of ridiculous garbage like I mentioned earlier, and the sex scene with Hanako was rather out of character and tasteless, but maybe there's a few diamonds in the rough. Even if those diamonds have scratches, it still holds value.
Am I a weeaboo now? I don't know. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. But before I read this, I told myself one thing: I am never going to Japan. Afterwards, though, I'm a bit more openminded. Maybe one day I'll take a trip there. Just for a few days to a week. See what the culture is like for myself, beyond the internet disgustingness.
And now, I'm going through Shizune's route. I'm definitely more interested in her story than anyone else's, save Hanako's. Although I feel really guilty doing so. Hanako is the most vulnerable and dysfunctional of everyone, as far as I know. Not helping her feels like I'm cruelly neglecting her. If I don't do her route, does she ever recover? Does she ever gain confidence in herself again? These questions still bother me.
...what the hell, it's just a game. The top of the website is telling me that.
Well, I'm nuts. Maybe. Sorry for boring you, just wanted to vent my thoughts and feelings. Goodnight... or good morning, whatever the case may be.
Oh, and I forgot to add: Kenji is freaking hilarious. I wish there was more of him that didn't involve throwing the game.
